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May Pagan Circle - Page 9

post #161 of 465
Quote:
Originally Posted by kittywitty View Post
Other than that people always ask me if I'm pentacostal because I have long hair and wear a lot of skirts. Not to mention my large family...
srsly? that's a sign of being pentacostal?
when i first moved here, i lived next door to a baptist preacher, whose daughter became my babysitter for the next 6 years. i can't believe he let her sit after he found out i was wiccan-- but do you know what his criteria were for deciding i was a witch?....



...long hair and skirts

not to mention that i grew plants and let my then 2yo run around the yard bottomless.
that was that-- i was "out", so then i just slapped the stained glass pent up in the picture window


Quote:
Originally Posted by LionessMom View Post
i changed from my XH last name to DH last name. so i will have the same name as my youngest 2 but not the same as DS. he is not upset though. he is the reason i kept it after the divorce though.
hmm...well, my ex-dh and i had a heinous, heinous split-up and divorce. absolutely heinous. we hated one another.
well...acted that way, anyway, and he became quite abusive mentally and verbally, and i became insane and afraid of him and wouldn't let him know my address or home phone number once i "ran away" and moved here, 8 hours away from where he was.
anyway, after a long and painful divorce, he then died of lung cancer.
long story short, i've had lots of time to process the whole relationship, and while it was very sick in itself, he was an incredible guy who was very consumed by lots of illness-- untreated bipolar and ADD, and relapsed alcoholism, just very scarily mentally unstable. i forgive him, now, but i couldn't be in it then, and i took the fall for being the "bad guy" among many people we knew, because of his manipulations-- and now i wouldn't mind at all taking his name, but it'd be kind of weird, y'know? after all that?
would y'all do it? plus i'm kind of used to my name; i've had it for so long.

cari, post pics of your bead! what's a lampwork bead?

ds got me a beautiful sunflower coffee mug that says "i love you mom" on it (bought at the dollar store when we were there together awhile ago, and he hid it since then) and made me a photo of himself in a homemade frame with puzzle pieces glued around it, and gave me a rose of sharon seed start

happy mama's day!!!
post #162 of 465
Bella- *hugs* I lit a prayer at church for you!

Maia- I figured it wasn't very often, but wondered if it was a weekly kind of thing or what.

Had a wonderful day with my family and my Mom. : Dh bought me a mom/dad/child pendant with the girls birthstones. We went out for pancakes and real maple syrup. It was a great day!
post #163 of 465
Quote:
Originally Posted by brendon View Post
Maia- I figured it wasn't very often, but wondered if it was a weekly kind of thing or what.
ok, what did i say? i have no idea what you're talking about
post #164 of 465
Thread Starter 
I hope to check back in here Monday afternoon. Right now I have to go make a list of the moles that I'm concerned about. I've never been to a dermatologist about moles before so am not sure if she will just check my entire body or if I have to point out moles.
post #165 of 465
DOK- I'm pretty sure your whole body will be checked by the dermatologist, just jot down any that you are specifically concerned about.

BellaLR- thinking of you

I hope everyone had a happy Mothers Day
post #166 of 465
DoK - a good derm. will check every nook and cranny!

I hope everyone had a nice mom's day today! Today is day 2 w/o a paci and it has been ok but with some rough spots. I feel so guilty about this! And bad for her too. I just hope she can start feeling a little better soon. I took my mom out for lunch today and it was the best sandwich I have had in a very, very long time!

Have a fab week everyone!
post #167 of 465
Quote:
Originally Posted by BellaLuna Rayne View Post
Right now, I have the paperwork for a separation filled out as best I can. However, I am holding off to see what happens with his R&R. He most likely isn't coming to see me, he'll be states away. A small part of me hopes that he does come here, so at the very least he can visit with his son. I am hoping being back in the states will calm him a bit and that he will contact me. I may or may not wait until he gets back to Iraq to make a final decision.

