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The "I don't have the patience to homeschool" argument - Page 3

post #41 of 158
Quote:
Originally Posted by Talula Fairie View Post
Epidurals increase your chance of c/s an insane amount...
Yeaaahhh...that's simply not true. The research doesn't even come close to supporting a statement like that. Medication-free birth is safer, but an epidural does not increase the chance of a c/s by an "insane" amount. Furthermore, the c/s does not automatically = any (other than major surgery) or all of the complications you listed, so even if one does wind up with a c/s because of an epidural, that doesn't mean they're going to have any of those other problems. Natural is safer, but getting an epidural is not a high risk procedure. The problems in the American system aren't about epidurals - they're about the doctor patient relationship, hospital policies, attitudes about labor and other things that are detrimental to childbirth. It's unfortunate, but women who choose epidurals are more likely to become victims of the system, because they more often don't know their rights and more frequently haven't bothered to educate themselves on how to have a successful birth.

As to the comparison being silly...you're saying that comparing an epidural to any danger that might be associated with schooling is silly because there are risks associated with c-sections, but you're completely missing that you can't equate c-section risks with epidural risks. They aren't the same thing AT ALL.

And to reclarify for everyone...I don't think sending kids to school is dangerous. lol I just think it's rather over the top to act like epidurals are this seriously high risk procedure.
post #42 of 158
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raene View Post
But can I do it? I don't want to make our relationship worse by being impatient with her. Should I just realize when things are making me crazy that she's not ready (like when I try and have her read BOB books...a learn-to-read series, and I'm the one who gets frustrated).

Do others of you realize impatience is one of your flaws, but you somehow overcome it in order to homeschool the way you want to?
You need to realize that your child at age 3 or 4 is not your child at age 7 or age 10 or age 14. You will have grown too by the time your dc is older.

My dd was a nightmare at age 3 & 4. I didn't think I'd get through all the tears and tantrums (on both sides). She's 9 now and things are not too difficult between us. It has just gotten easier as she has gotten older. I've learned how to deal with her and she has settled down quite a bit.
She entertains herself for hours. If I want time alone I tell her that she needs to go play for awhile and she can do that.

Patience is something that really can be developed. Most of us aren't born with gobs of patience. It's a challenge some days. If we are having a bad day we just take the day off.
I get people telling me they aren't patient enough to hs like me and I laugh inside because I wouldn't call myself super patient. I know I've grown enormously in that area though. I think most people can if they want to.

If your child is not ready to do something it isn't going to go very smoothly. I recommend backing off if that happens or making changes in your approach.

If you want to homeschool give it a try. If you want to send your child to school for awhile now and maybe hs later that works for some families. Some people hs for awhile and then send 1 or more of their kids to school. It just doesn't have to be a permanent decision either way. Take it year by year and find what works for your family.
post #43 of 158
Quote:
Originally Posted by Talula Fairie View Post
For me, it's not about the schooling itself so much as I just need those kid free hours to myself. I don't like the implication that I have to "deal" with this. I have two toddlers 16 months apart, a mental illness, and various other factors working against me. I don't think wanting some time to yourself and looking forward to your kids being in school means you have deep seeded issues that need to be dealt with. And even if I did, I'm already doing everything I can to deal with them.

Natural birth is not the same thing as homeschooling, not even in the same stratosphere. You do not risk yourself having major surgery, fetal or maternal death, bonding problems, breastfeeding problems and other issues when you send your kids to school. Not a good analogy, there.
First of all, , having 2 little ones that are so close in age is tough, regardless of your schooling choice.

Just a thought, though, that down the line, homeschooling 2 children that are pretty close in age could potentially be relatively easier than having a larger age gap, as they could very well be learning a similar level of work. It could, once they're older, actually be an advantage to have them closer in age for homeschooling issues down the line. Right now, you're in the thick of it with 2 toddlers, but as they get older, they will engage each other, keep each other busy, and learn together.

