Q about circ

[shakenbake]

i have told my husband after reading alot and seeing how circs are done that i will REFUSE one if this baby is a boy and he told me point blank i will tell the doctor to do it when you are not there he i VERY set in his ways and wants to make sure his son looks like him WTF is there a form i can sign saying he will NOT be circed? even if my dh ask for it"?

[Night_Nurse]

If you birth in a hospital you are supposed to sign a consent form that gives them permission to circumcise. They legally aren't supposed to do any non-life threatening surgery without parental consent. What I think you should do is:
1- ask this ? in the case against circ forum so you get lots of support from moms who have been there, done that.
2- REFUSE to sign the circ consent form.
3- Tell your doctor at your next appointment that under no circumstances shall your baby be circed & to document that in your record then & there.
4- Tell your admit nurse when you get to the hospital "no circ for baby, please document that on my chart right now".
5- Tell the nursery staff when the baby is born "absolutely NO circumcision and no retraction/manipulation of his penis"
6- Make a sticker or card for your son's hospital bassinet that says "No Circumcision"
7- Start talking to your husband right now about why you aren't circing. It may take a while for him to come to agreement (and he may never understand) - that's why it's important for you to crosspost in TCAC forum - so the other mama's can give you support.

My husband is circed, ds isn't. "Matching" is a non-issue for both, always has been. It won't be an issue for your son either, your DH is just having issues.
Bottom line, don't consent for circ, or anything, you don't feel is right
Good luck!

[shakenbake]

Great ideas im going to my next apmt with my ob on 13th i know when i said last time i didnt want a circ he kind of raised his eyebrow at me but i REFUSE to let them cut my son if it is a boy perfectly normal penis

[Night_Nurse]

I also wanted to add, that while it could happen, most hospitals would require the permit to be signed by mom and not just dad alone. This is because they know you are the parent, they saw the baby come from you. But at that point they have no way of knowing if the man is really the dad. In Texas, we presume the married spouse is the dad, but it would take a DNA test to prove it. And since they need a known parent to sign the consent form, they'd really prefer it be the mom.
You may want to tell your doctor that you fear your dh might sneak behind your back for a circ and therefore you want to give your consent or at least dual consent before any procedure. You could also put this in writing x 2 for the hospital record - one copy for your chart and one copy for the baby's chart.

[KBinSATX]

Wow! That's a tough situation to be in. I am so glad you are not allowing your child to be harmed!

[Night_Nurse]

I'm in Texas also and there are plenty of boys intact in our state. I don't know why your doctor raised an eyebrow, except maybe he realized he would be missing out on several hundred dollars for the procedure.

Follow your gut instinct. Some of the posters on TCAC have links to good articles about why your dh may be feeling the way he is. Just start discussing gently with him and let it soak in for a while. I bet he'll come around in time.

[koalove]

I would really really go to drastic measures if i were i your shoes, but i believe very deeply in not circumcising. i might consider threatening seperation if dh actually somehow figured out a way to have this done. my advice~ if you are birthing in a hospital, just do not let the child out of your room. he can be weighed, measured cleaned, everything, right there in the room with you. i dont think parents are allowed to just roam the halls with the baby so i dont think your dh will be able to just walk him down to the doc and say "here ya go!" im so sorry that you arent able to trust your dh~ that must feel aweful. youtube has ome amazingly traumatizing videos of circumcisions that you caould ask your dh to watch. have your ob or a pediatrition talk with him. i know its lame but i think ultimately, mom gets the final say in this matter.(sorry papas!)

[shakenbake]

i showed him the most horrid one i could find the baby was screaming bloody murder as they just cut and cut it made me lose my lunch and his responce so what the baby wont remember that NO I WILL!!!!!
both my older boys are this is before i found out what it really was and how UN necessary it is but if my DH wants to fight with me i can fight right back and say im not sure you are the father so ya even tho ive never been with anyone else in the past 2 years LOL but im willing to fight fire with fire

[mariacm]

Maybe you can appeal to him on the front that circed men could have less sensation and therefore less pleasurable sexual experiences than non-circed men? I'm sure I've read info about that on the no circ forum.