I feel deep down that this is related to the war and quite possibly PTSD or a small dose of it. I don't know if I can hang on for 3 months with no contact. I don't think that's fair to me and I deserve an explanation (which I have yet to get other than "I love you but, I am not IN love with you). The way his email sounds combined with 1) a semi paranoid letter, 2) the "I am numb" statements and the 3) the "I can't do this, I can't do this anymore" while sounding depressed in listening to me freak out, makes me think that something happened.

That's so hard!

If he had been acting erratic before he left for Iraq than all of this would be a different story. Its beyond hard to talk about things in 20 minute conversations 1-2 times a week at most. I honestly don't know what to say or do because I am in such a state of mass confusion myself. Its so difficult

I know. You can't help but be obsessed under those circumstances. But, maybe that's all the more reason to wait until his deployment is over. You'll just never be able to have the conversations you need to until he's home, you both have the time to devote to it, and he can get some good counseling.

I am surrounding myself with my family and friends (via phone as most of them I met online). My Mom has been here ever day since Sunday, she came after work yesterday. I had my sister here yesterday and she would hug me when I would loose it, etc. My baby sis told me that I need to stop worrying about him and start worrying about myself.
Good advice not matter how this turns out

Quote:
Originally Posted by LionessMom View Post
i was reading the paper and i knew that iowa just legalized same sex marriage (yay). but i just noticed that i got married on the same day as 15 same sex couples. and they only did it 45 miles from me. isnt that cool? i am so happy that iowa legalized it. however, we now have little old ladies walking around asking for sigs on a petition. apparently it was leagalized by a judge and no one was allowed to vote. so now people are mad. i hope it doesnt go back to being illegal again. i would like to think that iowa is full of compassionate people. kwim?
I know. I went to college in Iowa (Drake). Must say, was very surprised to see this happen there...and pleased. Then sad that California (where I lived for 12 years and will always be "home" no matter where I am) has fallen so far behind and dropped the ball on this one. Always thought they'd be the first. At this rate, they're going to be last.

Quote:
Originally Posted by singin_angel View Post
Merry Meet!

I hope to be able to join you here in this thread. I am very drawn to paganism but after finishing my training with a gardnerian coven in my area and initiated to first, I found that the HPS/HP became very clingy (the coven consists of just the 3 of us). After I talked to them about it, they said they would back off, but they didn't. I'm not feeling comfortable with them and it is leaving me to wonder where I should be going. The coven has an outer court as well where things were fine for some time but the gossip started to creep in and now it has taken over (and to top it off, the HPS is one of the main people participating in this gossip...and it's horrible stuff too like she is telling people she thinks my daughter is austic - she is a preemie with developmental delays, but our health care team has never once mentioned that). Either way, I'm feeling pretty hurt.

There is another large group in our city that holds open rituals in the Odyssean tradition. I had one of the second degree priests hit on me and a friend of mine and he wouldn't leave us alone. He is still there so I'm not sure about going back to check it out.

I came from a Catholic background and never had much religious education other than going to a Catholic school. I tried to get active in my faith and I began to direct a youth choir at the church (my family didn't go, it was just me), and the priest kicked us out because we brought in some fun music (still religious but more upbeat and teen-focused to a youth mass...*sigh*).

Needless to say, my spiritual journey so far is proving challenging, but I really like being out in nature and I like the balance I find in paganism....maybe I should start doing the LBRP again...lol.

Other than that...I am mom to a beautiful 20 month old daughter and I am getting married in one month from today. It will be a military handfasting Interesting combination around here. We are doing the handfasting with my fiancee's clan tartan to add in our Scottish heritage. It should be a beautiful ceremony. Both of us are in the military (reserves) and we work teaching youth leadership, effective speaking, and many other topics (for me that includes flying). We are also going to start trying for our second child after the wedding, so if anyone has any suggestions for rituals for a healthy full-term baby, please feel free to share! I can use the Gods guiding hands here

BB
My first ritual felt odd, too. My SIL warned me that you can meet some really odd people at rituals & not to judge paganism by that. She said at her first ritual some freak tried to bite her!