I also get uncomfortable around people who say stuff like not having the patience to homeschool, because I don't think that this is necessarily a prerequisite trait to homeschool. I mean, teachers aren't screened for patience when they're doing their training, I'm sure there are plenty of impatient schoolteachers out there. In fact, I know there are, having encountered several in my own schooling journey.
post #44 of 158
I don't think the OP was trying to overanalyze anyone's statements about patience, she was just worried that maybe you do need to be super patient to homeschool and all of us here are just that way by nature.

I responded that I can be impatient and quick to anger but I wanted to clarify that this really has nothing to do with homeschooling. My DS' mind is his own and I'm not going to be impatient with him that he's not getting something or not interested in learning something. I guess if you can't let go of that kind of impatience then eventually it might not be the best idea to homeschool, but I think a lot of homeschooling parents just adapt, like it seems the way the OP is.
You are thinking maybe you just need to accept she's not ready for (though I think not being interested in is just as valid) the Bob books and you are right. This is where you are adapting and this is a good thing and one that's not often possible in schools.

Even though I can be impatient I think most schools would be way more impatient with my DS. I just recently heard about a family friend's grandson who got in trouble at (all-day) preschool. He had raised his hand and asked to go to the bathroom and was granted permission. When he came back, his hair was all wet. It seems that for some reason he thought he needed to wash his hair in the bathroom sink. Obviously this made sense to him to do this but instead of trying to understand or explain to him why this wasn't a great thing to do at school his teacher punished him with a time-out. Now I might have felt some impatience if my DS at that age came out of the bathroom with dripping wet hair but I would have grabbed a towel, asked him what he was doing, and explained that next time he should ask me to bring him a towel so he didn't drip all over and that would be it.
post #45 of 158
Quote:
I really think the comment often comes down to misconceptions - the misconception being that HS takes more patience that PS (which I do not think it does).

Peace,

Kathy
I think it depends on the family.... as I stated in my previous post, homeschool has been far more trying on my patience than public school ever was. So for our family, it does take more patience. We do it because its best for her to have more time to herself than she was getting with public school and because the schools here are substandard.... it has not been easier tho.
post #46 of 158
Quote:
Originally Posted by Talula Fairie View Post
If I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to homeschool, I'd find a way to make it happen.
You could also REALLY REALLY want your kids homeschooled but know you wouldnt do that great of a job.
post #47 of 158
Quote:
Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
Couldn't you entertain the possibility that these people are telling the truth about themselves?

I say this as someone who...drumroll please...doesn't have the patience to homeschool.

Being a sahm with under-school aged kids was difficult for me. I needed a break from them and I wasn't a good parent when I didn't get it. I'm so much calmer and happier now that they are in school!

Now, if our local school was horrible of course I would woman up and homeschool my kids. Not a doubt in my mind. But I know myself well enough to admit that I wouldn't be very good at it and that being responsible for their academic education as well as their well-being all day every day would would make me one impatient mama. I am under no illusions that my children would magically begin to behave for me in the angelic fashion their teachers regularly report.

My hat is off to every one of you homeschooling mothers. I admire you (and the hs'ers I know irl) tremendously. But there's no need to over-analyze when someone says she wouldn't have the patience for it. She's probably just stating a fact.
Thank you for saying what I wanted to say.
post #48 of 158
Quote:
Originally Posted by kathymuggle View Post
But why say it at all? Perhaps IRL this isn't something you say, but I have met people who say to me : "I could never HS - I don't have the patience!" I do not say to parents of schooled children : "Wow! I could never put my kids in PS. I don't have the patience".
Its not the same thing. They are saying that out of respect and admiration for what you do. They are acknowledging that what you do is hard work. Instead of judging them, I would smile and accept it for what it is.

I am WELL aware of what homeschooling is and what the day to day events entail. But the fact is, I am not sure if I'm the best person to do it. I can't teach, esp math. It was my major and always came naturally to me, and I have a hard time breaking it up and understanding why its not natural to everyone.

