or Connect
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Help Please - Page 2

post #21 of 26
Thread Starter 
To clarify he pays more then half of daycare and makes less then a 3rd of what Bio mom makes. Its part of the original set up that needs to be addressed. mran says it best I think. If I was in the postion where my kids had to go to dc and I paid if they were there or not, whats wrong with them having xtra time with their dad. aricha I know your right about asking for what we want and not caring about what mom wants. I just think neither of us are prepared for the fight she wants to put up. Ex: we were in court friday and she has decided to try and prove that SO is unfit because of a picture of our 2yr old a SS holding hands crossing the parking lot, SO is in front and I'm maybe two steps behind capturing the cuteness. The judge actually laughed at her. I wish he could have said no but now we have to go back to fight that we arn't unfit based on whatever she makes up this month. Its exhausting.

Thanks again ladies. The way this is going I'm sure I'm going to have lots of questions/comments.
post #22 of 26
My suggestion is to write up a parenting plan with a custody schedule that you want. It's been my experience that if one person comes in with a reasonable plan and the other comes in with no plan, the judge will tend to adopt the plan of the parent who brought one, perhaps with some modifications based on the other parent's objections.

I would also suggest outlining things like who will make decisions, how disputes would be settled, etc. You can find sample parenting plans online or in the bookstore, which you can use as a model. (I can probably find some links or some titles for you if that would be helpful). It has been my experience that the best way to prove you are a fit parent is to show the court that you have thought about the best interests of the child, that you have made a plan for custody, and that you are interested in working with the other parent, that you would prefer to settle disputes through mediation, and intend to support the child's continuing relationship with the other parent.
post #23 of 26
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by aricha View Post
My suggestion is to write up a parenting plan with a custody schedule that you want. It's been my experience that if one person comes in with a reasonable plan and the other comes in with no plan, the judge will tend to adopt the plan of the parent who brought one, perhaps with some modifications based on the other parent's objections.

I would also suggest outlining things like who will make decisions, how disputes would be settled, etc. You can find sample parenting plans online or in the bookstore, which you can use as a model. (I can probably find some links or some titles for you if that would be helpful). It has been my experience that the best way to prove you are a fit parent is to show the court that you have thought about the best interests of the child, that you have made a plan for custody, and that you are interested in working with the other parent, that you would prefer to settle disputes through mediation, and intend to support the child's continuing relationship with the other parent.

I would love some links! I love any kind of info thats out there that we can bring to the table to help us.
post #24 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by aricha View Post
While I agree that EOW might be "fair" to kids because they get to spend downtime with each parent, for a toddler it is not nearly enough time unless there is significant contact during every week.

If you are headed to court, I would stop worrying about what mom thinks is okay (ie "shes decided that she dosn't want SO to be able to pick up from daycare so we wouldn't be able to get him till 6") and talk abot what is the best schedule for the child. If every weekend and Wednesdays overnight is what you want, and what you feel is in the best interest of your step child, I would say to ask the court for that.

I would also include the time he is in childcare as your husband's time (so, if you were asking for Wed overnight, ask for something like Wed after school to Thursday afterschool, or Wed at noon until Thursday at noon)-- that way if there is a holiday or an inservice day or whatever, or you or your husband has the day off, you can have that time.

Finally, I would decide what to do about long weekends and include that in your plan. You could alternate holiday weekends, (so you get every weekend, but holiday weekends you alternate) or you could say if Monday or Friday is a holiday it is part of the weekend.

Basically what I am saying is decide what you want and what you think is best for the child, and ask for that. Better yet, ask for even more than that so you have room to negotiate down without ending up with less time than you want. (Just know that there is a chance you will end up with what you want, so be sure it is something you can do.)

Also, if you have access to childcare nearby or in your home, or if you stay home, there is no reason you have to take him to childcare that is an hour away... you could ask for two weekdays in your care and make your own childcare arrangements.

I'll just end with the disclaimer that I don't know you or the child or mom, or what would be best for anyone... I'm just speaking from the perspective of experience-- my husband's ex took his child and left with no plan and no forwarding address, and we spent a lot of time with mediators, custody evaluators, lawyers, and judges fighting for something fair against a mom who wanted my husband to have access on her whim only. So, that's my advice from the been-there-done-that perspective, but not taking into consideration any of the actual human people involved... okay, disclaimer over.
Agree with this. Also look into "right of first refusal" meaning if child needs babysitter on weekend, you are the first one called. You might consider a set number of weekends per year or 3 weekends a month so that mom has a weekend for fun, too. I think it would terrible to not have anyweekends with your child.I can't imagine what reason she would have for you not to pick up at daycare, and it probably doesn't matter anyway, either parent has the right to pick up a child from daycare (speaking from the daycare's perspective).
post #25 of 26
I'm not sure you'll have luck getting every weekend. Judges (at least in my state) like to give weekend time to the custodial parent, too.
post #26 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by Camp-a-roo View Post
I would love some links! I love any kind of info thats out there that we can bring to the table to help us.
If you type "sample parenting plan" and your state into a search engine, you should be able to find state-specific information. Also, you can find some father's rights focused ones, usually if you include the word "dad" in your search.

The bookstore also probably has some "do it yourself" divorce and/or custody guides that have sample parenting plans in them, as well as state-specific info.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home