or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Childhood and Beyond › Gentle Discipline › Are those leashes/harnesses for kids demeaning?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Are those leashes/harnesses for kids demeaning? - Page 4

post #61 of 251
Quote:
Originally Posted by skueppers View Post
I think it's funny that most people don't think twice about confining their kids to a stroller, preventing them from having any control over their own movements, but think it's horrible for a child to have the freedom of walking around on their own with a harness.
YEAH THAT.

Our kids lives are FULL of "containment" devices. Cribs with bars (aka "jail"), pack n plays, strollers.....I don't see a harness as being any different.

Personally, I think being left alone in the dark in a crib to cry and not know where anyone is or if they are ever coming back is far more damaging than going to the zoo and having a tether to keep you close to mommy.
post #62 of 251
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gentle~Mommy :) View Post
She said people will 'bark' at him at the zoo, and I would just die, really I would.


Please tell me that won't happen.
If someone barks say "Oh what a nice puppy." or "Owe what a naughty puppy. You need to go home to be better trained." or "Lets leave I don't like barking mutts."

I don't think it will happen. Even if it does ignore it.

I got a few dirty looks. I used a maya wrap. I had one person say something to me actually more to my oldest dd. I looked at her and told her she was a "Dumba@#$# and that just didn't hear a d#$# word she said".
post #63 of 251
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gentle~Mommy :) View Post
She said people will 'bark' at him at the zoo, and I would just die, really I would.


Please tell me that won't happen.
Good lord no. No-one will even bat an eyelid. It sounds to me like your sister is just trying to use guilt and shame to get you to do what she wants. She's also obviously clutching at straws too since she has to come up with such a ridiculous statement!
post #64 of 251
Quote:
Originally Posted by Britishmum View Post
I lovedmy harness - I still remember it now. It was red leather with a cute little pony on the front. I have very fond memories of it.
Mine were white leather with a little puppy on the front and I loved mine too.

Mine were used by my grandmother on all her children in the fifties then passed down to my mother to use with all her children, then on to my uncle when he had his children and finally on to me when I had my children. Each child cried when we were told we were too old to use them anymore and they had to be passed on to the next little one! Now I grant you we're not exactly a normal family but I don't think it was the fault of the reins!
post #65 of 251
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gentle~Mommy :) View Post
My sister says it's demeaning to have my child on a leash and will harm him emotionally. :
I'll admit to having emotional issues, but I strongly doubt that they're because Mom used a harness on me. I don't even remember being out in public and wearing it; I remember seeing it in a drawer long after I was too big to wear it.

I think she was as equally concerned about me running off as she was of someone snatching me at the mall.

I keep eyeing the backpack harnesses at Target. You can only get a lion one on-line, so it's on my registry.
post #66 of 251
Quote:
Originally Posted by chekhovgirl View Post
I don't like the idea of them, even though DS runs away from us. He wouldn't stand for it, though, and it seems like your little guy likes it. I can see if they're really young and you need it for safety in a public place, but I was taking DS on the subway last week and there was a mom that had her child that could have been no younger than 4 years old on a "leash". I think that's a bit extreme. She must have thought I was crazy to have my two year old standing next to me not even holding my hand on the platform.
i had to use my "leash" with my 3 yr old (who looked more like 5, she easily passed for a school age child when we would visit her sister for lunch) and so you can't assume how old she is... you also can't assume you know the temperament of the child. My dd2 had/has numerous emotional/behavioral issues, and using a leash until she physically outgrew it was best/safe for her. There are times NOW (at almost 6) where i may at least have it handy, depending on her day and where we are, and what we are doing.

My oldest, on the other hand - i could have anywhere, anytime and only needed to hold my hand, and that was more cause she liked be connected to me, then needing my guidance.
post #67 of 251
I used on with my now 12 year old, he didn't like it and figured out how to free himself from it in a matter of minutes. He has no lasting problems from it, I don't find him attaching himself to the dogs leash and barking at other dogs.

We have the monkey backpack one and a dog backpack one from Target (I just saw they have a pink puppy one, I'm going to have to order it!) and my 4 year old LOVES it. It has a pocket for her to store her sunglasses and when she's feeling a bit superheroish she tries to fly with it on. I have found her and her sister wearing them and pretending to be puppies while leading each other around the house, but it seems to be a game they've both decided to play so I'm not too concerned.
post #68 of 251
I have not read the replies...and I may not be one of the few that say that the harness...in some cases is a positive thing.

My daughter has SPD (sensory issues) she will bolt without warning, and when she was three WOULD NOT hold my hand.

I bought a monkey backpack/harness.

Instead of being confined to indoor playareas, or inside our house...

We were free to walk the boardwalk, go to the mall, go to the park.

It did not cage her...it freed her..and made it safe.

