or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Have you ever had a CPS visit?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Have you ever had a CPS visit? - Page 3

Poll Results: Have you ever had a CPS visit?

 
  • 11% (43)
    Yes
  • 85% (319)
    No
  • 3% (12)
    Other
374 Total Votes  
post #41 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daphneduck View Post
They are not currently visiting, but when they were visiting, it was because of the cocaine usage and all the other problems that created.
Was that before or after he got clean? I'm just wondering, because it sounded like it was after.
post #42 of 80
You're right, it was after he got clean. I agree with what you're saying, to a degree. I think that cases must be taken on an individual basis. If I didn't know the people involved, I would probably think that it was overkill on the part of CPS, but I know them (the father is in my immediate family) and I was glad that they were checked. For one thing, the mother involved stayed with the father, in the home with the kids, even though they had no food or electricity. Even today, she defends that decision. He is pretty domineering in that relationship and if it came down to it, she would probably stay again and try to pretend as if everything was normal. The father has had a drug problem for 20 years, with many episodes of cleaning up then using again, though child services had not been involved before. They also tend to keep to themselves and the situation had gotten pretty bad before anyone realized what was going on. Not that people didn't try to see what was going on, based on suspicious behavior, they just would not let anyone know, and instructed their children to lie about the situation at home.
Do you feel that everyone should be treated as if a problem never existed in the past? I can see the logic behind that, but I don't feel that it would have been the logical thing to do in this particular situation, given the history and dynamics of this particular family.
post #43 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daphneduck View Post
You're right, it was after he got clean. I agree with what you're saying, to a degree. I think that cases must be taken on an individual basis. If I didn't know the people involved, I would probably think that it was overkill on the part of CPS, but I know them (the father is in my immediate family) and I was glad that they were checked. For one thing, the mother involved stayed with the father, in the home with the kids, even though they had no food or electricity. Even today, she defends that decision. He is pretty domineering in that relationship and if it came down to it, she would probably stay again and try to pretend as if everything was normal. The father has had a drug problem for 20 years, with many episodes of cleaning up then using again, though child services had not been involved before. They also tend to keep to themselves and the situation had gotten pretty bad before anyone realized what was going on. Not that people didn't try to see what was going on, based on suspicious behavior, they just would not let anyone know, and instructed their children to lie about the situation at home.
Do you feel that everyone should be treated as if a problem never existed in the past? I can see the logic behind that, but I don't feel that it would have been the logical thing to do in this particular situation, given the history and dynamics of this particular family.
It sounds like it was the right thing to do this time around. I'm not sure exactly what the policy should be. I just find the "risk of future neglect/abuse" type of thinking really terrifying.



I don't pretend to have all the answers. I just don't see CPS as a benign organization, no matter how well-intentioned they are.
post #44 of 80
A notoriously unpleasant neighbor with a long history of calling authorities on everyone from other neighbors to the school bus driver was ticked with me because my dog got out. The next time my twin sons (then age 11) walked the dog, she made an "anonymous" report to CPS that they were being neglected because they're "autistic" and they were alone. (While they are on the Autism spectrum, they're on the "normal" end and just suffer from some mild learning/developmental delays and difficulty interpreting social cues. I.e., they seem a little clumsy and nerdy, but extra-sweet. They're in regular school and they're perfectly capable of walking the dog together down to our cul-de-sac, which I can see from my front door!)

A CPS lady came to the house unannounced, but only to meet me and the twins and see where they were walking the dog. She didn't ask to come inside. She agreed right away that the complaint was unreasonable. NEVERTHELESS, since a file had been opened, the only options for closing it were:
1- Take my kids to the CPS office and let them be interviewed and examined for abuse - without me or my attorney (my dad) present, or
2- Go through a court hearing on whether they should continue to live with me!!!!
WTF??? Over an anonymous call that even CPS agreed was inappropriate?

