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Have you ever had a CPS visit? - Page 4

Poll Results: Have you ever had a CPS visit?

 
  • 11% (43)
    Yes
  • 85% (319)
    No
  • 3% (12)
    Other
374 Total Votes  
post #61 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post
Nope. CPS is not something that even enters my mind as a parent. I never even thought twice about it until I started visiting this site and saw how many posts there are about it.
Same here
post #62 of 80
No, but we live in Europe, so I don't think the situation is the same here WRT social services. But then again DD is still little, so maybe I have a lot to learn.
post #63 of 80
Yes,3 times.The first was because of my UC with ds.Long story,but he was taken for 2 weeks(kept in the hospital so I was able to see him 24/7),and by the time he was 5 months the case was closed.Right after that dd,3 at the time,fell in the tub and hit above her eye on the faucet.She ended up with a black eye,and since she was ok right after,we didn't take her to a dr,just called ours to let him know what happened.He recommended arnica cream and that was it.CPS came out,after dd's preschool called(they were very upset we didn't vax:,they wanted dd out of the school).The caseworker closed the case right away.

The 3rd time was recently.I've been having a very hard time mentally,nothing that would ever hurt my kids,and I ended up in the hospital for about a week.Right away my cousin called,as retaliation for the calls I made on her(crackhead,kids were filthy,house was filthy,she had her special needs 10 yo watching her 1 and 2 yos so she could get high or sleep).She said exh(who was taking care of the kids,along with my parents)wasn't taking care of the kids and was suicidal.The caseworker came out,my house is always messy,he said nothing about that,talked to the kids,talked to exh,visited me in the hospital,and closed the case.That did not help my mental health at that point,I coudn't stop crying for 2 days.I still want to scream when I think about it.

I hope I never see them again.It was one of the worst hells I've ever experienced(1st was ds's heart surgery,of course that was during the 1st CPS case).
post #64 of 80
No, never. And I don't know anyone IRL that has had CPS involved either. Every single story I've "heard" about CPS has been on MDC.

Maybe I'm naieve - but I don't worry about CPS at all. I feel we are good parents that provide a loving, stable home. It's clean, there is lots of healthy organic food & I just don't worry about CPS.
post #65 of 80
I had CPS called on me by a relative's therapist- this relative was basically venting because she didn't understand unschooling, and after a few months, the therapist called CPS.

So, the CPS worker showed up, I showed her the most recent paperwork from the school district (required paperwork for HSing in NYS) and she wasn't concerned at all. She did need to come back a second time to actually see all the children in the house (DD1 wasn't at home when the SW first showed up) but it was merely a formality. It took about 2 months for the file to be officially closed, but there was never any risk of further CPS involvement. Just those 2 visits, for a total of maybe 15 minutes combined.

I also had CPS watching me for about a year after I left my abusive ex- primarily to make sure he didn't show back up in our lives and hurt the kids. She came over once a month to chat with us for about half an hour, and IMO she kept our case open as long as she did because she welcomed the break from "real cases" in her schedule.

I watched a friend go through a CPS nightmare when her 2nd was an infant, and my girls were about 6mo and 2. The baby's doctor called them into CPS for neglect, claiming she was underfeeding the baby, while failing to diagnose a medical condition that caused the FTT. The baby was taken to foster care for a month, and she was forced to wean as a condition of getting him back. So he was on this hypo-allergenic formula that smelled like vomit, and he wasn't diagnosed properly until she got CPS permission to visit her parents in another state and took the baby to another doctor there (as all the local doctors got the CPS records and failed to actually examine the baby properly.)

He's OK now, but his esophogus was damaged by the delay in medical treatment, and he ended up with a feeding tube for several years.

So while all of my own personal experiences with CPS were relatively benign (and in the case of the domestic violence I see the involvement as being appropriate), thanks to my friend's experience, I'd never, ever, call CPS lightly. Unless I think the abuse and/or neglect is so severe that the child would do better in foster care (if CPS can't fix the problems any other way), I won't make the call. It hasn't happened yet.
post #66 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by mistymama View Post
No, never. And I don't know anyone IRL that has had CPS involved either. Every single story I've "heard" about CPS has been on MDC.
Ditto.
post #67 of 80
yes, but under special circumstances.

it was my ex trying to start trouble.

so since he complained about me he had to be investigated too and then the case was closed immediately. i got a really, really nice worker and in a sense she and i became friends.

so even though i said yes, i really dont feel it was a legitimate CPS case.

