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Dating Thread for May, if you please? - Page 6

post #101 of 244
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by emma_goldman View Post
ha! yes, i'm reading EVERY post (and yes, I should be working!)...

This would be fun to respond to! I'll try to find some time...
awesome! Just be as vague as you want, if you are full-to-the-brink of class. Or as juicy as you can without violating the UA!
post #102 of 244
Wow, I went to bed early and you guys were hopping! The sex thing is interesting. I never actually had sex with Complications. We had an intense and (at times) racy email relationship for almost a month before we ever met. By the time we met, we had established that there would be no casual sex between us, that if we had sex, it would mean something. We had some amazingly hot fooling around though!

With Jester, I feel like I have a pretty good chance at a decently respecful fwb type situation, though I spent some time last night contemplating my own ability to really not "get attached". Although really? What does that even mean? I'm attached to my friends, I miss them when I don't see them, I get support from different friends in different ways etc etc.

Scrabble guy called again last night, wanting to come over. I was bored so I said he could, but then the baby woke up crying (teething) and was super fussy, so I sent him away again when he got here, and realized that I was relieved to have a reason not to see him.

I need to figure out how to put him off a bit more permenantly. Hmm...maybe time to be a kiss and tell girl? Let him know I'm sleeping with Jester?

Oh, and the facebook group is for ANYONE! And I don't want it to replace this thread, just be a place for the slightly juicer bits!
post #103 of 244
Okay, quick update on the fb group. It seems I can only invite people who are my fb friends. So, if you wanna be in the group (and I hope you do!!) PM me with your name as it is on your fb account, and a description of what your fb profile picture looks like (so I can pick the right person!) and then I'll friend you, and invite you.

phew!
post #104 of 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by estrella View Post
...I've been alone for quite some time now. I want to have a sexual relationship with a man that spans more than one or even a few encounters. My confusion is based in "if I make him wait, and he's not the right one, and then I make the next one wait, and he's not the right one, then the next... it could be YEARS before my next encounter!" (that scares me). Relationships take time to build.

...I want to stay strong and independent and free from social (read: patriarchal) rules, but I don't want to be having sex with no future (and I DON'T want a near-future without sex). Does that make sense?...

...But now I'm really thinking about this whole "when to have sex" thing. I guess my fear is that if I have the opportunity (which of course would only matter if I felt that rare "energy"), then I won't be able to stop myself, I just love it so much.

I don't want casual sex, but I also don't want a full-blown relationship right now. What is a woman to do? (I'm getting bored of my vibrator).
i haven't had sex since christmas, and before that it was august. i TOTALLY understand. i def want to get back out there but not sure on what level. i mean, i love the idea of a raunchy one night stand, just to blow off some steam, but that also seems somewhat irresponsible to me.

so yeah, i am def feeling the urge. but at the same time, i'm extremely vulnerable and lonely right now and would like someone to just spend time with, tho i don't think i'm ready to invest myself into a "full-blown relationship" because i'm navigating through so many changes right now. dealing with a relationship is the last thing i need. or so i tell myself to avoid taking any risks with my poor, bruised heart.

and the guy i'm talking to(trumpeter), there's definitely chemistry involved, we've known each other for a year (though we've only hung out a handful of times) and have both admitted to said chemistry on more than one occasion, beginning with when we first met.

we've been talking pretty regularly and i genuinely like him. he's so refreshing - intelligent, creative, talented, witty...he inspires me. he invited me to a show he put on last night (which was awesome btw) and after they played and he saw me, he stuck by my side until i had to leave, seemed really happy that i showed up, and walked me to my car. totally g-rated. i actually really like the friendship that we're building, but i am also very intensely attracted to him so i'm not totally sure what to do. i was with the donor for 8 years, then was pregnant, now have a 3 month old, so my skills are a little rusty. i'm also very insecure about my pp body, but keep telling myself that i grew a beautiful baby and am working out, and i don't want to be with anyone who is going to judge me solely on the box that houses my consciousness anyway.

so i'm seeing him this evening, and i don't have to be back to my sister's until dawn. so much opportunity - our only plans thus far are to meditate and ride bikes. there will probably be drinking involved. plenty of time for naughtiness.
post #105 of 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by jdubbelewe View Post
so i'm seeing him this evening, and i don't have to be back to my sister's until dawn. so much opportunity - our only plans thus far are to meditate and ride bikes. there will probably be drinking involved. plenty of time for naughtiness.
Ahhh, sounds nice :-) enjoy and have a great time.
post #106 of 244
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by DanishMom View Post
Ahhh, sounds nice :-) enjoy and have a great time.
:
post #107 of 244
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by sugarmoon View Post


I need to figure out how to put him off a bit more permenantly. Hmm...maybe time to be a kiss and tell girl? Let him know I'm sleeping with Jester?