At my dad's urging, I took option #1 and everything went fine. But what if one of the kids happened to have had a bruise or cut that day, and the interviewer was some bleeding-heart type without kids of her own who didn't understand the realities that kids get cuts and bruises? Not to mention that the twins act super-goofy in unfamiliar situations and not everyone understands that aspect of the Autism spectrum. I was dependent on a complete stranger's reasonableness, to be allowed to take my children home with me from that meeting! All because some self-absorbed b*%$# decided calling CPS would be a good way to get back at me for my kids mistakenly leaving the door open and letting our dog out!

Government agencies should not lend themselves so easily to being tools of vengeful people. People over 18 should not be allowed to make anonymous complaints. If you're genuinely concerned for a child's welfare, you should be adult enough to face the parent you're accusing, just as an accuser must face the accused, in court. Moreover, if an (already overworked!) caseworker feels strongly that there's nothing to a complaint - after seeing the people with her own eyes - she should be allowed to close the case and that family should be under no further scrutiny and in no further jeopardy of separation.

One more thing: the requirement that a child be interviewed alone, by a stranger, necessarily implies a presumption that the child is safer with that stranger than with the parent - even before it's been proven the parent did anything wrong! The opposite should be assumed! Oh, this makes me furious.
post #45 of 80
Nope. CPS is not something that even enters my mind as a parent. I never even thought twice about it until I started visiting this site and saw how many posts there are about it.
post #46 of 80
I voted yes however it wasn't because of us. My 7 yr old, 10 months at the time, had been bitten several times on the face and ear by another child at his daycare. I took him to the er, police were called and cps was called in to investigate the daycare. They did a home visit with us, going to assume it was just policy. Maybe to make sure we didn't have any rabid biting babies at home that may have done it? Anyway, at the time we lived in a teeny tiny house, 2 bedroom with 3 kids that wasn't pristine and there wasn't the slightest issue. I however won't get into the entire melodrama of what happened w/the daycare
post #47 of 80
Yes, the CAS (Canada's version of CPS) came to visit us once when ds was discharged from the NICU. I know exactly who called - it was a neighbour of ours, a younger single guy who got in an argument with DH over us having an indoor/outdoor cat.
*Apparently, he was upset over the fact that we let our cat outside during the day (let him in at night) and we were 'neglectful' to our cat - therefore we were going to neglect our child

Anyhoo... the SW came, she was very very nice, saw that nothing was going on and apologized for having to come out. I never heard from them again, no case was ever opened.

I really don't understand some people!
post #48 of 80
No, thankfully.
post #49 of 80
Nope. My neighbors just call the Super on us.
post #50 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by freestylemama View Post
Agreed. I get that they make mistakes, but I really think they have better things to do than hound good parents who don't vaccinate or home school. I've known some of some horrific cases of children being abused or neglected and not being removed from homes, so I have a tough time wrapping my head around all of the CPS fear. I get that they make mistakes, but I think that in a lot of cases they could do more than they do, if that makes sense.

We're very open with our doctors (as well as those at the ER) about not vaccinating and I've never been scared that CPS was going to come after us. That said, we're well educated, white, well employed and older, so we're probably not stereotyped the way other parents might be.
In our situation, the original, "allegation" was that our daughters had FTT due to me not giving them formula. That was why they came. Not the vaccinating and homeschooling alone. I figure that their thinking was, "Well, since we are here, we might as give them a hard time about everything else, 'off'."

Whatever the case, it was completely mean, rude, dishonest and wrong.

Both my husband and I have never been married to anyone else, have been together for 13 years (all of our children are ours), we are white, both of us are college educated and we live in a great neighborhood.

Honestly though, I sure hope that they don't look at those things, anyways. As if CPS weren't a nightmare to begin with, discrimination based on familial status, race, class, etc..... would just be the icing on top. I really do not think that these things have anything to do with your ability to provide a loving and healthy environment for your children.

