or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Mothers of Daughters and Pornography
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Mothers of Daughters and Pornography - Page 2

post #21 of 148
Quote:
Originally Posted by BellinghamCrunchie View Post
Yes.

Before I had children, I had some pretty black and white views on things. I also thought I knew with certainty right from wrong.

Since the birth of my child, I realize more and more that things aren't black and white, and that I don't really know what's right or what's wrong, and that things I thought were so terrible are really okay, just part of being human. I also realized that people are born with good intentions and good spirits, and a huge variety of behaviors is something to celebrate, not condemn.

I have become more accepting, more flexible, more tolerant of the large variety of values that make up humanity; less judgemental, less certain I know what is right for everyone, and more humble.
ITA. What an amazing perspective (and way with words) you have! I personally used to be disgusted by porn. I am not particularly fond of it now, but I really don't care much one way or the other. If my daughter wants to watch it when she is a legal adult, that's her decision. I would feel that way with a son, so why should I treat my daughter any differently (as though I have to protect her *more* than I would a son)? That's more sexist than the videos are!
post #22 of 148
No. I didn't have a problem with it before and I don't have a problem with it now.

Of course there are aspects of the business that are really, really bad for women, and there are things produced that make me ill...but there are deviants in any society and if they weren't making porn they'd be doing something equally distasteful. In some ways, at least this is out in the open. I do think these industries prey on women who have already been victimized which is really, really unfortunate and I do wish for a day when that fact is less true and fewer (no) women are victimized in the first place.

I personallly think in that kind of world, there'd still be a place for porn. But it wouldn't be of the variety that's vastly popular now.
post #23 of 148
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoseDuperre View Post
Nope, hasn't changed. I still feel that it's primarily a freedom of speech and choice issue, and is fine (even healthy) for consenting adults to enjoy - both male and female. Not all porn is created equal - there is undoubtedly misogynistic material out there, and it's worth discussing, though such a discussion is probably beyond the scope of this conversation. But you can't paint it all with the same brush.

Of course I will do everything I can to protect my daughter from material that's inappropriate to her age, and hope to help her develop a healthy body image and view of sexuality - and to that end, I am MUCH more concerned about her exposure to Barbie, Bratz and Disney princesses, and what they say about standards of beauty and gender roles, than I am about porn.

If she grows up secure about her body and has healthy self esteem, I have no worries about the existence of porn. If she chooses to explore it when she's of age, it'll be none of my business - I just hope my job is well done re: self-worth.
RoseD, i couldn't have said it better, myself. You articulate my feelings exactly.
post #24 of 148
I wanted to add, certainly I'm concerned about my daughters growing up in a culture that objectifies women. But I think the porn produced is a side effect of that culture, not the root cause. Like someone else said, the groundwork for healthy body image and self esteem is set far before my girls will ever be exposed to porn. There are things that concern me about interfering with that groundwork, but I hope it will be in place and they can make their own decisions about porn by the time it gets to that.
post #25 of 148
My views have not changed. Matured, perhaps, realized that hardly anything is black and white, yes, but overall I still feel the same way about feminine sexuality and pornography as I did before I had children. If anything, my mind is more open now and more understanding. Having daughters, at least for me, put things in perspective.
post #26 of 148
Quote:
Originally Posted by AmieV View Post
No. I didn't have a problem with it before and I don't have a problem with it now.
That's me completely.
post #27 of 148
.
post #28 of 148
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hazelnut View Post
oh this is just great. <snip>
I don't see why people had to come in defending porn.
Well, she didn't ask if people were *against* porn now that they had children, she asked if your views had *changed* since you have had children. I don't see why all views can't be expressed on the topic.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AmieV View Post
No. I didn't have a problem with it before and I don't have a problem with it now.

Of course there are aspects of the business that are really, really bad for women, and there are things produced that make me ill...but there are deviants in any society and if they weren't making porn they'd be doing something equally distasteful. In some ways, at least this is out in the open. I do think these industries prey on women who have already been victimized which is really, really unfortunate and I do wish for a day when that fact is less true and fewer (no) women are victimized in the first place.

I personallly think in that kind of world, there'd still be a place for porn. But it wouldn't be of the variety that's vastly popular now.
:

Quote:
Originally Posted by AmieV View Post
I wanted to add, certainly I'm concerned about my daughters growing up in a culture that objectifies women. But I think the porn produced is a side effect of that culture, not the root cause. Like someone else said, the groundwork for healthy body image and self esteem is set far before my girls will ever be exposed to porn. There are things that concern me about interfering with that groundwork, but I hope it will be in place and they can make their own decisions about porn by the time it gets to that.

Double :

For the record, I said my views haven't changed, above. I didn't mind it before, and I don't mind it now...though I do need to clarify that I don't mind SOME of it. As said above, I realize there are some pretty major issues with the industry, but I do not think that all pornography is inherently evil or wrong - I am a fan of the 'amateur'/consensual kind, but not of other kinds. Things like those 'girls gone wild' videos, they make me sick. But truly consenting adults, willingly recording and/or watching other truly consenting adults? Doesn't bother me a bit (in fact, can be quite the opposite : ). And while those may not be the majority of pornography, they do exist, and I cannot lump them in with the other kinds that are problematic. Pornography has existed for a long, long time - it's the recent (past several decades)industry trends that disturb me, not necessarily porn itself. And that view has not changed since I had kids.

