The "I don't have the patience to homeschool" argument - Page 2

[PatchyMama]

I used to say this all the time before we planned to homeschool and still say it now that we are.

It has nothing to do with wanting to put my kids in daycare or their behavior, I have been a SAHM and a WAHM for almost years.... but that is vastly different from being solely responsible for educating a child. Especially when you and said child don't have the perfect relationship, no matter how attached the child was as a baby and infant. Especially if you and the child don't have the same learning/teaching styles. Especially when you have spirited kids and siblings

We have only been doing it for 5 months or so and I will be the first to say I still don't like homeschooling... its frustrating and stressful and most days I don't look forward to it and the fight it always brings. A curriculum has helped, but if I had a decent school for her to go to she would be there. I hope that changes, but I know it may not and I accept that.

[Talula Fairie]

Originally Posted by Cassiopeia

I think people who say this kind of thing don't want to homeschool. Which is 100% fine. You, however, want to homeschool, so if patience is an issue, you'll deal with it (and whatever else comes up).

That's a great point. If I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to homeschool, I'd find a way to make it happen. I think for me though, I suspect I'd be unhappy homeschooling, which would effect my patience and tolerence level.

[Talula Fairie]

I don't agree that you are still 100% responsible for your child's schooling if they are going to school. yes of course all parents need some level of patience, but there's a difference between having them 24 hours a day and having them at school for 6 hours a day 5 days a week and just helping them with their homework or whatever issues they have or whatnot. Going to school may be a tall order, but imo, homeschool is an even taller one.

Also, some parents choose to get tutors for their kids when they have an academic problem....lots of parents take zero interest in actually teaching their kids anything. My mother never helped me academically, I just HAPPENED to be smart.

[zinemama]

Couldn't you entertain the possibility that these people are telling the truth about themselves?

I say this as someone who...drumroll please...doesn't have the patience to homeschool.

Being a sahm with under-school aged kids was difficult for me. I needed a break from them and I wasn't a good parent when I didn't get it. I'm so much calmer and happier now that they are in school!

Now, if our local school was horrible of course I would woman up and homeschool my kids. Not a doubt in my mind. But I know myself well enough to admit that I wouldn't be very good at it and that being responsible for their academic education as well as their well-being all day every day would would make me one impatient mama. I am under no illusions that my children would magically begin to behave for me in the angelic fashion their teachers regularly report.

My hat is off to every one of you homeschooling mothers. I admire you (and the hs'ers I know irl) tremendously. But there's no need to over-analyze when someone says she wouldn't have the patience for it. She's probably just stating a fact.

[Talula Fairie]

Originally Posted by zinemama

Couldn't you entertain the possibility that these people are telling the truth about themselves?

I say this as someone who...drumroll please...doesn't have the patience to homeschool.

Being a sahm with under-school aged kids was difficult for me. I needed a break from them and I wasn't a good parent when I didn't get it. I'm so much calmer and happier now that they are in school!

Now, if our local school was horrible of course I would woman up and homeschool my kids. Not a doubt in my mind. But I know myself well enough to admit that I wouldn't be very good at it and that being responsible for their academic education as well as their well-being all day every day would would make me one impatient mama. I am under no illusions that my children would magically begin to behave for me in the angelic fashion their teachers regularly report.

My hat is off to every one of you homeschooling mothers. I admire you (and the hs'ers I know irl) tremendously. But there's no need to over-analyze when someone says she wouldn't have the patience for it. She's probably just stating a fact.

:

[RoseRedHoofbeats]

I think it is a very individual thing. I think being taught at home by a frazzled, stressed out mother who isn't really committed to homeschooling isn't any better than public school, and is possibly worse if it's affecting the family harmony, so to speak.

I know that for my stepkids, it was a ton of freaking work to do public school. I didn't have the choice of homeschooling them myself, because as the non-custodial parent, we didn't have any say in the matter. My husband worked 60 hour weeks, so I did most of the work. DRAGGING THEM into school every morning, dealing with the tantrums about staying, dealing with the calls home where they would feel sick and then magically feel better as soon as they got home, having to deal with the idiotic teachers who gave them homework EVERY NIGHT (at six and eight years old!!)... homework that even *I* couldn't figure out sometimes because it was such pointless busywork. Fighting over their 15 minutes of reading. Fighting over getting their backpacks ready. Fighting over EVERYTHING. Dealing with kids calling my stepdaughter fat and the other boys teasing my stepson for not wanting to play soccer. Dealing with the teachers who didn't think I should be having such an active role because I was their stepmom. Dealing with the stupid policies like getting kids in trouble for playing in the snow on the playground!!

