Co-sleeping with older children - tell me I'm not crazy.

[sunnylady303]

My girls are 3 and 5 and very much wanting to still sleep with us. Right now DH sleeps with the 5YO in her single bed; I sleep with the 3 YO in our queen bed. And we all miss each other. It has been such a treat when we have stayed somewhere with a king and been able to all sleep together. So we are considering moving our queen mattress on the floor and putting a twin on either side of it. I really miss sleeping next to DH (I'm not talking about sex! We manage fine other times with that ) but just being close to him, but I am not feeling like my girls are ready to be alone in their own room. But this is such a drastic thing and my girls are so "old" compared to other cosleepers I hear about. And my inlaws when they visit will practically call CPS. Is this an ok idea? Am I the only one in the world who sleeps with her older children? Someone tell me something, please. Even if it's bad. I just have no frame of reference. Thanks!

[filiadeluna]

Do your in-laws live close? If not, I would maybe just set up something different for when they visit if it is a serious concern that they might call CPS.

Anywho, I slept with my mom (divorced since I was 3) quite frequently throughout childhood. It was mostly when I'd have nightmares, but I slept in her bed a lot, even as a teenager, though I never would have admitted it to friends. We'd fall asleep watching SNL or Jay Leno, or a movie we'd rented. I don't see the harm in at all, but some people might think it was weird.

[sunnmama]

Dh and I sleep on our queen, and our 8 yo dd and 2 yo son sleep on a full size futon next to us

We have 2 bedrooms, but our family of 4 only uses one

[sunnmama]

Also, I don't think CPS is a real risk here, in the absence of other factors. We went to a family therapist for a year when dd was 6-7, and he knew that we had a family bedroom. He didn't think it was the greatest situation, but he never suggested it was *wrong* or reported it (and he is a mandatory reporter).

[churndash]

Have you asked your daughters if they are ready to sleep on their own? You may not be ready but if they are...

Absent that, I wouldn't make any decisions based on what visiting inlaws might think.

Is it possible for you to purchase a king mattress, so that the other beds are available for the eventual day when your daughters do wish to sleep alone?

[Not just a mom]

Hi. My first post in this community. I'm new to the yuku/zboard, etc.

I have 2 boys, ages 7 & 9, and they still sleep with me. Not because they can't sleep in their own bed but because they prefer it. They always have. We don't tell many people about it, though. Have enough battles without adding more.

I'd be concerned if your kids can't fall asleep without you. Otherwise, do what's best for your family. JMO

[purplemoon]

I cosleep with my two boys, 2 and 4. They want to still so I have no issue. I figure when they are ready they will want their own beds. I don't think that is too old.

[verde]

My 3.5 y/o DD still sleeps with us and shows no sign of wanting to leave. Personally I love it. Every morning she wakes up and says, "let's snuggle." DH, DD and I all scoot in together for our morning snuggle.

[minmoto2]

My 10 yo dd sleeps on the floor next to our bed since her baby bro was born She has slept in her own room off & on since she was 3yo, but made it into our room at least 3 nights a week. She informed us that she was sleeping in our room again once the baby arrived, and she kept her word! I think she feels comforted being close to us, and it helps her process. I love having our family bedroom Our kids are welcome to come & go as needed, even if they are "too old" according to others.

[Jojo F.]

Oh goodness it's not bad!! DH sleeps with DS and he is 6. I sleep with my 3 month old DD. If our rooms were big enough we would TOTALLY put the beds together but alas, this house was built in the 1920's so that's a no go.

I say go ahead and put the beds together, there is no harm in that.

As a side note- my cousins slept with their parents until they were 12 and they are the most well adjusted boys I know, so sweet and kind

CPS couldn't do anything to you

[SunnyDaeze]

5 1/2

My son is 5 1/2 and I don't think he will ever move to his own bed. He has his own room and bed and it's his decision when he moves. DH and I both love it, but he just keeps getting bigger. We may have to add on a bed. I wouldn't worry.