She loved her monkey backpack.

Now...at 4.5 she is better out in public and she has a 2 year old sister that has never worn a harness....she is much better in public places.

A safe, happy child is the key!
post #69 of 251
I didn't have time to read all responses, but I'm definitely on the side of, if it gives the child more freedom (and the child likes it, as my DD loves her monkey who gives her "hugs!") and the parents more security, go for it.

I would also say, that I try not to use the tail like a leash, but as a safety backup. I still try to guide DD by hand - it feels more gentle and respectful to me - and have asked DH to do so as well.
post #70 of 251
Quote:
Originally Posted by churndash View Post
I don't care if parents use leashes - none of my business. But what does bother me are:

Leashes that are very long, and parents let the kid cut in front of my family and me or my kids get clotheslined by it

Leashes that are long and parents don't pick up the slack so other people end up tripping on it.

Parents who use the leash to tug, drag, or otherwise control the direction the child is going

Parents who think that since their kid is on a leash, they don't have to pay any attention to what he's actually doing (like in one case I observed at a campsite, where the carefully leashed child was stuffing leaves and sticks in his mouth while his mother chatted away, completely oblivious).
I've never seen any of this happening with a child on a leash, not once. I have however had to dodge, and have even tripped over, a child/children running around uncontrollably while their exhausted parents begged them to stop. I've seen parents stand by idly while their unharnessed children, ate leaves, climbed lamp posts and generally made a nuisance of themselves. Anything can be inappropriately used, even handholding.
We love our monkey backpack. It allows DD more Independence and more importantly, it allows DD to feel more independent.
post #71 of 251
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamarootoo View Post
(bolding mine)
little legs can't walk as far as really energetic parent legs.
I don't know what this poster was trying to say by this comment, but it is what I have been thinking the whole time I have been reading this thread.

I have a high-spirited 16mo dd and when we were last at the zoo I did not notice anyone with their child on a leash and neither was she.
She did run ahead, she did get excited, but I expect all of that as the mother of a toddler. My legs are longer than hers so logically I should be able to keep up with her. I could concede that if you have other children then that might introduce other variables that I don't always have to deal with, although I have taken several children to the zoo sans leashes with great success.
I am surprised that the general consensus seems to be pro-leash, but at the very least I'm glad most of you realize that it needs to be at the approval of the child!

I have always thought leashes did look demeaning and that has not changed since I have become a mother myself. I personally would never consider a leash and I don't even feel comfortable saying, "to each their own". I was at a parade recently where I saw a 3ish year old on a leash and it just looks wrong. If I were at the zoo and saw a child on a leash, especially with a mother that had no other kids with her, I would think it was lazy. I am just trying to be honest here, perfectly expecting to be flamed, but I ha to present the other side. So, flame away!

And I would love to know how parents exsisted before the introduction of the leash? Or is that a piece of history that time has forgotten?
post #72 of 251
Quote:
Originally Posted by sisteeesmama View Post




I have always thought leashes did look demeaning and that has not changed since I have become a mother myself. I personally would never consider a leash and I don't even feel comfortable saying, "to each their own". I was at a parade recently where I saw a 3ish year old on a leash and it just looks wrong. If I were at the zoo and saw a child on a leash, especially with a mother that had no other kids with her, I would think it was lazy. I am just trying to be honest here, perfectly expecting to be flamed, but I ha to present the other side. So, flame away!

And I would love to know how parents existed before the introduction of the leash? Or is that a piece of history that time has forgotten?
I'll try not to flame, though your viewpoint is one that I cant wrap my brain around. It seems pretty judgmental. I am far from lazy and with one child, I use it often. Sometimes you just have to look beyond your own experience. Maybe you would use one if you were feeling lazy, but numerous valid reasons for using one have been posted. I have been at the zoo and seen numerous leashes, in addition to my DD's.
In response to your question, yes they have been around, in one form or another, for a long, long time. My grandmother used one and my mother used one on me and I'm 40 years old.

Eta
I have a chronic health condition. There are times when I simply cannot run after DD. You never know why someone might be using one.
post #73 of 251
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daphneduck View Post
I'll try not to flame, though your viewpoint is one that I cant wrap my brain around. It seems pretty judgmental. I am far from lazy and with one child, I use it often. Sometimes you just have to look beyond your own experience. Maybe you would use one if you were feeling lazy, but numerous valid reasons for using one have been posted. I have been at the zoo and seen numerous leashes, in addition to my DD's.
In response to your question, yes they have been around, in one form or another, for a long, long time. My grandmother used one and my mother used one on me and I'm 40 years old.