It would have been a thousand times less frustrating to homeschool. When they moved full-time with their mother, I have to say, that is one part I definitely DO NOT MISS!!

~Rose

ETA: I will say it REALLY annoys me when people say this to me, because it's a sort of left-handed way of saying, "I think you've lost your damn fool mind, just wait until you see what it's like having a four/five/six year old at home all day every day, you'll change your tune!"

[purslaine]

Originally Posted by zinemama

Couldn't you entertain the possibility that these people are telling the truth about themselves?

I say this as someone who...drumroll please...doesn't have the patience to homeschool.

Being a sahm with under-school aged kids was difficult for me. I needed a break from them and I wasn't a good parent when I didn't get it. I'm so much calmer and happier now that they are in school!

Now, if our local school was horrible of course I would woman up and homeschool my kids. Not a doubt in my mind. But I know myself well enough to admit that I wouldn't be very good at it and that being responsible for their academic education as well as their well-being all day every day would would make me one impatient mama. I am under no illusions that my children would magically begin to behave for me in the angelic fashion their teachers regularly report.

My hat is off to every one of you homeschooling mothers. I admire you (and the hs'ers I know irl) tremendously. But there's no need to over-analyze when someone says she wouldn't have the patience for it. She's probably just stating a fact.

I think you don't want to HS. That is fine.

I personally think that when most people say they do not have the patience to HS that it is simply an excuse. I wonder why they bother - there is no need to make excuses for where you send (or don't) your kids to school. I also think they have mistaken ideas about what HSing looks like - for many families it does not involve sitting around a table all day (which would be a practice in patience for my family, lol).

I personally tend to think it is a weak excuse - honestly as someone who has both HSed and had kids at school - I do not think there are any rules as to which requires more patience.

I don't think you need to take your hat off to Hsers. It promotes a certian saint status (and I know you did not say this) to HSing parents that I do not think is required. I have been on MDC quite some time and every few months someone will ask if they find HS or PS easier - and HSing often leads in the "easier" replies. No "wow, I could never do that!" or saint status required.

[Talula Fairie]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle

I think you don't want to HS. That is fine.

I personally think that when most people say they do not have the patience to HS that it is simply an excuse. I wonder why they bother - there is no need to make excuses for where you send (or don't) your kids to school. I also think they have mistaken ideas about what HSing looks like - for many families it does not involve sitting around a table all day (which would be a practice in patience for my family, lol).

I personally tend to think it is a weak excuse - honestly as someone who has both HSed and had kids at school - I do not think there are any rules as to which requires more patience.

I don't think you need to take your hat off to Hsers. It promotes a certian saint status (and I know you did not say this) to HSing parents that I do not think is required. I have been on MDC quite some time and every few months someone will ask if they find HS or PS easier - and HSing often leads in the "easier" replies. No "wow, I could never do that!" or saint status required.

I think telling parents that they are making excuses is really uh....well I can't even think of a way to respond to it without sounding inflammatory, so that should tell you something.

[zinemama]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle

I think you don't want to HS. That is fine.

I personally think that when most people say they do not have the patience to HS that it is simply an excuse. I wonder why they bother - there is no need to make excuses for where you send (or don't) your kids to school. I also think they have mistaken ideas about what HSing looks like - for many families it does not involve sitting around a table all day (which would be a practice in patience for my family, lol).

I personally tend to think it is a weak excuse - honestly as someone who has both HSed and had kids at school - I do not think there are any rules as to which requires more patience.

I don't think you need to take your hat off to Hsers. It promotes a certian saint status (and I know you did not say this) to HSing parents that I do not think is required. I have been on MDC quite some time and every few months someone will ask if they find HS or PS easier - and HSing often leads in the "easier" replies. No "wow, I could never do that!" or saint status required.

You are correct that I don't want to HS. But I don't say that I wouldn't have the patience for it as an excuse. That implies that I know I really should be hsing but I don't want to come right out and say so. I find that implication insulting, to tell you the truth.

I'm not sure why there is this reluctance to take a statement at face value. I don't think I have the patience to homeschool.

And why not tip my hat to HS'ers? It's a natural instinct to admire people who do things we would consider challenging, ourselves. Doesn't mean I think they're saints, any more than I consider my friend who climbed Mt. Rainier a saint. Could I have done it? Sure, maybe. It would be absolutely no fun for me, so the fact that she did it and enjoyed it is something I admire. Whether she considered it easy is beside the point.

