New Posts  All Forums:
 

Anyone have a bad UC

post #1 of 82
4/24/09 at 9:04pm
Thread Starter 
Anyone have a bad UC or know of someone that did? Or does it always workout well? Also, have anyone had a VBAC unassisted?
Sponsored Links
post #2 of 82
4/24/09 at 9:34pm
Birth doesn't always turn out well, no matter where you birth.

I'd rather lose a babe in my arms then in a hospital, and overall the experience would have been 'better' than a hospital birth (even with horribly sad outcomes).

I think that sounded blunt and to the point. Hope some other mamas can chime in with some helpful words.

Birth and death are normal parts of life, for both I want to be home and with my husband and alone. Hope this doesn't sound awful.

I think that a negative UC birth is all about the framing of the birth, yk? Just like you can have an empowering hospital birth if that is something you are aiming for. Very personal.
post #3 of 82
4/24/09 at 10:54pm
Depends on what you mean by *bad*. I recently had a UC that had a good outcome (baby alive, no transfer, no hemorrhage, etc.) Nothing actually *wrong* in the birth, though a lot that was out of the ordinary. My labor kept stalling and I had 75 hours of off and on, intense, horrific contractions. Sometimes coming fast, usually coming at completely random times so I couldn't drive anywhere in case I got hit with one, I couldn't sleep because i'd be woken up every 15-30 minutes, etc. My DH sucked at supporting me. Nothing in my birth went as I expected, except the outcome of my beautiful DD.

Overall I felt very beat up, very traumatized emotionally. I kept wanting to give up. I knew nothing was physically wrong, but I just hadn't been emotionally prepared for such a long and painful labor (MUCH more painful than with either of my other DD's). If I had it to do over I would have a midwife. Not because I don't trust birth or my body, but because my midwives in the past were so good at helping me keep calm through the pain.

So *I* consider that I had a bad UC. But again, it depends on your definition.
post #4 of 82
4/24/09 at 10:58pm
Mine.

But because I had to transfer.

And I'm left wondering if things would've been different if I had trusted myself more.
post #5 of 82
4/24/09 at 11:17pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post
Mine.

But because I had to transfer.

And I'm left wondering if things would've been different if I had trusted myself more.
This exactly.
post #6 of 82
4/24/09 at 11:42pm
Thread Starter 
During the labor and birth did you ever question your choice and get scared?
post #7 of 82
4/25/09 at 12:07am
yes to personal experience of not liking my UC mostly having to do with concern and fear
and yes to knowing others who were unhappy with their choice or had a baby loss
post #8 of 82
4/25/09 at 9:29am
A few mamas have lost babies during UC. One of the things you sacrifice is knowing that you tried everything possible to get baby out alive. If things do go wrong, you're going to go through life with a really big "what-if" on your mind.
post #9 of 82
4/25/09 at 9:54am
Thread Starter 
I just don't know if I could ever do a UC. Just the thought of losing the baby and a lifetime of regret would probably freak me out to much during labor. That fear is actually what led me to my c-section. My OB told me that my baby was to big to birth vaginally and that he might get stuck and die. I hated her for saying that and switched to a different OB, but after 41 weeks and no labor I kept hearing "Do you want your baby to die" ringing through my head and went ahead and had an elective c-section. My baby did end up being 11lbs and the c-section went fine. But I still feel sad I did not get my natural birth. I am now afraid that the next birth (hoping for a VBAC) will be robbed from me as well using guilt tactics.
post #10 of 82
4/25/09 at 9:57am
Quote:
Originally Posted by zohbeee View Post
I just don't know if I could ever do a UC. Just the thought of losing the baby and a lifetime of regret would probably freak me out to much during labor. That fear is actually what led me to my c-section. My OB told me that my baby was to big to birth vaginally and that he might get stuck and die. I hated her for saying that and switched to a different OB, but after 41 weeks and no labor I kept hearing "Do you want your baby to die" ringing through my head and went ahead and had an elective c-section. My baby did end up being 11lbs and the c-section went fine. But I still feel sad I did not get my natural birth. I am now afraid that the next birth (hoping for a VBAC) will be robbed from me as well using guilt tactics.
I'm sorry for feelings of being robbed and I hope that next time around you can feel complete joy about your birth!
post #11 of 82
4/25/09 at 12:17pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by zohbeee View Post
Anyone have a bad UC or know of someone that did? Or does it always workout well? Also, have anyone had a VBAC unassisted?
Depends on what you mean...do you mean in the US? Or do you mean worldwide? Lots of women worldwide give birth alone, and outcome isn't good. Not because of the UC, probably, but due to nutrition, tradition, etc, that hospital could have helped with. Our church supports a hospital in Uganda, and the women who don't make it to the hospital are more likely to lose their baby (although for the life of me I can't remember the percentage). Again, with nutrition, tradition, and postnatal support make all the difference. If I had something medical working against me, I would not choose UC, my baby being okay is much more important than having a homebirth.