Our nanny homeschools my kids in the afternoon. I watch her with the kids and she just has this knack.

I can try to mimic her knack but I can't be someone that I am not. You may argue with me, but I don't understand the point of arguing about something so personal that perhaps you just don't understand and prefer to waive as 'an excuse' - rather than giving other parents the benefit of the doubt and refrain from trying to label what they say. If someone says to me 'I would love to build a log house, but I just don't have the discipline', then I take it at face value and move along.
post #49 of 158
Thread Starter 
As I constantly find myself nagging my daughter "Hurry up, get dressed!" "Hurry up, brush your teeth!" all because we risk being late to her preschool, I just cannot wait to NOT be this snappy person in a hurry for...what? Does it really matter if we're a few minutes late? If I'm a few minutes late to work? It doesn't. This patience thing...it can really go both ways.

Being home and having a quiet non-rushed morning eating breakfast, homeschooling off and on throughout the day, etc, sounds SOOOO relaxing at this point. Cannot wait.
post #50 of 158
"But why say it at all? Perhaps IRL this isn't something you say, but I have met people who say to me : "I could never HS - I don't have the patience!" I do not say to parents of schooled children : "Wow! I could never put my kids in PS. I don't have the patience".

me

"Its not the same thing. They are saying that out of respect and admiration for what you do. They are acknowledging that what you do is hard work. Instead of judging them, I would smile and accept it for what it is."

Astrogirl.

________________________

IRL I smile and move on.

On discusion forums, I debate

with reference to the above quotes, I think they are almost exactly the same thing. They both are relating to schooling choices - how more similar can you get????

Several people who HS on this board have said being told "wow! I could never HS - I don't have the patience" is awkward and they do not like it. I think those who have chimed in have explained why it is awkward quite well.

kathy
post #51 of 158
Quote:
Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
Couldn't you entertain the possibility that these people are telling the truth about themselves?

I say this as someone who...drumroll please...doesn't have the patience to homeschool.

Being a sahm with under-school aged kids was difficult for me. I needed a break from them and I wasn't a good parent when I didn't get it. I'm so much calmer and happier now that they are in school!

Now, if our local school was horrible of course I would woman up and homeschool my kids. Not a doubt in my mind. But I know myself well enough to admit that I wouldn't be very good at it and that being responsible for their academic education as well as their well-being all day every day would would make me one impatient mama. I am under no illusions that my children would magically begin to behave for me in the angelic fashion their teachers regularly report.

My hat is off to every one of you homeschooling mothers. I admire you (and the hs'ers I know irl) tremendously. But there's no need to over-analyze when someone says she wouldn't have the patience for it. She's probably just stating a fact.
i was reading along with this thread trying to figure out if there was anything i could contribute (as someone who in her heart thought she was going to be a homeschooling mother of five and has recently made peace with being a part-time working mother of two who sends her kids to daycare by choice and will be sending them to school next year) and i just love what you have said here zine mama. i can relate on so many levels.

i actually recently posted a confession about realizing that i cannot homeschool on my blog. it was scary and vulnerable for me to put it out there but it has been so freeing to let go of this ideal that just wasn't working for me.

this is what i wrote a few weeks ago...

Quote:
For quite some time now, I have been thinking that I would homeschool our children. And I have been reading all kinds of cool books and blogs by unschooling and roadschooling families. And the freedom and the creativity that they describe so beautifully resonates so deeply in my heart.

I love watching my children learn. I love seeing that spark of interest in their eyes and helping them seek out the resources they need to learn more.

I love creating art with them and journaling with them and having our special little morning meetings where we share our intentions for the day.

I love the idea of taking the kids on a full-country book tour (someday, when I actually write my book ;-) and all the amazing hands-on learning that would happen along the way.

But slowly, often painfully, over the last five years, I have also come to realize that being with my children all day, every day is just not in the best interest of my mental health.

A while back I bumped into an old friend who has children a little older than mine. She mentioned an encounter with a homeschool group at the YMCA and noted that she doesn’t understand how or why anyone would choose to homeschool.

