Co-sleeping with older children - tell me I'm not crazy. - Page 3

[Marsupialmom]

Do it :)  We at one time had a king size bed with a twin pushed up.  Now that my kids are 16,13, and 10 I enjoy our queen bed but when they were that young family snuggle time was awesome!

[CheriK]

Yet another "not crazy" here.  My twins slept with us every single night until they were just over 8 years.  Well, not every night, as they did sleepovers @ friends and grandparents, but if they were at home we were all in one family bed.  When I was pg w/ #3, we added a twin next to the king and moved our super-restless DD into that.  For a year after DD2 was born, the arrangement in the king was DD2, me, DS, DH, with DD1 in the twin perpendicular to the rest of us in the king.  And, no, they didn't fall asleep by themselves but had an adult with them to fall asleep almost every single night.   When they spent the night at grandparents, grandpa would lie down with them.  They moved out on their own but are still welcome in our bed and it's unusual for us to have only DD2 in there. 

I loved that time.  Sharing sleep was wonderful for us.  It gave DH so much more closeness with our children; otherwise, he's at work so much he barely would get to spend time with them.  And nighttime seems to be the time when they are willing and interested in talking.  We have our best conversations, with all the really important questions, at night when we *should* be asleep.  I suspect DD2 will move out far earlier b/c she wants to mimic the big kids.  It actually makes me sad.  I don't sleep well anymore with all that space!

[SeekingSerenity]

It wasn't until the kids and I moved into our current apartment that the 5 year old and 8 year old started sleeping on their own. I still sleep with the almost-3 year old, and probably will for some time, but up until last August, I had a king sized bed with a crib (drop side taken off) pushed up against the mattress. All four of us plus two cats slept in the bed together. It was very close quarters sometimes, and occasionally I found myself wishing for more room, but I kept it that way as long as I could. Now I am down to a full-sized bed for me and Lil' Man, and I know if I still had the big bed, DD at the very least would still be crawling into bed with me most nights!

[MsFortune]

It sounds like it's worth exploring. Why not?

Have you considered putting the kids in one bed and you and DH in the other? My sister and I shared a bed for a while when we were kids.

[moonfirefaery]

I sleep with my 3 year old and 5 year old.

I have a love/hate relationship with it... I love sleeping next to them, waking up next to them. I miss sleeping alone, waking up alone. They like to get right up against me to where I'm smushed against the wall or hanging off the bed. They stretch out, they lay in odd positions and angles, they crawl on the bed and find new sleeping positions, and consequently, I have to do that a few times a night too.

I need a king-sized bed lol

[treemom2]

DD is 9 (almost 10) and DS is 6.  We used to have a king sized bed (where we all slept) but went down to a queen last year (our king was super old).  Now, both DCs have their own beds in their own bedrooms, but still want to sleep in the room with us.  Our queen is too small, so they sleep on a futon next to our bed.  Sometimes DD will sleep in her own room, but lately she's wanted to sleep in ours every night. . .and that's okay!  We love having our family all together!

[canadiangranola]

Our almost 8yr old, almost 6 yr old, almost 3 yr old sleep with us. As do our dogs and cat. And we will add another babe to the mix in November. We have a queen and a double and a single on the floor and a loft bed overtop. Baby, me, 7yr old sleep in a row and 5 yr old and dh switch all over the place depending on where dd decides she'll sleep when she falls asleep. 

We have had odd nights where the kids want to sleep in their own rooms, and they do, and they are with us by morning. 

I love how cozy and snuggly it all is, and I love how I never have to worry for a moment b/c I can pat a bum or give a hug if someone has a bad dream, without ever getting out of bed. Eventually they will want their own space, although ds insists he will sleep with mama forever. I will miss them when they're gone, so I say, enjoy it while it lasts, and don't tell others if you're worried about their reactions. It's none of their business anyway.

[momoftworedheads]

Our 6 yr old and 20 month old co-sleep with us.  Our 6 yr old starts out co-sleeping with his brothers but if he wakes up, then he comes in our room and gets into the "Big Bed".  We have a queen.  I would just do a queen with a twin on the side or at the bottom.  My friend has this swet up at her house - Queen and then twin along bottom and a little toddler mattress on the side (she has 4 kids that co-sleep).  I like how she has it.  Then she has bunk beds with a trundle in another room.  Good luck deciding the set up.  80% of the world co-sleeps, I wish people here would just be more accepting of others and what they do and let it go!!  What is worng with families sharing sleep??

