Joint versus personal accounts?

[mama lipenga]

Luckily my DH and I are both pretty good at saving, and we've had a joint checking account since we got married. Just this month, I had him open his own checking account. For several reasons:
1. I have always taken care of everything money related, and I don't think that's fair to him. He should know how to do all this stuff as well.
2. He has different spending priorities than me, and sometimes it really irritates me. (ie when he takes out cash for our allowance, but then he either doesn't give me my share, or he does, and then spends all of his and wants some of mine back.)

I had always thought it was weird when married couples had separate accounts, but now I am on the fence.

I am really curious to see how this works out. I think he'll stop spending as much money, now that he has more ownership. We are going to split the bills income proportionally (I make twice as much as him).

So, I was just wondering what other folk's experiences were...

[veggiemomma]

We have always had a joint account. We both pretty much know what is going on in there, although I do handle making sure the bills are paid. DH does have a small savings account that he had before we got married that I do not have access to simply because we never plan to do anything with that money unless we have a dire EMERGENCY.

I think joint accounts are dangerous, in that things can be hidden from the other party. Not to doubt your husband, but if mine had unmonitored access, he would spend MORE, not less.

[Smithie]

My dh does not spend money. He is WAH and I buy everything the household needs. So while our accounts are all technically joint, and he has cards and everything for all our accounts, really the spending is all me and any overspending is all my fault.

I think that separate accounts can be a great way to overcome irritation (I'm pretty sure I would smack anybody who asked for some of my mad money bc they blew all theirs).

I think it's actually very smart and loving of you to want to make sure that your dh can budget and pay bills on his own without your help. Are you giving him responsibility for certain bills, or is an automatic withdrawal going into a joint bill-paying account every month? Either can work. He may rack up a few late charges if you are giving him a set of bills to pay entirely on his own. Try not to freak out. He may ask you for $$ if he overspends on discretionary one month and the poof!, the cell phone bill is magically due. I almost think it's worth it to say no and force him to cope with the late charge and the embarrassment. Only you can know if he'd be crazily pissed off by that, or would understand your point.

What about savings? Almost every couple I know IRL who maintains separate accounts has a joint savings account into which they have an agreed-upon amount automatically transferred each month. I think this is an awesome idea, bc then you truly need not give a flying fig how he's spending "his" money, bc "his" bills are being paid and your mutual savings are being built!

[mama lipenga]

Smithie-He is going to be responsible for certain bills in their entirety, and for others (like the mortgage) he'll write a check for a portion.

As for savings, we have a joint mutual fund account as well as an IGO account for a future trip, both of which gets automatic contributions from 'my' account, and we each have our own Roth IRAs. He also has a new separate savings account which is for his trip back to Africa to visit his folks and go to the World Cup in SA in '10. (Another reason for the separate accounts- I feel like that trip should be paid for by him, not me).

When I first proposed this idea he got all freaked out- said he was going to have to get a second job to pay for everything. I had to explain my intention wasn't to bankrupt him, just to make sure he has the skills he needs in case (goodness forbid) anything happened to me.

[HeatherAtHome]

We have ALWAYS had separate accounts. We are financially open with each other and often sit down together at the computer once a month to pay bills, check out how our debt is going down and savings going up etc. We are open with each other about how much we spend on frivolous things.

We also have our own credit cards. We each have one, balance of $0, credit limit of $600. DH wanted me to get rid of mine so that we were down to 1 only for emergencies but I just couldn't let go of mine. It is my safety net and a part of my financial independence.

I love my husband dearly, but there is NO WAY I would put everything in his name. I need my own name, my own credit history. Even if nothing happened (if he leaves me in one form or another) it would still change the dynamic of our relationship if I depended on him for everything. I need my own little space.

That said, we're thinking of opening a separate joint account that would be our "house fund"... when we buy a house. We would both contribute (in proportion to our income) amounts for mortgage payments, insurance and other household costs. Ideally, it would also have our emergency fund.

[seeing_stars]

DH and I have never had a joint account, we both keep personal accounts at separate banks. I have child support direct deposited into my account, he has his paychecks deposited into his account. We each have certain bills that we are responsible for completely and he writes me check for his share of joint bills. He also writes me a check twice a month for incidentals and "blow" money. We are normally pretty good about budgeting, but if one of us gets into a bind, the other is usually happy to help. It works well for us. I know what is in my account at all times and plan my spending accordingly, I never have to wonder what he's spent and if we will overdraft.

[TiredX2]

Originally Posted by mama lipenga

I had him open his own checking account. For several reasons:
1. I have always taken care of everything money related, and I don't think that's fair to him. He should know how to do all this stuff as well.
2. He has different spending priorities than me, and sometimes it really irritates me. (ie when he takes out cash for our allowance, but then he either doesn't give me my share, or he does, and then spends all of his and wants some of mine back.)

I understand your first goal (having him have more financial ability). DP & I address that by putting our budget together yearly and I send him a monthly update. He has our account numbers & access codes and could easily take over if need be.

I don't understand your second goal. It seems like you just don't want to know what he is spending on, because it annoys you. But you also mention him taking money our for allowance and wanting more. So is it the amount he spends that annoys you?

Later, you said this:

Originally Posted by mama lipenga

We are going to split the bills income proportionally (I make twice as much as him).

and this:

Originally Posted by mama lipenga

When I first proposed this idea he got all freaked out- said he was going to have to get a second job to pay for everything. I had to explain my intention wasn't to bankrupt him, just to make sure he has the skills he needs in case (goodness forbid) anything happened to me.