Eta
I have a chronic health condition. There are times when I simply cannot run after DD. You never know why someone might be using one.
Your right about them having been around for a long time, and in various forms from strings tied to the wrist to harnesses made from ribbons or leather and accounts of such things back as far as the 17th century, though I wouldn't be surprised if they were used earlier.
post #74 of 251
How it looks is really irrelevant. What matters is whether it improves a child's experience or not. IMO, it seems to give children more freedom of movement and more safety. Obviously if a child doesn't like it, it doesn't improve their experience. But it isn't demeaning no matter how it looks if no one is demeaned.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sisteeesmama View Post
I don't know what this poster was trying to say by this comment, but it is what I have been thinking the whole time I have been reading this thread.

I have a high-spirited 16mo dd and when we were last at the zoo I did not notice anyone with their child on a leash and neither was she.
She did run ahead, she did get excited, but I expect all of that as the mother of a toddler. My legs are longer than hers so logically I should be able to keep up with her. I could concede that if you have other children then that might introduce other variables that I don't always have to deal with, although I have taken several children to the zoo sans leashes with great success.
I am surprised that the general consensus seems to be pro-leash, but at the very least I'm glad most of you realize that it needs to be at the approval of the child!

I have always thought leashes did look demeaning and that has not changed since I have become a mother myself. I personally would never consider a leash and I don't even feel comfortable saying, "to each their own". I was at a parade recently where I saw a 3ish year old on a leash and it just looks wrong. If I were at the zoo and saw a child on a leash, especially with a mother that had no other kids with her, I would think it was lazy. I am just trying to be honest here, perfectly expecting to be flamed, but I ha to present the other side. So, flame away!

And I would love to know how parents exsisted before the introduction of the leash? Or is that a piece of history that time has forgotten?
post #75 of 251
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daphneduck View Post
I've never seen any of this happening with a child on a leash, not once. I have however had to dodge, and have even tripped over, a child/children running around uncontrollably while their exhausted parents begged them to stop. I've seen parents stand by idly while their unharnessed children, ate leaves, climbed lamp posts and generally made a nuisance of themselves. Anything can be inappropriately used, even handholding.
We love our monkey backpack. It allows DD more Independence and more importantly, it allows DD to feel more independent.
Well I had every one of those things happen to me at Disney World.

Hey, I could not care less if you, or anyone else, uses a leash. I only care when it affects me, like when I slam face first into the pavement on Main Street because I tripped over a child leash that was way too long.

I didn't say EVERY parent who uses a leash does this or that, or that parents who don't use leashes do this or don't do that.

I've been slammed in the heels by strollers before too, and if this thread were about strollers, I'd give that example of rude stroller use.
post #76 of 251
Quote:
Originally Posted by sisteeesmama View Post
I
And I would love to know how parents exsisted before the introduction of the leash? Or is that a piece of history that time has forgotten?
There is an expression about "cutting the apron strings" when a child grows older and becomes more independent. I've always taken that to mean that the apron strings were used as leashes, so I think the practice goes back further in history than you might think.

My grandmother used a leash to keep toddlers from wandering into danger on their farm in the thirties - 5 kids under age 7, her husband traveling to find work, and the chores needed doing, what alternative did she have? She told me her mother did the same thing, so leash use goes back at least a century, I'd say.

There were far fewer dangers from running into traffic before the car was invented, too, so less need for a leash as we use it today. And the invention of the car also gave us the ability to go to zoos regularly with children. And the population was a lot lower before the 20th century, so fewer crowded venues to lose children in. Probably also, people who had the money to travel for leisure hired staff to care for children.
post #77 of 251
oops
post #78 of 251
Quote:
Well I had every one of those things happen to me at Disney World.

Wow, what are the odds of having so many bad leash experiences in one day?
I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. I know that I've had days when unharnessed kids constantly seemed to be tripping me up, so I feel for you.
post #79 of 251
I don't always think judgement is without warrant.

I have personally never ever known anyone who used a leash on their child in my whole entire life. No one in my family ever used one, none of my friends ever used one on their children and I think if you asked anyone I have ever know why they didn't use one it would probably be because they never needed one.
I also do not come from a family of people who used strollers to corral their kids. My mom never used a stroller and never had one and my Grandma did have one but told me it would be a waste to buy one because kids don't really need them and you can just carry them until they can walk.
Listening to the moms on here it would seem a miracle that I, my siblings or my aunts uncles and parents came out of childhood alive and unscathed without the use of a leash!

I can honestly count on my hand the number of times I have seen a child on a leash and I have lived in 8 states and on 2 different continents and then Hawaii. I don't understand how I have missed this phenomenon of the leash being so popular?
post #80 of 251
I've been restraining myself since yesterday, but I just gotta sub, now. I can't stay away from leash threads on MDC. It is a character flaw, I think.
:
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Gentle Discipline
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Childhood and Beyond › Gentle Discipline › Are those leashes/harnesses for kids demeaning?