or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Mothers of Daughters and Pornography
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Mothers of Daughters and Pornography - Page 4

post #61 of 148
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amberoxy View Post
No change in views as of yet - have one son and a daughter on the way. Enjoy porn that suits my tastes - forgo porn that doesn't.

I don't think that porn itself objectifies women - any more than men anyway. Sexuality is a part of being human - not part of being an object... if that makes any sense? I don't know if I said that right. Maybe I don't fully understand what it means to "objectify women?" I have a very, very literal take on words...

I don't assume that the people doing porn don't really want to be. As far as I know - and I admit I know next to nothing about the industry - the people have made a choice to participate and are being paid?
Well, to me, it means that women are just there to have sex with, not to have a healthy, satisfying relationship with a real person.

Quote:
Originally Posted by honeybee View Post
I think my focus on the issue has changed somewhat. I do believe in free speech, but also want to make sure children are protected from inappropriate material. But, then, what is seen as inappropriate and pornographic can be so distorted in our culture. I don't mind nudity. And the Puritans who get all appalled about bf or birth type photos or nude art are really noxious to me. I'm actually much more incensed by the airbrushed, unrealistic pictures plastered on the glossy covers of the fashion and gossip magazines.

But, on the other hand, porn can be as harmful to men than it is to women when it becomes an addiction. I want to educate my boys about pornography the way I would about any potentially addicting substance that may not be too harmful in moderation for adults (like alcohol and video games), but can be very damaging for young kids and when used to excess. I think it is much more difficult to protect our kids these days, when porn sights are so easily accessible. Boys used to have to go through some effort to get some playboy mags to hide under the mattress... now they can get a host of lurid images and create syber selves to enact scenarios by simply clicking a few buttons. It's scary.
ITA, children don't need sexual images/stereotypes pushed onto them from the media at younger & younger ages.

The ease at which porn can be accessed on the 'net is enough for me to have parental controls set so it can't be. DS#1 was caught looking at it once a few years ago, and that was enough of that!
post #62 of 148
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoseDuperre View Post
Nope, hasn't changed. I still feel that it's primarily a freedom of speech and choice issue, and is fine (even healthy) for consenting adults to enjoy - both male and female. Not all porn is created equal - there is undoubtedly misogynistic material out there, and it's worth discussing, though such a discussion is probably beyond the scope of this conversation. But you can't paint it all with the same brush.

Of course I will do everything I can to protect my daughter from material that's inappropriate to her age, and hope to help her develop a healthy body image and view of sexuality - and to that end, I am MUCH more concerned about her exposure to Barbie, Bratz and Disney princesses, and what they say about standards of beauty and gender roles, than I am about porn.

If she grows up secure about her body and has healthy self esteem, I have no worries about the existence of porn. If she chooses to explore it when she's of age, it'll be none of my business - I just hope my job is well done re: self-worth.
:
post #63 of 148

porn/modern outfits for our daughters outright discust me

Perhaps there are others that are disturbed, discusted and embarrassed to see the modern clothing trends going more and more (revealing/ figure enhancing) to the point that some outfits sized and advertized to be for girls less than "adult age" like as young as 13-16 are so similar to the choice of attire that prostitutes have worked in over the past 30 or so years. I feel its like advertizers are asking us to accept our daughters as sex objects and let them become "the pornography" that we are fighting against. I do believe that the "paper and electronic" porn is out of control but there is more than that; we need to stop it all.
post #64 of 148
I'm very thankful that so many of us are agreeing that porn is presenting a very harmful threat to our children. I see so many cartoons for children that push the limits on being pornographic! I'll be discussing this with some dear fellow parents to see how they veiw this problem. thanks
post #65 of 148
Quote:
Originally Posted by haroldpapa View Post
Perhaps there are others that are disturbed, discusted and embarrassed to see the modern clothing trends going more and more (revealing/ figure enhancing) to the point that some outfits sized and advertized to be for girls less than "adult age" like as young as 13-16 are so similar to the choice of attire that prostitutes have worked in over the past 30 or so years. I feel its like advertizers are asking us to accept our daughters as sex objects and let them become "the pornography" that we are fighting against. I do believe that the "paper and electronic" porn is out of control but there is more than that; we need to stop it all.
You can dress your girl more modestly. All it takes is a little extra shopping from the parents. I put my little girl in basic blue jeans and a short sleeve t-shirt.

Halloween costumes, though... have seemed to go the way of the Japanese anime characters... very short skirts and fishnet stockings. Once again, just make your own or go collect some thrift store stuff. If no one bought the crap... the market would change.
post #66 of 148
Quote:
Originally Posted by NiteNicole View Post


I don't think emotionally healthy women end up in the porn industry. Of the small handfull of women I know who have ended up stripping or in the fringes of porn, 100% of them have a past with more than a little sexual abuse and a pretty significant percentage has drug problems. When I see porn, mostly I wonder what happened to land those women in that industry.
Me too. And even though online there is always someone who insists they or someone they know is involved and perfectly fine, IRL that has not been my experience. You can only go with what you know, yk?

Plus, the only porn I have ever seen was so demeaning to women I was instantly turned off, so I don't get the appeal at all. Why is it that women are always being put down, debased or in some way shamed and it's supposed to be sexy?

Just doesn't work for me, and I am by far not 'anti-sex.'
post #67 of 148
I have been part of the alternative sex community for nine years. I was abused as a child, but I don't think that's why I found the community. In the community there are many many women who were never abused. Of course there are women who have been abused, but given the statistics on abuse it would be virtually impossible for there not to be. I have no idea how many porn/fetish models I know... uhm... lots. By and large they are no more healthy or unhealthy than the other women I know.

