The "I don't have the patience to homeschool" argument - Page 8

[runes]

Originally Posted by AndrewsMother

I have not read many of the posts, but I know for a fact that I don't have the patience to homeschool, teach in a public school, or any other learning environment. Some people are excellent at taking the time to explain concepts and introduce new materials and ideas. I am not one of those. I spent some time as a corporate trainer and I had to constantly keep from telling people to figure it out for themselves.

Even when DS asks me something that phrase comes to the front of my mind. I don't ask people for help when I need it, because I am better at teaching myself. In fact when I explain things to others I often end up confused and frustrated.


All of my friends who want to homeschool and are making plans to do so in the next two to three years have either taught or are in school for teacher education. They know that "I could never do that", because I say it, but they also know that I support them 100% in their decisions. If I did not want foreign language immersion for my son, I would truly find a way to contirubute to their co-op so that they could teach DS.

Having such self awareness is an admirable quality, and it sounds like you've weighed all of your options. Thus, you are very very different from those who make flippant comments while knowing nothing or next to nothing about homeschooling, have never met homeschooled children before, and have never even considered homeschooling as an option. It is bizarre to me that there are people who make comments like "I don't have the patience to homeschool", when they don't even know what it means. THAT is the frustration that many of us are venting about.

The best comment that I've gotten to date is "Oh, I could never homeschool. My husband thinks homeschooled kids are weird" , and a close runner up goes to "I wouldn't want to homeschool because I want my children to learn that they can make it in this world without me." What would one say to those kinds of remarks?

[AndrewsMother]

Originally Posted by runes

"I wouldn't want to homeschool because I want my children to learn that they can make it in this world without me." What would one say to those kinds of remarks?

.....Boarding school is not an option for our family.

[momo7]

I always find this argument interesting, just because before my HS'ing days I was the one who probably shouted it the loudest. Then I learned something: You will be surprised what you learn to have patience for, especially when it has anything to do involving your child's (ren's) future.

"You think you don't have the patience and you really truly believe you don't but you in fact, it is there. It has always been there, you just never had to pull it out, practice with it, exercise is or put it to use. There ARE ALWAYS days that I still believe it..."

This is the thing that I tell people when they tell me: "I could never have the patience to HS my own children......blah blah blah...."

I want to say to them: "If you don't want to HS your children then don't...but don't blame it on a lack of patience....you never know what you can/will do until there comes a time your children are depending on you to make this decision."

I try and say this as gently as I can because like I said, HS'ing was something I never, EVER thought I would or could do. It grows on you and eventually you learn it...it definitely comes with practice. It is not something you either have or don't.

Now what I don't have patience for is organized schooling with its cookie cutter curriculum, inflexible ideals, the rigidity of stupid rules, and it determination to over-rule parental authority. Trust me when I tell you that I am more able to deal with children's quirkiness or idosyncrencies, they are children after all and do have an excuse. Adults never do. The only thing can offer me is that they are the boss and get to make the rules and children must fall in line behind them or risk the penalties.

[ohiomommy1122]

I totally think that is a cop out excuse! Everyone has an excuse to justify why they don't do something thats just how lif is it its makes people feel better about the choices the DO make in life.

I have very little patience but my children are important enought to me to learn to work through MY issues to provide them the best education I feel is possible. And I feel Homeschooling is the BESt education possible for us.

[bigeyes]

Originally Posted by ohiomommy1122

I totally think that is a cop out excuse! Everyone has an excuse to justify why they don't do something thats just how lif is it its makes people feel better about the choices the DO make in life.

I have very little patience but my children are important enought to me to learn to work through MY issues to provide them the best education I feel is possible. And I feel Homeschooling is the BESt education possible for us.

Thanks. Come live my life for a day sometime. :

[holyhelianthus]

Originally Posted by ohiomommy1122

I totally think that is a cop out excuse! Everyone has an excuse to justify why they don't do something thats just how lif is it its makes people feel better about the choices the DO make in life.

I have very little patience but my children are important enought to me to learn to work through MY issues to provide them the best education I feel is possible. And I feel Homeschooling is the BESt education possible for us.

Though this is true for a lot of people- some I know personally- it's just not true for all. But I do agree with your last bit. Like I said in a PP I'm not even patient enough to have kids and yet here I find myself. I want what's best for them and I am willing to sacrifice for that. However not everyone views homeschooling as best- that's a thread within itself.

[bigeyes]

Originally Posted by magstphil

Though this is true for a lot of people- some I know personally- it's just not true for all. But I do agree with your last bit. Like I said in a PP I'm not even patient enough to have kids and yet here I find myself. I want what's best for them and I am willing to sacrifice for that. However not everyone views homeschooling as best- that's a thread within itself.

And others make other sacrifices. I think this is just another version of the mommy wars.

I completely admire homeschoolers, but I think it sucks that some of them look down on me because I choose not to homeschool.

I have my reasons, and I know my limitations. Calling it a copout is childish and insulting. You don't live my life.

I'm dealing with a psychological disorder in one child that actually makes her more likely to try to do well for a teacher than she would for me, so it doesn't make any sense for me to try to homeschool her. Why on earth would I set her up for failure every day by keeping her home? That would be idiotic on my part. But thanks for judging me based on your own prejudices.