!
Great idea.
post #108 of 244
did i miss something sugarmoon? are you and Jester now FWB?

If not, consider telling Scrabble that you WANT to be FWB with Jester!?!
post #109 of 244

Need Advice!

Ooookay. So I posted about the fact that I have this huge unrequited crush on dd's DCP. I've tried to amp up the flirt factor a bit, but it's hard because it's so time limited (drop-off/pick-up) and the setting rots (uh - five screaming toddlers). I've been a bit frustrated! lol

Anyway, I find out today that she has a crush (supposedly - based on comments) on one of the other DCP. The catch is that this other girl is totally, completely straight - and therefore absolutely disinterested. However, it's become a bit of 'the gossip of the day' at the daycare in the meantime...

In case you're wondering how I know this - my kid sister is doing her highschool placement there and fills me in on all the details.

So, I've tried dropping hints that I'm interested in women - period, not just her. No bite so far, but I'm being really subtle. Again, because of the atmosphere - it's so hard to have any kind of nuanced conversation, kwim?

Last week I totally broke a promise to myself (I swore I wouldn't) and added her on Facebook. She added me back, so at least I know I'm not verboten.

My question is this... should I bite the bullet and just flat out ask her out for coffee?? How exactly should I say it? Is that wayyyy too, er - up front? What if she looks horrified or totally dodges me? Is the fact that she has likes one of the other DCPs mean that I should back off? Urgh! My heart is pounding just thinking about it.

I have NEVER asked anyone out before - ever. My exdp was my first, and we basically went out for coffee (we were co-workers), slept together the same night... and were subsequently together for nine years, lol.

Oh please dating goddesses, give me insight and advice. I'm drowning in uncertainty here. It's actually become a painful situation for me... lol.

Any input totally welcome.
post #110 of 244
Ceinwen,

Ask her out for coffee. You could casually just slide it into the conversation (yes, I know it's hard to have a conversation with a DCP with other kids around making noise).

Because, I have no clue about the whole asking out, flirting games, but I would not be suspicious there was interest if anyone asked me out for coffee. Male or female.
post #111 of 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hollycrand View Post
Ceinwen,

Ask her out for coffee. You could casually just slide it into the conversation (yes, I know it's hard to have a conversation with a DCP with other kids around making noise).

Because, I have no clue about the whole asking out, flirting games, but I would not be suspicious there was interest if anyone asked me out for coffee. Male or female.
I was afraid someone was going to say that. I'm still searching for 'the secret handshake', lol.

It's a long weekend here, so maybe I'll ask about how her weekend was on Tuesday and sneak the coffee invite in there somewhere...

This.is.excruciating. Any more tips?
post #112 of 244
Ceinwen, I've been thinking a lot about your situation. It is tricky, and for lots of reasons. You want to be kind of subtle, so you can both save face if she's not into you, seeing as she's your dd's dcp, but since you aren't out....

Could you ask her to have coffee with you, and kind of ask her to hold your hand, metaphorically, as you come out? Could she maybe help you connect with the GBLT community in your area?

Or, if you're out to your little sis (and if you're not...well, you'll need to be soon, if you're going to purse this!) you could ask lil sis to drop a hint for you

Emma, Jester and I are....I don't know. We slept together twice last week, haven't seen him since Sunday. We spoke on the phone, briefly, on Tuesday. We both are feeling like perhaps there is too much chance that it is hurtful to my neighbor, his best friend. In fact, our phone call on Tues ended abrubtly b/c she was calling him on his cell phone. So...

I don't know. I could see it going any which way at this point, nothing, fwd, actual relationship...

And I'm pretty okay with that. I think. I've never done the casual sex thing before, so we'll see

And one of hte online guys who contacted me seems to have a chance of at least turning into a coffee date, so we'll see!

