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Dating Thread for May, if you please? - Page 2

post #21 of 244
I have "Hes just not that into you" too and while there are lots of good advices in it - it also really boosted any insecurities I had when I first started dating BF. If I was feeling insecure I could go through that book and read anything into his behaviour. Its got some good guidelines in it - but people dont always fit into boxes so read it with common sense and dont use it as a tjeklist - IMO life just doesnt work that way..

LoveOhm: I would totally go for the one you want to grow old with. Especially if he feels the same way about you! Love is not something that comes easily and it sounds like love to me
post #22 of 244
I agree about "he's just not that into you" that it can kind of give you a mind trip but I do think it points out some helpful and unfortunate truths about men.

I also think that if a guy is truly "into you" there might not me much a girl can do to mess it up.

I have to say I am completely grateful I didn't I give my current interest my number or ask him out. I waited for him to ask me for it and it seems to have payed off. I think a big message I got from the book was that men like to do the chasing...oh and that I need to wait to have sex. That has been my biggest problem dating
post #23 of 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by sugarmoon View Post
Scrabble guy was at the party too -- was funny to see him and Jester side by side, talking motorcycles. I definitely don't have romantic feelings towards Scrabble guy at this point.
I just reread your post and my goodness that must have been an interested moment........ Wow!

Quote:
Originally Posted by *MamaJen* View Post
As soon as XDP moves out the house this summer, I am looking forward to joining this thread. I think it's a reasonably good idea to have a built-in period where it's not feasible to date.
I've been thinking a lot about how to make good dating decisions. It's a whole different ball game now that I have my baby. I have a habit of going for the irresponsible artistic guy. I don't want to suddenly start dating straight-laced Republicans, but I do want to pick someone who knows how to balance a checkbook and has his life in order.
MamaJen I think for me at least it has been good to not be in an easy position to date because it REALLY makes you think about what YOU want as well as what you NEED. It requires one to think about the action a bit more, at least it does for me. I would say not to do a complete circle but try to remain open...... I have trouble with remaining open myself but I am working on it. In the meantime lurk here, I did!
post #24 of 244
Quote:
I have to say I am completely grateful I didn't I give my current interest my number or ask him out. I waited for him to ask me for it and it seems to have payed off. I think a big message I got from the book was that men like to do the chasing...oh and that I need to wait to have sex. That has been my biggest problem dating
I honestly have chosen not to follow that. If I want to have sex - I have sex. I am not going to let societys idea of what a good girl does or doesnt do define my sexuality. If a guy cant handle me being aware of my wants and needs and comfortable in my body - and in sharing it with a man of my choice - when I want - then he is simply not a guy for me! Meaning - if a guy was going to discard me simply because I had sex on the first date - then I would really rather be without him. If a man is ready to jump into bed on the first date, he shouldnt mind me doing it either. Any other attitude would be sexist and hypocritical IMO - and I know for sure I would not want to date a guy like that!
post #25 of 244
hmmmmmmmmm. dating has been nonexistent for me for a minute now and i am beginning to wonder if i am doomed to be alone for the rest of my life. i am hanging in there and hoping that maybe i could find some fellow : to share my dreams.

it's cool though. i've been super selective because i am finding that a lot of guys here just want an instant relationship with no courting and that does not interest me in the least, so there you have it. single still in may.
post #26 of 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seie View Post
I honestly have chosen not to follow that. If I want to have sex - I have sex. I am not going to let societys idea of what a good girl does or doesnt do define my sexuality. If a guy cant handle me being aware of my wants and needs and comfortable in my body - and in sharing it with a man of my choice - when I want - then he is simply not a guy for me! Meaning - if a guy was going to discard me simply because I had sex on the first date - then I would really rather be without him. If a man is ready to jump into bed on the first date, he shouldnt mind me doing it either. Any other attitude would be sexist and hypocritical IMO - and I know for sure I would not want to date a guy like that!
I completely understand your perspective! I have always been so free sexually and I see nothing wrong with having sex when you want it. It is just that for me the outcome has not been positive. I have slept with many guys quickly and out of wanting my needs to be met sexually. I have ended up feeling like pure s*hit after a lot of the time. Not saying that it is their problem or your's. It is totally me. I just want to go about things differently this time...this man is different. I don't want to f it up.