[holyhelianthus]

You mistook my post. If homeschooling isn't a priority then what I said just doesn't apply to you. However it is a priority to me and mine. That's all I was saying. I don't know you, I don't know your situation so I am inclined to leave it to you

I think your posts are coming from a place of hurt for whatever reason but note I didn't call it a cop out. All I was saying was for some people homeschooling is a MUST so we make do. For others it's not so the argument just isn't there.

[phathui5]

I'm dealing with a psychological disorder in one child that actually makes her more likely to try to do well for a teacher than she would for me, so it doesn't make any sense for me to try to homeschool her. Why on earth would I set her up for failure every day by keeping her home?

But that doesn't mean that you don't have the patience to homeschool. That means that you're "dealing with a psychological disorder in one child that actually makes her more likely to try to do well for a teacher than she would for me." So instead of saying you don't have the patience, why not just come out and say that? Or that school is what works best for your family?

[bigeyes]

Originally Posted by phathui5

But that doesn't mean that you don't have the patience to homeschool. That means that you're "dealing with a psychological disorder in one child that actually makes her more likely to try to do well for a teacher than she would for me." So instead of saying you don't have the patience, why not just come out and say that? Or that school is what works best for your family?

That's true. But I truly don't have the patience either. I'm so drained I believe even attempting would send me right over the edge. And I believe there are people here who do homeschool with various issues, and do it successfully, so some people apparently are able to deal with some things better than others, yk?

I believe if I were more patient, it would still be something I could do. There seem to be a lot of moms here who do a lot of things in the face of obstacles.

What I'm saying is, I accept my particular limitations when it comes this, and I'm kind of envious of the women who can manage to do it all.

[LauraN]

Originally Posted by runes

Having such self awareness is an admirable quality, and it sounds like you've weighed all of your options. Thus, you are very very different from those who make flippant comments while knowing nothing or next to nothing about homeschooling, have never met homeschooled children before, and have never even considered homeschooling as an option. It is bizarre to me that there are people who make comments like "I don't have the patience to homeschool", when they don't even know what it means. THAT is the frustration that many of us are venting about.

The best comment that I've gotten to date is "Oh, I could never homeschool. My husband thinks homeschooled kids are weird" , and a close runner up goes to "I wouldn't want to homeschool because I want my children to learn that they can make it in this world without me." What would one say to those kinds of remarks?

To all rude questions, I try to just say, "hmm" or "really?" and then let the speaker feel uncomfortable inky complete lack of defensiveness.

The person who most often said she wouldn't have the patience for homeschooling also once told a mutual friend that she felt like a bad mom in my presence because she doesn't like being with her kids as much as I like being with mine. We were great friends before our schooling paths split. Funny enough my response to her was always self-deprecating. Mostly I told her I was way too shy to fight the schools for my kids' benefit the way she did. She really knew how to get the school to respond to her kids' needs.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by AndrewsMother

I spent some time as a corporate trainer and I had to constantly keep from telling people to figure it out for themselves.

Ah... so you're meant to be an unschooler. :

[runes]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

Ah... so you're meant to be an unschooler. :

That's hilarious!!

[Callimom]

Social experiment:

Today on another board I particpate on, I replied to a question about whether we homeschool or use a bricks and morter school with the line that I homeschool because I don't have the patience to send my kids to public school.
Three people before me answered that they send their kids to public school because they don't have the patience to homeschool. The psers outweigh hsers by about a 5:1 ratio on this board.
Someone now has their panties in a wad that what I said about not having the patience for public school is denegrating to those who put their kids in school.
Not a word was said about the fact that 3 other people used the same line referring to homeschooling.

Interesting eh?

[runes]

Originally Posted by Karenwith4

Social experiment:

Today on another board I particpate on, I replied to a question about whether we homeschool or use a bricks and morter school with the line that I homeschool because I don't have the patience to send my kids to public school.
Three people before me answered that they send their kids to public school because they don't have the patience to homeschool. The psers outweigh hsers by about a 5:1 ratio on this board.
Someone now has their panties in a wad that what I said about not having the patience for public school is denegrating to those who put their kids in school.
Not a word was said about the fact that 3 other people used the same line referring to homeschooling.

Interesting eh?

Wow!

See? There you go. Nice double standard, huh?

Thanks for engaging in that very interesting and enlightening social experiment!

[greenthumb3]

Originally Posted by Karenwith4

Social experiment:

Interesting eh?

Heck, yeah, that's interesting! I guess it's partly b/c homeschooling isn't seen as the default as much as public schooling is. If you homeschool your kids, you're doing "extra" and shouldn't "brag" about it b/c others would feel bad. : Totally reminds me of the breast vs. bottle thang.

[holyhelianthus]

Originally Posted by Karenwith4

Social experiment:

Today on another board I particpate on, I replied to a question about whether we homeschool or use a bricks and morter school with the line that I homeschool because I don't have the patience to send my kids to public school.
Three people before me answered that they send their kids to public school because they don't have the patience to homeschool. The psers outweigh hsers by about a 5:1 ratio on this board.
Someone now has their panties in a wad that what I said about not having the patience for public school is denegrating to those who put their kids in school.
Not a word was said about the fact that 3 other people used the same line referring to homeschooling.

Interesting eh?

Yup! That was exactly my point with my PP.

[sha_lyn]

Originally Posted by greenthumb3

Heck, yeah, that's interesting! I guess it's partly b/c homeschooling isn't seen as the default as much as public schooling is. If you homeschool your kids, you're doing "extra" and shouldn't "brag" about it b/c others would feel bad. : Totally reminds me of the breast vs. bottle thang.