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Dating Thread for May, if you please? - Page 3

post #41 of 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by ferra View Post
Maybe you could pay her a really nice compliment? Sometimes that helps test the waters.

OH, and what is DCP?
I'm brushing off my extremely rusty flirting skills - I must say that this is at least a nice distraction from all the serious issues in my life.

DCP = daycare provider :
post #42 of 244
Seriously, Ceinwen, it is a super fun distraction. I'd say let yourself enjoy a nice long, slow, flirtation. Dust up your skills, feed your fantasies, and enjoy

And if something comes of it...well, all the better!

As for me, I'm trying to follow my own advice, with regard to Jester He had suggested that we do a little fire in the yard and talk...but I haven't heard from him yet this week. I sent him a little email last night so we'll see. It's funny. I really can see his house out my window, our yards adjoin, but he is the one person in this little village who I don't constantly run into.

But...
post #43 of 244
Looks like May is gearing up to be another exciting month for all of us!

I suck with remembering who said what - but here's what I wanted to comment on... if I got your names wrong, I'm really sorry! It's midterms and I'm running solely on coffee and a sprinkle of insanity.

Ferra - I totally get where you are coming from with one-night-stands. But ironically, I kinda JUST want no-strings-attached sex. I'm still too scared to get to that point, though. Because that requires finding a sitter, finding a man, flirting enough to get to that point... gosh, the last time I did that was years ago.

Speaking of that, a new man has come across the horizon but just as quickly, I am discarding him. Let's call him Overly Eager because that's what he is. I met him once, wasn't too attracted to him but gave him my e-mail address... never answered his e-mails because I was busy and just didn't want to date... happened to see him again a few weeks ago. He remembered me and I felt terrible for not getting back to him. He seemed nice so I was somewhat open to seeing him again. Well, he's turned into this stalker-ish type of guy who texts me way too frequently for my taste. I have told him that I'm a single mother and a full time student and I barely have time for myself... and when I do have time to myself, I like to spend it with close friends not random guys. I did not answer three texts of his (within a few hours) because I was BUSY and he texted me saying "I'm going to text you every hour until you get the message." What?!?! See you later, dude. I don't want to jump in bed with you. Another thing is that he never once asked about my son even though I mentioned him in EVERY single conversation. And he seemed nice.

Ceinwen- best of luck! I agree with the other girls here - enjoy the flirtation and the chase... It's always fun to try new things and if you're attracted .... go for it!

fishes in the sea....i'm coming to get you. now can just ONE of you be a normal, nice, funny guy who is amazing in the sack? is that too much to ask for?!
post #44 of 244
hee-hee. updates in real time...Jester on his way to my house for tea
post #45 of 244
me again, just perused the remainder of april and beginning of may. you mamas are busy! so am i, but not in a fun way.

my little update..

went out with Donor (stbx) on monday. we dropped dd off at his mom's and proceeded to have an awesome, amazing time. we had a bunch of fun, the way we used to back when we really liked each other. he told me that:

-i am his favorite person on the planet, and one of the very best friends he's ever had
-i am somewhat of a muse and an inspiration to him, a lifelong grounding influence, he compared us to salvador dali and his wife gala. after reading about their relationship, not so sure how i feel about that.
-he loves me

he put the baby to bed when we got home, we snuggled for a minute, and then he left. came over today to visit with us and was totally weird. usually i get a goodbye kiss on the mouth but today it was an awkward peck on the neck, like an afterthought.

i've decided to tell him to spare me the beautiful words about how great i am and how much i mean to him until he's telling me he wants to work on things. in any other context it's just cruel, since he's still rifling around in that other vag.

haven't seen Trumpeter since we met a few weeks ago, but am seeing him next week. a day or two after we went out, he messaged me and told me that i put off a ridiculous sex vibe and that he's conflicted because he's attracted to me, but also really likes spending time with me and is still recovering from a breakup, so he's not totally sure that he's ready to be with anyone yet. we've gone back and forth about it over the past few weeks and i'm not sure what i'm looking for either, so we're just doing the friend thing and if something happens, it happens. god i hope something happens. i need a little fun in my life. so we have tentative plans to meet next week.

sorry, don't want to be crass, but i need to get laid!!! he's a scorpio, too. i always have great luck with scorpios.

otherwise, nothing much going on. out of sheer boredom i signed up for an acct on okcupid and deleted it 2 days later. not one single guy on there that interested me. *sigh*
post #46 of 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by ferra View Post
I have to say I am completely grateful I didn't I give my current interest my number or ask him out. I waited for him to ask me for it and it seems to have payed off. I think a big message I got from the book was that men like to do the chasing...oh and that I need to wait to have sex. That has been my biggest problem dating
Ferra: While I understand and respect those who elect to "jump in to bed" quickly I also know that it's not for me. I like to be courted and like a man to show he wants me from the beginning with actions! For me being courted is simply something I value and that I feel is missing in many relationships now a days. In general romance is lacking (at least where I live) and to me that goes both ways.