[Talula Fairie]

Originally Posted by zinemama

You are correct that I don't want to HS. But I don't say that I wouldn't have the patience for it as an excuse. That implies that I know I really should be hsing but I don't want to come right out and say so. I find that implication insulting, to tell you the truth.

I'm not sure why there is this reluctance to take a statement at face value. I don't think I have the patience to homeschool.

And why not tip my hat to HS'ers? It's a natural instinct to admire people who do things we would consider challenging, ourselves. Doesn't mean I think they're saints, any more than I consider my friend who climbed Mt. Rainier a saint. Could I have done it? Sure, maybe. It would be absolutely no fun for me, so the fact that she did it and enjoyed it is something I admire. Whether she considered it easy is beside the point.

:

[purslaine]

Originally Posted by zinemama

You are correct that I don't want to HS. But I don't say that I wouldn't have the patience for it as an excuse. That implies that I know I really should be hsing but I don't want to come right out and say so. I find that implication insulting, to tell you the truth.

.

But why say it at all? Perhaps IRL this isn't something you say, but I have met people who say to me : "I could never HS - I don't have the patience!" I do not say to parents of schooled children : "Wow! I could never put my kids in PS. I don't have the patience".

Upon reflection, I probably should not have made that comment about people saying it as an excuse. It was not a well mulled over thought.

I really think the comment often comes down to misconceptions - the misconception being that HS takes more patience that PS (which I do not think it does).

Peace,

Kathy

[Funny Face]

Originally Posted by greenthumb3

With homeschooling, impatience and a whole lot of other things that a parents can kind of "ignore" if their child is in school are brought out into full light and demand to be addressed. I think when people think school "helps" them out of having to be with their children, it's only that school life helps them to avoid dealing with it.

: I'm no saint and I'm working on patience, but you don't learn it without practicing it.

Also, people who say that usually haven't even tried it, so how would they know? It's like when people say "I could never have a natural child birth, I'm just not strong enough." So you're just not even going to try?

It's a bit of a cop out, IMHO.

[Talula Fairie]

For me, it's not about the schooling itself so much as I just need those kid free hours to myself. I don't like the implication that I have to "deal" with this. I have two toddlers 16 months apart, a mental illness, and various other factors working against me. I don't think wanting some time to yourself and looking forward to your kids being in school means you have deep seeded issues that need to be dealt with. And even if I did, I'm already doing everything I can to deal with them.

Natural birth is not the same thing as homeschooling, not even in the same stratosphere. You do not risk yourself having major surgery, fetal or maternal death, bonding problems, breastfeeding problems and other issues when you send your kids to school. Not a good analogy, there.

[Plummeting]

Originally Posted by Talula Fairie

Natural birth is not the same thing as homeschooling, not even in the same stratosphere. You do not risk yourself having major surgery, fetal or maternal death, bonding problems, breastfeeding problems and other issues when you send your kids to school. Not a good analogy, there.

I think people around here really do tend to overstate the risks of epidurals and this is sort of an example. I had an unmedicated birth and it's the only way I'd ever do it (if there was no problem requiring medication) but saying the above as though the risk of an epidural is soooo great is just hyperbole. The risks are minor. The reason we have so many c-sections in the U.S. isn't because of epidurals; it's because of stupid hospital rules and docs being scared of lawsuits. Epidurals play a minor part in the things you listed. It's about akin to saying, "Sending your kids to school is dangerous because you risk them being shot in a Columbine-type situation," (or being raped by a pedophile teacher or kidnapped at the bus stop or molested by another student in the bathroom). Sure it could happen, but it's not likely. So, yeah, it's a fine analogy if you're being realistic about the actual risks (vs. the far out possibilities in the "anything could happen" line of reasoning).

Obviously, unmedicated birth is a little safer, but really....not that much than just getting the epidural.

[purslaine]

Originally Posted by Talula Fairie

For me, it's not about the schooling itself so much as I just need those kid free hours to myself. I don't like the implication that I have to "deal" with this. I have two toddlers 16 months apart, a mental illness, and various other factors working against me. I don't think wanting some time to yourself and looking forward to your kids being in school means you have deep seeded issues that need to be dealt with. And even if I did, I'm already doing everything I can to deal with them.
.

I am not sure where this is coming from as I do not think anyone has said you have to HS.

Really, I just thought we were having a discussion about the concept of patience and HSing/PSing.

OT: Um.....you don't have to HS. You absolutely do not. Do not let anyone tell you that you have to, or try to guilt you into it. It is perfectly fine to look at the totality of your family situation and make a decision to send to PS or HS.