“Don’t get me wrong,” she added. “I love my children dearly. I just like them a whole lot more when they are with someone else six hours a day!”

I smiled and nodded politely, feeling a bit sad for her as she clearly did not understand what I did about how beautiful a fully integrated home-school life could be.

But the truth is, I now understand what she was saying. Since my children started daycare two days a week and I returned to work part-time this past fall, I enjoy and appreciate them so much more.

And they love school. Truly love it. And I love hearing the stories of all the fun things that they do. And knowing that any time I choose to, I could go to their school and help out in their classrooms.

But I don’t.

I savor my work days like most people savor weekends. And as I look ahead to a few years from now when they will both be in school full time, I now see the freedom and creativity I once saw in a homeschooling lifestyle — except now that freedom and creativity is all mine.

And I feel giddy just thinking about all the exciting possibilities.
i have seriously become such a better, more patient, more present mother since i surrendered to school (which now is playschool/daycare).

so yeah. i get the "i don't have the patience thing" even though a couple of years ago when i was sure i was going to homeschool and other people said that to me i totally didn't understand what they meant.
post #52 of 158
Quote:
Originally Posted by dharmama View Post
i was reading along with this thread trying to figure out if there was anything i could contribute (as someone who in her heart thought she was going to be a homeschooling mother of five and has recently made peace with being a part-time working mother of two who sends her kids to daycare by choice and will be sending them to school next year) and i just love what you have said here zine mama. i can relate on so many levels.

i actually recently posted a confession about realizing that i cannot homeschool on my blog. it was scary and vulnerable for me to put it out there but it has been so freeing to let go of this ideal that just wasn't working for me.

this is what i wrote a few weeks ago...



i have seriously become such a better, more patient, more present mother since i surrendered to school (which now is playschool/daycare).

so yeah. i get the "i don't have the patience thing" even though a couple of years ago when i was sure i was going to homeschool and other people said that to me i totally didn't understand what they meant.
I'm glad you found a solution that works for you, however, it seems like you are suggesting not that "homeschooling" was unhealthy for you, so much as that homeschooling is unhealthy, and I would like to respond to that. First of all, I would like to gently suggest that if your children are not school-aged, you weren't a homeschooler, so much as a SAHM. And second, homeschooling only defines where your kids are educated. Most of the homeschooling moms I know IRL work (and I can't think of any whose youngest is over the age of 9 who doesn't work). I think the flexibility of homeschooling can make it easier to balance work and home, once your kids are older.

Don't do anything you don't want to do, but please don't shake your head knowingly about how foolish we homeschoolers are based solely on your experience.

ZM
post #53 of 158
Quote:
Don't do anything you don't want to do, but please don't shake your head knowingly about how foolish we homeschoolers are based solely on your experience.
No head-shaking...really. Nor do I think homeschoolers are foolish at all.

The only reason I shared my experience is because I feel like I have been on both sides of this question. I have spent the last couple of years being part of homeschooling groups in my community, online, researching curriculums etc. I have really felt in my heart that homeschooling was to be the best option for our family.

And I couldn't understand my friends who made comments about not having the patience or just not being able to do it.

Until I came to a place where I realized that the path I was on was really not working for me and that schooling (which right now is preschool/daycare) was actually a much better option for us.

I have a number of very close friends who homeschool and I love and respect them very much. I just have come to accept that I don't want to do it.

I think if my life circumstances were different (if I had a partner who was enthusiastic about actively being part of homeschooling/unschooling, I had more community directly around us etc.) and there was a way that we could unschool in a way that allowed me significant chunks of time each day to pursue my writing/teaching, it would be a very lovely lifestyle choice for us.