For me jumping in too quickly does not give me the chance to see if he is worthy of my time and if the connection has growth potential. Going at a slower pace is just best for where I am at and what I am hoping for in a relationship. That said, I have also considered a purely physical thing just for the meantime!
post #47 of 244
: i love this "tribe"

"dating" BF for about 8 months now (!). Things are getting WAY hotter and passionate for me and for him. how fun is that? lately I've got a perma-smile...
post #48 of 244
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by sugarmoon View Post
hee-hee. updates in real time...Jester on his way to my house for tea

How did it go? :

Justanotherbrick, that stalker guy sounds creepy. Hope you ceased all communications from your end.

jdubbelwe, your Donor dude DOES sound kind of sadistic. Definitely tell him to lay off, until he's gotten rid of that other vagina and is focused entirely on you and the baby. I hope that hottie-Scorpio-Trumpeter guy and you end up 'making beautiful music together' soon! Sounds like you need it. I can totally understand...


Ceinwen, did you flirt yet?

LoveOhm, I totally love courting and romance too. But sometimes... well, I just 'get mine' and worry about the rest later. I'm young and recently divorced from a nearly-celibate-6-year-marriage so ....

Hottie Supreme is really cool and doin' it for me in oh-so-many ways but he is in a bit of a complicated situation. He is still living with his (ex)girlfriend. They actually only broke up a month or so ago and she's looking for a new place, but in the meantime they are still living together and.... it's just too much of a rebound situation (they were together for 5 years) for it to pan out into very much between us, I think. His head isn't cleared from the fog of such a long relationship breaking up, and I'm not 100% convinced that they won't possibly reconcile since he admits they have 'broken up' a couple of times before in their 5 years together. So I'm just having fun with him when it happens, and not considering him really 'available' in the broad sense of the term. Pity. But timing is everything...

So last night I had a ladies dinner party at my place. 4 of us ladies managed to gather around my dinner table on relatively short notice (I decided just four days in advance to have it) and we really had a great evening with several bottles of wine and it was a pot luck so lots of yummies. Three of the four of us were able to sleep in the next day so we went out dancing at a night club (DanishMom, the same one that you and I went to and where I met Smooth & Witty and his irritating friend who kept trying to caress your cheek) that is very popular on Thursday nights. The three of us gals were having a great time....... but........

This blonde, innocent & adorable-baby-faced, slender 6'2" man in a suit caught my eye so I walked up to him and broke the ice with some lame comment about how crowded things were. Once he turned towards me and made eye contact, the guy totally turned into a puppy dog. MY puppy dog. Boy, is this guy NOT smooth. He was just following me around like a heartsick puppy after that first glance, and... I don't know, his vibe is just sweet, honest, up-front, kind, soft-spoken, and NERDY. This is perfect because for those of you on this thread that don't remember, I LOVE NERDS. Well, if they aren't insecure ones. This guy has a good self-esteem, he's in charge at work (his masters degree is in engineering and he's a department manager at work, forget what type of company), but as a person, there's not the type of bravado there that a lot of charismatic and 'charming-with-the-ladies' type guys have. He's more serious, (but sweet,) to be cracking hilarious one-liners and being oh-so-cool the way Smooth & Witty was. His geeky vibe and earnestness just melted my heart and was so sweet and endearing. He really did NOT know how to strut and act awesome and 'play' the situation with a 'lady on the hook' so to speak, last night at the nightclub. Like I said, he just morphed into my personal puppy dog on first glance and just followed me around and complimented me and gazed into my face.

So, me and my girls, and him and one of his clients, all boogied on the dance floor and WHO DO I SEE....? Smoothie! He is there, looking pretty dapper in a suit himself, obviously there after work in a huge group of guys in suits, and he comes over and says hello to me on the dance floor! It was kind of awkward, but he just said a quick hello and left us, and I don't think he even noticed that I was dancing with a guy, because it was so crowded you couldn't tell anyone would be dancing WITH anyone unless you were actually all over each other (which I wasn't, with this guy). My heart kind of sunk a little bit, because when I saw Smooth & Witty, I realized I kind of liked him a lot in February, March, and part of April, and it definitely fizzled because of lack of momentum on HIS end, not from lack of momentum on my end, I think. That pretty much screams, "Well, he's just not THAT into you" and that feels like a rejection and it hurts a bit. But I rebounded and forgot about him and went back to my evening with my girlfriends and the new puppy boy.

Was a great night.
post #49 of 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post
How did it go? :
I'm at work but it was........

and he left from my bedroom at about 12:20:

Butterfly, nerdy guy sounds pretty great -- a hottie who doesn't know it??

