It's Birthday party time...Prezzies or NO prezzies?

[AK_MtnAnSith]

My daughter's 5th Birthday is coming up and we're making the invites. My worry is all the junky birthday gifts i know she will get. We are already brimming with too many toys and clothes. We're planning on bagging a bunch up to give to charity. I was thinking about just asking that if people wanted to bring a gift, a simple handmade gift from the child would be so welcome. I didn't want to ask people not to bring a gift. I know I HATE when invites say "No gifts, please" because when I don't bring a gift, every one else DOES! And when I DO bring one, everyone else does NOT! You know how THAT goes! I don't want to put anyone in an uncomfortable position. I suppose I could threaten gift bringers with a flogging...
I also don't want to dictate what kinds of things people should bring-like I said, we have enough already!
How do you all think I should go about this?
Just grin and bare it and hope I can Salvation Army stuff w/out my Daughter realizing it?-fat chance! Or should I pull a "Mommy Dearest" and let her help bring the toys to a charity. I could exchange stuff...but Wal-mart is Wal-mart and there's nothing there....
Any help would be great!

[LynnS6]

My thoughts:

Birthdays are a good chance for children to learn to give graciously and to receive graciously. So, we do presents at parties. Yes, I know it's contributing to consumerism, but gifts are a sign of celebration in our culture and I'm not tilting at that windmill.

As for getting crap, well, yes, that's a downside. I usually do a toy reduction before birthdays so that some of the stuff they don't play with is boxed for our upcoming garage sale and/or given to charity. Then there's room when the new stuff comes in.

New stuff that isn't very good usually either breaks quickly or is not played with and goes out with the next purge.

Several kids in dd's daycare have 'exchange' parties. So, they ask everyone to bring a book, and then each of the kids gets a different book to unwrap and take home. I've also seen this done with legos. But some parents forget, and it gets awkward at times.

An idea I like better: To have the 'gift' for the party goers (a.k.a. the loot bag) be something that comes from the child's collection. So, one of our friends had her daughter choose books from their vast book collection to give to each of the kids who attended her party. That was a great idea.

FWIW, I'd hate you if you asked me to bring a homemade gift. I don't do crafts. I hate crafts and the thought of having to orchestrate something for my child to make gives me the willies.

[lisalulu]

For ds1's 4th bday we did a book exchange instead. We asked everyone to bring a wrapped book and the kids all got to pick one and open it. It went really well but it took some talking to ds to get him to go with it. He had just been to 2 other parties where there were presents.

I also love the handmade gifts idea!

[roostery]

We've always said no gifts and I will probably say no gifts again at DDs upcoming 5th birthday.

I did consider having people donate towards "adopting" a zoo animal --our local zoo does that and I thought that DD would love to have that extra link to an animal at the zoo.

We give the girls gifts and so do their g-parents and close friends, but I really don't think that piles of gifts are necessary. After so many years I think that most of our friends have gotten the swing of it. They bring homemade cards instead.

[lach]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

Birthdays are a good chance for children to learn to give graciously and to receive graciously. So, we do presents at parties. Yes, I know it's contributing to consumerism, but gifts are a sign of celebration in our culture and I'm not tilting at that windmill.

I very much believe this. I think that having kids pick out gifts for their friends is a great lesson in empathy and generosity. It makes them really think "what would X like?" It's also a good lesson for X to learn how to say thank you even if she doesn't like the gift.

That said, I hear you about toys. Unfortunately, I think you just have to grin and bear it. I kind of think it's rude to dictate gifts on the invitation, but maybe you could put the word out there that what DD really wants is books.

[AK_MtnAnSith]

Thanks for all the replys! I think I will just grin and bare it. The idea of giftgiving from the giving child's experience really resonated with me. Perhaps the "overload" factor make it easier to slip some gifts into hiding before my daughter even remembers what she recieved. lol!

[KerriAZ]

I agree that it is a great way to teach your child about receiving gracefully...

That said, I do have to agree with you regarding the gifts. It's tough to get bunch of things they may or may not play with. A friend of mine put in her invites something along the lines of saying "Gifts are not necessary but if you feel you would like to bring a gift, please bring something to add to X's craft supply box." It was great! That way you didn't feel like you HAD to bring something, but if you did or wanted to, we added to her DS's craft collection, thereby giving her DS something that he really would get something out of! Just something to think about!

[karne]

If you do end up allowing gifts it will be a nice opportunity to teach your child about thank you notes. This seems to be somewhat of a lost art, but I think it's worthwhile to teach. For 5 years old you could take a pic of your child holding a sign saying Thank-you, and make copies to send out. We used to have the kids let us know which of their paintings they wanted to use as a thank you note. we'd take the big wet on wet painting and the kids would cut a shape such as a heart out, we'd write thank you, and send it off to the gift giver.

[mystic~mama]

quick reply, having a party for DD tomorrow, wrote on invites:

if you would like to bring a gift pleez bring something handmade....

also, for family I gave rec's on what to get, I am very happy this year with the gifts...

I think it is nice to give gifts...also concerned about materialism, just teaching dd best I can as she is well loved and gets lots and lots of gifts