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Dating Thread for May, if you please? - Page 11

post #201 of 244
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seie View Post
Organicpapaya: Welcome
Sounds interesting. Is there any chance you can meet without kids? Its a bit hard figuring out whether something is going on between you if you dont have much time to just be on your own. .
: Good point, Seie!
post #202 of 244
Hypothetical dating question (no dates here )

What if your child's father never/rarely takes overnights? How do you date? Has anyone been in this situation? Do things just have to stay casual for a while in that case?

I can't see having someone spend the night here when I'm living with my kids, you know? I suppose I might change my mind but I can't see it now.
post #203 of 244
Not exactly a FB expert!!

How do I find the MDC dating mamas group???

TIA!
post #204 of 244
Still here reading everyone's stories! I'm still working on things on my end - apparently (according to my teenage sister the dating guru) I read way too much into the faceb*ok messages and I need to 'play it cool' and see what happens, lol.
post #205 of 244
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by DanishMom View Post
Not exactly a FB expert!!

How do I find the MDC dating mamas group???

TIA!
Sweetie why didn't you just send me an SMS and ask ME? You know I'm here for you.

When you are on FB, there's some icons on the bottom left hand corner of the page, and one of them is the two blue heads/profiles and if you click on that it takes you to FB Groups and in particular 'Your Groups' of which I'm confident you only have one---the MDC daters. Then you click on that.

I love you!!!!!!!!
post #206 of 244
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceinwen View Post
and I need to 'play it cool' and see what happens, lol.
Play it cool?

:

I never learned to do that.


post #207 of 244
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momtwice View Post
Hypothetical dating question (no dates here )

What if your child's father never/rarely takes overnights? How do you date? Has anyone been in this situation? Do things just have to stay casual for a while in that case?

I can't see having someone spend the night here when I'm living with my kids, you know? I suppose I might change my mind but I can't see it now.
Grandparents could have an overnight once in awhile? aunts/uncles/close friends could come and spend the night at your place to do an overnight babysitting gig while you go out until the wee hours? IF your child/ren sleep through the n ight they would never even know it if you are there at bedtime and again at breakfast.
post #208 of 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seie View Post
Organicpapaya: Welcome
Sounds interesting. Is there any chance you can meet without kids? Its a bit hard figuring out whether something is going on between you if you dont have much time to just be on your own. And do take your concerns seriously untill he has clearly proven them wrong.
yes this!! I want this to see how it is with the two of us. He has is son 50% of the time... one week on and one week off. So he can def meet without his son. Me on the other hand, my parents help watch DS during the week while I work. they are a bit on the elderly side and raising my teenage brother and sister so they are very tired and dont want to take advantage of them having them watch DS every single day, so I feel guilty if I leave him with them on the weekend. and no I dont have a friend or other baby sitter to watch him on any possible date days so Im kinda screwed there.....
post #209 of 244
Finding time to date is tricky.

I used to live near relatives who could babysit for the evening, after I'd put the kids to bed. I don't anymore. My kids have daytime visits w/ their dad, so I can do coffee/lunch dates, and then once things are serious enough, I can do "come over and hang out all day" kind of things, but it is hard to find time for dinner/drinks.

I'm working on building relationships with a few local teen girls, and I'm also rearranging my head about it -- a guy seems irritated/confused/whatever about me not being able to do evening dates due to the kids, well then, he's not the guy for me. And ya know, a lot of them *aren't*

OrganicPapaya, could your teen siblings babysit, after you put your little guy to bed, if your guy came to your town, so you'd be just a quick phone call away if your little one needed you? That is how I did it when I left my sleeping kids with a teenage aunt -- if anyone woke up, she'd just call and I'd zip home -- I made it clear to my date that this was the deal, and anyone who couldn't deal was out anyway.

Or could you do a "home" date, once you feel comfortable enough with the guy, where he comes over to your place after your baby is asleep? I've done some of those as well.

Nothing new to report on my end -- I'm hoping that one (or both?) of my current email/online guys will ask me out for this weekend, but I'm not committed enough to ask them.
post #210 of 244
Organic papaya: I am pretty sure someone is going to disagree with this suggestion - but could he come visit you in the evening after your ds is asleep? Ofcourse that would only work if you trust him to be a decent guy! That goes without saying. But since your DS has already met him? You could sit up and chat and have a glass of wine. He would obviously most likely want to sleep with you unless you had set out strick rules beforehand - I mean - if you dont want to take that step just yet..
If that is not an option maybe get in touch with other single moms in your area - could be possible to make a deal of "I watch yours if you watch mine" - A night out for a night out kwim?

