Am I being unrealistic?

[LisaG]

My c/s is scheduled for 5/20. My mom is chomping at the bit wanting to know when she can book her flight to come down. Because she's using miles, she needs 30 days notice. DH is taking off 2 weeks and I'm inclined to have her come when he goes back to work. The downside is that's only 3 days before my youngest sister graduates from high school and mom obviously wants to be home for that.

But it seems kind of silly to have her come down while dh is still home on vacation. This is our first baby so it's not like she can help with another child. I know there will be laundry and food for dh to do. My SIL will most likely help out with food and if we get our act together we could, gasp, actually have some stuff prepared.

I know from my previous surgical experience (minus the end result of a baby) that I'll be taking it very easy. I don't expect to do more than nurse and (hopefully) sleep.

So am I being unrealistic and should I jump on the opportunity to have my mom here earlier? I guess I'm just not sure what she can do vs. be moral support and help with food and laundry and if dh is here....... She did breastfeed all 5 of us, but it's been so long that I'm not sure she'd be much help with that if I need help.

Also, correct me if I'm wrong, but it also seems like the first few weeks there won't be much, if any, need of "let me take the baby for a walk while you get some extra sleep".

Thanks for your input!

[catters]

Honestly, after my c/s, it was a lifesaver having my mom here. Especially since this is your first baby, your mom will be so helpful. I don't know what I would have done without her and DH was pretty much hopeless. Your mom WANTS to help, I'd let her.

[Asher]

I have no clue on the c-section issues as far as personal experience, but I know my friend had one recently with her first baby and her mom was a life saver when she came out to visit.

And yes, unfortunately, sleeping problems may indeed happen that early and you may well be exhausted, recovering from a c-section and having a new baby (who often have their days and nights mixed up). The more sleep you can get, the quicker you normally recovery. Maybe between your mom and hubby, you can just lay there, nurse, cuddle babe and be pampered otherwise. They can do the things like laundry, cooking, diapers, etc. and just let you be a "lady of leisure" while you recover.

It sounds like you have a good relationship with your mom, though? Otherwise I'd not suggest it and I personally don't feel comfortable with anyone in my house right after having a babe, but that's me personally.

[octanebeetle27]

My two cents would be to have your mom come when your dh has to go back to work. That way you can maximize the amount of time you will have help. If you can get a solid three weeks of having someone else there pretty much around the clock that would be awesome. Only if your dh is really helpful though--knowing that you are supposed to do NOTHING but rest and nurse and that he's got to do a good job of taking care of you (pretty much playing nurse to you). If someone needs to walk the baby then that would be a great time for him to bond with the baby! Since it's just the three of you, laundry and housecleaning shouldn't be that much of an issue (use paper plates ) If he's the clueless type then by all means have your mom there right away though.

[Smithie]

I might tell her to wait until after your sister's graduation, THEN come for her 2-3 weeks. You'll have a few days alone in there, but I think it's worth it to maximize the total number of days of help you will get...

[LisaG]

Originally Posted by octanebeetle27

My two cents would be to have your mom come when your dh has to go back to work. That way you can maximize the amount of time you will have help. If you can get a solid three weeks of having someone else there pretty much around the clock that would be awesome. Only if your dh is really helpful though--knowing that you are supposed to do NOTHING but rest and nurse and that he's got to do a good job of taking care of you (pretty much playing nurse to you). If someone needs to walk the baby then that would be a great time for him to bond with the baby! Since it's just the three of you, laundry and housecleaning shouldn't be that much of an issue (use paper plates ) If he's the clueless type then by all means have your mom there right away though.

Yeah, fortunately dh is quite helpful. Cooking isn't his greatest strength, but we won't starve either And I'm pretty sure SIL will be thrilled to load us up with food - fortunately she eats really healthy food and is happy to work around my wheat/dairy sensitivities.

And yes, mom and I have a pretty good relationship - she's super supportive of us and soooo excited for us. But, I'm also thinking it would be nice for dh and I to have a little bit of alone time for a few days, that's why I'm not in a huge hurry for her to get her. Plus I'll be in the hospital at least 3 days.

Originally Posted by catters

Honestly, after my c/s, it was a lifesaver having my mom here. Especially since this is your first baby, your mom will be so helpful. I don't know what I would have done without her and DH was pretty much hopeless. Your mom WANTS to help, I'd let her.

Cat - was it mostly because your dh wasn't helpful?

[Madalyn]

Originally Posted by Smithie

I might tell her to wait until after your sister's graduation, THEN come for her 2-3 weeks. You'll have a few days alone in there, but I think it's worth it to maximize the total number of days of help you will get...

I agree with this having to deal with a few days by yourself would probably be worth it in the long run if you get help longer. Especially if you got set up good. Maybe froze a meal ahead of time and had hubby do the laundry in advance for those days he wouldn't be home to help. Then hopefully by the time your mom goes back home you'll be feeling better enough to handle most everything yourself.