But if you split the bills income proportionately and then each keep your own "leftover" he is going to be bankrupt. You've had him go from sharing the entire pot of money equally to getting 33% less spending money. You, meanwhile, will be getting an increase. It sounds like you've also shifted more responsibility onto his smaller portion of money.

Honeslty, if I were DP and had been thinking we were a team you just doing this would really tick me off.

[mama lipenga]

Originally Posted by TiredX2

I understand your first goal (having him have more financial ability). DP & I address that by putting our budget together yearly and I send him a monthly update. He has our account numbers & access codes and could easily take over if need be.

I don't understand your second goal. It seems like you just don't want to know what he is spending on, because it annoys you. But you also mention him taking money our for allowance and wanting more. So is it the amount he spends that annoys you?

It's both- I already have no idea what he spends his fun money on. He'll take $40 out on Friday and it's already gone by mid-week, and I haven't touched my $20 yet. So my thinking is that if it is HIS money he'll either blow through it faster, but it won't be my problem, or he'll be more tight-fisted. Either way it won't raise my blood pressure anymore. (Unless he can't pay his share of bills). But that wouldn't happen more than once before re-evaluated the situation to make sure we had a workable system.

Later, you said this:



and this:



But if you split the bills income proportionately and then each keep your own "leftover" he is going to be bankrupt. You've had him go from sharing the entire pot of money equally to getting 33% less spending money. You, meanwhile, will be getting an increase. It sounds like you've also shifted more responsibility onto his smaller portion of money.

Honeslty, if I were DP and had been thinking we were a team you just doing this would really tick me off.

Ok, I should clarify- proportionally to a point. All of our joint savings will come out of my account and I'll be paying for all groceries and most household incidentals. He should still have a couple of hundred dollars a month for himself.

[TiredX2]

Originally Posted by mama lipenga

Ok, I should clarify- proportionally to a point. All of our joint savings will come out of my account and I'll be paying for all groceries and most household incidentals. He should still have a couple of hundred dollars a month for himself.

Have you talked in the past about how much he feels he "needs"? How much does he have to save for his trips and how long does he have to save for them? He might just feel really painted into a corner.

I also don't reallly know if this money he is spending is "extra" money, needed money or if it doesn't matter (the issue being how it is spent).

[not now]

We have a joint and I have my own. My check goes into mine and I pay most of my/our bills with it. I've cut down on working so much that I have access to his/our account when my check won't cover everything but that's pretty rare. I think the last time was when both my tags and car payment were due at the same time but I had been called off work twice for over staffing (I volunteered so I could be home with them) so my check was tiny.

We have separate credit cards.

[misswerewolf]

When it comes to money, I believe firmly in separate but equal -- separate accounts, but equal share (you can define "equal" to mean whatever suits you).

[Pernillep]

I manage the finances and to be honest I don't think DH could pick it up if he needed. Not good and we need to work on that but he just doesn't care. I tell him everything I do and he sees our budget. We talk about how much is left for different things but if he all of a sudden had to start paying bills he would be lost.


That being said, he has his own account that he pays his student loan out off and his hobby costs plus spending money. I deposit from my paycheck every 2 weeks so we know how much he is getting. He then turns over his paychecks to me. I support the family financially and his part really only covers daycare costs. I used to have my own account but got tired of having to manage the family account and my own so I just started using the family account. I don't spend anything not in the budget and track all my fun spending so I won't cut into other sections of the budget.
We use our AM EX for household expenses and DH has a card. He knows what he can use it for and drops off the receipt so I can track. Good thing he really isn't a spender so it works for us.

[Smithie]

"But if you split the bills income proportionately and then each keep your own "leftover" he is going to be bankrupt. You've had him go from sharing the entire pot of money equally to getting 33% less spending money. You, meanwhile, will be getting an increase. It sounds like you've also shifted more responsibility onto his smaller portion of money."

Funny, it sounds to me like the OP is making 100% of the contributions into the jointly-owned mutual funds and savings account. As the lower-earning partner, I think I'd feel pretty well served to have my own account with "fun money" I had total control over PLUS the knowledge that my higher-earning spouse was taking care of the team savings. Especially if I were saving towards my trip to SA in 2010!

[Ellien C]

We have 4 accounts. Each with a checking and each with a savings. We were established financially when we got married so we each kept our own accounts. Both names are on all 4 accounts, but we each have responsibility for our "own" checking and savings. We pay bills more or less proportionally.

DH who makes about half what I do does tend to do most of the "bill paying" that is not automatically debited. I take care of the Roth IRAs and investments and taxes once a year.

It irritates me to no end when I don't pay the CC in full and get finance charges, but DH not-so-much. So I just let that go. We each have our own CCs.

I pay mortgage and car payment and the Roth IRAs and taxes annually. He pays groceries, fun money, eating out and all utilities. In general, I take care of the bigger expenses from my accounts and he's got the littler ones from his. I just put plane tickets on my CC and I need to talk to him about which savings account to take that out of. I'd prefer to pull it from "his" (ie the little savings account) rather than the Big savings account (mine) that handles Roth IRAs and childcare last year (before we started school). But if I take care of plane tickets, he'll take care of the rental car and all other vacation expenses.

I'm confident that either of us could pick up the bill paying if needed. We've been married 10-years but we both lived on our own for quite awhile before that.