I'll be back later to fill y'all in more
post #50 of 244
I'm working on flirting. I think I'm being too, er - 'un'obvious. Maybe I need to ramp things up a bit? We're both invited to a mutual friend's bachelortte party next month, so that'll be interesting! I'm going to lay it on a big heavier though, and see what the response is!

Reading everyone else's stories is definitely giving me a feeling of permission to pursue this! You guys are very exciting!
post #51 of 244
Ceinwen, I totally agree! reading everyone else's fun stories makes me want to get out there.

Keep flirting, even if it seems to be un-obvious to her -- she'll eventually catch on, and you'll start to feel more comfortable with the whole thing. I know for me, it is a HUGE shift from pre-marriage when I *never* could believe anyone would be into me. I have way more confidence now, and it is way more fun, and I'm doing a whole lot better at reading the signs and being in the drivers seat.

That said....I did my share of driving last night, but it was nicely reciporacal. I called him but after we had talked for a little while, he said, this is silly for us to be talking on the phone, and I said, yeah wanna come down...

We talked for a while, mostly about divorce, cheating (we were both cheated on) and the bizarre world of online dating -- ended up holding hands and he said, I'd really like to kiss you, but I'm not sure it is a good idea. I asked him why, and he said some things about how he really doesn't want hurt anyone by having things get physical if the relationship isn't going to get serious -- not that he was ruling out that possibility with me, but that he didn't know what I was thinking, what going physical would mean to me (heh. yes. he overthinks and talks too much, but I like both of those characteristics).


I assured him I am so not the girl he has to worry about that with so....



twice.


with a nice long cuddle and talk, with lots of laughing in between. It was very nice.

I'm still not sure where, if anywhere, it could go long term. I don't feel like I know him well enough, and I don't feel any need to be on a fast track to another long term relationship right now anyway. We talked a bit about what it means to be "friends with benefits" which is a term I actually hate. Basically, I think the middle ground between one night stands and being exclusive, devoted, and moving in together is disappearing, and is what people increasingly think of as friends with benefits.

So to make a long story short, I think he and I are in the same place about wanting things to be slow and casual, but also friendly and respectful. I like him, but I'm not worried about falling into him like I did with Complications (who is on my mind SO much lately!).

But, Jester (and looking forward to repeat of last night!)was on my mind today, which was a very nice change. And he called me this evening to thank me for a "nice time". He has practice for his band tonight and they're doing a show tomorrow, so I'm not sure when I'll see him again but, I'm surely looking forward to it
post #52 of 244
I love all these stories. I am really feeling ready to jump back into the water. I've never had trouble finding nice guys to date, and I actually really enjoy dating. I just need to figure out the logistics with a baby.
So XDP is on a date tonight. His exact words were, "If I don't release some sexual tension I'm gonna pop. I won't be home tonight." I sent him off with my blessing, but it still felt a tiny bit weird. I'm not in a horrible rush to kick him out the house (he's planning on moving out this summer) but this is where co-habiting with your ex gets a little complex.
post #53 of 244
I have not dated since my divorce but am finally maybe ready to ease back into it. Struck up a flirty relationship with an old friend via Facebook - it's so silly but I never know what to do when I see him online. Should I start a chat or wait for him? Don't want to seem too eager. But maybe he's thinking the same thing?

This is the part about dating that I hated!
post #54 of 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by sugarmoon View Post
I'm at work but it was........

and he left from my bedroom at about 12:20:

Butterfly, nerdy guy sounds pretty great -- a hottie who doesn't know it??
was
I'll be back later to fill y'all in more
Yeah, fill us in!

Things are still going good between my new guy and I. I was at work last night and he text and asked me to come by his house on the way home. I stopped by and ended up staying for awhile. We talked and kissed a bit then I had to get home to ds. We have another date tomorrow. We are going to go to one of my fav restaurants. I really like him so far and am really liking this dating stuff. I honestly haven't gone on many dates and LoveOhm: It really does feel great to be sort of courted and have them put in effort. This is actually the best I have ever been treated by a man. It is overwhelming!

MamaJen: that does sound complicated! It sounds like at least you and your XDP are open and honest with each other.

Happy Dating :
post #55 of 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by churndash View Post
I have not dated since my divorce but am finally maybe ready to ease back into it. Struck up a flirty relationship with an old friend via Facebook - it's so silly but I never know what to do when I see him online. Should I start a chat or wait for him? Don't want to seem too eager. But maybe he's thinking the same thing?