at 3 we were still cosleeping, bfeeding and i never was questioned on that. they did a home review and were concerned with discipline and how the child looked in the home environment. the worker did speak to my dd alone without me there. i was ok with that . she was impressed with what she said. and she also said i was doing an awesome job which she was going to put in the report

however i did have a mainstream friend go thru a nightmare CPS experience with everything bad happening. after much court cases and a year or so she finally got her kids back. cps decided to go with her mothers side (friend was young with rambunctious boys and children from different fathers). however though my friend found nightmare CPS workers she also found some kind ones who supporter her and showed her the way to work the system. today she has healed her relationship with her mom too. and CPS is off her back. they tried imposing many, many things on her which she refused. one of the strongest was insisting she must have some mental illness becasue how can a single mother manage with 3 energetic rambunctious boys and a special needs tube fed dd. because the foster mom was getting oodles of cash for keeping her dd she tried telling lies and trying to keep the dd. fortunately one of the CPS workers who was an advocate for my friend stepped in and helped her.

so in a way the very system that took the children away was the same one who returned the children to her. in fact they even noted how friend's dd went thru radical improvement after she got home, willing to eat some food so partially getting off the tube AND completely getting off the oxygen.

my friends story is full of interesting pieces that would make a bestseller book and a good oprah show too.
post #68 of 80
I voted "other" because CPS was in my house last winter, but not for me. They brought DH's sister and her two children here, 22 months and NB, after she and her NB tested positive for methamphetamine and other drugs. The SW were really nice and stayed in the living room. They didn't even check to see where SIL and her children would be sleeping. They didn't check for baby proofing at all, DD was 11 months at the time. TBH I was kind of in shock about how nice they were to SIL. They just kept asking her if she needed anything and what else they could do to help. This is someone who had had many previous reports made on her to CPS, for doing drugs while pregnant and neglect of her 22 month old. One thing I learned from the experience, is that around here it is pretty hard to lose a child to CPS.
post #69 of 80
Yep. 2 times, short visits, lots of appologies, but I am still mad about it. I just cant help it. I was called on TWICE for the SAME thing. Not vaccinating, medical neglect to doctors. I think there is something wrong with the system when they HAVE to check and see how much food I have and where my kids sleep because I dont vaccinate. The two have nothing to do with each other. It was the scariest thing thinking of losing my kids. I felt sick and couldnt eat for days.
post #70 of 80
I voted other as my dh works at the Children's Aid Society (Canadian CPS), so we have had friends and acquaintances call him for advice when they have been reported.

He tells them the same thing always co-operate with the Social Worker, be respectful, as they are just doing their job. It is awful to have someone question their parenting, but it is a necessary hoop to jump through if we are going to live in a society that has to look out for abused children.
99% of the cases of these calls resulted in an immediate case closed.

Our neighbors called the police on us and I had to explain to the officer that I am watching my toddler when she is outside and that the neighbor had a grudge against me and the issue went no further. But because dh works where he works, he had to talk with his supervisor about the incident (effectively reported himself) because we were worried about what these neighbors would do/say next.

To me, the real issue is in how we relate to the people around us, family, neighbors...the use of the CPS and police is used like a weapon for many people instead of the social service it is supposed to provide.

Just for the record we don't vaccinate, co-sleep, delayed schooling (started to homeschool..) and I am still breastfeeding my 4 year old. Oh and our house is not stellar and we have a dog. And he has been upfront with his supervisors and there has never been an issue.
post #71 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by sebandg'smama View Post
He tells them the same thing always co-operate with the Social Worker, be respectful, as they are just doing their job.
Yeah - right. Of course, the person the SW is visiting has to swallow whatever disrespectful crap they dish out, but god forbid it go the other way.

No offense intended, but I highly doubt you'd receive the same kind of treatment someone who wasn't married to a CAS worker receives. Sure - your dh had to talk to his supervisor, but the fact that he works where he works is also a huge positive for you guys...just like it was for us. As soon as the intake worker who came here changed her mental pigeonhole from "living in a low-rent neighbourhood" (low-rent for the municipality - it's not low rent at all) to "professional father who works in my building", her entire demeanour changed. It was sick.
post #72 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
Yeah - right. Of course, the person the SW is visiting has to swallow whatever disrespectful crap they dish out, but god forbid it go the other way.

No offense intended, but I highly doubt you'd receive the same kind of treatment someone who wasn't married to a CAS worker receives. Sure - your dh had to talk to his supervisor, but the fact that he works where he works is also a huge positive for you guys...just like it was for us. As soon as the intake worker who came here changed her mental pigeonhole from "living in a low-rent neighbourhood" (low-rent for the municipality - it's not low rent at all) to "professional father who works in my building", her entire demeanour changed. It was sick.
Well, the point of my post was that if in fact we are living in a society where family and neighbours and church/mosque/temple goers are not going to help abused children then we have to have a government organization to step in.
If the Social Work is disrespectful then there is their supervisor/director to complain to. If that fails there are other ways to complain, your MPP, MP, the media...

My dh has a few cases right now that are so clearly "damned if you do damned if you don't".

And where I live the agency is working hard to change the way they service families so as to not discriminate, to come alongside and help instead of telling families what they need to do. That change is political, and we on mothering.com know that we need to stand up and demand change.
post #73 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by mistymama View Post
No, never. And I don't know anyone IRL that has had CPS involved either. Every single story I've "heard" about CPS has been on MDC.