What happened to our family was an experience I would not wish on any family, not even my worse enemy. In the past, I have called CPS due to concerns over a neighbor and at one point I was a mandated reported and had to call CPS about some siblings. After the experience we had, I will NEVER call them. Instead, I will try to reach out to the family and parents if I feel like their children are at serious risk.

I don't trust CPS. They use very poor judgement.
post #51 of 80
No, and quite frankly, I know of many more cases where it took far, far too long to get CPS involved. There is so much gray in this area. I truly feel bad for parents that have had to deal with issues due to vengeful calls, however, I feel much worse for children who have been abused, neglected or even killed because nothing was done to help them!

The one person I know that had CPS called on them was leaving her children ages 4 and 7 alone at night while she went to work out. She turned on a movie, gave them the phone and locked the doors. She then LEFT for 1.5 or 2 hours to go to a workout class and maybe run an errand on the way home. She was totally baffled and felt that was perfectly safe, and no different then cleaning or doing something on a different level of the house (or outside). She also lived in a very unsafe neighborhood. Although neighborhood non-withstanding, I think it's a bad idea to leave your 4 and 7 year old alone for two hour periods, at least 3 days a week.
post #52 of 80
I've never been visited by CPS, but I did talk to them on the phone once. It was because of my parents, who wanted to get custody of my kids so they could brainwash and abuse them the same way they did me (well, the brainwashing part failed, but ykwim). I'm sure the allegations my parents made were horrific, but nothing ever came of it. I really can't explain the reasons why they never visited on a public forum. For better and for worse, being wealthy changes how everything works.
post #53 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jottum View Post
Honestly though, I sure hope that they don't look at those things, anyways. As if CPS weren't a nightmare to begin with, discrimination based on familial status, race, class, etc..... would just be the icing on top. I really do not think that these things have anything to do with your ability to provide a loving and healthy environment for your children.
Oh, class makes all the difference in the world. At least, here it does. I'm not saying it should, but . . . it does.
post #54 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post
Nope. CPS is not something that even enters my mind as a parent. I never even thought twice about it until I started visiting this site and saw how many posts there are about it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TwinsTwicePlusTwo View Post
For better and for worse, being wealthy changes how everything works.
I am definitely not wealthy at the moment, but I grew up in a wealthy area and currently live in a very wealthy area and I agree with both of the above! CPS just isn't even on the radar for me. Which is probably a good thing, as my house is a pit right now: dirty dishes galore since the dishwasher broke and we're too lazy to keep on top of it.

When I was growing up, the sad thing is that everyone knew who was being abused: which fathers beat their wives and kids, which mothers were always high on something. It was literally dinner party conversation: "too bad X gave his son that black eye, he's such a nice man really." I don't think it ever occurred to anyone to call CPS in any of these cases: it was seen as some sort of unfortunate personality quirk. Thankfully I don't know any of these stories now, but it worries me that when my kids are older they might and they will, like I did, think that it's perfectly acceptable behavior and that CPS is only for poor people.

I have a very deep regret that I didn't call CPS over a child that I nannied many years ago. I remain convinced that there was something funny going on with an uncle, and another girl who also sometimes babysat for the child (if that's any indication of how often the parents were around) came to the same conclusion too. I was young, I was scared of losing my job, I was worried about calling in a complaint which was either false and would then ruin lives, or which was true and would probably just be whitewashed for this wealthy and connected family. None of these were good reasons, and I still worry about that boy even though he is grown now and I'm sure hasn't thought twice about me in years.

