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May Pagan Circle - Page 5

post #81 of 465
Quote:
Originally Posted by gun View Post
Bella - this may sound harsh, but I wish I could have heard it when I was in my first marriage. If he stays with you, what do you get out of the situation. You get this man who treats you like this. Not a better man, not a different man, and not the man you fell in love with. You get this man. Although I have no experience w/ military personnel, I know this ain't right for sure.
At this point, I don't know what I will get. He has never acted this crazy before in our entire 4 years. He had anger issues when he came back from the first deployment but, he did counseling and things got better. Even his family says he is not acting right and his brother said "he is a piece of sh** and will always be a piece of sh**." So for him to say that my DH is not acting right, means that something is WAY off.

I am not gonna lie, we have had our problems when he is home too. Its never been anything like this though. This, this is a whole new level of crap.
post #82 of 465
Hi everyone! I did a test from beliefnet a few weeks ago and it said I was 100% neo-pagan. I just finished reading the idiots guide to Paganism. Very interesting..I had some misconceptions about Paganism and Wicca. I live in SC and its only a couple small Wiccan groups in my area. I'm very shy person and so I probably won't be joining a group anytime soon. Dh is Christian and the kids like going to church with him. The baby stays with me while they go. I'm not sure I'll even be able to do rituals by myself..I think I'd rather have someone doing it with me, yk? I tried to describe Wicca/Paganism to Dh but I'm still new to it so that was hard lol Plus he's from another country..so its hard to come up with the right words that he'll understand. I want to do some more reading on the subject. Can anyone give me recommendations please and any other info? That would be very helpful.
post #83 of 465
(((BellaLuna)))
post #84 of 465
How awful BellaLuna Wishing you strength
post #85 of 465
Quote:
Originally Posted by LilMamiBella View Post
Hi everyone! I did a test from beliefnet a few weeks ago and it said I was 100% neo-pagan. I just finished reading the idiots guide to Paganism. Very interesting..I had some misconceptions about Paganism and Wicca. I live in SC and its only a couple small Wiccan groups in my area. I'm very shy person and so I probably won't be joining a group anytime soon. Dh is Christian and the kids like going to church with him. The baby stays with me while they go. I'm not sure I'll even be able to do rituals by myself..I think I'd rather have someone doing it with me, yk? I tried to describe Wicca/Paganism to Dh but I'm still new to it so that was hard lol Plus he's from another country..so its hard to come up with the right words that he'll understand. I want to do some more reading on the subject. Can anyone give me recommendations please and any other info? That would be very helpful.
First welcome to the group!
You may want to check the resource thread for good suggestions.

Then go check the camp threads. Be forewarned there is lots of reading there!!
post #86 of 465
Quote:
Originally Posted by gun View Post
First welcome to the group!
You may want to check the resource thread for good suggestions.

Then go check the camp threads. Be forewarned there is lots of reading there!!


Oh great thanks! Where are the camp threads?
post #87 of 465
Quote:
Originally Posted by gun View Post
Bella - this may sound harsh, but I wish I could have heard it when I was in my first marriage. If he stays with you, what do you get out of the situation. You get this man who treats you like this. Not a better man, not a different man, and not the man you fell in love with. You get this man. Although I have no experience w/ military personnel, I know this ain't right for sure.
If this was under normal circumstances I might agree with you, but war f*cks you up in was you can't even begin to comprehend.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BellaLuna Rayne View Post
At this point, I don't know what I will get. He has never acted this crazy before in our entire 4 years. He had anger issues when he came back from the first deployment but, he did counseling and things got better. Even his family says he is not acting right and his brother said "he is a piece of sh** and will always be a piece of sh**." So for him to say that my DH is not acting right, means that something is WAY off.

I am not gonna lie, we have had our problems when he is home too. Its never been anything like this though. This, this is a whole new level of crap.

