Are those leashes/harnesses for kids demeaning? - Page 7

[BetsyNY]

Originally Posted by lotusdebi

I'm still surprised that so many MDC mamas haven't learned that different things work for different children and their families.
I'm still surprised that so many MDC mamas are so invested in considering themselves superior and looking down on others for making different choices for those different children and different circumstances.
I wasn't asking permission for the freedom. More along the lines of asking for respect and consideration of the fact that we are all different. And, just as I wouldn't sit in judgment of another parent who's doing the best they can in their situation, I would hope that another parent wouldn't sit in judgment of me. Obviously, that's too much to ask for. Still, I have hope that the people on a forum where so many unconventional parenting methods are supported would open their minds to the concept that what works for them may not work for someone else. That doesn't make any of us wrong, or mean that we're somehow harming our children. It means, quite simply, that we're in different circumstances. That happens in a world where everyone's unique.

:

We used our harness today at the zoo. My one son has PDD and CP. He's also small for his age; holding is hand can be uncomfortable for everyone, especially when it's warm out. He tends to dart away from me, especially in parking lots. He also has a twin brother. I'll take the harness over him getting hit by a car any day.

I know our situation, I know my child's needs. I don't care if other people judge us, though of course I'd prefer if they didn't. If you feel : by a harness, by all means, don't use one.

[phrogger]

I read the responses and I am surprised at the woman who are so against harnesses. I guess I don't care what you call it, leash, dog lead, harness, tie, what ever, if it works for my family, then that is awesome.

I am pg and probably wont have to use one on most days, BUT that is because I have 3 older kids (will be 10, almost 10 and 13 when this baby is born) and they can RUN after the baby if needed. However, if this baby is anything like my step son, then if I am out by myself, the harness will be a god send.

I am not worried about my child have independence at 2, I am worried about my kid staying safe. My first two sons were fine with being carried or in a stroller or walking right next to me. My step son, STILL has to be reminded to stay with us, and he is 9. He loses track of what he is doing and wonders off, I can only imagine what would happen with a young child.

My job as a parent is to ensure my child makes it safely to adult hood, but along the way, has a good time and enjoys life. So if my kid would rather be on a harness and gets to enjoy the zoo, the beach, the were ever he wants to explore a little, that is awesome. He doesn't have to be tied to me constantly (like a sling or carrier) or stuck in a stroller. Holding their hand could be fine, but it is painful after a while.

I can't say what will happen with this baby, it will all depend on HIS personality. But I know I am more concerned with my baby being safe and having a good time, then I am worried about some sense of teaching indenpendence to a child who is too young to be independant anyway.

[Dandelionkid]

It all depends on how the leash is used. For a short-time, in particular circumstances I doubt anyone would have a problem with it. If it is being used on a daily basis, long-term - that's when it seems parenting is being replaced with convenience. Maybe the convenience would be worth it to me if I had a "runner" but my ideal would be to teach and direct and interact with my child to develop their self-control and listening/safety skills. Regular usage of a leash seems like it could hinder this development. My :

[momo7]

Originally Posted by Gentle~Mommy :)

My sister is giving me a hard time, it looks like I am walking a dog when my little guy wears his.

We have been practicing with it around the house because we are going to the zoo next weekend and he keeps running away from us out in pubic so I want to use it at the zoo to keep him safe. He hates the stroller and his baby brother will be in the stroller anyway.

He loves the harness, it is like a monkey and I hold the tail part.

My sister says it's demeaning to have my child on a leash and will harm him emotionally. :

Is that true?

NO, I don't think its true at all. I had one once but it was a wirst wrap not a harness...my guy would take it off and run away...so i can sympathize with you about wanting to keep him safe. You said yourself that he loves it, so why worry about what someone else thinks. It's about you and him not what other people have to say.

[treemom2]

I have absolutely loved the freedom harnesses have given to my children. Both of them did not like holding hands, hated strollers, and were runners. The harness kept them safe, gave them some freedom to touch things and run a little ahead of us. To parents who say that over 2 they should not be used. . .well, I think that depends on the situation. This last year we went to a very large Lantern Festival. There were so many people that you could not see through them or around them at all. My DD (7) was great about holding hands at all times (she's gotten past her aversion to this through the years and now actually enjoys holding hands) however my DS (4) still absolutely hates to hold hands (complains his hand gets hot). A stroller would not have worked in this situation as there is no way even a small umbrella stroller would have even moved in this sea of people. I guess I could have just told him to walk beside me, but I could imagine him looking at something for a second and then he would have been gone. . .I was totally freaked about his safety (and no, I'm not a bad or inattentive mother, there were just sooooooo many people). I took off my scarf and tied it to a beltloop on his pants. That way even if I was watching him all the time, if my eyes had to look at something else for a second, I knew he was still with me. There was no way a parent could keep a child this age with them unless they were really holding on to their hand tight or carrying them. My solution worked. Sure, he's 4. . .and for the most part he tends to stay with me most of the time without any restraint. . .however, for his safety and my peace of mind, this solution worked for us.

Using harnesses or something like that (a backpack, scarf, whatever), I've never had a negative comment. I've only been praised and asked where another parent could get one. When people have seen my children, they see how happy they are (we never drag them around and always let them explore what they need to explore) and how free they are to wander within a certain limit and always comment about how great it is that my children get to move. We have used strollers with our children, but usually only in situations when we knew they would get too tired to walk (like when we do our 36 hour trip back to the states every few years). I guess if the child is happy, the parents are happy, and if it isn't used in a demeaning manner. . .more power to the family who chooses to use them.

[GoBecGo]

What makes me saddest when reading this thread is that it reminds me that when i was a fourteen year old girl 40 minutes work with a full-up 15.3hh stallion meant i NEVER had to use a rope to lead him again (i just joined-up and he followed me) for the next 2 years. I've had DD for 3 years and i STILL can't convince her to walk where i'm going! Lol I need natural childmanship lessons....