Quote:
I'm glad you found a solution that works for you, however, it seems like you are suggesting not that "homeschooling" was unhealthy for you, so much as that homeschooling is unhealthy...
I'm really not. Sorry if it came across that way. I think the woman who I was speaking of in my piece did perhaps feel that but my agreement with her was just that being away from my kids for regular intervals of time has been a very positive improvement in our relationship.
post #54 of 158
I also want to add that having your kids in full-day public school is SO SO SO different than preschool a couple days a week. Whole new ball game. What feels so blissful now about the "break" from your children, would not feel so great if you found yourself worried about their well-being, their education, their health, or their safety.

I "get" what is being said about mental health. But there is another side to that. For me, it is not good for my mental health (or my son's) to have the rush, rush, rush and stress in the mornings. And the rush, rush, rush around in the afternoons/evenings, because we have to have a snack! we have to do homework! we have to eat supper! we have to get to bed! We have to do it all over again! And the homework struggles... with a child who has been doing work all. day. long. and just wants to come home and unwind and play, for crying out loud!
post #55 of 158
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenelle View Post
I also want to add that having your kids in full-day public school is SO SO SO different than preschool a couple days a week. Whole new ball game. What feels so blissful now about the "break" from your children, would not feel so great if you found yourself worried about their well-being, their education, their health, or their safety.
I think you are absolutely right about this. If I had that level of worry about my children in PS, I am sure I'd be homeschooling them. I don't think any parent should have to fear for their child in school (although unfortunately many do, and lots of them have neither the resources nor the time to HS). Fortunately for me, I'm not in that situation, and neither are any parents I know.
post #56 of 158
It's fascinating how this thread unfolded. I think that homeschool/schooling has become another front on the mommy war. Many moms feel defensive about what they are doing, which is why they sometimes feel attacked when people say anything. And many moms are doing what they think is best, and therefore have an air of judgement when they talk to moms who are doing something different.

It's odd to me how often the theme of "I really need a little time to myself" comes up on homeschooling forms, but and yet how judgmental homeschool moms can be when non-homeschooling moms say anything that might mean that they need a little time to themselves. We all know that parenting takes patience, and that moms whose kids are in school use and develop patience EVERY day. Yet, if they (we?) actually say that having a break from our child helps us be a better parent, many homeschooling moms are anxious to pounce.

So if it seems to you that the schooers you know are telling you their excuses for not homeschooling, may be you could look at yourself and see if you, in your heart of heart, think they need an excuse. Because if you believe that homeschooling is best, then you do believe that they excuse and they pick up on it. Chances are if you truly believe that either option can be great, you won't end up hearing other people's "excuses."

I'm on both sides of this fence, with one at home and one at school.
post #57 of 158
Yes, I am so looking forward to officialy starting our homeschooling journey next year, because I feel like I will actually have MORE time to myself.

post #58 of 158
I used to be one of the people.

Having my daugher in ps k has been more of a hassle. i have to constantly watch the clock and then i have to make sure my 2yr old doesn't happen to take a nap near the time i have to go pick my daughter up from school, i've had to wake him up a few times to go pick my daughter up.

We had so much fun together on spring break, i noticed i had more patience with her. She has been saying she hates school even before she had spring break. She is so not a morning person even when she goes to bed early she still seems like she's not getting enough sleep when she has to get up at a little before 7am to get ready for school.

I'd love to take her out of ps now but dh wants to let her finish the year, june can't get here soon enough. We will homeschool in fall.

post #59 of 158
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommariffic View Post
I'm not a very patient person, and I am homeschooling my daughter
ditto. My kids are older and my DD is very challenging at times but I wouldn't trade my time with her for anything in the world.

I agree with some pp that it was much harder on me to have patience when my children were in school for a very brief time.
post #60 of 158
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenelle View Post
I "get" what is being said about mental health. But there is another side to that. For me, it is not good for my mental health (or my son's) to have the rush, rush, rush and stress in the mornings. And the rush, rush, rush around in the afternoons/evenings, because we have to have a snack! we have to do homework! we have to eat supper! we have to get to bed! We have to do it all over again! And the homework struggles... with a child who has been doing work all. day. long. and just wants to come home and unwind and play, for crying out loud!
I hear you.
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