Kathy

[Talula Fairie]

Originally Posted by Plummeting

I think people around here really do tend to overstate the risks of epidurals and this is sort of an example. I had an unmedicated birth and it's the only way I'd ever do it (if there was no problem requiring medication) but saying the above as though the risk of an epidural is soooo great is just hyperbole. The risks are minor. The reason we have so many c-sections in the U.S. isn't because of epidurals; it's because of stupid hospital rules and docs being scared of lawsuits. Epidurals play a minor part in the things you listed. It's about akin to saying, "Sending your kids to school is dangerous because you risk them being shot in a Columbine-type situation," (or being raped by a pedophile teacher or kidnapped at the bus stop or molested by another student in the bathroom). Sure it could happen, but it's not likely. So, yeah, it's a fine analogy if you're being realistic about the actual risks (vs. the far out possibilities in the "anything could happen" line of reasoning).

Obviously, unmedicated birth is a little safer, but really....not that much than just getting the epidural.

There's just nothing I can say to this, other than to say you couldn't be farther from the mark. Epidurals increase your chance of c/s an insane amount, and those are the risks I was speaking of (moreso the risks of what happens once you get the c/s than just the epi itself). It's not a far out possibility like a pedophile or columbine. I could give you the specific stats on how many kids are molested by a teacher or how many kids are actually in a school shooting, but I think that would just be silly. They are not equal risks, not even close.

[Talula Fairie]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle

I am not sure where this is coming from as I do not think anyone has said you have to HS.

Really, I just thought we were having a discussion about the concept of patience and HSing/PSing.

OT: Um.....you don't have to HS. You absolutely do not. Do not let anyone tell you that you have to, or try to guilt you into it. It is perfectly fine to look at the totality of your family situation and make a decision to send to PS or HS.

Kathy

I was responding to the quote in the comment above, not your comments

[Funny Face]

Originally Posted by Talula Fairie

For me, it's not about the schooling itself so much as I just need those kid free hours to myself. I don't like the implication that I have to "deal" with this. I have two toddlers 16 months apart, a mental illness, and various other factors working against me. I don't think wanting some time to yourself and looking forward to your kids being in school means you have deep seeded issues that need to be dealt with. And even if I did, I'm already doing everything I can to deal with them.

Natural birth is not the same thing as homeschooling, not even in the same stratosphere. You do not risk yourself having major surgery, fetal or maternal death, bonding problems, breastfeeding problems and other issues when you send your kids to school. Not a good analogy, there.

Talula, I did not mean it that way and I'm sorry if I offended you. I was talking about parents who have no knowledge of homeschooling, then say they'd love to homeschool but don't have the patience. I think if it's something you actually want then it would be something worth trying. Or if you have other reasons then just state those, kwim?

As far as homebirth I meant it in the same vein. I'm talking about moms who find it easier to say they 'can't' then to simply say they aren't interested (which is totally fine). Just be honest about it.

[Talula Fairie]

Originally Posted by Funny Face

Talula, I did not mean it that way and I'm sorry if I offended you. I was talking about parents who have no knowledge of homeschooling, then say they'd love to homeschool but don't have the patience. I think if it's something you actually want then it would be something worth trying. Or if you have other reasons then just state those, kwim?

As far as homebirth I meant it in the same vein. I'm talking about moms who find it easier to say they 'can't' then to simply say they aren't interested (which is totally fine). Just be honest about it.

I am somewhat interested but I honestly do not think I can handle having my kids home all day all the time. I can barely handle it now! So I think I am being pretty honest in this case. It isn't a matter of not wanting to try.

Like I said before, if my kids have problems in school, I will absolutely woman-up and homeschool. I have a great appreciation for homeschooling.

But I don't want to. I agree with others that if I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to, I'd find a way to make it happen. What I'm saying is, sometimes someone doesn't want to because of their impatience. They're not mutually exclusive.

[zeldamomma]

Well, I find homeschooling my older kids (even with my little guy wandering around) much easier than being at home with them when they were not yet school-aged. I don't tend to hear the "patience" argument nearly as often as having people say they'd be afraid to take on the responsibility of homeschooling. I'm surprised that these intelligent, educated adults are so intimidated by early elementary education. I just don't get it.

I understand wanting time to one's self (and I'm certainly not judging anyone who chooses to send their kids to school.) But older kids don't need the kind of attention little kids need, so it really is easier to be home with them.

I despise the quasi-admiration of homeschoolers by non-homeschoolers. It always feels like they're saying "you're weird" in an awkward but socially acceptable way. And there's no good response, either I argue with her about it, or I agree with her that I'm a saint-- either one's uncomfortable.

ZM