Originally Posted by sunflowers
EOWeekend is usually not only the fairest for the kids (since they get to spend some down time with each parent) but also for the parents. It doesn't sound like mom gets a lot of time with him, either.
While I agree that EOW might be "fair" to kids because they get to spend downtime with each parent, for a toddler it is not nearly enough time unless there is significant contact during every week.
If you are headed to court, I would stop worrying about what mom thinks is okay (ie "shes decided that she dosn't want SO to be able to pick up from daycare so we wouldn't be able to get him till 6") and talk abot what is the best schedule for the child. If every weekend and Wednesdays overnight is what you want, and what you feel is in the best interest of your step child, I would say to ask the court for that.
I would also include the time he is in childcare as your husband's time (so, if you were asking for Wed overnight, ask for something like Wed after school to Thursday afterschool, or Wed at noon until Thursday at noon)-- that way if there is a holiday or an inservice day or whatever, or you or your husband has the day off, you can have that time.
Finally, I would decide what to do about long weekends and include that in your plan. You could alternate holiday weekends, (so you get every weekend, but holiday weekends you alternate) or you could say if Monday or Friday is a holiday it is part of the weekend.
Basically what I am saying is decide what you want and what you think is best for the child, and ask for that. Better yet, ask for even more than that so you have room to negotiate down without ending up with less time than you want. (Just know that there is a chance you will end up with what you want, so be sure it is something you can do.)
Also, if you have access to childcare nearby or in your home, or if you stay home, there is no reason you have to take him to childcare that is an hour away... you could ask for two weekdays in your care and make your own childcare arrangements.
I'll just end with the disclaimer that I don't know you or the child or mom, or what would be best for anyone... I'm just speaking from the perspective of experience-- my husband's ex took his child and left with no plan and no forwarding address, and we spent a lot of time with mediators, custody evaluators, lawyers, and judges fighting for something fair against a mom who wanted my husband to have access on her whim only. So, that's my advice from the been-there-done-that perspective, but not taking into consideration any of the actual human people involved... okay, disclaimer over.