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Do you point out the skin colour differences ? - Page 2

post #21 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by hotmom View Post
If your child is in a group that the world has a negative projection of the physical, by all means build that self worth that they may struggle with later. Especially if they look at you, and you posses what the world calls beautiful and they posses the opposite.

for example , I am Biracial and have (gorgeous :P) Kinky Curly hair. In the African AMERICAN community 20 years ago especially- kink (hard to comb through textured hair) was considered Ugly, all attempts to tame the hair were expected to be made. My Mother had a Long straight shiny Mane. I remember longing for that hair, it was like a barbie doll. I also remember My mother telling me on several occasions casually that she wishes she had curls like mine and that my skin was so pretty. It wasnt a big conversation just simple seeds being planted to love the skin I was in and the hair that God designed for me!

It goes along with telling your daughter she is beautiful. Some would not do that because it emphasizes the external. But what if you never told her and the rest of the world tells her she is unsightly? who and what would she believe?
I just want to clarify that we do tell our children that they are beautiful, but we're not dependent on our voice being the end-all, be all (or even the bulk), of that message, if that makes any sense. I could spend hours telling my daughter how beautiful she is, but if the images that she sees don't reflect that beauty and the rest of the world doesn't support my words, it's not enough. They need to internalize that sense.

Actions and images go so much deeper than words. So we fill our kids with the positive images to deflect the negative. Something's working. At 14, my daughter has a good sense of who she is, and is self-confident and strong. She's beginning to recognize the negative, and point it out.
post #22 of 25
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Missy View Post
Actions and images go so much deeper than words. So we fill our kids with the positive images to deflect the negative. Something's working. At 14, my daughter has a good sense of who she is, and is self-confident and strong. She's beginning to recognize the negative, and point it out.
so, how exactly do you do that? can you give an example? :
post #23 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by whooopsy View Post
so, how exactly do you do that? can you give an example? :
Books. Lots of books. Some of the books talk about skin color (Black is Brown is Tan is one of my favorites) or heritage and culture (The Black Snowman); a lot just have people who look like my kids. We have paintings and prints by black artists. My husband's background is history and we have the books that reflect that. In our home, black tends to be the default, as opposed to white, which is the default anytime they step outside. Or, heck, when they turn on the television or open a magazine. So, obviously, even in our home, we have to counteract other messages.
post #24 of 25
OP (I've only read your post)~ My mother and grandmother did this with me. With my mom I hate it but I don't like her so But with my grandmother it made me feel loved. My mom's family is pretty bigoted and I lived in an area growing up with such pretty white blond girls and I wanted to be them and look like my mom so they'd quit turning their noses up to me when they saw me hugging her. Then I blamed myself and my skin and "kinks" (my curly hair. My great aunt called them "kinks" with disgust). But my grandmother would always talk about how she loved my skin and hair and how she knew so many people who would kill for my coloring and curls. She would point out people with fake tans and perms and say "see? They want to look like you". Now I'm sure that sounds awful but to me at 6 and 7 and 8 and on it made a difference. I really did hate myself though because of the bullying I got.

However with me and my children I have not done this nor do I think I will. But all 3 of my girls are so different in appearance I feel I would be alienating one or more if I praised the other. That and my mind sees things a bit differently and I see beauty in everyone. I sort of feel uneasy with my grandmother telling me people wanted to look like me but like I said at the time it made me feel better- not like I was on a thrown but like I wasn't as ugly as people were telling me I was.
post #25 of 25
I mentioned this earlier in the thread:

When I picked DS up from school one day, he told me he was "almost brown". I think he was trying to say light brown. We discussed our colors; Mama is pink and white, DS is light brown and Daddy is dark brown. DS then announced that he has to "grow big and strong and brown like Daddy." He thinks that as he grows to be a man, his skin color will grow darker, too. We talk about it sometimes but only matter-of-factly in terms of color and not yet in terms of race.

The other thing which concerned me was the sun and darkening of one's skin (tanning). I did not want him to think that dark skin was undesirable but I do want him to wear his sunscreen as his skin, despite being brown, is easily tanned or burnt. Sooo...

"Mama, I am light brown!"

"Yes, you are, Pumpkin; let's put on your sunscreen so you don't burn to a crisp like fried chicken! I bet you taste delicious!"

"Noooo...I am not fried chicken; we better put on my sunscreen, Mama, so you can't eat me!"

Minxie
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