We actually just ended our date. It was really great. He brought me an orchid, which is just gorgeous. We went out and had a couple good beers and had great conversation. Then we came back to my place. Things got hot and heavy but I really do want to wait this time so after a very nice time he went home. I have to say it was a little painful...but no regrets!

It was a yummy, yummy time :
post #27 of 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seie View Post
I honestly have chosen not to follow that. If I want to have sex - I have sex. I am not going to let societys idea of what a good girl does or doesnt do define my sexuality. If a guy cant handle me being aware of my wants and needs and comfortable in my body - and in sharing it with a man of my choice - when I want - then he is simply not a guy for me! Meaning - if a guy was going to discard me simply because I had sex on the first date - then I would really rather be without him. If a man is ready to jump into bed on the first date, he shouldnt mind me doing it either. Any other attitude would be sexist and hypocritical IMO - and I know for sure I would not want to date a guy like that!
Yes - God damn it! And furthermore, I like to be the one who choose a man. That way I know that I get what I want and not settle in anyway.
post #28 of 244
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by DanishMom View Post
Yes - God damn it! And furthermore, I like to be the one who choose a man. That way I know that I get what I want and not settle in anyway.
: To both the beauitful Danish women. :

I like to choose 'em and I like to take 'em to bed if I feel inspired to do so. I'm a handful, and if my forwardness scares 'em off, then their self-esteems or views on women weren't what it needs to be in order for me to love them.
post #29 of 244
Totally agree... I got a comment once or twice about, "why are you letting x or y use you?" because I slept w/ someone quickly. I just don't get that. USE me? As if I didn't want to have sex with them? I like sex, and arbitrarily waiting or playing the whole "game" about it is just not cool with me.

I never did go out of my way to message anyone one on a dating site, though. I would get tons of messages a day and just toss out the majority of them. I ended up dating a few guys who were all really fun and sweet in different ways, but I couldn't see any long term potential w/ any of them. Which was FINE, having fun (esp after being in a 6 year crappy relationship!!!) was great.

My boyfriend of almost 4 months (woo woo!!) had sent me a message and I responded, it was just a question about astrophysics or such I had mentioned in my profile. A few weeks later I actually browsed his profile and was blown away. I just loved it. We haven't stopped talking to each other daily since. :

Anyway, still following this thread and loving reading about everyone's adventures or lack thereof, though I'm not feeling that I am currently technically dating anymore.
post #30 of 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by tripleaces View Post
:

My boyfriend of almost 4 months (woo woo!!) had sent me a message and I responded, it was just a question about astrophysics or such I had mentioned in my profile. A few weeks later I actually browsed his profile and was blown away. I just loved it. We haven't stopped talking to each other daily since. :

Anyway, still following this thread and loving reading about everyone's adventures or lack thereof, though I'm not feeling that I am currently technically dating anymore.
Awesome! Online dating success...that is great to hear
post #31 of 244
geez you ladies have very active dating lives.

Nothing much for me on the dating front. I've been off the boards for awhile. I guess I've been wrapped up in this thing called motherhood. :

Still not dating. I was seeing a guy a few months back but at the start of the new year I decided to lay off dating until I met someone worth the time and the hassle. So far, no one. My son's father and I are ok but he's still on that "no title, I'm comfortable how things are" aka "if iwant to be with you I will, if I feel like being with someone else I will". I mean, whatever. At this point, who cares.

The plan was for me to take 2009 off from dating. 5 months into the new year and still no one has asked me on a date. I think I'm doing ok so far. I wish I had friends who knew single guys who they think would like me but nope. Everyone else is so wrapped up in their own relationships that they forget i'm the only single friend now.