Quote:
Originally Posted by BellaLuna Rayne View Post
No he really has no clue what he wants. He told my SIL that he "is unhappy, needs a change, something new." Oh and the best part "Iraq has changed me, its made me cold and I like it." When my SIL asked him why he liked being cold he said "it makes it easier not to care about hurting people."

She is so upset with him because he made her not tell me about his other yahoo, saying he would tell me and she believed him. She told him she wouldn't lie for him and was about to tell me when SHTF.

He has not called his family yet either. He tried calling my other SIL yesterday, left a message and never called back. I have no idea if he is still planning on going down there or if he is planning on coming here.

I am really worried, especially with all the comments he's made lately. Its not even about his lying anymore. I am seriously concerned for his mental health.

I feel helpless.
Maybe being with his family is good for him then. If he feels safe there, maybe he can work through some of this and get some perspective. I hope you two can work this out. I'd hate for either of you to have regrets once he's home and getting treatment and getting back to normal. But man, it sucks to have so little control, doesn't it? BTDT. You can't help but get obsessive. I must say though, you are sounding so much more grounded. I hope it all works out for you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BellaLuna Rayne View Post
I would give her the same advice I am already getting, give it some time. He's obviously messed up from the war right now and needs some time to clear his head after this latest drama. I am gonna see what happens on this leave and go from there. Its really all I can do right now.
Good for you. You seem to be taking care of yourself while trying to keep everything in perspective. You'll get through this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by wombatclay View Post
I know it'll take a lot of therapy and effort on his part, but people I know who have been in Iraq (especially on repeat tours) have said some of the same things your partner has (about being cold and liking it) and been able to "recover" over time.

This sort of personality change is not uncommon in a war scenario unfortunately... there are even rituals of re-integration for soldiers in many traditional cultures.
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post #168 of 465
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by gun View Post
DoK - a good derm. will check every nook and cranny!
Ok, this is going to be embarrassing. Ugh.
post #169 of 465
Morning mamas. I hope everyone had a great weekend. It was wonderful here. We had almost perfect weather on Sunday.

DOK- Good luck at the Derm.
post #170 of 465
DoK - yep it will be. But keep in mind that a relative of a GF of mine had a melanoma spot develop behind his scrotum. If he wasn't thoroughly examined it would never have been found till it was too late. And that isn't an area that is typically in direct sunlight I wouldn't think. Good luck today!!
post #171 of 465
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maiasaura View Post
-- and now i wouldn't mind at all taking his name, but it'd be kind of weird, y'know? after all that?
would y'all do it? plus i'm kind of used to my name; i've had it for so long.

i would just leave your name as is. it is a pain to change it. plus, it sounds like you are attached to it :>

ds got me a beautiful sunflower coffee mug that says "i love you mom" on it (bought at the dollar store when we were there together awhile ago, and he hid it since then) and made me a photo of himself in a homemade frame with puzzle pieces glued around it, and gave me a rose of sharon seed start

happy mama's day!!!
that is so sweet! what a sweet boy you have!

Quote:
Originally Posted by DaughterOfKali View Post
I hope to check back in here Monday afternoon. Right now I have to go make a list of the moles that I'm concerned about. I've never been to a dermatologist about moles before so am not sure if she will just check my entire body or if I have to point out moles.
I had to show the derm what ones i was concerned about. I did not get a thorough look at. she looked at my back and legs and arms and stuff, but did not look under anything iykwim? if i had had something hiding in a crease or whatever it is still there. i would def make her look real good. you dont want to miss anything.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jade's Mom View Post
I know. I went to college in Iowa (Drake). Must say, was very surprised to see this happen there...and pleased. Then sad that California (where I lived for 12 years and will always be "home" no matter where I am) has fallen so far behind and dropped the ball on this one. Always thought they'd be the first. At this rate, they're going to be last.
i always thought California was more progressive than Iowa. i dont know if they are going to allow the vote or not. it was decided by a judge in a lawsuit. a couple sued Iowa for the right and they won. the judge decided it was unconstitutional to deny them based on sex. orient.
post #172 of 465
Things got pretty bad yesterday. I am such an idiot and got angry, asked my BIL to give DH a message saying I was filing for separation. Then, I texted him back saying not to say anything. Well, he never got that. Now he has deleted my Army email account and is refusing to call me until he calms down and is ready. Which I find funny since apparently his reaction was "finally."