I think the chances of my children being exposed to porn before they are teens is pretty slim; the chances of them being exposed to technically non-pornographc but still sexual images and stereotypes and expectations that can subtly work their way into my kids minds BEFORE they are teens is GREAT, and *THAT'S* where my work comes in in teaching my daughter to value herself, and my son to value women.
post #29 of 148
No. Having kids only makes me more AFRAID of it. My views on porn were changed when some close friends of ours almost divorced over it (his strong addiction was the root cause) and after dealing with it in my own marriage. The availability of porn is what scares me as far as my kids go. I wish it wasn't so readily available on the internet.
post #30 of 148
My views have not changed.
post #31 of 148
No, I had no problem with it before, none now.
post #32 of 148
Well, she didn't ask if people were *against* porn now that they had children, she asked if your views had *changed* since you have had children. I don't see why all views can't be expressed on the topic.

They can be (as the above pp did perfectly respectfully I think) but we don't need people arguing regarding porn, which asserting it as a free speech issue, between consenting adults, blahblahblahweknowthosearguments, is essentially doing.
post #33 of 148
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hazelnut View Post
Well, she didn't ask if people were *against* porn now that they had children, she asked if your views had *changed* since you have had children. I don't see why all views can't be expressed on the topic.

They can be (as the above pp did perfectly respectfully I think) but we don't need people arguing regarding porn, which asserting it as a free speech issue, between consenting adults, blahblahblahweknowthosearguments, is essentially doing.
Ok, so we're allowed to have a viewpoint other than your own, but only those who agree with you can go on to elaborate on those views? Gotcha.
post #34 of 148
No my feelings haven't changed since I've became a mother. I have always felt porn was degrading and I still feel that way. I don't look down on those who watch, to each their own.
post #35 of 148
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hazelnut View Post
Well, she didn't ask if people were *against* porn now that they had children, she asked if your views had *changed* since you have had children. I don't see why all views can't be expressed on the topic.

They can be (as the above pp did perfectly respectfully I think) but we don't need people arguing regarding porn, which asserting it as a free speech issue, between consenting adults, blahblahblahweknowthosearguments, is essentially doing.
Well, may to be dismissive of other points of view there.

To answer the OP, as I have gotten older, I have become less comfortable with porn, though I still wouldn't want to see it banned or anything. I think if we were in a perfect world where women weren't victimized, I would be completely fine with it.

My views have actually shifted a lot more in regards to more open media, though. I've become a lot more aware of messages transmitted in things like advertising and pop cuture in general. I think I've been affected a lot more in my life by that than by watching porn.
post #36 of 148
i had no problem before & have no problems with it now and i have 2 daughters.
post #37 of 148
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoseDuperre View Post
Ok, so we're allowed to have a viewpoint other than your own, but only those who agree with you can go on to elaborate on those views? Gotcha.
No, and I don't appreciate your condescension or eclipse's. I don't agree with arguing the porn point, which I believe was done in a few posts in a thread not for that. I didn't say that viewpoint couldn't be expressed or elaborated on, but I think arguing it is different (I found BC's thought provoking). But you're just going to be dismissive of me, so I'm done here.
post #38 of 148
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hazelnut View Post
No, and I don't appreciate your condescension or eclipse's. I don't agree with arguing the porn point, which I believe was done in a few posts in a thread not for that. I didn't say that viewpoint couldn't be expressed. But you're just going to be dismissive of me, so I'm done here.
I have no idea about any other thread. In this thread, though, a question was asked and I certainly think people should be able to explain why they feel the way they do. I'm not sure what your problem is with people doing that. And when you characterize someone's opionion as "blahblahblah," you should expect that people won't take it well.
post #39 of 148
If only women's concerns over porn weren't dismissed in any conversation I've ever seen it come up in, I would perhaps have the capacity to be more patient with it. I did not object to every post in this thread that had no problem with it.
post #40 of 148
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hazelnut View Post
If only women's concerns over porn weren't dismissed in any conversation I've ever seen it come up in, I would perhaps have the capacity to be more patient with it. I did not object to every post in this thread that had no problem with it.
I think that this is a very touchy issue, and people on both sides have strong opinions. This is, obviously, one of the signs of a healthy community in which hard topics can be debated. You, and anyone else, certainly has the right to feel concern over porn. In fact, most of the posts in this thread, particularly in the beginning, expressed just that.

I do think it's dangerous though to try and say that we don't have the need to talk about porn as a free speech issue, which is, I think, what the blahblahblah post was saying. There has actually been a long history in the U.S. of trying to ban pornography in various forms. How can we engage with that debate without acknowledging how our positions as parents has changed- or not changed- our views?

I also think it's dangerous to assume that porn is something that women only interact with as victims. I mean, men aren't the only people who watch and enjoy porn, you know? Many women, myself included, enjoy porn, and sometimes watch it. To say that porn is always disgusting implies that there is something wrong or bad about the sexuality and identity of those who enjoy it.

So, to the OP, no, my views on porn haven't changed, as the mother of a daughter. As RoseD said, I'm far more concerned about Barbie and company. Honestly I think that for me, having a son might actually make things more complicated. As a woman who sometimes enjoys, and is not threatened by, porn, I understand how a woman (as my daughter will someday be) could have a healthy relationship with it. It would probably be more challenging for me to know that a son was interested in it, since I'd have less personal frame of reference for understanding how he was relating to it.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Mothers of Daughters and Pornography