Frustrated that 9y/o can't ride own bike!

[raisinghumans]

I am so frustrated with my 9 y/o dd who still cannot ride a bike. I am sorry but I am!

Honestly people offer swimming, karate, dance lessons...someone could make a mint offering bike riding lessons. I have tried, my husband has tried for 9 years to teach my dd to ride her bike and we are no further ahead. What on earth are we doing wrong?

I have tried to stay very positive to this point but I can tell that if she doesn't get it soon I am going to give up. When she was a baby she rode in a bike seat, as a toddler she had a trike which she really never got going very fast, preschooler she had a bike with training wheels which she never made move till she was 7.5 y/o. Throughout that time I took her for rides with me on a trail-a-bike, hoping she would get a feel for the speed and balance of it. At the end of last year my husband insisted that she take the training wheels off her bike, that she was relying on them too much.

The half dozen or so times we have tried her out on her bike this year have gone terrible. She starts off with a poor attitude right from the moment we mention the bike. It is as though she has absolutely no strength in her legs to push the pedals. As soon as she does get both feet on the pedals she just sits there and tips over. If she does manage to make the bike move an inch she has no concept of the steering and freaks out and drops the bike. There is no coordination of any of it for her. She can't think about steering and pedalling at the same time and is also afraid of going fast enough to hold her balance.

I honestly have been calm and patient and encouraging but don't know that I can do it anymore. I really want to be out bike riding with my family! I am willing to put the training wheels back on but dh isn't and my dd says that they are too babyish yet she is really resisting even trying to ride her bike anymore.

Any suggestions? Teaching Tips? Someone I can hire!

[rzberrymom]

It sounds like it's mainly about getting out as a family for a bike ride? If so, how about one of those bike extender things? I have no idea what they're called, but they look like this: http://bend.craigslist.org/bik/1139474885.html

If she's not into riding on her own, I definitely wouldn't push it (it sounds like she's miserable). But, maybe one of those extenders could solve the family outing problem.

[ledzepplon]

I'd put the training wheels back on. It sounds like she's just afraid, and perhaps hat would boost her confidence until she could get the hand of the steering/pedaling.

If she's still unhappy or unwilling, I'd drop it. I agree with pp, she sounds miserable.

[raisinghumans]

Originally Posted by rzberrymom

It sounds like it's mainly about getting out as a family for a bike ride? If so, how about one of those bike extender things?

Thanks, yes, we have one of those. Yes, she is miserable about her bike. Drats.

[bremen]

training wheels are terrible! they actually make it so much harder for a kid to ride.
take the pedals off! completely off!
make sure the seat is low enough so that she can reach the ground, and show her how to propel herself with her feet on the ground, and then coast with her feet up.
just like a balance bike.
this is a far more effective way to get to bike riding readiness.
training wheels give a false support, make the bike slower, and make it harder to coordinate.
taking the pedals off helps balance come first, and then the pedaling can be added later.


can she pedal with training wheels on? has she ever tried a stationary bike at a gym?
mentioning how little strength she has makes me wonder about a medical issue.
be sure to mention it to the dr next time you go.

[raisinghumans]

Originally Posted by bremen

training wheels are terrible! they actually make it so much harder for a kid to ride.

training wheels give a false support, make the bike slower, and make it harder to coordinate.
taking the pedals off helps balance come first, and then the pedaling can be added later.

My dh would agree with you bremen.

[*Eva*]

Hmm she actually sounds just like my four year old son. He physically can't ride a bike, he is not capable of steering and turning the pedals at the same time. He sees a chiro that is helping him with this and his myraid of other issues that he has and it seems to be helping. He can now move the pedals which he couldn't do before. Steering while pedaling though....well that's another story lol.

[rzberrymom]

Originally Posted by raisinghumans

Thanks, yes, we have one of those.

Sorry, I missed that you did mention having one of those. Do you think there's any chance she would ride with it back on? I hope you get it figured out!

[eclipse]

Is it really that important that she learn that you're pulling your hair out over it? I could not figure out the whole bike thing until I finally tought myself in 7th grade. I'm still not good at it or comfortable with it, but no amount of pushing would have got me there or made me feel any better about it. My almost 6 year old is the same as I was - and I can't imagine getting so frustrated over it.

[eclipse]

And, does she actually want to learn? The description of her aditude when you take her out tells me that either she doesn't want to learn, or she can tell how much you have invested in her learning, and is digging her heels in. I'd leave her alone about it. Maybe she just doesn't care - and is that such a bad thing?

[A&A]

My dd didn't learn to ride a bike until we had her vision tested and found out that she had depth-perception problems. Once she started wearing glasses, she just took off!

[raisinghumans]

Originally Posted by eclipse

Is it really that important that she learn that you're pulling your hair out over it? I could not figure out the whole bike thing until I finally tought myself in 7th grade. I'm still not good at it or comfortable with it, but no amount of pushing would have got me there or made me feel any better about it. My almost 6 year old is the same as I was - and I can't imagine getting so frustrated over it.

Yes, it actually is important to me.
With any luck she doesn't yet know I am pulling my hair out about it. I never push her more than she is willing. We take her bike out and ask her to try it until she is frustrated at which point she tells us and we calmly say "ok, lets put it away for now and try something else"

I never knew I would be one of 'those' parents, but I guess I am. I don't drive and would like to be able to go more places with my kids by bike. That is important to me. I would like to bike leisurely with my family. That is important to me. I would like my dd to see that if she works for something she can accomplish it. That is important to me. I would like to see my dd have to work for something. That is important to me.

