Making budgetary changes without informing your partner... - Page 2

[cristeen]

Honestly, just from reading your first message, my answer would be no, I wouldn't do that without his approval. BUT, after reading your update - he put you "in charge" of the budget, and in my mind that would give you the power over things like that. And considering his attitude, I would rather apologize after the fact than ask permission. However, that is also not a healthy relationship dynamic, IMO.

[madsommer]

Originally Posted by Delicateflower

That is unfair of you. Is he supposed to read your mind and know that you're going without while he isn't?

In our family, no, I wouldn't, because we are both adults and sensible.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to read as though I expect him to read my mind. I let him know all the time that I don't think it's fair that I am sacrificing clothing, shoes, manicures, magazines, brand name ice cream, etc. and I'm supposed to be okay with him buy liquor or renting movies because that's what he wants. Last time I told him that I was upset that I didn't feel like he was treating me fairly, he didn't even apologize...just drank the beer that he bought that I told him he couldn't buy because he was over his budget for the month.

I'm just kind of at my wits end. And of course when I wanteed to talk to him this morning...he starts teling me how he feels bad, like he's not providing for his family because we couldn't even go buy a gallon of milk yesterday. And instead of jumping on him, I told him that he could work on helping me cut back on things. I was hoping that by telling him how I was able to cut an additional $10/month from cell phone bill would be inspiring...but I don't think he really got it...he never gets it. Sorry, ranting again

Thanks for the input. I'm just at my wits end.

[bobandjess99]

After reading everything, he needs to have an "allowance" that he CAN NOT OVERDRAW"..so, not like a credit card, because that will still go through. not a debit card, that will cost you fees...I think he mihght need to be put on a cash system, where his access to teh money is completely cut off, excepot for his allowance, and when he spends that, it's gone. if he does not HAVE any money to buy the hot dog with...he doesn't get the hot dog.

[Ironica]

Originally Posted by madsommer

I have multiple people (not just on this forum) tell me that it's really a marriage issue, but I can't really figureout what it is. If anyone could enlighten me, I'd apprciate it We've only been married for 2 years so I don't know if it's just something that a lot of people go through in the beginning when combining finances and then going down to one income or what?

A lot of people have disagreements over financial priorities and such, but this is pretty extreme.

If you are responsible for the finances, you need the authority to make decisions. If he wants to share the authority, he needs to share the responsibility too. To build a successful relationship, he needs to be your partner (and you his), not one of you taking care of the other. He wants to say "But I WANT it!" and it's now your job to figure out how to give it to him. That's disrespectful of the authority you need to carry out the responsibility he's given you.

DH and I have three checking accounts: his, mine, and ours. For a while I had a smaller allowance than he did, because I was home more (so eating lunch out of the grocery budget) and not earning much. But now they're the same. Our allowances are direct-deposited into our personal accounts out of his paycheck, and then everything else goes into our joint account. We may not spend money out of the joint account without prior agreement. Certain things (like groceries, utilities, etc.) are assumed to be joint expenses, but others (like clothing or household items) need to be discussed beforehand. If I'm out somewhere, and I see a blouse I REALLY want, I'll buy it... from my *own* money. Then, after we've had a chance to talk, I may get reimbursed for it from the joint account (I usually do).

If you set things up in the same way, without his name on the joint account, you could ensure that he sticks to his allowance.

As regards the original question... you've talked to him about it before. So, do it. Then tell him immediately (don't just wait for him to find out himself when he turns on the TV). Just tell him "I balanced the budget, but there wasn't room for the cable sports package." If he wants to know more, step him through it like others here have suggested.