I am so ANGRY at my DH's nephew

[leighann79]

A few months ago we got a dog from my SIL. She has belonged to SIL and MIL at different times. As time passes I'm learning all the different things that BIL (DH's younger brother (just turned 21, but was 16 when they got the dog) and DH's nephew (SIL's son) have done to this dog.
The most recent thing to anger me is that my dog is shaking horribly because I got out the vacuum. I haven't even turned it on yet. I found out a few weeks ago that SIL's DS used to chase her with their vacuum. Terrorized her with it. So now I have to deal with the fall out.
If anyone knows how to help a dog get over their fear of such a thing, please feel free to share.

BIL and DH's nephew also would hold on to her feet making her growl as she tried to get away. (BIL said, "She was so much more fun when she was younger" when they did that) Now I can't mess with her feet to clean them and I don't dare clip/trim/file her nails. I'm going to have to ask the vet to do it today because they are so overgrown from her time with SIL.

I feel so sad for my dog and angry at the family for doing this to her. I want to badly to say something to them, but don't know that it would be constructive at this time. I'd probably just cause trouble. DH and I do make comments everytime BIL jokes about some animal cruelty he did. We don't want our kids to think it's funny and want them to realize how wrong it is. MIL and FIL have been forced to respond to their son differently now. Before they would laugh/joke (more FIL than MIL) but now that we sit there stone faced, FIL will not so much. MIL is more caring toward animals, but is seen as over reacting by FIL and BIL.

Ok, I think I rambled a lot here. Sorry! I just hit my limit today when I wanted to vacuum and ended up with a shivering, terrified dog.

[veganone]

Poor dog - she is so lucky that you took her in. I had a rescue who was tortured (abuse doesn't cover what they did to him) and he had a ton of really severe fears after we got him.

For some stuff, he never got over it and we just had to modify our behavior to deal with his fear (like not letting strangers pet his head).

For things like the vacuum I would start by just leaving it out, but not touching it or turning it on, for a few days until she seems okay with that. Then move it around on the other side of the room, but still not turning it on. Go over and fiddle with it, then leave it alone. It will take a while, but she should get over the fear of at least seeing it. I wouldn't turn it on with her around for a long time. Can she go outside when you need to vacuum?

For the feet, I did similar stuff. Just would touch his feet when petting him, but that's all. Slowly, slowly moved up to touching and moving his toes and toenails, and eventually cut them. I've also used a treat after every toe for dogs that don't like it if they are food motivated.

Huge hugs to you and the dog. I just hate that people are so mean.

[vegasgrl]

I second the fact that it's so great you and the dog have found one another!

I just wanted to share about my crazy cat Gabriel. He was clearly abused, although I don't have the pleasure of knowing how or by whom. (I would be seriously upset if I knew. ) I've had Gabriel a little over 2 years now. I have a hole in my box spring and for the first 6 months I had him, he stayed in the box spring. SIX MONTHS! He'd come out at night and eat and potty and stuff, but literally never came out when I was around. Sometimes I'd lay by the hole in the box spring and talk to him about how we'd all love it if he would come out and play, but that I was sure he would when he was ready. I'd sometimes nap on the floor next to the hole just so he could come sniff me up if he wanted to.

Well flash forward two years. He's been out and about for a year and a half now, but seriously skittish and not at all loving to be pet or around other people. He used to retreat to the box spring quite often. And the vacuum - good LORD if you want to see an animal run get out the vacuum.

But I just did it anyway - I vacuumed. I'd pet him as long as he'd let me. I talked to him a lot, just letting him know that I would never hurt him and I was super sorry for whatever/whoever it was that caused him to be so scared.

Guess what? Last night, for the FIRST TIME EVER, he curled up right next to me in the middle of the night and let me cuddle him while we slept. And the smoke alarms went off last night ("Dinner will be ready when you hear the smoke alarm" for sure applies to me and he was startled but not in a huff. I had a friend over last week and he was all up in her space, which is AWESOME.

