Originally Posted by harleyhalfmoon
I can say with 100% certainty, whether the child would be black, white or green, it would still be a child to love, so yes, I would adopt a child of a different race than myself, if one came my way. I know certain situations would be rough, but really, isn't that about every aspect of parenting, even famililes when the children and parents are all the same race?
I'm reading a book (still reading...i keep it in my car to read when i'm waiting on stuff, so its slow going!) called "Telling the Truth to your Adopted or Foster Child" and in the chapter on transracial adoption, the author kind of addresses the above statement. Yes parenting in general has its challenges, but the author pointed out that above and beyond those typical challenges, that adoptive parenting adds another whole layer of challenges, and transracial adoption, another layer still. I do not fault anyone for choosing not to take on those additional challenges.
There is a movie called "Losing Isaiah" (i have issues with the movie itself, but thats another thread), in which a black birthmother is fighting to regain custody of her child from his white adoptive parents. The lawyer for the bmom asks if the child has any black dolls in the home, and the white mother gets defensive and makes some statement to the effect of "yes, he has black dolls, and white dolls, and green dolls" etc....but the lawyer points out that children dont come in green. So when people say something like "black white or purple, i'd love a child regardless"...it almost seems to me to be sweeping the very *real* issues of race under the rug as if its "just another color"...kind of a "color blind/loves sees no color" mentality, which is sort of naive. Esp with white parents adopting black children....we have such a long history there, of conflict, of power issues, just lots of stuff that people (of any race) are often afraid to talk about.
Another thing that has been bothering me a bit....in discussions of TA, people often say things like "well, once the baby gets there, your (racist or unsure) relatives will fall in love, after all, who doesnt love a baby!?"...for some reason that bothers me. I think its because, well sure, even outright racists might "love" a cute little black baby. But what about the MAN (or woman) that baby becomes? What about the adult black men and women that child sees himself reflected in, when he is growing up? Obviously, we can't force our relatives, friends, neighbors, etc to go through sensitivity training or force them to confront their own inner racism or preconceived notions. But i also think we shouldnt necessarily make it all about "a cute baby to love"....if i'm adopting an AA child, i better be darn sure i can love the adult he will become, the AA partner he may marry, the AA friends he may invite over, etc etc. (Is this making any sense?? Its well after midnight, so i fear i may be rambling.)
I also think when i was pondering parenting an AA child, that i made it so much about the bigger issues (like race and social justice issues) that i totally did not even get how the very very small issues (which are actually in many ways big issues too) can make you aware each and every day that this child is different from you, that you may not be equipped in the same way you would be with a same race child. I used to not get why white parents with black children always seemed to make it "all about the hair"...i thought, geez, its just hair. But over a year into parenting an AA child, who until recently had alot of hair (this is his "I'm really pissed at having a new foster sister look: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3297/...6f40dfa2f8.jpg
and his "i cant believe you just cut off all of my hair" look: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3621/...f13988d4b5.jpg
) i realize how much of a daily impact "just the hair" has on our lives. And how in many ways i often feel something as simple as how my child looks (how his hair looks, how his skin looks) is a reflection of my right and ability to parent him. And how if he were not of a different race, i would not often feel like all eyes are on us when we go out in public. I think some people choose not to adopt transracially, because they dont want that invisible but obvious label "Adopted child" out there all the time. I used to think that if someone felt that way, it was because they were trying to deny the adoption status of their child, or that they hadnt "worked through" grief about infertility. While that may sometimes be the case, i think its more often just about privacy.
This is way too long, i'll stop now.