My parents came up last night and just held me while I cried. Well, mostly my Mom. My Dad was saying stuff about giving DH space and stuff. I am trying and its SO difficult. I really fail on the patience front and I think its pushing him farther away.

Everyone he talks to says he is not acting like his normal self. I messed up big time yesterday and I have no idea what is going to happen. I love this man with everything that I am. I can't loose him. Oh and insomnia is really not helping. It sucks to spend the WHOLE day waiting.

I want this to work out. I refuse to turn my back on my husband. I promised him I would not abandon him during a deployment and I intend to keep that promise.

Thank you all for the prayers, etc. They mean so much.

ETA: I just talked to my SIL, I had asked her to call me so I could apologize for being so crazy with all of this. Basically, DH is shutting down and not talking to anybody about this or anything really. Every time she tries to talk to him he gets upset. She told me she wasn't pushing him yet, but would. My Mom thinks he feels pressure for answers he doesn't even have himself and I think she could be right. It really scares me that he is not even talking to his family
post #173 of 465
Bella- I don't think you are abandoning him. You are still there, you are willing to talk when he is ready. You are doing everything you can. *hugs*

Maia- sorry, i should really quote. I was talking about the breastfeeding. I figured he didn't nurse often, just wondered if it was a weekly thing or a once a month thing. I am curious, I haven't nursed any of my kids for long at all.

oops, no idea why i put a lightbulb there.
post #174 of 465
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maiasaura View Post
srsly? that's a sign of being pentacostal?
when i first moved here, i lived next door to a baptist preacher, whose daughter became my babysitter for the next 6 years. i can't believe he let her sit after he found out i was wiccan-- but do you know what his criteria were for deciding i was a witch?....



...long hair and skirts

not to mention that i grew plants and let my then 2yo run around the yard bottomless.
that was that-- i was "out", so then i just slapped the stained glass pent up in the picture window


Apparently around here if you don't wear sweats/suits and a mommy mullet then you are pentacostal. I seriously am asked every time I wear a skirt if I go to the _______ church (pentacostal). There are a lot of them around here. But it still annoys me to death. I went to a pent church with a friend about a decade ago and it scared the crap out of me. No offense, it was probably just a bad one, but I get horribly offended when asked now. Plus 4 kids is "a lot" around here nowadays.
post #175 of 465
Quote:
Originally Posted by BellaLuna Rayne View Post

I want this to work out. I refuse to turn my back on my husband. I promised him I would not abandon him during a deployment and I intend to keep that promise.
It sounds like the deployment has done a number on him. I am in the Canadian Armed Forces, but I am sure that the US has tools in place to help their men and women going through these challenges. I am also pretty sure they have ways to help their families, so please don't be afraid to get some extra support anytime you feel you need or want it.

I had a nice mother's day yesterday - breakfast was made for me and I got some beautiful flowers. Then we did some wedding stuff - 26 days before we have our military handfasting! I've been having some stress over wedding money stuff and of course the wonderful Gods are there to help us out. We have a family member who is willing to help us out This wedding will happen! *phew*

Today I am off to the wedding venue to give them a cheque. I am also hoping to have a few more minutes to read the Kitchen Witch thread...it's fantastic!!!! It makes me want to get my kitchen in order after an insane week.

I hope you are all doing well!
post #176 of 465
DOK- where is my head...thinking of you today.
post #177 of 465
Oh I forgot too.

DOK. I hope all goes well for you.
post #178 of 465
Thread Starter 
I'm back. The dermatologist chose the two most 'suspicious' moles. Unfortunately, the surgeon wasn't in today and the next available appt is June 2nd. So, that's when they'll be removed. Pathology report takes about 10 days after that.

