Serious Discipline issues with 5 1/2 year old daughter - Page 3

[Whistler]

Originally Posted by Treasuremapper

Again, dd absolutely knows better than this. I am going to talk with her about not doing something on the spur of the moment.

Whistler, I love your ideas. Unfortunately, my dh has the sort of job where he can't just take off during his busy season. Luckily, his busy season is just for a few months every other year... if we can hang on for just one more month we will be fine.

Suzanne, I am totally going to work on impulse control. Anyone have some good ideas for books or any way to explain this, please lmk.

DD adores him, bought a "Daddy's Girl" necklace at Claires with her own money last week just so he could see her wearing it, and has been planning father's day for weeks. Even though his work is crazy right now, he took both girls to Take Your Daughter or Son to work day for two hours (that's all he could do) and her behavior was perfect by all reports.

DH is usually responsive and fun, way more fun than I am. Normally, he is able to play with them in a way that I cannot -- he's so contactful and never runs out of material for his Ken dolls or his Build A Bear. Right now he is not very fun to be around, though.

I also agree that this is not normal behavior for a five and a half year old. It's not normal for our own five and a half year old -- this is out of character for her.

Thank you so much for all of your thoughtful replies.

Another idea... you know when the busy time will end, right? Make a count-down calendar for your DD and she can mark off each day. Then she might realize that her beloved Daddy WILL come back into her life mentally pretty soon.

[Treasuremapper]

Originally Posted by Whistler

Another idea... you know when the busy time will end, right? Make a count-down calendar for your DD and she can mark off each day. Then she might realize that her beloved Daddy WILL come back into her life mentally pretty soon.

We already made one yesterday!!!

Also, Whistler, he is taking her out to breakfast, just the two of them, tomorrow morning. That was your idea, too! So I will report back.

[Jenne]

OP I didn't read all the responses but I'm sure you've gotten some good ones and I'm NMY BUT...

when I was almost 6 I cut the center out of a quilt that my Great Grandmother had made which was hanging on the wall in the kitchen...

I then proceeded to blame it on my brother who was 3 at the time...

Unfortunately, he blamed it on the cat...

Poor cat...

Anyway, I lived...so did my brother...and the cat...scissors were used with supervision only for awhile...

My guess is that your daughter is bright and active and creative. (Oh, when I was 16 I cut up a bunch of clothes and a queen size sheet for patches for a quilt I made...) I'm sure that she will turn out fine and that the hole in the couch will be okay. I'd just put the scissors out of reach for awhile but give her plenty of opportunity to use the scissors appropriately.

Hang in there!

Jenne

[Degas]

When I was five, I wrote my name on wooden windowsills and walls all around the house. My dad made a special sander for me, which I wrote my name all over and drew on it to make it my own, and my parents had me sand the wood in the places where I had written my name. I see that as a very logical consequence, and I really learned from it. I didn't feel shamed or punished; I actually kind of enjoyed the sanding, and it really helped me understand the consequence of when you destroy property, it has to be fixed.

My daughter did something similar when she was 3 1/2. She drew on the floor with non-washable markers and painted the floor a little too. I took away the markers and paint without supervision for a long time - I think about a six months. I also had her help scrub and wash the floor to get up as much as we could. We were going to sand it too, but we never got around to it. Since she was still only 3, I helped her - but she helped a lot. We also had a long discussion about we only draw or paint on paper, and if she wanted to draw or paint on something else she needed to get permission first.

For your dd, next time she cuts something or destroys property in some way I would have her help you repair it or clean it up (as much as she is able to). If it is something not repairable and you have to buy a new "one" of whatever it is, I would have her help pay for it with her own money. If she doesn't have any money at the time, then help her raise some money by doing variations of lemonade stands - or if you aren't opposed to giving her money to do extra chores around the house she could raise it that way.

I agree this sounds like an attention issue with daddy, and that is your underlying cause that needs fixing. However, I would also have some logical consequences in place as well to help her understand why it is making you upset and what the impact is on your family. Have her help you do what you would have to repair the problem.

[rainbowmoon]

what is it you think your pedi will tell you? I am very confused by that. I mean do you really believe she is autistic because she has bad behavior at times and lines things up? (which btw is pretty normal for alot of children, it certainly does not make one autistic)

Also, I have to say it really sounds like something my DS would do. (oh wait he HAS done that! )

Hide the scissors! (and knives too!)

[rainbowmoon]

...

[pigpokey]

Originally Posted by Super Glue Mommy

I think I'd be more mad at my DH in that situation.

Wow well, I'm not going to be reading the rest of this old thread, but I'll say, I think it's grossly unfair when anyone gets mad at me for my child's misbehavior because I happened to be in the other room. So I don't blame my partner when it happens on his watch.

[Evergreen]

I also think it is normal behavior - for some children. I was one of those children. Still am at almost 29. I have no impulse control when it comes to cutting things, poking holes, ripping fabric.... Sometimes I will be sitting there making a hole in a pair of pants progressively bigger and bigger thinking, "I should not be doing this, stop doing this..." but I keep doing it. I like to pick at caulking, anything rubbery, etc. It was so difficult to stop as a child. I don't have ADD, I'm not on the spectrum, it's just part of who I am.

My 16 year old sister is relatively similar. One day my mother was cooking and she was in the living room. She yelled, "Mom! how do you spell 'couch?'" I think she was 6 at the time. Hours later Mom found the words, "THIS IS A COUCH" written across one of the cushions in black Sharpie. Andi never admitted she did it. In fact, she blamed it on an adult friend of my brother's who had been sitting there the day before. Yeah, right?

[Marsupialmom]

In my house I would have wonder how tired was my dh. We have both missed things simply because we were TIRED. My kids are 8, 11, 14 and they will try and sometimes slide things past when they know we are tired. kids. I could see me being zoned out and missing something like that.

I don't think your child is abnormal for this....It is right up there with the art work I have on my stairwell wall. It was done with in a week of it being painted. I was on duty that day. Somehow I missed it being done. Now it is not a small piece of art. It took time. Like time to get crayons, paints, et down. It is about 4ft long and 2ft high in spots. Obiviously I wasn't paying that close attention that day. Who ever did it also cleaned up after themselves.

We dont' make threats around here. We make promises. Would you actually cut the teddy bear? I wouldn't. You can back up and tell your child you were very mad when you made that threat. Ask her how she would feel if you did cut her bear. That might help her make the connection on how wrong her actions were.

I think you are right there might be a daddy attention connection. She might need a fill up on positive attention from you both.

[Down2Earth]

So how is everything going? Has life gotten back to normal now that your DH is at home more? Would love to hear an update. (Even if it's boring! I love happy, boring stories. :

[Treasuremapper]

I just saw this request for an update, after rediscovering this thread on a certain twws board. I have not laughed that hard in a long time.

Everything is back to normal, thank goodness. Nothing exciting or interesting to report. I dread the next busy season, but I am reassuring myself that she will be seven and a half by then, and hopefully will not do stuff like that any more.