I have considered the fact that she may never ride a bike and it makes me kind of sad but I am curious how that was for you? Why did you decide to learn to ride in 7th grade? Was it easy once you were older?

Thanks.
ETA: I know no amount of me feeling it is important and pushing her is going to make it happen any sooner.

[eclipse]

I learned to ride in 7th grade because some one gave me their old bike (I had outgrown my old one and my mom never replaced it, because I wouldn't ride) and I just decided that I should know how to do it. It took a few days of me experimenting on my own at the elementary school black top and I got it. I never really liked it, though. It was fun enough to ride around in circles on the black top, but riding on the street, or near other people riding, or near an animal or little kids that might get in front of me, and was very, very stressful for me and not in the least bit fun. Very scary, very stressful. I could probably ride a bike now in a pinch, but it's been many many years since I've tried.

[eclipse]

I want to add that, like someone up thread said, a big part of me figuiring out how to ride was having a low enough seat that my feet could firmly touch the ground - not just tip toes. That let me be in complete control of the experience and not have to think about using the brakes if I wanted to stop. Having a huge open space without people bugging me was helpful, too.

[raisinghumans]

Thanks for sharing that Eclipse. I love my bike and suppose it is hard for me to imagine life without it. I totally respect the differences. I suppose my dd may have the same feelings as you, I know she is not comfortable with any amount of speed, even with me on the trail-a-bike.

Oh and A&A, her eyes have been tested, no problems there.

[rzberrymom]

Ok, one more idea. I lived in the Netherlands, and kids there often ride on the back of a parent's bike when they're much older--since bikes are the major mode of transport, you sometimes just need them on the bike rather than have to bike at their pace. So, they have seats that work for older kids--not sure how heavy the average 9 year old is, but this one is for up to 70 pounds. Just thought I'd throw that out there since I hear how important this is for you guys to be able to be biking. I know how you must be feeling--I bike rather than drive most places too, and I can imagine it would be really frustrating to not be able to do that anymore.

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by bremen

training wheels are terrible! they actually make it so much harder for a kid to ride.
take the pedals off! completely off!
make sure the seat is low enough so that she can reach the ground, and show her how to propel herself with her feet on the ground, and then coast with her feet up.
just like a balance bike.
this is a far more effective way to get to bike riding readiness.

:

Two suggestions:

1. Buy her a two wheeled scooter so she can get the feel of balancing for something that is much more controllable. It'll also help her steer.

2. I second taking off the pedals -- we followed the advice on this website: http://www.ibike.org/education/teaching-kids.htm, and it worked great with both of our kids. I was especially impressed by our then 7 year old ds, who has motor planning issues (including vestibular issues that make it hard for him to find himself in space). I think our ds greatly benefited from the scooter. (dd is just plain old persistent, so she's not a great comparison.)

The other thing that I would suggest is that you limit the practice sessions. Explain to her why it's important that she learn to ride, but that you understand she's frustrated. So, you're going to practice for 5-10 minutes a day. The first day, she's just going to go down a gentle hill as fast or as slowly as she wants to, putting her feet down to stabilize herself. If you can get her to be able to balance down a hill, she'll catch on to steering pretty easily.

I would then suggest a tag-along to help her develop some leg strength and enable the family to get out together.

Originally Posted by bremen

mentioning how little strength she has makes me wonder about a medical issue.
be sure to mention it to the dr next time you go.

I would too -- I might read up on dyspaxia as well. Has she always had low tone?

[bronxmom]

My daughter didn't learn to ride a bike for the longest time and is very fearful and not super-coordinated in general. However, we read up on methods and my partner took her out one afternoon and literally had her biking within half an hour. It was the method described earlier: take off the training wheels, make the seat ridiculously low (so she knows she can put her feet down at any point) and then have her swing her legs forward and back on the ground so she's propelling herself forward with her legs (not pedaling) and steering. When she feels comfortable with this and naturally wants to go forward, tell her she can just lift her feet off the ground and put them on the pedals and start pedaling. You can probably look the method up on-line. My daughter is so fearful physically and she gained such confidence and it's been hard to get her off a bike since. This was when she was 7 or 8 - after years of not getting anywhere. I understand why this would be important to you and it's a great skill to have.

If that doesn't work, maybe check out the extracycle. It looks really cool and has a skateboard like seat on the back that older kids or other adults can sit on with lots of room for groceries, etc.

[MusicianDad]

I say give it a rest for a while. Even if it is important to you, it honestly sounds to me like 1) she isn't ready to ride a bike yet or doesn't want to and 2) as much as you may not want to admit it, she is picking up on the fact that your frustrated by the fact she can't do it yet and it's sabatoging any attempt she does make.

[Princess ConsuelaB]

I gotta tell you, I'm 35 and I still can't ride a bike. My situations a little different as my parents never put me on one until I was around 8 years old and expected me to take right off...well I couldn't, but worse I could feel my Mom's disappointment(they envisioned family bike rides too). That woman did not give one discernible "outward" sign of her disappointment and she didn't have to...I could just feel it, it felt terrible, I shortly stopped trying and never got on one again.

My dd on the other hand, she had trouble riding her bike too. She could ride it as long as the training wheels were on but at age nine she still couldn't do it without them. We didn't push her, we bought her a sturdy scooter(the kind with big wheels, not a little razor) and she really zung along on that thing. It really seemed to help her balance and now after a year, at age ten, she got back on her bike -sans training wheels- and took right off. I really think the scooter did the trick.

It just takes some kids longer. Her best friend next door is nine and still can't ride more than a few feet without falling over.

ETA- I don't drive either, we walk. We can walk as far as two little kids would be able to comfortably ride a bike anyhow. I know it's not what you want to hear