Odd Story

[JJ'sMom]

Thought you'd all enjoy...

I was at a local park a few days ago with my two boys and 5 week old DD. I was nursing her on the astroturf when a 2-3 year old girl came over to see the baby. I was switching sides and the girl asked, "What are you putting that in her mouth for?" So I told her that that was where the baby got her milk from.

She did not believe me and asked again. I noticed her mom was in earshot so I said, "It is called nursing. It is how babies eat." Then I saw her mom bottle feed her brother.

I hope she remembers and asks a lot of questions about it as she gets older....

[proudmomof4]

That was a learning moment, I guess.

[Mommalamadingdong]

Originally Posted by JJ'sMom

Thought you'd all enjoy...

I was at a local park a few days ago with my two boys and 5 week old DD. I was nursing her on the astroturf when a 2-3 year old girl came over to see the baby. I was switching sides and the girl asked, "What are you putting that in her mouth for?" So I told her that that was where the baby got her milk from.

She did not believe me and asked again. I noticed her mom was in earshot so I said, "It is called nursing. It is how babies eat." Then I saw her mom bottle feed her brother.

I hope she remembers and asks a lot of questions about it as she gets older....

You have no idea about this stranger's situation or cause for not breastfeeding. Perhaps she cannot do so for any number of perfectly valid reasons (breast cancer, HIV positive, etc.) Perhaps she was bottle feeding pumped breast milk. Assumptions are dangerous things and superior attitudes directed towards other mothers does a disservice to all of womankind.

[Belle]

Originally Posted by Mommalamadingdong

You have no idea about this stranger's situation or cause for not breastfeeding. Perhaps she cannot do so for any number of perfectly valid reasons (breast cancer, HIV positive, etc.) Perhaps she was bottle feeding pumped breast milk. Assumptions are dangerous things and superior attitudes directed towards other mothers does a disservice to all of womankind.

I didn't read any judgment in the original post. Just that the little girl had no experience seeing nursing babies.

I had a similar experience when my youngest was born. Their two cousins were in town and one of them (he was almost 3 at the time) asked what my baby was doing under my shirt. I told him she was drinking milk. I didn't judge that he had never seen a nursing infant before, but I wanted him to know what she was doing and that nursing babies is a normal thing.

By the way, Mommalamadingdong Welcome to MDC.

[teale]

Originally Posted by Belle

I didn't read any judgment in the original post. Just that the little girl had no experience seeing nursing babies.

I had a similar experience when my youngest was born. Their two cousins were in town and one of them (he was almost 3 at the time) asked what my baby was doing under my shirt. I told him she was drinking milk. I didn't judge that he had never seen a nursing infant before, but I wanted him to know what she was doing and that nursing babies is a normal thing.

By the way, Mommalamadingdong Welcome to MDC.

Neither did I. Personally, I thought it was a great teaching experience for the little girl; she would be able to go home and ask her mom questions, which hopefully would open up a great discussion about why her brother or sisters are fed differently.

[Tine]

Originally Posted by teale

Neither did I. Personally, I thought it was a great teaching experience for the little girl; she would be able to go home and ask her mom questions, which hopefully would open up a great discussion about why her brother or sisters are fed differently.

Ditto. I think the OP handled this well.

[Swan3]

I didn't read judgement in the OP's answer to the little girl, although if it had been me I would have felt badly after seeing the mama bottlefeed her other babe (for the simple reason that we don't know why she wasn't nursing, and that this could have been a very painful moment for her).

I've known a few mothers that really pulled out every stop to BF and still couldn't (including one who'd had a breast reduction 10 years ago and BF/supplemented using an SNS until 6 months), a moment like that would have had her calling me in tears. She still expresses to me how painful it is for her that she was not able to nurse longer and as easily as other mothers do. She has another one on the way and is hoping that the mechanics work a bit better this time and she may not have to use the SNS at all - but I digress.

I'm not saying that it wasn't a good idea to let the little girl know that is how babies eat...just thinking of what the overall impact might have been for the mama in the situation.

[Funny Face]

My niece (3) is fascinated with me breastfeeding. She was breastfed and I'm sure any future siblings will be also but it's neat to answer her questions and just see how amazed they are- it's not something I would have expected.

[jocelynr]

Originally Posted by Swan3

I didn't read judgement in the OP's answer to the little girl, although if it had been me I would have felt badly after seeing the mama bottlefeed her other babe (for the simple reason that we don't know why she wasn't nursing, and that this could have been a very painful moment for her).

I've known a few mothers that really pulled out every stop to BF and still couldn't (including one who'd had a breast reduction 10 years ago and BF/supplemented using an SNS until 6 months), a moment like that would have had her calling me in tears. She still expresses to me how painful it is for her that she was not able to nurse longer and as easily as other mothers do. She has another one on the way and is hoping that the mechanics work a bit better this time and she may not have to use the SNS at all - but I digress.

I'm not saying that it wasn't a good idea to let the little girl know that is how babies eat...just thinking of what the overall impact might have been for the mama in the situation.