I think a woman who has educated herself in birthing would be more likely to have a good outcome with UC. I've had three UC births myself, it was after several hospital births. They were vbacs, as my first birth was a csection. However, I did prove my scar in the hospital, I don't think I would have done that for my first UC due to my personal comfort level.

I did question my choices, especially in transition. I think most women do have a little melt-down in transition. Even on birth #8, knowing what was going on and having done it SO many times before, I had my freak-out, even while my mind was saying "This is normal, the freak-out is normal, just keep going".
post #12 of 82
4/25/09 at 12:30pm
My UC was great, until I transferred. But I consider it well worth it in large part because my baby was born into my husbands hands and never poked and prodded by strangers. There were things I might have changed, but there's no way of knowing for sure if the outcome would have been different. I would definitely UP/UC again, but I think DH will insist on a MW next time around (if there is a next time.)
post #13 of 82
4/25/09 at 3:53pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hesperia View Post
Birth doesn't always turn out well, no matter where you birth.

I'd rather lose a babe in my arms then in a hospital, and overall the experience would have been 'better' than a hospital birth (even with horribly sad outcomes).

I think that sounded blunt and to the point. Hope some other mamas can chime in with some helpful words.

Birth and death are normal parts of life, for both I want to be home and with my husband and alone. Hope this doesn't sound awful.

I think that a negative UC birth is all about the framing of the birth, yk? Just like you can have an empowering hospital birth if that is something you are aiming for. Very personal.
Am I reading your signature correctly that you've never even been pregnant, much less had a baby, much less had a baby who died?

Sorry to sound blunt and to the point, but I think someone who has lost a child might not be so cavalier about life and death being normal parts of life.
post #14 of 82
4/25/09 at 4:02pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by flapjack View Post
A few mamas have lost babies during UC. One of the things you sacrifice is knowing that you tried everything possible to get baby out alive. If things do go wrong, you're going to go through life with a really big "what-if" on your mind.
Sorry to crash this forum, but though I agree, the same could be said for a homebirth and hospital birth regarding birth injuries and even death.

However, there are few tragic stories here on MDC about losses during UC. There are also stories of children lost at hospitals, though I've not seen one here, nor a homebirth one, while I've been posting (about 2.5 years).

If you want to know, can anything go wrong when doctors are not there, or is nature perfect? I would say- death and illness are part of nature, so don't count on UC to give you the perfect birth.

(ETA- had two happy, easy home-births)
post #15 of 82
4/25/09 at 4:54pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hesperia View Post
Birth doesn't always turn out well, no matter where you birth.

I'd rather lose a babe in my arms then in a hospital, and overall the experience would have been 'better' than a hospital birth (even with horribly sad outcomes).

I think that sounded blunt and to the point. Hope some other mamas can chime in with some helpful words.

Birth and death are normal parts of life, for both I want to be home and with my husband and alone. Hope this doesn't sound awful.

I think that a negative UC birth is all about the framing of the birth, yk? Just like you can have an empowering hospital birth if that is something you are aiming for. Very personal.
I couldn't have put it better!


OP - that said, I'm a 2nd time VBACer and I'm having a UC. is there any particular reason you ask?
post #16 of 82
4/25/09 at 5:01pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdnaMarie View Post
Sorry to crash this forum, but though I agree, the same could be said for a homebirth and hospital birth regarding birth injuries and even death.