This is the part about dating that I hated!
ugh, so there with you. i go through that just about every single day with one of my interests.

luckily, lately he's been very chatty with me so i don't have to think too hard about it.
post #56 of 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by *MamaJen* View Post
I love all these stories. I am really feeling ready to jump back into the water. I've never had trouble finding nice guys to date, and I actually really enjoy dating. I just need to figure out the logistics with a baby.
So XDP is on a date tonight. His exact words were, "If I don't release some sexual tension I'm gonna pop. I won't be home tonight." I sent him off with my blessing, but it still felt a tiny bit weird. I'm not in a horrible rush to kick him out the house (he's planning on moving out this summer) but this is where co-habiting with your ex gets a little complex.


As G!d as my witness - we HAVE got to be married to the same guy. The similarities are killing me. I'm surprised at how ready I feel to start dating again too...
post #57 of 244
Soo....

trying to figure out my next move w/ Jester. I'm ready for a repeat of the other night, but don't want to set up a dynamic where I'm calling him (or vice versa) just for sex.

Also, I want to leave the "chase" in his hands, at least a bit. But, he did call me yesterday and say he was sorry that he was busy for the next two nights. I'm thinking about calling him to let him know I'm free all day Sunday and see if he wants to hang out...

Scrabble guy stopped by today, gave me a hug and a kiss on the top of the head when he was leaving. He was less annoying than usual, and is very physically attracive (moreso than Jester, not that Jester is unattractive). But in an odd quirk, when I was talking w/ Jester, he had mentioned that Scrabble guy seems to be dating the woman who rents the apartment in Jester's barn. Hmmmmmm....Scrabble guy is def. not giving out the vibe that he is dating anyone.

This is just such a small small community. In fact, Jester's ex wife is my dd's occupational therapist at preschool! The morning before Jester came over, she had given me Jester's phone number so that I could call his teenage daughter as a babysitter when she is at her dads. Heh!

But hmmmmmmm, breaking a long dry spell .
post #58 of 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by sugarmoon View Post
Soo....

trying to figure out my next move w/ Jester. I'm ready for a repeat of the other night, but don't want to set up a dynamic where I'm calling him (or vice versa) just for sex.

Also, I want to leave the "chase" in his hands, at least a bit. But, he did call me yesterday and say he was sorry that he was busy for the next two nights. I'm thinking about calling him to let him know I'm free all day Sunday and see if he wants to hang out...

Scrabble guy stopped by today, gave me a hug and a kiss on the top of the head when he was leaving. He was less annoying than usual, and is very physically attracive (moreso than Jester, not that Jester is unattractive). But in an odd quirk, when I was talking w/ Jester, he had mentioned that Scrabble guy seems to be dating the woman who rents the apartment in Jester's barn. Hmmmmmm....Scrabble guy is def. not giving out the vibe that he is dating anyone.

This is just such a small small community. In fact, Jester's ex wife is my dd's occupational therapist at preschool! The morning before Jester came over, she had given me Jester's phone number so that I could call his teenage daughter as a babysitter when she is at her dads. Heh!

But hmmmmmmm, breaking a long dry spell .
Thats so great. It seems like romance is in the air! It is def good to break a dry spell.

I am actually heading out for my date in a few...
I'll be back with the juice...
post #59 of 244
I am a long time lurker, but have had nothing to report, as I have not dated at all... until now!

I started using a free dating site (OKCupid), and was just about to cancel my account because I just wasn't feeling comfortable with the idea of internet dating, when I started talking to this guy I'll call Tai Chi. (love all the nicknames, ladies). He's really serious about martial arts, and he seemed intelligent and kind, and his pictures weren't too bad either...

So I set up a date to meet him at a local coffeehouse today and, much to my delight and surprise, it turned out he was HOTT! Our coffee date turned into a 6 hour long conversation, we walked to a park where he showed me some of his moves- no, not those moves (yet), his Tai Chi forms. It was a hands-on presentation!

It's been a year and a half since my xh and I separated, and even longer since we were really together. It feels SOOOOOO good to have an interest in someone. We're getting together again next weekend!
post #60 of 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by ferra View Post
Very cool! I guess there are some good ones online.


I think I was sending the wrong message earlier when I said not to sleep with men too early. This is obviously a hot topic with you ladies! I don't consider myself to be a "good girl" and I certainly don't think expressing ourselves sexually is bad. I am a huge advocate of happiness and jumping into bed with a guy the first time we hangout just isn't making ME happy anymore. It has stopped working for me. I certinaly don't think it is wrong though!!!!

I realize I made it sound like a "rule" of dating rather than a choice I am making because of my past relationships
For what it's worth I've never tried to have sex with a guy on a first date - or second date! I usually wait until I've met the guy at least 3-4 times and sometimes longer. I simply need to feel a connection before having sex. That being said it's very important to me as a feminist that woman can do what they want to do and not be judged differently. So that was where I was coming from. Personally I think waiting a bit is great. It's a personal choice indeed.

And me: I'm doing fantastic with my DP of 3½ years. We'll be moving in together in a couple of months. It's amazing how love can continue to grow and grow.
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