[Shaki]

Our 5 year old DD has her own bed and starts out in her own room every night (we started doing this when she was 3-for anyone who is interested) she usually joins us in our bed sometime between midnight and 4 am, which is fine. She knows she is always welcome! Waking up in the morning all together is such a special snuggly time, I know we will treasure those memories. Any day now we'll have a newborn to add to the mix we'll have a co-sleeper attached to the bed but if he is anything like DD, the baby won't sleep in it much. We have a king size bed, I'm not sure how we are all going to fit, but we'll figure it out. :)

[ellura13]

So, what happens when one partner wants the 3 year old to sleep with them and the other partner does not. What do you do when it is a big problem for the one partner but the other refuses to give it up? What do you do when the one partner starts sleeping in another room so they don't have to sleep with the 3 year old? What then?

[prothyraia]

Originally Posted by ellura13 

So, what happens when one partner wants the 3 year old to sleep with them and the other partner does not. What do you do when it is a big problem for the one partner but the other refuses to give it up? What do you do when the one partner starts sleeping in another room so they don't have to sleep with the 3 year old? What then?

Er.....you talk about it together like grown adults?     

[Imakcerka]

DH put the girls mattresses in the front room side by side.  We sometimes sleep out there with them or one of us sleeps out there or In our own bed... ya know it doesn't matter.  It's all about how you guys need to sleep.  It's comforting and good for all to be happy in this situation.

[McGucks]

Co-slept with DS1 until he was nearly 12.  I just was extremely selective about who I mentioned it to (as I recall, "extremely selective" meant "nobody").  I knew in my heart it was fine and good for us both for a variety of reasons.

Perhaps if it makes your IL's uncomfortable they could stay in a hotel, or perhaps wait a decade or so (okay, I meant that to be sarcastic...but it's YOUR house and YOUR bed and YOUR family).  I'll be mad at them on your behalf.

[barefootmama883]

I have a cousin who slept in her mother's bed until she got married at 18. They never had a problem. 

[midnightwriter]

Originally Posted by 1littlebit 
. when your inlaws come pretend the kids are only sleeping in their while they are at your house or something. aside from that though i doubt the kids will say anything.. not because its shameful but because i cant imagine when it would come up.

 You could say something like "We're "camping" in this week," if you feel it is warranted. I find that the camping reference puts people at ease as it provides a socially acceptable context for bed sharing.

[ellura13]

Er..... obviously we have already discussed this and have discovered that we are at an impasse. Why else would I be reaching out for answers from strangers unless my partner and I were unable to come to some middle ground on our own?

[prothyraia]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ellura13 

Er..... obviously we have already discussed this and have discovered that we are at an impasse. Why else would I be reaching out for answers from strangers unless my partner and I were unable to come to some middle ground on our own?

WHY is it a problem for one of you? WHY does the other person refuse to give it up?  Is there any way to address the problem that the one parent has with co-sleeping without kicking the kid out of bed altogether? Is there any way for the other partner to get what s/he values about co-sleeping in a different way?  If you've already had that conversation without a resolution, then pretty much all that's left is "Can I live with the way things are or does someone move out?"

[saralm]

Sorry if this got posted already.  I slept in the same room until I was 13 because I was not ready to move out earlier.  I distinctly remember trying to sleep in my own room but finding it too scary at 11 or 12. 

My parents built a platform across their bedroom and put 2 large mattresses on it.  I shared on with a brother and my parents shared the other one with my other brother. 

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by sunnylady303 

Am I the only one in the world who sleeps with her older children?

It probably feels like you are, only because most people don't talk about it. I have found that there are actually lots of families (even mainstream families) that co-sleep at least partly with older children. 

I would make sure that there is a separate bed for each of your children, and then have a family bed if that's what's working for everyone. If CPS is called because of this issue, you could easily show them that each child has their own sleeping space, end of story.

In our situation, ds has his own room with his own bed. He also has a mattress right next to our bed, if he chooses to use it. Friday and Saturday nights are special nights around here and he can fall asleep in our bed (or downstairs on the couch, and then he and dh have a "boys night" downstairs while I get the big bed to myself.... woo!). DS chooses to use the mattress next to our bed maybe once every other week (it was every day, but then he weaned himself into his bedroom). The rest of the time, he sleeps in his own bed.

[July05mama]

DH and I still co-sleep with our 6 yo DS for part of the night every night. He falls asleep in his bed while we are reading together and finds his way to our bed at some point. The reading before bed in his own room is a new thing. Up until recently, he would fall asleep in our bed and stay there all night. He's getting so big that I'm finding it quite uncomfortable but not enough to "kick him out". :) Love having my boy next to me!