The exam wasn't as thorough as I expected. She even missed one of the scarier moles in her first quick look. When I pointed that one out, she got out a special magnifier and said that the edge is 'furry'. Which is why that one has to be biopsied.
The big one on my back is being biopsied because how fast it's growing and that it's itchy. What's scary is that it's in the same spot as my older brothers mole was (which turned out to be cancer).

My doctor had a terrible bedside manner. Ugh.
post #179 of 465
Sorry for the icky manner, but hopefully it's a "good sign" that they didn't want to bump you up the biopsy line? I remember when I had a mole biopsied and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why the didn't just remove the whole thing... the mole turned out to be fine, but now instead of one mole I have two crescent moles with a nub of scar tissue between them. Not very elegant.

Today is absolutely amazingly beautiful out but as soon as you open the door and realize it's only about 43 degrees it gets a little less glorious. The girls keep begging to go out and then turning around and begging to go back in. I'm getting a bit tired of the shoe on/shoe off routine and trying to figure out what to do with them! I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones, or the time of year, or the general stress of the housing stuff but I'm a lot touchier than normal... things I know I should laugh off are suddenly more than I can handle. I even yelled at dd1 last night and although I apologized and sat with her immediately I still felt like a heel.
post #180 of 465
Quote:
Originally Posted by BellaLuna Rayne View Post
Things got pretty bad yesterday. I am such an idiot and got angry, asked my BIL to give DH a message saying I was filing for separation. Then, I texted him back saying not to say anything. Well, he never got that. Now he has deleted my Army email account and is refusing to call me until he calms down and is ready. Which I find funny since apparently his reaction was "finally."

My parents came up last night and just held me while I cried. Well, mostly my Mom. My Dad was saying stuff about giving DH space and stuff. I am trying and its SO difficult. I really fail on the patience front and I think its pushing him farther away.

Everyone he talks to says he is not acting like his normal self. I messed up big time yesterday and I have no idea what is going to happen. I love this man with everything that I am. I can't loose him. Oh and insomnia is really not helping. It sucks to spend the WHOLE day waiting.

I want this to work out. I refuse to turn my back on my husband. I promised him I would not abandon him during a deployment and I intend to keep that promise.

Thank you all for the prayers, etc. They mean so much.

ETA: I just talked to my SIL, I had asked her to call me so I could apologize for being so crazy with all of this. Basically, DH is shutting down and not talking to anybody about this or anything really. Every time she tries to talk to him he gets upset. She told me she wasn't pushing him yet, but would. My Mom thinks he feels pressure for answers he doesn't even have himself and I think she could be right. It really scares me that he is not even talking to his family
Oh Bella Good for you for hanging in there. This must be the hardest thing you've ever done. Even if things don't work out in the end, you'll know & be able to tell your son you did everything you could. I'm so glad you have such support. When I was going through a tough time w/ DP & we were in separate states & I was feeling so obsessed and depressed and lacking control going to therapy helped. Did you ever hear back from the counselor you called? And, keep venting to your support system (& us). maybe it will help so you don't feel the need to let it all out when you do talk to him. You absolutely have a right to be feeling the way you do. But you're right, it may be making it harder for him to come to you, too. It's not easy. At least be glad he's with his family where they can watch him & help him...when he's ready to accept it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DaughterOfKali View Post
I'm back. The dermatologist chose the two most 'suspicious' moles. Unfortunately, the surgeon wasn't in today and the next available appt is June 2nd. So, that's when they'll be removed. Pathology report takes about 10 days after that.

The exam wasn't as thorough as I expected. She even missed one of the scarier moles in her first quick look. When I pointed that one out, she got out a special magnifier and said that the edge is 'furry'. Which is why that one has to be biopsied.
The big one on my back is being biopsied because how fast it's growing and that it's itchy. What's scary is that it's in the same spot as my older brothers mole was (which turned out to be cancer).

My doctor had a terrible bedside manner. Ugh.
Best of luck on that one. I have a few I should have looked at, too.
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