Any thoughts on healing my own birth trauma?

[dharmama]

From talking with my mom I have learned that she labored with me for over 30 hours (without medication ), that I was posterior (OP) and that I was finally delivered with forceps. I came out very bruised (my first pictures are pretty scary looking).

Now that I am expecting my first baby....I find myself wondering about my own birth...basically why I didn't want to come out!!

I don't know if this sounds too "out there" but I'm drawn to the idea of doing some sort of healing ritual (or something not exactly sure what) to help process this experience that I had (albeit at a very young age).

I'm not sure if this makes any sense or if I sound a little but I'm just wondering if anyone has heard of such a thing.

~Erin

[TurboClaudia]

Erin:

Hi there from the June mamas thread!

I talked to my mom about my birth a few years ago and it was an interesting experience: she was still new to this country (had moved here from Eastern Europe about 3 years prior) and was living in Queens, NY. My dad was not allowed to be with her in the hospital, and she was given some kind of sedative drug and left alone in a room. She remembers the relief of being able to push me out, and she had some uncomfortable tearing or possibly an episiotomy, but she doesn't know the details. As she recounted her story to me, she would alternate back and forth with my birth and my sister's birth (6 years later, dad was with her the whole time, in a suburban hospital).

This past May, I attended a conference where Suzanne Arms was the guest speaker. She told some amazing stories of babies having memories of being in utero and children and adults healing their birth traumas. I kept thinking about that as I went to sleep that night. I woke out of a dream the next morning and remembered an unfamiliar object. About an hour later, I realized the object looked like a miniature set of forceps and it reinforced my beliefs that I was born with the assistance of forceps. I had read in a book some time prior to this about symptoms of forceps delivery and recognized myself in them.

I have looked into cranio-sacral therapy as a healing modality, but I am not feeling ready to dive into that at this time.

As far as ritual, I don't have any suggestions there either, but I wanted to post to share my story.

warmly,
claudia
mama-to-be in late spring 2004!

[MistyD]

I don't think you sound "out there" at all. Do a google search about 'rebirthing', you'll find some interesting stuff. I've never done rebirthing but it sounds like it's helped a lot of people.

I don't know a ton about cleansing rituals, maybe your midwife would have some ideas for you. Many times I have lit a candle and just been quiet while I focus on prayers or good wishes for friends, family, myself. I always feel very peaceful afterwards.

During my second pregnancy I kept a journal. I called it Birthing Affirmations. Basically I wrote down what I wanted to happen in regards to the birth and I also chronicled the pregnancy and the details of getting ready for the birth. Talked about my fears and how I was dealing with them. At the end I talked to the baby and said I knew he or she was healthy and I was ready to meet him/her whenever they wanted to be born. I'm saving it to give to him when he's older.

A book you might enjoy is Circle Round by Starhawk. It's full of ideas for rituals and blessings for all the seasons, holidays, and different life events. It's got tons of ideas for kids' crafts too.

Peace to you, keep us updated if you feel like it.

[dharmama]

Thanks so much you guys...I appreciate your suggestions and especially the validation!

I'm going to bring it up with my doula next time I talk to her and get her thoughts as well as looking into the suggestions that you both shared.

[Sustainer]

When I was ready to come out, and my mother was having pushing contractions, the doctor had not yet arrived. The nurses strapped my mother to a table with her bottom right on the end of it, then they all went to the other side of the room, and turned their backs on my mother, telling her that she wasn't ready yet (read: the doctor hadn't arrived yet). If my mother had allowed nature to take its course, I would have fallen onto the floor. She had to make herself hyperventilate to stop the pushing contractions.

I have anxiety disorder, and my midwife has theorized that some of my anxieties could be the result of those nurses putting my mother in a position where she had to hold me back.

[seven_lux]

I wouldnt worry about sounding "out there" you just do what you feel you have to do to have the best birth experience you can have!!

No advice on the subject....just encouragement.