HD wants son circumcised

[JLKMneely]

I am expecting my second child in a few weeks and it’s a boy. I have read all the articles and tried to persuade my husband that it is wrong and painful, etc...But he refuses to listen to me. This might be TMI but he is not circumcised so I am confused as to why he is so adamant about getting it done for his child. He says its because he does not want the child to be made fun of in school locker rooms like he was, but kids are cruel so what can I say to get him to change his mind. I have never even though about circumcision as an issue with any of my future children because I never wanted it for them in the first place. We have no religious ties that make it necessary, so why do it? It’s so natural for it to be left alone and I just can’t grasp why he wants it so bad…I am so against it but I don’t want it to be the demise of out marriage. Can anyone get me some advice on what to do or say?? I am just so heart-broken and can not get it off my mind! Please help!

[Fellow Traveler]

This was not my experience at all. In fact, we have a post on that today:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1075514

Also, check your PMs.

[Gentle~Mommy :)]

Maybe suggest a 2 for 1? your son is only snipped if hubby gets it done too. That might change his mind.

[tennisdude23]

Teasing happens for a multitude of reasons. Foreskin is rarely one of them. I can guarantee that in your husband's case teasing probably occurred because of some other issue, not because of his foreskin. If I were you, I would just sit down with him and have a conversation. To me what he is saying is rather irrational. I am an intact guy, and no I was never teased. If you have a positive body image and self esteem, teasing is not a problem.

[Fellow Traveler]

Originally Posted by Gentle~Mommy :)

Maybe suggest a 2 for 1? your son is only snipped if hubby gets it done too. That might change his mind.

Ho boy that will stop it right there. :

[Dev]

Simple solution….. Agree not to do it ! Refuse to sign the consent form for a voluntary, elective, damaging cosmetic surgery for your son. Explain your rationale to your husband and don’t give in to him. Tell the hospital staff that you will NOT consent to the circumcision of your son. Don’t let your boy out of your site while the Circumciser waits eagerly behind closed doors for a signed Consent Form.

[eepster]

If he was teased about it when he was little, just let him know that times have changed.

When those of us who are now in our 30s were young, it was nearly universal. In the early '70s many hospitals didn't even get consent from parents, they just did it. Also, trough out the '80s and '90s fewer and fewer schools did shower in the locker room, but a few still did.

Today, around 50% of boys in the US are not circ'd, and almost no school locker rooms have full nudity ever.

[JLKMneely]

Originally Posted by Gentle~Mommy :)

Maybe suggest a 2 for 1? your son is only snipped if hubby gets it done too. That might change his mind.

I tried this when we first got pregnant and it did not work. He said yes..I then in turn got really upset because I like him intact. It has not been an issue.

[Papai]

This is very strange. How old is your DH and where did he grow up? What kind of "teasing" did he suffer from????

And if it's bugged him so much how come he never got it done?

[Papai]

Originally Posted by JLKMneely

I tried this when we first got pregnant and it did not work. He said yes..I then in turn got really upset because I like him intact. It has not been an issue.

He said yes, but he didn't really go through with it. I have a feeling he was bluffing. If he really felt this strongly about it, why not have it done?

[jimblejamble]

If there are bathroom stalls in the locker room (that's how ours were set up in middle school) he can get dressed in there and not have to worry about getting teased.

[Papai]

Originally Posted by JessicaRenee

If there are bathroom stalls in the locker room (that's how ours were set up in middle school) he can get dressed in there and not have to worry about getting teased.

Most teenage boys would rather roll over and die than admit to openly checking out another boy's penis!

And in most high schools the kids don't shower during gym class. There's not enough time!

[needhelpplease]

If you can't seem to use any line of argument to convince him, I guess you've reached the point where you just have to point blank refuse consent (and make this clear to all doctors etc). Hopefully he will get over it.

I guess he has deep insecurities from being the odd one out, maybe it came up once or something happened, and he's so terrified of this happening to his son that he can't see how irrational he is.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Is your dh aware that sex is totally different when circed? Not for just the man but for the woman.