These are the minority--I would say that most people in the country assume bottlefeeding is the norm. My friends went to a lot of trouble to make sure there were no bottles/pacifiers on any of the things for my baby shower. When you get into it, there are usually lots of factors that have gone into low milk supply. Very few people truly can't produce enough. I can't stand hearing, "I wanted to breastfeed, but I just didn't make enough milk."

Not to say anything bad about your friend, but she couldn't nurse fully b/c of a choice that she made. Whenever I hear anyone say that they want reduction, I always mention that they should get one AFTER they are done having children.

[annettemarie]

The purpose of this forum is to promote breastfeeding, not to criticize people who choose to formula feed, whatever their reasons. Please refocus the conversation around breastfeeding advocacy.

[Firemom]

Originally Posted by Mommalamadingdong

You have no idea about this stranger's situation or cause for not breastfeeding. Perhaps she cannot do so for any number of perfectly valid reasons (breast cancer, HIV positive, etc.) Perhaps she was bottle feeding pumped breast milk. Assumptions are dangerous things and superior attitudes directed towards other mothers does a disservice to all of womankind.

To our first time poster:

Why do you feel the initial post was a slam against the woman? She did not assume the mother was bottlefeeding, saw her and that was not what the post was even about????

I also have a funny and both of these children did breastfeed.One until she was 6 months and the other until 1 year. While baby they wanted to know why the baby was eating my shirt? Teaching moment to the 4 and 5 year old there also!

[EBeth0000]

I was at a local outdoor shopping center on a beautiful spring day here a few weeks ago and was nursing DD. A young girl (3? 4?) was watching very intently--for a loooong time, finally she came up to ask me what I was doing. I said "I'm feeding my baby" She said "like that?" And I said yes, some mommies feed their babies milk from their breasts. She thought about that, smiled at me, and ran back to her parents. I don't know and don't care how her mom fed her/her siblings, just offered her the info she wanted and presented nursing as normal and natural--that is enough advocacy in my opinion Although nursing is "how babies eat" it is not how ALL babies eat. . .and if I had been the other mom I probably would have felt pretty bad about that comment. Like if she had said re: bottle feeding "this is how babies eat" because the implication is "this is how ALL babies eat" (or SHOULD eat)

and jocelynr, just as our culture at large is not very enlightened about breastfeeding, neither are the physicians recommending breast reductions before children--My pcp recommended one for me before children, saying it wouldn't affect my ability to breastfeed, and I consulted with a plastic surgeon who said the same thing. Only my mom, an RN and a breastfeeding advocate, talked me out of it. The information is not out there and women may not truly understand how that decision will affect their future ability to breastfeed. Just to give another perspective. Also to tell a mom that about a decision she made 10 years ago is kind of mean, like, "oh you should have known better" Well, yeah! But you can't reverse time and fix it now--you have to meet people where they're at. Being so harsh is not going to affect the change we want to see in our world.

[Swan3]

Originally Posted by EBeth0000

I was at a local outdoor shopping center on a beautiful spring day here a few weeks ago and was nursing DD. A young girl (3? 4?) was watching very intently--for a loooong time, finally she came up to ask me what I was doing. I said "I'm feeding my baby" She said "like that?" And I said yes, some mommies feed their babies milk from their breasts. She thought about that, smiled at me, and ran back to her parents. I don't know and don't care how her mom fed her/her siblings, just offered her the info she wanted and presented nursing as normal and natural--that is enough advocacy in my opinion Although nursing is "how babies eat" it is not how ALL babies eat. . .and if I had been the other mom I probably would have felt pretty bad about that comment. Like if she had said re: bottle feeding "this is how babies eat" because the implication is "this is how ALL babies eat" (or SHOULD eat)

and jocelynr, just as our culture at large is not very enlightened about breastfeeding, neither are the physicians recommending breast reductions before children--My pcp recommended one for me before children, saying it wouldn't affect my ability to breastfeed, and I consulted with a plastic surgeon who said the same thing. Only my mom, an RN and a breastfeeding advocate, talked me out of it. The information is not out there and women may not truly understand how that decision will affect their future ability to breastfeed. Just to give another perspective. Also to tell a mom that about a decision she made 10 years ago is kind of mean, like, "oh you should have known better" Well, yeah! But you can't reverse time and fix it now--you have to meet people where they're at. Being so harsh is not going to affect the change we want to see in our world.

:

My friend did everything she could and RUED the day she made the decision to get that reduction. She was enraged and had fantasies about going back to the office to tear a strip off of those who didn't give her any idea what the impact would be on mothering.

Her grief was so painful to hear, NEVER would I have shot back with a "well you shouldn't have done that now should you?" We talked instead of what she could STILL do to have a nursing relationship and I felt proud of her every time I saw her pull out that SNS. What an effort! Many I've known would have given up or written off the SNS as a waste of time/too hard etc. So by the time she had to bottlefeed (due to an even greater decrease in supply, severe PPD and a 6 month old who would yank out the tube and kept refusing to nurse) a comment like that would have reopened the wound. I like your approach much better!