The fb group is up, I've friended everyone who PM'ed me (except Ferra and...ack I forgot who else Nym, maybe? but I PM'ed you guys to explain what you need to do) and once you confirm my friend request, I'll invite you to the group. It is so fun to put faces to names! And now we'll all have to figure out sneaky ways to take pics of the guys we date (oh! brain wave, I can post the link to the online profile for that guy!!) so we can dish.

It's friday night. Here's hoping at least some of us are out on hot dates.
post #113 of 244
Sugarmoon - I'll pm you my info for facebook

& that last post made you a senior member! Congrats!!
post #114 of 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hollycrand View Post
Ceinwen,

Ask her out for coffee. You could casually just slide it into the conversation (yes, I know it's hard to have a conversation with a DCP with other kids around making noise).

Because, I have no clue about the whole asking out, flirting games, but I would not be suspicious there was interest if anyone asked me out for coffee. Male or female.
Great idea!
post #115 of 244
Heeeeeeeeeeey. I'm a senior member!!

I'm so glad my 1000th post was dishing on the dating thread, not some boring angst about which cloth diapers are better, or how to tell your neighbors kid to quit being a brat!

Y'all are great, and I'm happy to have hit 1000 with you.

Keep the fb requests coming, I want to see all of your hot mama faces over there!!
post #116 of 244
Thread Starter 
I totally know what you mean about wishing for a secret handshake, Ceinwen. I don't need one for prospective romantic interests, as I'm pretty awesome at flirting with men OR women, if I do say so myself. However, I have particular interest in slightly-kinkier-than-your-average-vanilla type guys or gals, and, to put it mildly, they are terribly hard to locate. I wish there was a secret hand gesture or a bracelet or something that people who are into D/s-style romance ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/D/s ), even just slightly curious to explore.... But I don't find interesting, wonderful men (or women) who happen to have complementary interests in pursuing a romance of that flavor, so... : Until then I'll just keep reading The Story of O and reading other literature which contain the themes I find so intriguing.

Hope that wasn't TMI to admit, and I was just trying to empathize with Ceinwen and her desire for a secret handshake. That would serve kinky people as well as LGBT people, as well. Heterosexual, vanilla romance is the norm --but not for everyone, ....at least not for all of us all of the time.


Anyway, just ask her to hang out and have a cup of coffee sometime, in a very casual way. You can spend some more one-on-one time with her before agonizing to death about sending the vibe/signals that you're interested in more-than-friends.

Smooth & Witty and I have tried to engage in a conversation over the phone or text messages since a few days ago when I sent him the "What's up with you not making contact anymore" SMS and he responded that he'd like to to be in touch and he's been super busy but let's talk soon.... but we have played phone/text tag and gotten nothing said/clarified so I invited him over to hang out. Last night he came over when the kids were in bed, and we had dinner, wine, and conversation. It was relaxed, pleasant, and nice to spend time with him again. We caught up on what has been going on with one another the last several weeks. His side is 100% work and kitchen-rennovation. Super yawn. I asked him why he had been so silent during the past weeks and *I* needed to text him to remind him of my existence (or when we ran into each other 9 days ago he remembered my existence I suppose). I told him I could try to be slick and 'play the game' or whatever but that just isn't me and I'd like to just be totally un-cool and blunt and up front and have a candid, super-honest discussion. I actually asked him if he "just wasn't that into me" or if he was but not anymore, or he didn't have time for women these days, or met someone else, or what....?! I suggested that perhaps this was a great time to transition things to being 'just friends' and absolutely no-strings-attached on frequency of communication if any of those things were the case, and I think I communicated clearly enough that any of the scenarios would be FINE with me, that I'm happily prepared to go with the flow and don't have terribly much invested in things with him on my end but just wanna be totally candid and transparent and honest, to at least keep respect going between us, for simple integrity's sake. He seemed honest when he said that he didn't like the current situation of having a romantic life so far on the back burner, but he's just been crazy busy. He agreed it would be great to be honest and treat each other with respect, but said that honestly, he hasn't seen any other women in the 3 months he's known me, but that he can hardly even BELIEVE it's been that long because to him it's felt like the blink of an eye. I told him that I do not want to be a sporadic fuck buddy but I also don't know him well enough to know if I would want a full-blown relationship but would like to try something in the middle. You know, to date. No huge rush to make things exclusive or serious, too soon, but just get to know each other because there's enough potential between us to investigate things further, as long as we continue having a great time together, one day at a time. I explained that just forgetting the other one exists and going a month with no contact seems weird to me and I didn't want that style/pace of romantic contact. He agreed that he would enjoy making plans with me and he would want to make a conscious effort to try to change our sporadic pattern of contact and he'd be in touch with me in the next 2-3 days to schedule an actual evening together for next week (and it will be next weekend at the latest), and seemed relaxed/happy at the conculsion our conversation came to. I kept things upbeat and teased him that perhaps a 'date' was waaaaay more serious than he is ready for with a real-live-woman these days and he joked in agreement back but then seriously said that of course he didn't feel like it was too much pressure or too much to ask to have one proper 'date night' with me, to start with, and seemed genuinely excited with my suggestions for what we could do (I'm pushing going to the ballet or some sort of stage performance and he was into the idea).