Bella, this is soooo hard. I really feel for you. I think it's obvious this war is affecting him, and as sad and difficult as it is, it's also to be expected. This may not be what you want to hear, but I'd urge you not to make any decisions right now. Don't be a doormat, but also try to remember that we have no idea what he's experienced over there. Our soldiers have been asked to do some pretty sh*tty things over there and it really messes with their mental health. I know you know this. I can tell you that divorce is NOT the easy way out. It's tough, even under the best circumstances. Having been through it, I advise my friends to think of it only as a last resort. It's not the easy way out people often think it is. It's even worse when there are kids involved.

I don't know either of you, your history, or what type of person he was, or what type of relationship you had before this war started. I do know from what little information you've posted that he's clearly not well, and because of that not treating you well. You're an easy target. But, he's going through hell right now over there (and I know you are too, and it's so hard when you are so far away and have no control. I know, I've been there). If you can, maybe you could just hold on for now. As hard as it is, give him space if he needs it so he feels safe to come home and eventually get the counseling he so obviously needs (and as I said a month or so ago, might be better served by a civilian counselor) and can start talking. He may never tell you what happened to him over there, but your love and support can really help him once he gets back to deal with it and start healing (that doesn't mean you accept abuse from him). He may never be the person he was before he left, but that doesn't mean you can't work through this and be happy once again. Many soldiers that act out after war because they are ashamed of what they did/saw in the war zone and that they feel like no one can ever understand how it has changed them.

In the meantime, take care of yourself. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Find activities that make you feel fulfilled. Keep seeking help from the FRG. Maybe you could find other vets/families who have been through similar situations (either from this war, or others in the past. Vietnam vets & their families are often good resources for this sort of thing). Have your own life, so if it does ultimately come to an end, you won't be flailing and feeling quite so lost as you might without that foundation.

Please know I am in no way minimizing your pain or your experience. It sucks! You don't deserve it. So many families fall apart during war. Your sacrifice and your service are just as real and as tramatic as his. When DP retired, his unit made a point of honoring the wives of the retiring soldiers and acknowledging that they, too serve and sacrifice as much as the soldier himself. I was only with DP the last few years of his service, but I get it.

I wish I was there so I could take you out to lunch and give you a big

I hope I haven't offended.
post #88 of 465
Bella- i think you should listen to Gun. *hugs*
post #89 of 465
Welcome LilMamiBella! There's a lot of reading you can do to learn about what other people perceive Paganism to be, but be sure to ask yourself what it means to you. To me, Paganism involves a deep connection to myself and the Universe. You also don't have to agree with everyone's beliefs. (Just another freedom I love about Paganism!)
Camp threads here:
Winter Solstice camp 2008 http://www.mothering.com/discussions...an+summer+camp
Summer camp 2008 Week 1 http://www.mothering.com/discussions...an+summer+camp
Summer camp week 2 http://www.mothering.com/discussions...an+summer+camp
week 3 http://www.mothering.com/discussions...an+summer+camp
week 4 http://www.mothering.com/discussions...an+summer+camp
week 5 http://www.mothering.com/discussions...an+summer+camp
week 6 http://www.mothering.com/discussions...an+summer+camp

There was a 2007 Summer camp too. But I've already posted an information overload, LOL. We will be doing Pagan Summer Camp 2009 in June:

BellaLuna- I'm so sorry! Is it possible for you to give him the space he's asking for, to complete his mission, then work on the relationship when he can focus on it too? Letting go of control of the situation for a little while could allow you to come back to the relationship with a fresh perspective.


I'm reading Hands of Light by Barbara Brennen right now, and it ties chakras, spiritual bodies, and the law of attraction all together. ( to me anyways) The book's focus is healing through the human energy field, but I'm getting a lot out of it!
post #90 of 465
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jade's Mom View Post
If this was under normal circumstances I might agree with you, but war f*cks you up in was you can't even begin to comprehend.




