to ttc??

[firefly]

Hello everyone, I’m looking for some advice. I’m trying to decide when to start trying to TTC. I’ve wanted another baby for about 6 months now. Last month I thought I was pregnant when it turned out that I wasn’t I was crushed. I keep thinking that this need to have a baby will go away but it seems to be drastically increasing. I often wish it would go away as I also have fears about having another. One of my biggest fears is how having a sibling will impact my sons life. Noah is currently 2.5. I’m not only concerned about the obvious emotional adjustment but also the financial one. I desperately want to send my son to private school. I’m concerned that by giving in to my need to have another child, I will be shortchanging my son. Has anyone else had these concerns? How have you decided when was the right time to have another? Thanks for your time,
Firefly

[rachdoll]

FWIW, I wouldn't trade my sister for all the private schooling $ can buy, but every situation is different.

Do you think Noah would prefer private school or a sibling? If you think he'd prefer to have a sibling (in the long run, I'm sure he'll have quite an adjustment period at first should you have another), I say start trying now. I love having my sis 2.5 years younger, we were close enough to really play together but far enough that we each had our own set of friends, too.

I think that any impact a sibing would have on Noah would ultimately be very positive, but initially hard. Probably only until the baby would be a few months old and could really begin interacting with Noah, then Noah would LOVE LOVE Love his baby bro/sis. Good luck. Follow your heart.

[firefly]

Rachel,
Thanks for your reply. We're starting to try but not try next month. If it doesn't happen by may then I'll start charting. I know Noah would like a sibling. Money has just always been such a stress factor for me. I was not a traditional learner and had a very difficult time in public school. I fear that Noah will have a similar experience. But we have a couple years till he heads off to school and we're going to pray it all works out. I'm really excited about bringing another life into our family. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Firefly

[Lousli]

Firefly,
I can really relate to the indecision. With my daughter, we just decided to try, and got preganant right away. Now, there are all these other things to think about. Not the least of which is her. She is about the same age as your son, 2 years 3 months. I am a teacher, and not yet tenured in my district, but that's more than a year away.

We recently decided not to wait an entire year, but to try in late April, May or June. My problem is, I want to *now*. Also, I'm worried that it might take a little longer with #2, and if it doesn't work in June, I will have to put it off a lot longer. I can't start off the new school year and setting up my classroom in my first trimester.

Anyway, back to you! I have opinions on private school that you probably don't want to hear, so I won't go there. Respectfully, I think many children would benefit from a sibling far more than they would from private school, but of course, that choice is yours and yours alone.

Have you researched public schools in your area? I find that many people that had bad public school experiences haven't seen all the changes that many (not all, I know) districts have undergone in the past 20 years. And there's always the option to homeschool. Or try to find other financial resources when the time comes.

Best of luck making your decision. Maybe I'll see you soon on the "I'm pregnant" board.

Lesley

[firefly]

Lesley,

Thanks for replying. I'm still on the fence about having another baby. We are thinking about trying in June. I actually would like to hear your input on private schools. We just bought a house in a small town and unfortunately the public school is horrible. They actually had their teaching accreditation suspended. Our governor is thinking about putting in action a system that would allow parents to choose which public school they go to. I'm not sure how I feel about this but I would perhaps think about sending him to one of the better public schools. I had a horrible public school experience. I still feel resentful about the way I was treated and what a huge waste of time my high school experience was. The private school that I'm thinking about sending my son to has a Reggio Emilia based curriculum. I currently teach in a preschool with a similar curriculum. The elementary school does have more structure and is very community orientated. The classrooms are smaller with more teachers and they have wonderful materials. Of course it costs about $5,ooo a year, which is one of the reasons I'm concerned about having another child. They do have scholarships so that may be an option. I do think that my son would love to have a sister or brother. I know that we will have another baby but I'm still struggling with when. I'm optimistic that it will all happen when it's supposed to. As Paul Simon says "we're born at the right time." I'm sending you good thoughts about your own TTC journey. I know how hard it can be to wait. Jenn

[Lousli]

Hi Jenn,
I hope nobody flames me for this, but it is just my opinion. My thoughts on private schools are: They tend to be religious, which is a problem for me. They cost a fortune, which is another problem. I believe that since they are so expensive, they are elitist. Children who go to public school are not socioecononmically diverse, and often not culturally diverse either. I personally don't want my children (even if I could afford private school) to get that sort of sense of entitlement that many private school kids get. I want them to be exposed to different cultures and different classes.
Private schools are not required to follow the same laws about accepting students with disabilities (including learning disabilities) and have the ability to ask these students to find other schooling situations. Again, I don't believe that putting my child in a school that is completely free of any students with disabilites will help teach her about the real world and respectful treatment of those who may be different from her.
Because of the difference in laws, and in funding, many private schools here do not have special services available to students. For example, speech therapy or resource personnel that can help with reading difficulties. When I taught at a charter school (not private, but similar in many ways) we were required by law to provide special education services, but we did not even have this support for our students daily. The teachers were actively discouraged from suggesting that students be tested for learning disabilities, because the school then had to pay for the testing and for the resources to support the student! This was one of the many reasons I left to go back to teaching public.
Also, which I find very odd, private schools (at least here in CA) are not required to hire teachers with CA teaching credentials. They also don't pay teachers as well as the public school system. Of course, this is offset by having small classes, involved parents, and other perks. Many veteran, qualified teachers are teaching in public schools because the pay is better. Not all, of course. And Waldorf schools have particularly dedicated, well-trained staff, but not all do.
I'm a big believer in free, GOOD public education for everyone. Regardless of their race, their class, their physical abilities, etc. I think that if people don't like their local schools, they should work to change them. Get on the school board, or at least research who to vote for. Protest, complain, join the PTA. That being said, I understand how it is tough when not all the public schools in your area get the same funding or have the same quality teaching. I like our local elementary school, but the middle and high schools are awful. My daughter will be going to a public school, but not the one in the district we live in.

Sincerely,
Lesley
PS thanks for the kind thoughts and words about TTC. I wish you the best in your decision.

[firefly]

Lesley,
Thanks for replying-I'm glad you told me your concerns. Since my son is only 2.5, I have time to ask a lot of questions. I had not thought about most of your concerns. I will be curious to hear the answers about special needs. I'm fortunate that this school is very culturally diverse. I consider this to be very important. This discussion has been very good for me. It's always good to see another point of view.
Jenn

[Lousli]

Thanks Jenn,
I appreciate your willingness to listen to a different POV. That's one of the things I like about these boards. Everything I said is my own opinion and my own experience. I'm sure it varies a lot from city to city and state to state. I don't have a problem with people sending their kids to private school, although I do sometimes wish they'd invest some of their time and $ in getting their public school up to snuff!

I know that a lot of things happen in public schools that parents don't like, and not all teachers are good ones. It's hard because you don't get to choose which school your child attends, it's based on where you live. But I work in a public school and every single day I see some of the most caring, hardworking, creative people I know. I guess it is hard for me to be unbiased.

Re: financial stuff. There are some great savings accounts and investments that you can set up specifically for education. Maybe you could set something up for your son, and ask grandparents and other close relatives to contribute to that for his birthdays. My family generally gives money towards college as a birthday gift, and then a small toy as well. It helps take some of the burden off of me and dh knowing that there is already an account going in her name.

Sincerely,
Lesley