Ask him if he is willing to risk that his ds wont have the same chance to experiance sex as God meant for it to be.

[~Boudicca~]

Put in your birth plan, up, down, sideways, backwards, in bold face, on every single page, that you as the mother absolutely under no circumstances will allow your son to be circumcised. Then make copies of it and give it to anyone that would be in the position to care: hospital peds, your OB, nurses, etc. And then when the time comes refuse consent. They will not do anything to your son as long as you stick to your guns. Be as vocal and obnoxious about it as possible if you need to and protect your baby. Your husband will just have to get over it.

[SaraLe6]

Your DH can get a circ if he wants (which it sounds like he doesn't). He has been given the CHOICE to modify HIS body. Why does he think he is allowed to take that choice away from his son?

I love my husband, who is circ'ed and wanted to have our son circ'ed, but I presented my research that showed it was purely cosmetic (he believed all the cleanliness and disease-reducing myths), and told him flat out I would divorce him, as the man I love, before I would consent to have my child mutilated. He understood and agreed, even though a small part of him still wanted the circ, he knew my case against it was both valid and strong.

[KBecks]

Tell your husband no. It's really not as hard as it seems. Refuse the circ and be done with it. Your husband will be OK, really.

Your son will be happy and healthy too!

[Quirky]

I agree, just say no. It's not your husband's penis and it's not his decision. If it wouldn't be OK for your dh's mom to decide NOW to cut off your dh's foreskin, it's not OK for you or your dh to decide to cut off your son's foreskin. Age doesn't change your son's inherent right to his own body. We only circumcise babies at birth because they're too small to resist. In other circing cultures that cut older boys, they get held down or brainwashed into consenting, but it's always a human rights violation.

Would you get your son a nose job at birth because your husband was teased for a big nose in high school?

Your marriage is more at risk if you hurt your son to please your husband than if you stand firm. Your son's body is not a bargaining chip that can save your marriage. It is not your right to agree to cut your baby to satisfy your husband's irrational wishes.

[dancindoula]

Would you get your son a nose job at birth because your husband was teased for a big nose in high school?

This. This is what it always comes back to for me when someone pulls the "he might get teased" card. Truly, ask him this - make him consider what other cosmetic surgeries he will preemptively elect for his son to avoid having him teased.

I can tell you I was teased and bullied every single day of my schooling for FIVE years until my family made the decision to pull me out of that environment. Kids get teased. Sometimes it's really bad and it hurts. But it's NEVER truly about that child's body/clothes/grades/car/fill in the blank; it's about those bullies building up their own self-image by putting others down for their supposed "weaknesses". The solution is to teach your child to respect himself and be confident in the body/skills/attributes/features he's been blessed with and to model for him not letting your own self-image be dictated by the whims of the popular people. The solution is NOT to teach him to bow to the power of bullies by altering himself to please them - that's a bar that will only be raised higher and higher each time he jumps over it.

He knows he would never get his son a nose job to stop teasing, or get his daughter a boob job to stop the surfboard/turtle games (remember those?), or some type of bone surgery to correct his son being "too" tall or "too" short, or have his daughter lobotomized to stop her being teased for always getting good grades. Do you see how ridiculous this line of thinking can get? I am so very sorry that he too has had to carry the scars of being mocked and belittled by his peers. I get it. I do. But your husband will gain so much healing by teaching his son to be confident and not base his own worth in the fickle opinions of others - let him teach his son how to stop the cycle by being compassionate and respectful (including self-respect) and confident in who he is. THAT is the way to silence those inner bullies we still hear in our memories telling us we're just not good enough.

Hugs to both of you.

[1littlebit]

as long as he is being irrational tell him that if anyone teases him its sexual harassment so the teaser will get expelled plus you can sue his parents for enough money to pay your sons college tuition.

you could tell your dh how much you llike him being intact... that might convince him.

although i must say that if i were a guy who was intact and someone teased me about it i would probably respond with a nasty comment about how missing part of your penis is nothing to brag about...i know its innappropriate but then we are talking about teenagers. plus it was the nicest one i could think of. although 'ive never had any complaints' might work too. lol