Sometimes it's kind of cool to skip the whole game-playing and guesswork and just look a guy in the eye with maturity and self-respect and say, "Look, this isn't working for me so far just going-with-the-flow, and here's what I propose would work better for me, ....please clearly communicate what you are up for."

But I don't have all my eggs in the Smooth-and-Witty basket. There's the single dad who I'll call Flower Boy because he runs the family flower business that his granddad started in 1950 with one greenhouse. He has two kids the same ages as my kids, and a huge house in the suburbs (the family business exploded long ago into an empire and he's completely loaded, incidentally). He took me for a lunch date first, two weeks ago, and then last week he picked me up in the evening and took me to his place and showed me around and we had some wine and some innocent but yummy kissing, and then he took me home (I was being such a good-girl). He's my type: tall, nerdy, fair, non-hairy, and wears glasses. Cute. I also find his personality fun-loving and cool and totally child-centric (what a breath of fresh air these days, actually) but I need to get to know him better.

Then there's a new guy on the scene this last two weeks that I met on Facebook's Are You Interested app. He's 6 months younger than me, and I'll call him the Kinky Engineer. (Am I horrifying anyone on here by admitting to any degree of kinky inclinations at all? It doesn't seem shocking to me, at all, but perhaps to some it seems silly or distasteful? I hope ya'll are liberal and hard-to-shock. ) Kinky Engineer and I hung out once and he is really down-to-earth, warm, sweet, and totally into the fact that I have kids already and is really into having a family of his own. He's very smart, very respectful, and ambitious/clean-cut fresh-faced boy (looks younger than 28). But....we sort of accidently found out that we have corresponding interests in D/s when he admitted that one reason things didn't work out with his last girlfriend (of 4 years) was because she was so extremely vanilla, so completely disgusted by anything even slightly kinky and in the end, she made him feel like such a monster about his preferred style of romance and flavor of sex, it poisoned the relationship. We comiserated about the fact that it's hard to find great people who want everything normal, long-term, vanilla relationships consist of, but with at least a little bit extra spice and fun sprinkled on top, via some power-exchange, a.k.a. -D/s style romance. Typical/Stereotypical 'kinky people' are such freaks, to be honest, and we made fun of 'the scene' and 'the lifestyle' and wondered why it is so hard to find regular people that we would want to spend time with and date otherwise, who would be at least kind of excited to try the type of romance we find so erotically powerful on a mental level (any props being optional). We had chatted for ten days prior to meeting up, btw. In person, we had a great time talking about all sorts of things, though, not just kink. And we kissed, and his smell..... good god that was irresistible. His smell is like some sort of catnip. There is definitely chemistry there.

Let's see, who else.....? Well no one else that I think even COULD remotely turn into anything special. And actually, the only one I could even slightly imagine turning into something serious, would be Flower Boy, because his house is full of toys and I can relate to him, our kids all being the same ages. And here I have been saying that I won't date any single parents because my life is complicated enough. Eating my words now I think...

But I'm cool with any of those things panning out or none of them panning out. I feel like everything will just somehow work out, somewhat irrationally optimistic.
post #117 of 244
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by wendyjoe View Post
Can you join the fb group even if you're not quite divorced yet, no where near ready to date, and just creepily living vicariously through the other people on the thread??

