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Originally Posted by AppleCrisp  Same here.....pre eclampsia with IUGR. It was a huge shock. I STILL cry when I see pregnant people. I feel mad at them. And the whole time I was in the hospital I could hear monitors with fetal heartbeats beating away while people were in labor...it made me so sad. Our hospital has this thing where when they admit a newborn, they play a little lullaby over the PA system, so all these parents in the NICU have to listen to it a few times every day and it just reminds me how much I missed out on. I HATE leaving her every day...today her nurse was totally in outer space, and now I'll be up all night worrying that she'll have an apnea episode and the nurse will be off playing on the computer.
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Applecrisp, I FEEL YA. Here's what I cried about: hearing mamas in their rooms with their newborns crying. How unfair. The whole situation basically sucked. I didn't know I was sick. What did I do to cause it? (Nothing) Why couldn't she still be cooking inside me? Why did they TAKE my baby? Sometimes I'm still not over that one- it's like they took her. Instead of me delivering, they TOOK her. But we're getting better on that.
Here's what I learned after one bad experience in the NICU. If you don't like what your nurse is doing, you have a few options. Ask to see the charge nurse (the one in charge for the evening) and express your concerns. If you don't get the answer you need, you can go to the director of the nursing of the NICU. I didn't actually do this- I complained to the doctor who was outraged and went to the director of nursing. The DON came and found me **in the pump room** and had a consultation with me while I was pumping.
Embarrassing!!!
BUT- the DON basically hopped on her broom and flew around that NICU so fast that it made the nurse's head spin. We'll just say that from then on we never had another experience like that. The DON told me to follow the channels above, and also that you have the right to ask that a certain nurse NOT be your baby's nurse. Sounds like you might be more comfortable doing that?
And you can call the nursery any time, day or night to check on your LO. I have called often. I feel better getting to know the nurse. We visit twice a day, so we see both shifts. Tonight the nurse was saying that many moms call during the night while they're pumping just to check up. If that would make you feel better, put the number in your speed dial so you don't have to search for it. I have three NICU numbers (for the three different levels of NICU at the hospital) in my phone. I also have the hospital shuttle service in my phone for those days that you just can't find a parking space close.
Comes in handy.
But what you are feeling is normal- or at least, I hope it's normal. Because I feel it too. It's like going through the grieving process. Denial, anger, bargaining, acceptance, blah blah blah. I have my angry days, and I have my depressed days. And then there are days when I go in and she's gained 2 ounces, had no bradycardia/de-sat, no apnia, no nasal canula.... etc....
Still doesn't make it the same as having her here at home, but my husband has a great way of looking at it: Deal with today. At most, deal with today and tomorrow. Take this all in little chunks because trying to look at the big picture is just more than your heart can handle. And it's true. I usually break down the most when I am looking past today/tomorrow.
Keep posting- I'll keep checking.
Best of luck. We can do this- and we dont' have to do it by ourselves.
Nice to meet you, even under sucky circumstances.
I took my older two a children's musem and the director asked how I was feeling, etc ... but when I explained she shared with me her son was a 32 weeker 30+ years ago.
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