[burm_keep]

I can tell you how it worked out for us. With my first I has a cesarean we had my parents come initially to be at the house with our cats. I needed my husband at the hospital with me so that the baby was always with one of us. After him sleeping on a horrible chair each night in the hospital my parents cam to be w/ me and the baby and DH got some sleep at home.

I was in for 3 days. My parents were then with us for a week I believe and honestly it was a huge benefit for us. My DH was off of work and he didn't have to do any cooking or cleaning, he was just able to take care of me and the baby and bond and we could all catch up on sleep. My Mom pretty much took care of us with food and cleaning and it made it much easier.

This time around I've told them I don't want them at the birth (they live 11 hours away anyway), but they can be here after that and I think it'll make things easier on us.

[CookAMH]

I'd probably consider having her come at least 5 days, who knows, DH may like the break from chores and get some extra time with the baby. I'm sure he's quite willing, but since you will still get some babymoon time before she arrives, maybe have her come a couple or few days in advance of when DH goes back to work. It's nice she's giving you the space immediately after the birth .

[CookAMH]

Originally Posted by Smithie

I might tell her to wait until after your sister's graduation, THEN come for her 2-3 weeks. You'll have a few days alone in there, but I think it's worth it to maximize the total number of days of help you will get...

That's an idea too, aside from my other post.

[catters]

Originally Posted by LisaG

Cat - was it mostly because your dh wasn't helpful?

No, I mean, he would definitely do things if I asked him to, but after my section, I was sooo tired. I got back to my house about three days after (section was Tuesday morning, home Friday morning). Now, my DH did have to go back to work after two days, so yes, I didn't have him there during the day, like you will. But when he WAS home, he had no idea what to do with the baby, couldn't help me with that because the baby only wanted me and that was kind of exhausting while recovering. And, sadly, his cooking sucks. Also, I found my mom helpful because she just seemed to "know" what I needed, when I needed it. I always had a nice cup of water near me plus, she was so natural with my son. Like getting back on a bicycle for her, or something. The first night home, since Ronan was C/S, his lungs weren't totally clear and at one point when I thought he was sleeping, I turned around to put something in my closet, then, when I turned back, he was bright red, with his little eyes bulging and his arms up flailing. I FREAKED out, flipped him over and was trying to get the fluid to come out his nose. My mom grabbed him so calmly, and suctioned his nose and he was just fine after that. I shook for hours. Seriously, I think of that moment all the time. Not to say this will happen to you at ALL but I had really no idea what to do at that moment, I just blanked, and my mom just KNEW.

Also, she just kept things clean, allowed me to completely bond and just made it EASY for me and DH. She answered questions about newborn care that I really never knew I'd even have a question about. KWIM?

I understand those who don't think other people should be around for right after a baby comes. Trust me, I wasn't encouraging visitors, but women always used to have their mothers, sisters, aunts, etc. help them after a baby. I accepted her help, even though I was initially worried she'd feel sort of in the way, instead, she just made my life easy.

Like someone else mentioned, you sound like you have a good relationship with your mom. I do too, or else I wouldn't have really wanted her there for that long. When she left, I cried, it was hard. And I was 30 years old then, so, not a young mom! LOL I still wanted my mommy and normally I am very independent.

Anyway, whatever you decide, I am sure it will work out just right for you guys.

[kdtmom2be]

Originally Posted by catters

Also, she just kept things clean, allowed me to completely bond and just made it EASY for me and DH. She answered questions about newborn care that I really never knew I'd even have a question about. KWIM?

I understand those who don't think other people should be around for right after a baby comes. Trust me, I wasn't encouraging visitors, but women always used to have their mothers, sisters, aunts, etc. help them after a baby. I accepted her help, even though I was initially worried she'd feel sort of in the way, instead, she just made my life easy.

Exactly. DH is great, but he is NOT a cleaner/tidier. My mother is a gem like that. After my c-section she stayed with the dog for the two days before I could come home, then MIL was here for two weeks, then my mom was back and forth just about every day (she was living not far from us at the time) and Cat's right, sometimes your mom just KNOWS what to do, what you need, etc even more than your DH. She DID spend 18 years raising you

I agree with the having her come after sis's graaduation though. There won't be that much damage to the house in that time, your DH will be home for the majority of it and by 2 weeks you will be fairly mobile again and able to lift baby and yourself and do all the routine stuff. Your mom will be handy to have about when your DH is at work and the reality of motherhood is setting in

[misseks]

I like ot give my mom a list ie/
please make cookies and put them in the freezer in bags of twenty.
please make chili and put i it in the freezer.
please clean the fridge.

whatever.

she wants to help, that's the kind of stuff dh can't won't do, well hey! That's what grammas are for.