Because that's me
You're not creepy. Join in when you're ready (this thread and dating in general).
post #118 of 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post
I totally know what you mean about wishing for a secret handshake, Ceinwen. I don't need one for prospective romantic interests, as I'm pretty awesome at flirting with men OR women, if I do say so myself. However, I have particular interest in slightly-kinkier-than-your-average-vanilla type guys or gals, and, to put it mildly, they are terribly hard to locate. I wish there was a secret hand gesture or a bracelet or something that people who are into D/s-style romance ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/D/s ), even just slightly curious to explore.... But I don't find interesting, wonderful men (or women) who happen to have complementary interests in pursuing a romance of that flavor, so... : Until then I'll just keep reading The Story of O and reading other literature which contain the themes I find so intriguing.

Hope that wasn't TMI to admit, and I was just trying to empathize with Ceinwen and her desire for a secret handshake. That would serve kinky people as well as LGBT people, as well. Heterosexual, vanilla romance is the norm --but not for everyone, ....at least not for all of us all of the time.
I think that's an awesome comparison Butterflymom, and it absolutely feels like you get what I'm talking about! Also, so not TMI I've done some reading on the D/s subculture, and there is some very intriguing stuff out there!

Even in sheer terms of 'locating' like minded people (in my case lesbians or bisexuals) is difficult. I live in a large-ish, blue collar town with a dearth of culture or arts or well - anything remotely interesting. Thankfully, it's a growing grassroots thing, and it's there if you search it out...

Anyway, I'm going to just have to suck it up and go for it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? And hopefully I'm smart enough to do it in a fashion that lends an air of casualness to it, kwim? I want it to seem 'off the cuff' and not like I've been planning this little speech for weeks... lol.

I sincerely appreciate the advice!
post #119 of 244
I don't want to hijack this thread, but I was wondering when you all knew or figured it was time to start the search for someone.
I am currently going through a messy separation/divorce with a lawyer, we're still co-habitating, and I'm getting ready to move in a few weeks time.

BUT, at work there's one colleague who has definitely been showing interest just this past week. At lunch one day he was sitting across from me, and I mentioned I was looking for a place to live. It then came out I was separated, had two kids (one the same age as his son), and was dealing with a lot of stuff. Turns out he went through the same situation last year (though I think it was his ex gf that wanted out - though he didn't say) We sat there for an hour talking, he gave me some great advice on thinking about where to live (close to the kids' current school/day care), and then the conversation moved onto California and Mexico. I am from California, and it turns out he lived there for a while. It was so nice to be able to sit and talk with someone who sympathises (and he isn't bad looking either).
He's always pretty quiet and doesn't say much, which is why I was totally shocked I talked to him for an hour.
Since then he has come to visit me in my office (which is upstairs out of the way), joins in conversations (though subtle), and listens to my crazy stories.
Anyways, I have no idea where this will lead, but it is nice to have someone interested (or at least I think he is). This is something that just appeared out of no where. I didn't look for it at all. Would it be totally masochistic to want to be friends (or more) with someone this early on?
post #120 of 244
Holly,

the conventional wisdom is to wait, but I don't know. Even though complications broke a little piece of my heart, his presence in my life (and we met, online about 4-5 weeks after my ex initiated a divorce) got me through the leaving, and overall has been a very good thing. I wouldn't change it.

Trust your instincts, be careful, but I'd say enjoy! the flirting and feelings.

Butterfly, I'm with you on the not totally vanilla life, but I'll save the details for the fb group so I don't get in trouble here. Again, fb group is open to all on this thread, just send me a pm w/ your name so I can friend you and invite you.


Ceinwen, I think given the there is not a big gblt community, you could totally play that into a way to bring up the subject with your crush. Ask her to point you towards and take you along to whatever community stuff there is. That way you'll be out, and have a good reason to spend time with her.

I don't htink she'll guess that you want to date women-- you just split up with a guy so, you'll have to be pretty out to make it obvious. Also, be aware that some in hte gblt community are wary of getting involved with people who may be 'trying on' being gay. So don't get to frustrated if people don't seem to take you seriously. Time will be your credibility. And of course, the whole thing is bunk anyway. Everyone should get to sleep with whoever they happen to be into at that moment!

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