However, there are few tragic stories here on MDC about losses during UC. There are also stories of children lost at hospitals, though I've not seen one here, nor a homebirth one, while I've been posting (about 2.5 years).

If you want to know, can anything go wrong when doctors are not there, or is nature perfect? I would say- death and illness are part of nature, so don't count on UC to give you the perfect birth.

(ETA- had two happy, easy home-births)
I agree with this one too.

death hurts. and birth comes with NO guarantee.

the point is if my baby died in the hospital I would be left thinking "what if I didn't come here? what if she/he would have made it better at home left to be?"

and if my child died in my arms at home I would think "did I loose this child b/c I didn't do something right? what if I had a midwife or doctor to help me?"

birth comes with NO guarantees. there is no sure thing in it. it's all scary, new, "dangerous", wild, and chaotic. that's what both beautiful and tragic about birth.

I am always scared of losing or hurting this baby. in hospital or home. I have a very real understanding of how fragile life is... and for me that's a big part of why I decided to UC.
post #17 of 82
4/25/09 at 6:27pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by churndash View Post
Am I reading your signature correctly that you've never even been pregnant, much less had a baby, much less had a baby who died?

Sorry to sound blunt and to the point, but I think someone who has lost a child might not be so cavalier about life and death being normal parts of life.
But life and death ARE normal. We dont know whats going to happen day to day - and living in fear of the might be's does not lead to a very satisfying existence.

Accepting and knowing that death is a part of life does not mean that anyone accepts it, wants it, or is not destroyed by it - BUT we do recognize that it happens. It is calming, for me, to have come through this journey of mine, and realized that there is more to life than what we know. I have seen many many MDC mamas who *have* lost babies say they feel truly blessed to be the mother of a spirit (or angel) baby because it has taught them something about themselves, life, the world - whatever. Of course everyone wants a living breathing child - but every child's life has impact, had meaning - even the one's who are no longer with us. I dont want my baby to die, and I dont believe that he will when I UC - but if something does happen, it is not because of my choice to UC.
post #18 of 82
4/25/09 at 6:35pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by churndash View Post
Am I reading your signature correctly that you've never even been pregnant, much less had a baby, much less had a baby who died?

Sorry to sound blunt and to the point, but I think someone who has lost a child might not be so cavalier about life and death being normal parts of life.

I think that is unfair for you to call her out like that. She can have her beliefs and they might change as life changes her, or these beliefs might remain the same. I don't think her post was disrespectful to mamas who have lost a child. She just stated where she was at. I happen to agree with her and I have been pregnant, have two children and lost a pregnancy.
post #19 of 82
4/25/09 at 6:51pm
Thank you ladies, honestly I found that comment a little hurtful.

I think every woman should be allowed to express her beliefs freely, not having a child or child loss should not make me exempt from this. Birth and death are two parts of life. We all take a journey to get where we are, weather that be alone, surrounded by support, or whatever it may be. I feel passionate about UC, including the fact that it is possible that our baby might die, because that is true with every birth location.

I'm sorry if you felt like I had no right to voice my opinions on life and death. I don't feel that I have had to hold a baby within my womb to earn this right. We are all here for the well being of ourselves, our souls, our children. We long for support and a caring environment where we can express our desires and fears without cruel judgment. Every woman should have the right and freedom of choice to birth where she feels safe - that choice can be made during labour, during pregnant, while ttc, or years prior.

Like I said before, it is a very personal journey.
post #20 of 82
4/25/09 at 6:53pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by poiyt View Post
But life and death ARE normal. We dont know whats going to happen day to day - and living in fear of the might be's does not lead to a very satisfying existence.

Accepting and knowing that death is a part of life does not mean that anyone accepts it, wants it, or is not destroyed by it - BUT we do recognize that it happens. It is calming, for me, to have come through this journey of mine, and realized that there is more to life than what we know. I have seen many many MDC mamas who *have* lost babies say they feel truly blessed to be the mother of a spirit (or angel) baby because it has taught them something about themselves, life, the world - whatever. Of course everyone wants a living breathing child - but every child's life has impact, had meaning - even the one's who are no longer with us. I dont want my baby to die, and I dont believe that he will when I UC - but if something does happen, it is not because of my choice to UC.
Thank you for putting this so eloquently.