Anyone remember that my BF quit his job because of a phsycho boss? Well - guess what - the phsycho boss got fired : And BF has a very promising 2nd job interview in a big company tomorrow. I am so excited for him - its a really cool position that I very very much hope he gets- Even though it will make it necessary for him to move another hour away from me. That will make us 2 hours apart. But well - 2 hours is still within driving distance - and we both expect our relationship to be a long lasting one so a year or two of him living somewhere far from me wont change our plans of a future together so..
post #211 of 244
Yes, what Seie said.

I usually ask a few friends to watch my kids so I can go out on the first few dates and get a real feel for the person. My kids go to their dad's 2 days per month, so I use that time too. When I have a good sense of the person, they come over after the kids are asleep and we can spend time together that way.

The old baby monitor comes in handy to catch noise, getting out of bed, rustling around before my kids actually get out of the bedroom door and find us.
post #212 of 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post
Play it cool?

:

I never learned to do that.


Hah. Me either! Playing the game...I suck at it. Sometimes I think if I were better at it, Complications would still be around. Then I remember that the one and only time in my life I played the game, played it cool, did the things girls do....I ended up married to xh. And you know, playing it that way set up a really bad dynamic that had a lot to do with why our marriage failed (that and oh, um, him cheating:).

But I have been thinking about this some recently, with the new email correspondences I've got going on. I think of it as my metaphorical toybox. I read some design/decorating article a while ago, where the author was talking about how as a kid, she used to dump her whole toy box out at the feet of a visiting friend, as if to say "see how much cool stuff I have? Like me! Like me!", and that carried over into the way she decorated as college kid/young profesional -- lots of posters, colors, "character", everywhere!

She then went onto talk about how as she has matured, her sense of style has evolved to a calmer, more peaceful design, with a few key pieces displayed that really show her unique taste and personality.

Okay, still with me? I probably should have just found the article and linked it!

So, I think I have a tendency to just throw everything about myself out there, pretty early on when meeting new people. Maybe some of it is driven by the "Like me! Like me!" impulse, but I think for me, it is more that I think the "hard" stuff is interesting to talk about, and I'm not a particularly private person, so there's not too much I don't mind sharing, when the conversation bends that way.

But, when it comes to dating, I think it has on a few occasions made me seem to "forward" or "easy" or something. Maybe even indimidating? I don't know.

So, in these new email correspondences, I'm trying to really pay attention to not getting to far ahead of him in terms of depth of subject. I'm still being true to myself, but I'm being concious of leaving more to fill in later -- like, I'm working on a line drawing for him now, and if things progress, I'll start to color it in.

Does that make sense?

What do you think?

And, anyone who made it through all that is amazing!:
post #213 of 244
Sugarmom: You sound like me .. I also tend to share a lot right away - nothing is too private.. I do believe I have scared some men away that way - but on the other hand - if they cant handle me - what do I need them for anyway.
With my BF I think I played the game pretty well actually. I recently talked with him about it - told him how I had been holding back. He looked surprised and said that he really loves when women take initiative. Turns out this guy actually really likes me for who I AM - including the intimidating parts! I do believe in the end, if someone is really into you - you cant scare him away by doing things "wrong". - At least not minor things. But I do belive some of the game is good - actually waiting to see if he calls can be an eyeopener - cause really if he doesnt - he just wasnt that into you in the first place. And - if he doestn call he wasnt such a great guy after all - if he cant even put in that little effort to begin with - why even bother kwim?

I had a rough time right after meeting BF with not calling him and texting him every other second. Turned out he really truely is a guy who is non-desperate - who didnt need me around every single moment - who didnt need the confirmation of sweet little texts every hour of the day. But if I put myself through the hell of not contacting him for 2-3 days - he would get back to me. Only at one point - probably around a month after we first met - I felt he was hmm - not as fast to get in touch. It was over christmas. Turned out he really was having some doubts about us - but all based on HIS insecurities. We had a long talk - I eventually did call him - and assured him it was not an issue. After that it has been smooth sailing
So not exactly a fan of the game here - but common sense and non-desperation is always good to remember..
post #214 of 244
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by sugarmoon View Post

So, I think I have a tendency to just throw everything about myself out there, pretty early on when meeting new people. Maybe some of it is driven by the "Like me! Like me!" impulse, but I think for me, it is more that I think the "hard" stuff is interesting to talk about, and I'm not a particularly private person, so there's not too much I don't mind sharing, when the conversation bends that way.