Maybe I'm naieve - but I don't worry about CPS at all. I feel we are good parents that provide a loving, stable home. It's clean, there is lots of healthy organic food & I just don't worry about CPS.
That. Although I did worry one time. My 2.5 year old fell in the tub and split his head open. I was actually kind of surprised no one even questioned us about it.
post #74 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by sebandg'smama View Post
If the Social Work is disrespectful then there is their supervisor/director to complain to. If that fails there are other ways to complain, your MPP, MP, the media...
People with tattoos (okay - that was before they went mainstream), or "bad" taste in music, or poverty-level living conditions, or any of a number of other "disreputable" traits, are unlikely to complain, because experience has clearly taught them that they won't be taken seriously. Besides, when you know full well that a representative of an organization has consistently treated you like crap because of your income level, lifestyle, or whatever, why would you expect their supervisor to give a crap? These people are terrified of bringing more attention on their families, because they've learned the hard way that it's a really, really bad idea.

I also disagree that that change is political. All the political, organizational change in the world isn't going to change the attitude of workers who walk in knowing they're better than the parents and families they "serve". (And, yes - I have seen this same patronizing, disrespectful, negative attitude directed at the children who are supposed to be receiving help.)
post #75 of 80
I voted "other" because we licensed to be foster and adoptive parents and it's really scary to open your house up to be scrutinized by CPS! We passed with flying colors but I sure had some nightmares during the process wondering if there was something I missed or did not realize.

Having worked with CPS and taken their trainings and such I feel a lot more informed and comfortable with them. They really are NOT the evil "child snatchers" that I had been led to believe by my dad. Even some of our more alternative parenting practices they did not bat an eyelash about. They would really prefer never to have to take a child out of a home but some homes are actually really unsafe so they have to do it. They have a horribly hard job and I don't think I could ever do it, but they do because almost all of them care about kiddos and making a difference. It doesn't pay enough and isn't easy enough to do it for any other reason, from what I have seen.
post #76 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
People with tattoos (okay - that was before they went mainstream), or "bad" taste in music, or poverty-level living conditions, or any of a number of other "disreputable" traits, are unlikely to complain, because experience has clearly taught them that they won't be taken seriously. Besides, when you know full well that a representative of an organization has consistently treated you like crap because of your income level, lifestyle, or whatever, why would you expect their supervisor to give a crap? These people are terrified of bringing more attention on their families, because they've learned the hard way that it's a really, really bad idea.

I also disagree that that change is political. All the political, organizational change in the world isn't going to change the attitude of workers who walk in knowing they're better than the parents and families they "serve". (And, yes - I have seen this same patronizing, disrespectful, negative attitude directed at the children who are supposed to be receiving help.)

AMEN


The last thing you want to do is complain if you are in the middle of a DCF investigation!! Suck it up.... and jump through as many hoops as they make you wether or not they make any sense what so ever!

For all of you that have never had a call made--consider yourselves lucky. You porbably haven't run into the DR, caregiver, therapist, "friend" or whoever that decides they don't like how you are doing things. And everything you do WILL come under scrutiny. If you aren't mainstream you are screwed IME. Here it is steal your kids ask questions later.
post #77 of 80
Those of you that see no good in CPS, do you have any ideas for an alternative?
post #78 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daphneduck View Post
Those of you that see no good in CPS, do you have any ideas for an alternative?
No, I don't. IME, the families they screw up roughly balance out the ones where they make a positive difference. It's hard to say if they actually accomplish anything, overall. In principle, I think they're necessary...but I've seen things play out too badly too many times to be sure they are in the real world.
post #79 of 80
Perhaps then it should be like any other political movement of change. When we see others who do not have a voice, then we step up and be an agent of change.
post #80 of 80
I tend to be leery, in general, of speaking for those with no voice. I don't necessarily know what they want to say, yk? Some things are obvious, but some...not so much.

I have to wonder when kids are taken, based on one complaint about something that was alleged to have happened over a decade earlier...but when a friend went for custody after realizing his kids had been badly neglected and physically abused (the mom had showed up with both kids one day, and told him she was going into detox...he'd been helping out with groceries and stuff, but didn't realize how bad it was at first), he was told "oh, we're glad you want them - we were planning to apprehend them, if things didn't improve". WTF? These kids were almost starving, getting no intellectual stimulation at all - the daughter would curl up in a fetal position if someone raised their voice, and the dad was told that they were being left alone for hours at a time while she went out to score (they were almost 2 and almost 3). They should have been taken much sooner...and the other kids shouldn't have been taken at all. The people who were trying to "speak for them" had no idea what was in their best interests and were far more interested in judging the parents for their odd lifestyle than in ascertaining what worked for the kids.

I think change is in order...but I'm not sure which direction it should go.
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