Bella, this is soooo hard. I really feel for you. I think it's obvious this war is affecting him, and as sad and difficult as it is, it's also to be expected. This may not be what you want to hear, but I'd urge you not to make any decisions right now. Don't be a doormat, but also try to remember that we have no idea what he's experienced over there. Our soldiers have been asked to do some pretty sh*tty things over there and it really messes with their mental health. I know you know this. I can tell you that divorce is NOT the easy way out. It's tough, even under the best circumstances. Having been through it, I advise my friends to think of it only as a last resort. It's not the easy way out people often think it is. It's even worse when there are kids involved.

I don't know either of you, your history, or what type of person he was, or what type of relationship you had before this war started. I do know from what little information you've posted that he's clearly not well, and because of that not treating you well. You're an easy target. But, he's going through hell right now over there (and I know you are too, and it's so hard when you are so far away and have no control. I know, I've been there). If you can, maybe you could just hold on for now. As hard as it is, give him space if he needs it so he feels safe to come home and eventually get the counseling he so obviously needs (and as I said a month or so ago, might be better served by a civilian counselor) and can start talking. He may never tell you what happened to him over there, but your love and support can really help him once he gets back to deal with it and start healing (that doesn't mean you accept abuse from him). He may never be the person he was before he left, but that doesn't mean you can't work through this and be happy once again. Many soldiers that act out after war because they are ashamed of what they did/saw in the war zone and that they feel like no one can ever understand how it has changed them.

In the meantime, take care of yourself. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Find activities that make you feel fulfilled. Keep seeking help from the FRG. Maybe you could find other vets/families who have been through similar situations (either from this war, or others in the past. Vietnam vets & their families are often good resources for this sort of thing). Have your own life, so if it does ultimately come to an end, you won't be flailing and feeling quite so lost as you might without that foundation.

Please know I am in no way minimizing your pain or your experience. It sucks! You don't deserve it. So many families fall apart during war. Your sacrifice and your service are just as real and as tramatic as his. When DP retired, his unit made a point of honoring the wives of the retiring soldiers and acknowledging that they, too serve and sacrifice as much as the soldier himself. I was only with DP the last few years of his service, but I get it.

I wish I was there so I could take you out to lunch and give you a big

I hope I haven't offended.
Right now, I have the paperwork for a separation filled out as best I can. However, I am holding off to see what happens with his R&R. He most likely isn't coming to see me, he'll be states away. A small part of me hopes that he does come here, so at the very least he can visit with his son. I am hoping being back in the states will calm him a bit and that he will contact me. I may or may not wait until he gets back to Iraq to make a final decision.

I feel deep down that this is related to the war and quite possibly PTSD or a small dose of it. I don't know if I can hang on for 3 months with no contact. I don't think that's fair to me and I deserve an explanation (which I have yet to get other than "I love you but, I am not IN love with you). The way his email sounds combined with 1) a semi paranoid letter, 2) the "I am numb" statements and the 3) the "I can't do this, I can't do this anymore" while sounding depressed in listening to me freak out, makes me think that something happened.

If he had been acting erratic before he left for Iraq than all of this would be a different story. Its beyond hard to talk about things in 20 minute conversations 1-2 times a week at most. I honestly don't know what to say or do because I am in such a state of mass confusion myself. Its so difficult

I am surrounding myself with my family and friends (via phone as most of them I met online). My Mom has been here ever day since Sunday, she came after work yesterday. I had my sister here yesterday and she would hug me when I would loose it, etc. My baby sis told me that I need to stop worrying about him and start worrying about myself.
post #91 of 465
Hi everyone, late to the party as we are just back from Glastonbury I didn't do very well at keeping up last month and not sure I will this time either as we are away again next week. Happy belated Beltane :
post #92 of 465
Quote:
Originally Posted by FreeSpiritMama View Post
Hi everyone, late to the party as we are just back from Glastonbury I didn't do very well at keeping up last month and not sure I will this time either as we are away again next week. Happy belated Beltane :
Uh, color me jealous!
post #93 of 465
Quote:
Originally Posted by FreeSpiritMama View Post
Hi everyone, late to the party as we are just back from Glastonbury I didn't do very well at keeping up last month and not sure I will this time either as we are away again next week. Happy belated Beltane :
I am jealous too! Please post pictures!!!
post #94 of 465
Just catching up : Bella, take care of yourself and surround you with loving freinds and family :