/off to go do some of those dishes before CPS shows up on my door. That thread DOES have me kind of scared. No way would my house pass muster. Our dining room table is currently where all the clean laundry is piled, as I do laundry while the kids are napping and I never want to bring it upstairs past DDs room and wake her up! And the dishes. Have I mentioned the very bad state the dishes are in?
post #55 of 80
In the late 70's my parents were investigated. My brother had broken his arm falling off our swingset at home. He had a cast for 6 weeks and 4 days after getting the cast off, I accidentally made him fall off the monkey bars and he broke the same arm again. The ER called CPS/DCFS and they did a home visit. Nothing ever came of it, thank goodness.
post #56 of 80
yes a stupid neighbor called after my then 2 year old got "out" and ran to the end of our apartment complex in just some training pants that she'd wet. We were bringing in groceries and we'd accidently left the gate open... She never thought gee maybe I should help the child back home.. Nope she reported us as neglectful parents claimed she was allowed to play out in the street and always out unsupervised (totally a lie) and that she was special needs (how I figured out who called)..
When they came it was one lady she came I had no warning at all. She came in she didn't ask to see the hosue but the apartment was small enough she could see it all. At the time it was clean a few dishes out a few toys out ect nothing big. She discussed the incident asked to see DD who kept telling her mommy LOVE me and KEEPS me SAFE! (like I'd coached her ).. She left saying she felt the call was not warented but the casue would have to remain open for a while. 6 months latter we got our letter saying nothing was found case closed..

Deanna
post #57 of 80
ohh yea we did have one other encounter and this wasn't as nice.. DD started havign serious nursing issues when my period returned at 5 weeks despite round the clock nursing and co sleeping.. She began to sleep ALL the time one thing led to another and she was a FTT baby. CPS "talked" umm harrassed us after she was admited. We were told it was just to make sure we were okay and to see if they could help... It felt more like being asked why I was too stupid to help my child... Overall I've tried to frget that encounter..


Deanna
post #58 of 80
Yes. When ds1 was about 10 months old & I was desperate to get him to get some sleep during the day, I tried CIO. Friday I tried Ferber's method for 1 hour in the middle of the day. Saturday, I tried The Baby Whisperer's 'pickup, put down' for about 45 minutes. Neither worked & ds was so upset, I decided I was never doing that again, no matter how desperately he needed to sleep.

On Monday, there were 2 social workers at my door. They said they were there because someone said we weren't feeding ds, but I'm sure it was because of the CIO. I know it was my neighbours who called. They were really nice to us, gave us stuff, including an entire kids bedroom set, we talked to them quite often before this & they never talked to us again after. Anyway, the sw didn't seem impressed with our disaster area, but I said we were moving (we were trying to arrange something & had been doing some packing but really, I'm just messy). I let one of them hold ds for a couple minutes, they wished us luck with our move & that was the end of things.

Still scares me that someone might call again, especially with the way ds2 loves to scream, since we're in an apartment now (were in a townhouse at the time).
post #59 of 80
I voted "other" because I heard they had been called on us. One neighbour told another neighbour that a SW had been around asking questions about us. We had just pulled the kids out of school and quit all therapies for my eldest (ASD) ds. Plus, our former therapist had discussed our family at great length with her fiancee (who worked with a friend of mine) and he gossiped a great deal about our "community bed" (uh, that sounds a whole lot different than FAMILY bed), lack of furniture (we had just Freecycled most of our furniture to do some renos and were slow to replace it given how busy we were) as well as our unassisted birth. He and his coworkers apparently spent a great deal of time discussing us and what horrible parents we must be.

I was paranoid for months about when they would be by to visit us. We had a SW who visited us regularly because that is how funding for SN therapies is coordinated here and I knew how "has tantrums in overstimulating environments" frequently was written up as "extremely emotionally disturbed". I was very concerned at how an investigation would have played out. Even the most innocent things can sound neglectful or abusive if it is written up in the right way.

Anyway, turns out the family next to us seems to have been the ones investigated. The chatty neighbour ladies just didn't realize they ALSO had kids (because the kids aren't really allowed outside) so they just assumed it was us. I am guessing that if WE were the subject of the questions we would have heard from them eventually?

I do know of a couple of families who have had kids removed. In all cases it was warranted and the families eventually were reunited once the parents got their acts together. Drug use, suspected spousal abuse, and child abuse or neglect were involved in all cases.
post #60 of 80
I haven't had them called, but I've heard stories from others. Hopefully, it is not something we will ever have to deal with.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Have you ever had a CPS visit?