I think this falls under bullying. Whatever it is, I need advice before I react.
My 8-year old was at a sleepover birthday party, where they stayed up too late and were up too early, after a busy holiday week. In the morning one boy wouldn't give my ds his backpack - maybe it's teasing, not bullying. Long story short, after using words proved fruitless, my son bit him. Didn't break skin, but bruised. I knew about the altercation but not the bite. The teaser's mom called to tell me about it, and I was so upset. We had had such a long talk about the situation, and ds never told me he bit this kid. I thought he scratched him, which just didn't seem as bad, although even at that, we told him he should have gone to an adult. He said it was self-defense and he didn't have a choice. And knowing this other boy, we believed him. So at that point we lectured him (and discussed), but did not punish him. Now, part of me wants punish ds for biting (he's old enough to know better), but part of me feels so bad for him. Not only does he get teased to the point where he bites, but now he gets punished. On the other hand, there's no justification for physical violence. Yet, he's such a good kid. He would never tease another kid or start trouble. Can you see why I need advice? You know how sensitive kids are prone to getting teased? That's my son. We have struggled with verbal teasing in the past, and have worked with ds on comebacks, ignoring, etc. But where this kid wouldn't hand over his backpack after repeated requests, I feel at a loss as to what would have been the right way for ds to handle it. When ds gets home from school, we are going to review exactly (I hope) what happened and then dh and I will decide our next step. Any suggestions?
(And just one word of advice to readers: When dh & I heard this other boy would be in the group, we were both uneasy, but didn't want to dissapoint ds or the birthday boy, one of his closest friends. Next time, we will go with our instincts.)
My 8-year old was at a sleepover birthday party, where they stayed up too late and were up too early, after a busy holiday week. In the morning one boy wouldn't give my ds his backpack - maybe it's teasing, not bullying. Long story short, after using words proved fruitless, my son bit him. Didn't break skin, but bruised. I knew about the altercation but not the bite. The teaser's mom called to tell me about it, and I was so upset. We had had such a long talk about the situation, and ds never told me he bit this kid. I thought he scratched him, which just didn't seem as bad, although even at that, we told him he should have gone to an adult. He said it was self-defense and he didn't have a choice. And knowing this other boy, we believed him. So at that point we lectured him (and discussed), but did not punish him. Now, part of me wants punish ds for biting (he's old enough to know better), but part of me feels so bad for him. Not only does he get teased to the point where he bites, but now he gets punished. On the other hand, there's no justification for physical violence. Yet, he's such a good kid. He would never tease another kid or start trouble. Can you see why I need advice? You know how sensitive kids are prone to getting teased? That's my son. We have struggled with verbal teasing in the past, and have worked with ds on comebacks, ignoring, etc. But where this kid wouldn't hand over his backpack after repeated requests, I feel at a loss as to what would have been the right way for ds to handle it. When ds gets home from school, we are going to review exactly (I hope) what happened and then dh and I will decide our next step. Any suggestions?
(And just one word of advice to readers: When dh & I heard this other boy would be in the group, we were both uneasy, but didn't want to dissapoint ds or the birthday boy, one of his closest friends. Next time, we will go with our instincts.)