[choosewisdom]

None of the following scenarios are unusual at our house:

Bedtime routine, DD sleeps in her own bed all night.

Bedtime routine, DP and I fall asleep in DD's bed with her.

Bedtime routine, DD goes to sleep on her own in her own bed, comes to me later in the night wanting snuggles.

Watching a movie on the weekend, we all fall asleep in the family room.

Our LO is ten years old... I don't have a problem with any of the above happening on any given night.

Our only concern is that we may need to get a bigger bed as we are TTC.

[Peony]

We have musical beds right now, so who is sleeping where varies from night to night. Lately it's been a family bedroom with 6y DD1 being the oldest co-sleeper. Other nights, she sleeps downstairs with just DH.

[prothyraia]

Originally Posted by sunnylady303

Am I the only one in the world who sleeps with her older children?

Actually, for most of history in most of the world families would only ever have had one bedroom/sleeping space for everyone. There's absolutely no reason to sleep separately if everyone in the family is happy curling up in bed together

[vegemamato]

we've been using the term musical beds too lately

currently, my 8 and 4.5 yr old always sleep together, whether it be in a kitchen fort, in our bed, on a futon in the livingroom or any random place on the floor

My partner and I sleep in our bed most of the time with our 15 mo old, but we occasionally fall asleep watching a movie on the futon.

When we move, however, we will be living in a tiny apartment and sharing one room. Our plan is to dump our king-size bed (which has been peed on more times than we can count ) and buy 1 queen and 2 twins. (we'll fit them with a twin on each side, so the kids can choose where they want to be)..

So, nah, I don't think your kids are too big.. but don't tell your in-laws about us, k

[1littlebit]

My parents said screw it and got a king size bed after my little brother was born and i showed no signs of sleeping in my own bed despite their best efforts. we both slept in their bed until we were quite a bit older then your little ones are now... eventually they added a chaise b/c it was to crowded with my brother my parents the dog and the cat. i was in my own room by then

i doubt cps would be a problem b/c i cant imagine how they would find out. when your inlaws come pretend the kids are only sleeping in their while they are at your house or something. aside from that though i doubt the kids will say anything.. not because its shameful but because i cant imagine when it would come up.

[ann_of_loxley]

Sounds like a fab idea to me!!! DS is 3.5 and I don't see him anywhere near ready to be in his own bed. We have wall to wall be ourselves! hehe

[rzberrymom]

Originally Posted by prothyraia

Actually, for most of history in most of the world families would only ever have had one bedroom/sleeping space for everyone. There's absolutely no reason to sleep separately if everyone in the family is happy curling up in bed together

Exactly! It's only in the last several generations that there's been enough wealth to even consider *not* sharing sleep spaces. In most of the rest of the world, there still is not enough wealth for everyone to have their own sleeping space.

[Niranut]

In Asia, co-sleeping is the norm and is not related to whether or not you can afford to have a bed and/or bedroom for everyone. Much more a cultural thing than anything else, really. Here in Thailand, kids sleep with their parents or other relatives for as long as they like (anywhere from pre-school age all the way up to teenagers). The other day, one of my neighbors here was telling us how one of her sons slept with them until he was in high school, and that he would hold her hand when he slept, even when he was a teen. No one even batted an eye at her statement, and I chuckled inside wondering how that kind of thing would have been received in the U.S.

So as others have said, no need for concern. And rearranging the sleeping area so everyone can be together would probably help. We've got a king & twin next to each other on the floor, which allows all 5 of us to sleep quite comfortably (ds is 3, dd1 is 21mo, & dd2 is 6mo). The mattresses are literally sandwiched in from wall to wall, so we only sleep in that room, but it works well and allows everyone the room they need

[k8s-mom]

You're not crazy!

DD is 9 and still prefers our bed. We have a queen & a twin next to each other so we have room. Very supportive DH admits he is looking forward to DD sleeping in her own room on a regular basis, but DD and I are happy snuggling up at night for now. She sleeps in her room when we ask for alone time. Whatever works for you! If my in-laws acted like that, they are the ones who wouldn't be welcome. so there!