Best of luck to you on your dating.
post #32 of 244
Ferra: I would like to add that my BF is one I met on a dating site too - as mentioned earlier. Been together for 5 months now and looking veeery serious
post #33 of 244
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by tripleaces View Post
Totally agree... I got a comment once or twice about, "why are you letting x or y use you?" because I slept w/ someone quickly. I just don't get that. USE me? As if I didn't want to have sex with them? I like sex, and arbitrarily waiting or playing the whole "game" about it is just not cool with me.
: Yes yes yes. I get those comments too or somehow between the lines the idea that, "Maybe you shouldn't have jumped into bed with him...." as if HE didn't also jump into bed with ME? Why does the standard not apply to men AT ALL? If sex happens right away it was all on my shoulders (the impulsiveness, if not the downright sluttiness) and none of it on his, because what, "Boys will be boys???!" F%¤& that. : If a man is thinking along those mysogonist judgmental terms, then ......thanks for the action, sir, and "Next!!!!"
post #34 of 244
I have a HUGE crush on my dd's DCP. Holy a) conflict of interest and b) I promised myself I would wait at least a year before thinking about dating.

Aiyiyi.
post #35 of 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seie View Post
Ferra: I would like to add that my BF is one I met on a dating site too - as mentioned earlier. Been together for 5 months now and looking veeery serious
Very cool! I guess there are some good ones online.


I think I was sending the wrong message earlier when I said not to sleep with men too early. This is obviously a hot topic with you ladies! I don't consider myself to be a "good girl" and I certainly don't think expressing ourselves sexually is bad. I am a huge advocate of happiness and jumping into bed with a guy the first time we hangout just isn't making ME happy anymore. It has stopped working for me. I certinaly don't think it is wrong though!!!!

I realize I made it sound like a "rule" of dating rather than a choice I am making because of my past relationships
post #36 of 244
Ferra: I must admit it hasnt appealed as much to me now as it did when I was younger. Before I met BF I had a short relationship to a younger man, then I had a couple of one night stands before I met BF. And I must say that while I used to enjoy doing that when I was younger, then now it just doesnt hold the same - hmm - sexiness - as it used to for me. I slept with BF on our first date - but that was different from the get go. We had so much chemistry going on. And after he kissed me I just knew that I HAD to bring him back home. He was so adorable - everything about him just screamed at me to take him straight home. And waking up with him the next morning felt just right - I just felt instantly safe and at home with him..
ANyway just trying to say I get your point
post #37 of 244
Thread Starter 
Ceinwen, any reason to believe it's one sided? Maybe he has a HUGE crush on you too???

and Ferra, dont' worry about pressing hot button topics with us. We love 'em.


I just got mine tonight f(rom Hottie Supreme) and I have no idea if this will pan out into a more-than-just-FWB-type of situation or not, and frankly I don't care. I'm pretty comfortable with either scenario. Either a) he writes me off as an easy piece of ass because we jumped into bed so early-on (and I'll do quite the same with his slut ass, thankyouverymuch) or b) he actually has a brain and notices that I'm the whole package and worth a second look for relationship-potential and then we have something worth posting on the Dating Thread about.


Let's see what happens with me & Hottie Supreme. Hey, if he passes me by because I was willing to get carried away by the sparks and passion (hey, a girl's got needs), then his f#%& loss, ya know? There's pleeeeeeeeeenty of fish in the sea. Even in a tiny little scandinavian sea.
post #38 of 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post
Ceinwen, any reason to believe it's one sided? Maybe he has a HUGE crush on you too???
It's a she. Having said that, she's definitely out and proud - so who knows!?

I've been reading the past few dating threads with increasing interest. I'll have to use this as a 'how-to' manual.

It's been ten years since exdp and I started dating (well, almost!) and he was my first boyfriend.

Not only am I extremely out of practice with regard to dating - dating women is BRAND new on the radar.
post #39 of 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceinwen View Post
It's a she. Having said that, she's definitely out and proud - so who knows!?

I've been reading the past few dating threads with increasing interest. I'll have to use this as a 'how-to' manual.

It's been ten years since exdp and I started dating (well, almost!) and he was my first boyfriend.

Not only am I extremely out of practice with regard to dating - dating women is BRAND new on the radar.
Maybe you could pay her a really nice compliment? Sometimes that helps test the waters.

OH, and what is DCP?
post #40 of 244
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceinwen View Post

Not only am I extremely out of practice with regard to dating - dating women is BRAND new on the radar.
Wow, that is a bit tricky. Not sure what advice to give but want to wish you tons of luck!
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