But, when it comes to dating, I think it has on a few occasions made me seem to "forward" or "easy" or something. Maybe even indimidating? I don't know.
That is so me. You described me completely!!! I think we must be the same person. THAT is exactly my problem with dating.

I also need to figure out how to hold back a bit...... It's just so hard! If I really think I like someone, I just gush and overflow with TMI.....
post #215 of 244
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsChatsAlot View Post

The old baby monitor comes in handy to catch noise, getting out of bed, rustling around before my kids actually get out of the bedroom door and find us.
: absolutely.
post #216 of 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by sugarmoon View Post

So, I think I have a tendency to just throw everything about myself out there, pretty early on when meeting new people. Maybe some of it is driven by the "Like me! Like me!" impulse, but I think for me, it is more that I think the "hard" stuff is interesting to talk about, and I'm not a particularly private person, so there's not too much I don't mind sharing, when the conversation bends that way.
This is me - I have no filter. And I'm extremely, er - verbal. Nervous? Blabbermouth. Relaxed? Possibly worse.

I try to remind myself to a) not ex bash b) not only talk about the kids and c) take a breath every once in awhile

I totally agree though re: the 'hard' stuff being interesting. I'm not a casual sort of person to begin with. Let's get to the nitty-gritty, don't waste my time.... Sometimes this backfires. However, I have cut a lot of BS in my life this way, and met some very compatible people.
post #217 of 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post
Play it cool?

:

I never learned to do that.


Apparently neither have I.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Momtwice View Post
Hypothetical dating question (no dates here )

What if your child's father never/rarely takes overnights? How do you date? Has anyone been in this situation? Do things just have to stay casual for a while in that case?

I can't see having someone spend the night here when I'm living with my kids, you know? I suppose I might change my mind but I can't see it now.
Hmmm, IME (well, my exdp does take the kids two weekends a month) I leaned on my parents heavily in this department. When I wanted to go out, I'd ship my dd off to my parent's place for the night - I also have two teenage sister willing to sit for a fee.

I also don't mind having people over even if the kids are here. If we're gonna have a 'grown-up' dinner and a movie or whatever, I'll get them to come over around six or seven, have the girls in bed by seven-thirty, and then we can get on with our evening.
post #218 of 244
My problem is that I can sometimes hold back TOO much. Especially now that I'm in a 'new' country (just moved here 11 months ago) where the flirting and relationship dynamics are a bit different.
At first I can seem flirty, but then when the guy starts to show a mutual interest, I get really shy. Not to the point where I avoid him, but my face gets red/pink very often, I start to totally analyse every move, word to search for what meaning it would have, on my part and on his.
Anyways, now that I am no longer working, I don't see Smart Computer Guy at all. Well, I will see him today at lunch, as the company is having a 'farewell' lunch for me at a restaurant. But I don't know if I'll be sitting near him, if I'll even have the chance to talk to him, or anything. I'd love to give him my phone number to call, but that might seem too forward. I don't know. I guess I'll just see how it goes. But seeing him again is what I wish for the most right now - even if it's just as friends, KWIM?
But that's just my fantasy talking.
post #219 of 244
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hollycrand View Post
But seeing him again is what I wish for the most right now - even if it's just as friends, KWIM?
But that's just my fantasy talking.
Just ask if he'd like to exchange email addresses and keep in touch, since you won't be working there anymore. Simple as that. He has a major ego if he assumes that you are saying that because you're madly in love with him. Make the same request to other colleagues within earshot, and he def. won't think it's too forward.

Then work on him via a few cute little emails or fb chat after you add him to your fb. If that is fun and friendly then suggest hanging out for coffee (or roller blading together) or whatever. Go Holly, Go Holly, GO! :
post #220 of 244
Well, I'm back from lunch. I did get the chance to talk to Smart Computer Guy (he was there! Yippee!) a bit, but not really. He did do the kisses on the cheek thing, and wish me good luck. Like everyone else.
I just think if it was meant to be, it would have happened. If it's not meant to be, then...there ARE other fish in the sea.
But not so many that have such piercing eyes (I'm an eyes woman).
Sigh.

Human Resource Manager didn't come - he said he had a meeting to go to at lunchtime. But I think he was embarrassed to come, since he was the one who had to fire me. He asked me to give him a call in 1-2 weeks time so he could give me feedback as why I was fired....but I don't know if this was blah blah. In my fantasy it's because he wants to talk to me and maybe ask me out.

Hah! I think my reality is so far removed from my fantasies these days...maybe it's better like this.
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