Will get some pics up in next few days :
post #95 of 465
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by FreeSpiritMama View Post
Hi everyone, late to the party as we are just back from Glastonbury
So so envious! When I lived in England, I went to Glastonbury every 6-8 weeks. It's my spiritual home. I miss it so darn much. My friend Meredith lives there and owns a B&B in town. Pm me if ya want to chat about stores/cafe's, etc there! Did you go the Chalice Well gardens? Did you climb the Tor?
post #96 of 465
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaughterOfKali View Post
So so envious! When I lived in England, I went to Glastonbury every 6-8 weeks. It's my spiritual home. I miss it so darn much. My friend Meredith lives there and owns a B&B in town. Pm me if ya want to chat about stores/cafe's, etc there! Did you go the Chalice Well gardens? Did you climb the Tor?
We climbed the Tor and spent an afternoon at Chalice Well Gardens both of them are amazing energy spaces and I felt very spiritually connected , I'll drop you a pm after I get the boys to bed
post #97 of 465
This just dawned on me. Remember awhile back when I was saying I would fight for my marriage or something along those lines? I wonder if I manifested this current situation?? I am thinking I did.

*sigh*

I must watch my vibration better.
post #98 of 465
i was reading the paper and i knew that iowa just legalized same sex marriage (yay). but i just noticed that i got married on the same day as 15 same sex couples. and they only did it 45 miles from me. isnt that cool? i am so happy that iowa legalized it. however, we now have little old ladies walking around asking for sigs on a petition. apparently it was leagalized by a judge and no one was allowed to vote. so now people are mad. i hope it doesnt go back to being illegal again. i would like to think that iowa is full of compassionate people. kwim?
post #99 of 465
Merry Meet!

I hope to be able to join you here in this thread. I am very drawn to paganism but after finishing my training with a gardnerian coven in my area and initiated to first, I found that the HPS/HP became very clingy (the coven consists of just the 3 of us). After I talked to them about it, they said they would back off, but they didn't. I'm not feeling comfortable with them and it is leaving me to wonder where I should be going. The coven has an outer court as well where things were fine for some time but the gossip started to creep in and now it has taken over (and to top it off, the HPS is one of the main people participating in this gossip...and it's horrible stuff too like she is telling people she thinks my daughter is austic - she is a preemie with developmental delays, but our health care team has never once mentioned that). Either way, I'm feeling pretty hurt.

There is another large group in our city that holds open rituals in the Odyssean tradition. I had one of the second degree priests hit on me and a friend of mine and he wouldn't leave us alone. He is still there so I'm not sure about going back to check it out.

I came from a Catholic background and never had much religious education other than going to a Catholic school. I tried to get active in my faith and I began to direct a youth choir at the church (my family didn't go, it was just me), and the priest kicked us out because we brought in some fun music (still religious but more upbeat and teen-focused to a youth mass...*sigh*).

Needless to say, my spiritual journey so far is proving challenging, but I really like being out in nature and I like the balance I find in paganism....maybe I should start doing the LBRP again...lol.

Other than that...I am mom to a beautiful 20 month old daughter and I am getting married in one month from today. It will be a military handfasting Interesting combination around here. We are doing the handfasting with my fiancee's clan tartan to add in our Scottish heritage. It should be a beautiful ceremony. Both of us are in the military (reserves) and we work teaching youth leadership, effective speaking, and many other topics (for me that includes flying). We are also going to start trying for our second child after the wedding, so if anyone has any suggestions for rituals for a healthy full-term baby, please feel free to share! I can use the Gods guiding hands here

BB
post #100 of 465
Welcome new mamas!

Bella- huge hugs. Maybe a vision board just for this? Ro is attacking the computer or I'd look for a link, but check out the labyrinth stuff from camp last summer (it was in the bed/bath week). It may be a good meditation/visualization tool.

Belated camp stuff- yes, I'd be happy to host a week. I'll try to respond to the PMs! Promise!
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