[Draupadi]

My DS also has a monkey harness. While he doesn't mind being in the stroller sometimes when we go to crowded places (sorry- I refuse to believe that strollers are evil. It's a good place for him to sleep or be when I'm shopping because at almost 2, 36" tall and 34+lbs, my gigantic toddler is getting too big to carry), he is a runner when he's not in the stroller. We're going on a trip in a few weeks and I will be using the harness in the airport so he can safely move around as much as possible before our 8 hour flight. I have seen people use them like they're walking dogs- my FIL did this until DH corrected him- but ultimately they serve two purposes: to give your child freedom and to keep him safe. I'm not sure why that's so wrong.

[Draupadi]

Originally Posted by Raene

But I will also say I can't stand strollers and kids in strollers...I think if you have to use one, that leashes are better b/c at least the child is getting some exercise. Strollers just seem so wrong...I see all of these really energetic parents with their kids in strollers and wonder how that is teaching the kid that exercise is important and fun.

Why is putting a child in a sling not confining and wrong but a stroller is?

[Draupadi]

Originally Posted by sisteeesmama

And I would love to know how parents exsisted before the introduction of the leash? Or is that a piece of history that time has forgotten?

Leashes and harnesses for children are not new. The Victorians used to use them. The harnesses/leashes were sewn into the clothes.
Keeping your child safe by some sort of restraint is common in many cultures. That's what babywearing is, isn't it? We wear mei tais, slings, wraps, etc. Why is that different? Our child is being restrained. Although we don't like to think of it in that way, that's what it is.
Ultimately, these things were made to keep our children safe. Where is the harm in that?

[Draupadi]

Originally Posted by EdnaMarie

Bring on the harness, the double-stroller, and the restraint system. Independence be darned, I prefer a live child. When she's five and more logical THEN she can kill herself.

:

[momtoS]

Originally Posted by momtoS

I have seen alot of comments regarding harnesses and it hindering independence.

If you had a child that had sensory issues or any other issues that made it unsafe to go to busy places or near traffic....would you choose to stay home?

Or would you use a monkey backpack, insuring your childs safety? Allowing your child to experience new and exciting things?

I would still like to hear some responses to my earlier posts?

Just wondering if having to stay home or in safe places is more or less confining than a monkey backpack to go new fun places?

Also wondering if any of the moms against harnesses have children with sensory issues?

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by Draupadi

Why is putting a child in a sling not confining and wrong but a stroller is?

I don't think strollers are that horrible after a child is older, but for babies a sling brings a child closer to mama and a stroller encourages separation.

[dharmama]

we bought a monkey backpack for my dd when she was 23 mos and i had a newborn. i took the kids out alone once and my dd nearly bolted into traffic. i immediately went and bought a backpack/leash (something i thought i would never do) and it worked very well for us.

she loved it and we often got comments about how cute it was.

i gave it away before my son was a toddler but having twice lost my son in a public place, i wish i hadn't.

now my kids are a bit older (3 and 5) and we use a "walking rope" when we go out. something i borrowed from my dd's preschool. just a long rope with hand loops on it that we all hold onto. right now my kids are into both being the leader and pulling me so we've turned it into horse reins.

[Tizzy]

Are they demeaning and passive-aggressive?

IMO, yes.

[jt'smum]

With my first I never used one as I thought they were horrid. She was in her sling or her stroller. She wasn't a runner. With this DD its the Baby Bjorn(sling is being sewn) and her stroller.

After reading all these posts I think I might like to give it a try. I never thought about the independence it can give a child especially when at the zoo or other places. Plus, holding on to little sweaty hands get pretty sticky on 90degree plus days.

So my opinion has been changed and will likely get one when DD is older just to see how it works for us. Thanks!

[meemee]

yes they are....

.... until you have the runaway child.

[octobermom]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

I don't think strollers are that horrible after a child is older, but for babies a sling brings a child closer to mama and a stroller encourages separation.

OT of HTIS discusssion but the above is not true if your baby absoultly HATES being slung. My DD hated being slung as a bay absoultly HATED it (loved it past 2 when shes was too heavy to do it a long time ) but as a baby However the stroller she loved. Don't assume...

Deanna

[mamazee]

Originally Posted by Little grey mare

Are they demeaning and passive-aggressive?

IMO, yes.

Passive aggressive? How is that?

[LilyGrace]

I was a very short child...very short. I was about the size of a three year old when I was six.

I have many memories of walking with taller adults, and I remember how I felt when we held hands. Being so short, my arm was extended above my head. I don't know how many adults walk like that, but I would encourage you to try it. Hold it up. In about 20 seconds, the fingers start tingling. The blood rushes down and the arm goes numb within a few minutes.

I love children. I adore them, and agree that they need to be given the independence they are ready for. The zoning toddler doesn't always hear warnings or is attentive to their surroundings. But I could not in good conscience force one to hold my hand for longer than they are willing or able. By restricting our choices, I'm not respecting the child.

I cannot promote the use of hand-holding over the harness - not for the little-littles that still require extra guidance. The harness protects not only their safety, but their well-being. The only other option to give independence for long periods of time would be to not use anything at all and try to rely on my eyes only. One sense, to keep my child safe. That scares me. I'd rather give independence in stages than lose a child due to my own prejudice.

I'm also not saying that every child needs a leash or that every situation requires one. But having been around toddler Dorys (ooooh.....shiny thing! Zoom!), I can't rule them out as a possibility.

[kay4]

I don't like the child leashes and have never used one with any of my 4 children. I held hands or they went in the stroller. If they wanted to walk they had to holds hands, if they didn't they went in the stroller.
To each their own though