For those who have one child circed and one intact

[ChickFamily]

As I stated before Im having a hard time letting go of having my first son circed and it is worsened by the more research and the more stuff I read. I know I was young and didnt even think to question it but I really wished I had I would of not done it to him even moreso that his got messed up some. I feel so proud that I well we made a good decision this time but then I keep thinking back to my first son and wonder what his thoughts will be when he is older. Will he be upset at me? will he wonder why his brother is whole and he is not? I know it is something I can not change but how do I let it go b/c its always in the back of my mind bothering me. He is 5 now and doesnt seem yet to recognize any difference between him and his brother. Anyway any advice?

[teale]

I don't have any advice but wanted to sympathize with you. I left the decision to circumcize up to my DH, and he chose to do so. Despite my instincts telling me to stop it, I let it go through.

I'm just reading stuff now, and I'm feeling guilt beyond measure. I just wish I had known then

[yarngoddess]

I have a circed 7yr old and an intact 2yr old. We had a few questions from DS1 when DS2 was born I was very carefull in answer those questions as best as I could in an age appropriate language "Well, when you were born we thought that we were doing the right thing by having this surgery. We learned that it wasn't the right thing, and so with brother we didn't to that. I'm sorry that that hapened to you, however I didn't know any better. There is nothing wrong with your penis, it's just had the forskin removed by a doctor when you were a little baby." He's comfortable with that answer. Other than the one question we've had no issues, or any other comments thank goodness.

[MPJJJ]

I have one son who was circ'd due to bad advice and my not knowing any better, and then his two younger brothers who are intact. Honestly, though they see each other naked all the time, they have either never noticed a difference, or they don't care enough to mention it. They are 9, 7, and 5. I think the whole theory of intact children verses circ'd children causing any kind of problem is completely blown out of porportion. Most children don't notice or care, it's the parents that invent all the guilt and worry.

[Super Pickle]

My older son noticed the difference between himself and his little brother when he was about 5 and asked about it. I told him that a lot of people in our country used to think it was a good idea to cut that part of a baby's penis off at birth, but we found out later that it is better to leave it alone.

DS: You mean I don't have the whole thing?
Me: You have the whole thing except the foreskin.
DS: I want that part, too.
Me: I'm sorry. But the good news is you're both perfect. You're perfect, and your little brother is perfect too.
DS: But Mom, that hurt me! It hurt even more than being born!
Me: I know. I'm sorry. We loved you very, very much, and we thought we were doing what was best for you. Everybody else told us it would make you happier and healthier. It just goes to show that just because everybody else is doing something, doesn't make it right!

That was all the conversation we had, DS seemed satisfied, and it hasn't come up again, except during my 3rd pregnancy when DS wanted to make sure I wasn't planning on "cutting the new baby's privates."

I think: stay brief, don't get emotional, and make sure you affirm the circumcised boy's body, and it will be totally fine.