I think it'll just take some time for your dog to understand that you won't ever hurt him, at least not on purpose, and that your house is safe and he can feel safe, you know? But the key for me was to not cow-tow to the whole fight-or-flight episodes. I was still going to vacuum. We were GOING to clips nails, even though it sucked really bad for both of us. (Easier with a cat, for sure; but I have to don long sleeves and pants, we get hair EVERYwhere b/c he's super scared still; it's not a fun process, but I'm the mommy and he's the kitty and it has to be done.) And he's really coming around!

Seriously, I'm super happy you two found each other. Give him some time. And for the love of God keep your in-laws away!!!!!

[Ola_]

Oh, that is awful! When we got Chaos she was terrified of vacuums too. When I would vacuum (we only had carpet in the living room then) she would hide beind the bed in our room and not come out for half an hour after I finished.

What I did is fill up my pocket with treats (just regular kibble most times) and toss them around - as soon as she came out she would hoover them up. I guess that's what convinced her to start coming out sooner. The first time she came out while the vacuum was still on I just started tossing treats towards her, even though she was really far from me. She still follows me around when I vacuum.

I don't vacuum towards her though, if I need to, I ask her to move (and point where I want her to go) and she does. That skill comes in handy when I need her to move over on the couch or just need her to get out of my way.

[Irishmommy]

If it's any consolation, my never been abused dog that we got straight from the breeder at 8 weeks, hates the vacuum. I've yet to meet a dog that does more than tolerate it.

As for the nails, can you play with her feet when you are not wanting to clip, to get her used to the touch?

[Ellien C]

Hey there,

I just wanted to give you some props for taking this dog in. He will have a much better life for living with you. You are very remarkable individual for accepting this pup into your household and your life. Very special - thank you.
:

[battymama]

Originally Posted by Irishmommy

If it's any consolation, my never been abused dog that we got straight from the breeder at 8 weeks, hates the vacuum. I've yet to meet a dog that does more than tolerate it.

My dashie used to lurve being vacumed especially his tail.

I am sorry your poor dog has been through that, some people just have no respect. My old dog had issues, she hadnt been abused it was just the way she was, and she would get petrified of random things. Picture frames, hats, pinwheels, my dhs new moustach after he shaved Any way i found just leaving stuff where she could go and investigate at her own pace was helpful. (i acidently wrote everserate there, which is infact basically what she used to do to things when she ceased being scared of them)

[ChristyMarie]

I agree with getting the dog used to things slowly. Very very slowly. It might take you 6 months to be able to trim nails. And that's ok. I fostered a dog with nail issues. I started with lightly touching feet during each brushing session (luckily he loved to be brushed) then moving on to really touching each foot. Then the toes. Then touching each toe individually, then holding each toe. Letting him smell the nail clippers. Just touching nail clippers to the feet, then the toes. Then kinda opening them and putting them on a nail. Major baby steps. This took about 6 months but in the end he could care less about me messing with his nails.

The vacuum....eh, I'd do it when the dog was outside. My son is almost 3 and still hates the vacuum. They are scary things!

If you can avoid doing something around the dog, then avoid it - at least until everything is calmed down and trust is established. Make that process as easy as possible. Stuff you can't avoid...small tiny baby steps.

Good luck, the reward of establishing a trusting relationship will be so worth it!

[leighann79]

Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice! I'll be putting her out while I run the vacuum, but also leaving it out for her to get used to. I'm used to animals running when the darn thing is turned on (heck, I would too if I were there size! LOL), but I couldn't believe how bad she was shaking just by me moving it while it was off.
We took her to the vet for her ears (I may post about that later ) and had them clip her nails some while we were there. She did better than I would have thought, but really wasn't happy. Hopefully they will mostly wear on their own for now on. (I hate clipping black nails anyway) In the mean time, I'll take those very small baby steps with her feet. Even if I never need to clip the nails, I should be able to mess with them incase she ever gets hurt.