Sure, it was because of a personal choice, but my job as her friend was to advocate for breastfeeding in a way that she could feel good about. Breastfeeding advocacy for me is about positivity, not making other women feel like failures. Sure, I feel that tinge of annoyance when so many say to me "Oh I just couldn't produce enough" but we're still in a space where women are relying on their HCP for advice and that advice and support is SORELY lacking.

[Carita]

Originally Posted by EBeth0000

I said "I'm feeding my baby" She said "like that?" And I said yes, some mommies feed their babies milk from their breasts... Although nursing is "how babies eat" it is not how ALL babies eat. . .and if I had been the other mom I probably would have felt pretty bad about that comment. Like if she had said re: bottle feeding "this is how babies eat" because the implication is "this is how ALL babies eat" (or SHOULD eat).

Good point - the addition or deletion of 1 word make a huge difference in how you come off - as either an advocate teacher or as an advocate bully. That will make me reflect thoughtfully on my own speech, thank you.

[TiredX2]

Originally Posted by EBeth0000

I was at a local outdoor shopping center on a beautiful spring day here a few weeks ago and was nursing DD. A young girl (3? 4?) was watching very intently--for a loooong time, finally she came up to ask me what I was doing. I said "I'm feeding my baby" She said "like that?" And I said yes, some mommies feed their babies milk from their breasts. She thought about that, smiled at me, and ran back to her parents. I don't know and don't care how her mom fed her/her siblings, just offered her the info she wanted and presented nursing as normal and natural--that is enough advocacy in my opinion Although nursing is "how babies eat" it is not how ALL babies eat. . .and if I had been the other mom I probably would have felt pretty bad about that comment. Like if she had said re: bottle feeding "this is how babies eat" because the implication is "this is how ALL babies eat" (or SHOULD eat)

I think the "some babies" is a great addition. When DD was around 1 and had a new baby cousin who was bottle fed they were very concerned that DD was *not* getting bottles. In their minds they knew how babies were fed and they didn't really understand why I wouldn't let DD eat. Even after explaining that DD was happy with nursing, they were still pretty sure she would have been happier with a bottle

[JJ'sMom]

EBeth0000 said it way better.
Thanks for the feedback ladies. I know I meant to say this is how my baby eats, not all babies, but didn't.

Still hopes she asks and gets good answers that help her make the best choices for her and her future kids.....

[Bluegoat]

Originally Posted by jocelynr

Not to say anything bad about your friend, but she couldn't nurse fully b/c of a choice that she made. Whenever I hear anyone say that they want reduction, I always mention that they should get one AFTER they are done having children.

You know, most women that have reductions don't have them for vanity - the results aren't exactally playboy material. They have them because they have issues with pain and back problems. The affect on BF should be part of the decision, but having breast that are already causing problems get even bigger and heavier might not sound great, even for someone who really wants to BF.

[AngelaM]

Originally Posted by jocelynr

Very few people truly can't produce enough. I can't stand hearing, "I wanted to breastfeed, but I just didn't make enough milk."

Not to say anything bad about your friend, but she couldn't nurse fully b/c of a choice that she made. Whenever I hear anyone say that they want reduction, I always mention that they should get one AFTER they are done having children.

And as someone who has struggled incredibly with low supply along with several other breastfeeding issues, I really can't stand these types of judgmental statements. If you haven't walked the path, don't judge.

I feel like this is akin to saying to someone who desperately wanted a homebirth but ended up with a C-section, "If you'd really wanted it badly enough, you could have had your vaginal delivery."

Please, mamas, let's show each other some compassion.

[jitterBug mom]

It does get tiring though to see bottle-feeding presented as the norm everywhere, in books, movies, kid's toys, etc.

That little girl in the park, how many images has she been exposed to by her age of babies drinking from a bottle? Even though I wouldn't have phrased things quite like the OP did, I do think it is nice that the little girl got to see a different way that babies are fed.

[AngelaM]

Originally Posted by jitterBug mom

It does get tiring though to see bottle-feeding presented as the norm everywhere, in books, movies, kid's toys, etc.

That little girl in the park, how many images has she been exposed to by her age of babies drinking from a bottle? Even though I wouldn't have phrased things quite like the OP did, I do think it is nice that the little girl got to see a different way that babies are fed.

Yes, I absolutely agree. I just know that as someone who ended up bottle-feeding after EVERYTHING else failed, it took me a good six months to feel comfortable feeding my baby in public, because I felt like people everywhere were judging me for my breastfeeding "failure."

As an earlier poster said, if someone had said that to my DD, I probably would have started crying on the spot. I like what someone else said about phrasing it as, "This is how some children eat." Or even, "This is how many children eat." But to imply that this is how ALL babies eat, and that there's something wrong with those who don't get fed that way, is really hurtful to parents who have, for whatever reasons, had to do things differently. And, it also could leave the child with the sense that there's something wrong with him, since he wasn't fed that way. You know?