[VegMomma]

I don't know if you've seen the movies Birth As We Know It or What Babies Want, but they both state that babies' experiences, even in utero, go on to effect (affect? I can never remember) them throughout their lives. Granted, these movies are both pretty new-agey, but I think the point has some merit. My grandpa says he remembers being in utero (he's an old hippie... I love him).

Anyways, the arguement that the baby won't remember being circumsized isn't 100% valid, I don't think. As for his arguement that he wants to look the same as his baby... since when did a grown man's penis look the same as a small child's anyways? Circ or not?...

[MamieCole]

Obviously I don't know your husband or his personality, but I will share what worked for me regarding this subject.

I already knew that if we had a boy there was no way I would EVER allow him to be circ'd. But, I didn't vocalize that opinion. When we found out we were having a boy, I then approached the subject with DH (who is circ'd) and asked him what he thought about circumcision. His response was "Well, yea. I mean, that's what you are supposed to do, right?"

I told him that I had been reading up on the subject and it turns out that it isn't medically necessary, that most of the industrialized nations of the world do not do routine circ and that I didn't feel like it was something I could subject my baby to. However, I told him that if he felt strongly about it, to do his own research and come back to me with reasons we SHOULD circ. Reasons other than "So he'll look like me." or "It's cleaner" neither of which I consider a valid reason. I put the ball in his court.

He did his own research and soon realized that he couldn't find any documented reasons why we should circ DS and he came to me and said that he thought we shouldn't do it. So I never had to draw the proverbial line in the sand, put my foot down, etc. I would have fought to the death to keep DS intact, but there was no reason make it a battle unless it became necessary.

One other thing you might want to consider is that a lot of insurance companies are no longer covering the cost of circ because it is an elective procedure. Maybe if the science and emotional reasoning do not work with your DH, the $$$ issue might help sway him.

Good luck!

[shakenbake]

i did not know that sometimes it wasn't covered GREAT POINT! im going to win this was r come hell or high water =-) its SOOO nice to have all you lovely lady's on my side thanks sooo much!

[Ceili]

It's drastic, but if necessary you could take a sharpie marker and write "no circ" on his thigh or just below his belly button.

[MamaMonica]

Moved to The Case Against Circumcision.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Make sure that your dh is never alone with your ds for the first year if he leaves the house. There have been men who have tried to take their ds to have it done in the pretext of giving mom a break. Once he is a year he would have to go under GA to have it done (unless your dh found a total unethical dr somewhere)

In the hospital in most states you have to sign the dh cant but in a few the dad can so I would be calling and asking the policy at your hospital. Write on all forms you sign no matter what the form is that you do NOT concent to circ.

Anyone who comes into the room to check the baby Dr/nuse whoever make sure you tell them that he is taying intact.

[eepster]

This article will help you understand why your DH is being irrational.

Make sure every OB/GYN, pediatrician and urologist in driving distance knows that you do not consent, and will sue them.

[eepster]

Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X

Make sure that your dh is never alone with your ds for the first year if he leaves the house. There have been men who have tried to take their ds to have it done in the pretext of giving mom a break. Once he is a year he would have to go under GA to have it done (unless your dh found a total unethical dr somewhere)

There are still a few Dr who will circ older children, so this isn't 100%.

[tutucrazy]

You have gotten great advice but I wanted to chime in and say that you should make sure your dh KNOWS the proper care and not to try to retract him if he changes any diapers or does any baths. Make certain that he knows that he could really injure your son if he tries to do this. Here is a link about care:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1071893

Congratulations on your son and making the most wonderful decision for him! You will always be proud of yourself for ensuring that your boy is whole and unharmed. :::::

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Originally Posted by eepster

There are still a few Dr who will circ older children, so this isn't 100%.

I know there have actually been cases of 5-6 yo done without anesthesia at all but I am praying that wont be possible where the OP is.

[fruitful womb]

Print out this circ refusal form and have your doctor and your ds's doctor sign it.

There is an option for you to create nocirc diaper stickers. Its on the bottom of that page. Print it out and take it to Kinkos, they'll make stickers. The stickers can also be used as a lable for the hospital bassinet.

Your husband needs to understand this history of this practice in America.

Also, I think you should find a pro-intact doctor. Sounds to me like your current doctor (raising an eyebrow??? Did the guy already get paid for it or something??? THAT WAS RUDE! isn't pro-intact at all!