I fairly obviously don't have a problem with porn. It hasn't changed with having a daughter. I do spend a lot of time thinking about how much exposure to anything vaguely sexual my daughter should have. Things like: I have an extensive library of sex related books. Is it ok to have them out when she is old enough to read? Maybe some of them and not others? Like for example I have a number of books on sex for survivors of sexual assault/abuse. Is having them on the shelves amidst the other psychology books TMI for my daughter? (These are certainly not pornographic books.) It's hard to figure out what is the healthy line to walk. On one hand I absolutely want my daughter to be more sheltered than I was, but I have experience with a number of people who were victimized because they were too sheltered. And then there is the fact that I am seriously creeped out by people in the community who are completely out with their young kids.

It's all very confusing.
post #68 of 148
Quote:
Originally Posted by AngelaM View Post

I also think it's dangerous to assume that porn is something that women only interact with as victims. I mean, men aren't the only people who watch and enjoy porn, you know? Many women, myself included, enjoy porn, and sometimes watch it. To say that porn is always disgusting implies that there is something wrong or bad about the sexuality and identity of those who enjoy it.


Quote:
Originally Posted by RoseDuperre View Post

I do not doubt that many women who "end up" (I love how often that phrase gets used when talking about sex work - surely it's never a legitimate choice made by a healthy adult, just the inevitable nadir of a tragic and tawdry downward spiral, right?) in sex work have indeed been sexually abused, though I doubt the number is all that much higher than the number of women who have been sexually abused period.
Totally agree with the above two points.

Ultimately it is a woman's choice to work in the sex industry, or to consume products of the sex industry. I understand that abuse begets abuse, but who are any of us to assume that just because a woman is getting paid to have sex on camera that she is feeling abused/vulnerable/put down? Maybe it comes from the fantasy aspect of porn: it looks as though women are being literally controlled by men. Domination (of either sex) is a fantasy of both men and women.

I will agree that trying to provide our daughters with a healthy self esteem, body image and age-appropriate knowledge of sexual functions is a good way to try to eradicate the not so pleasant aspects of the sex industry. (I have no ties to the industry myself, I just watch porn every once in awhile.)

I have one daughter, and no, my views on pornography have no changed.
post #69 of 148
My views haven't changed. I am not an advocate of porn in any way, shape or form. However, my aim is not to *stop* consenting adults from doing what they choose. My aim is to raise my daughter in such a way that she feels whole, complete, happy, and comfortable enough in her skin to not be attracted to a lifestyle that I believe thrives on victimization, low-self-estem, imbalance, and hedonism.
post #70 of 148
Quote:
Originally Posted by rockycrop View Post
who are any of us to assume that just because a woman is getting paid to have sex on camera that she is feeling abused/vulnerable/put down?
But who are any of us to assume that she (or he) must not be? I just don't understand people not being affected by the element of the unknown here. I can't understand acknowledging that it's possible we are watching a participant's abuse and still finding it in the least bit appealing or to be a defensible matter of free consumer choice. Like I said, listening to the woman starring in arguably the most mainstream porn film of all time make the claim that it essentially documented her rape ...... I just can not understand processing that possibility and still advocating for the rightfulness of making consumer choices which follow the path of greater risk potential in that respect.

If I don't support anyone buying meat without knowing the conditions under which it was produced, buying imports of obscured origin, etc, why is it wrong for me to not support the notion of unassailable personal choice in consuming the products of another industry which largely essentially obscures the conditions under which the end product was produced? The cow that became the grocery store steak may have had an awesome life and relatively painless death. That Target t-shirt philomom mentioned may be helping to afford a good life for a family somewhere in China. But then again they might not ... and because of the severity of the reality of when they do not, and because I have other options for food and clothes, I can not in good conscience consume those products on the sheer hope that the brighter possibilities are the more true ones. Likewise porn. I have other options for sexual expression, even of a similar type -- art, writing, personally produced films and photos -- without that risk potential. Which in my opinion makes the risk potential just as indefensible as with other consumer products.

It's just weird to me when the ethic that inspires advocacy of the "buy local, buy with awareness, handcraft what you can, tread as lightly as possible" etc, kind gets thrown entirely out the window where an otherwise sensitive issue is involved.
post #71 of 148
I think most porn made by adults for adult consumption lies in the realm of a basically forgivable wrong. I do not have a major problem with it and don't look down on people who indulge in it. However, I have a MAJOR problem with "soft porn" images marketed to children. I think there is some type of "conspiracy" by the entertainment industry to normalize adult/child sexual relationships and sexual images of children. I can think of lots of examples, but Disney, Miley Cyrus, Bratz dolls, are the major offenders that I can think of.

Actually on another board I frequent we had a discussion of the barely 16 y/o Miley, who doesn't look a day over 11 in the face, is dating a 20 year old man and co-habitating with him. Some one posted a long list of rather racy images of Miley that are all over the internet, to me it's practically child porn and I believe that this is all calculated effort to make young girls in general more accessible to older men who want them as partners.
post #72 of 148
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just My Opinion View Post
My views haven't changed. I am not an advocate of porn in any way, shape or form. However, my aim is not to *stop* consenting adults from doing what they choose. My aim is to raise my daughter in such a way that she feels whole, complete, happy, and comfortable enough in her skin to not be attracted to a lifestyle that I believe thrives on victimization, low-self-estem, imbalance, and hedonism.
So very well stated. Thank you.

Pre-child, I found porn to be debasing. Post-child, I feel the same way but now experience in a personal way the insidious danger of it.
post #73 of 148
Quote:
Well, to me, it means that women are just there to have sex with, not to have a healthy, satisfying relationship with a real person.
But, if that is what a particular woman wants, isn't that okay? Or, if a woman just wants to have sex with a man and not a relationship? Or - woman and woman and man and man? Or a bunch of either or or both and some in between? I guess I just feel that as long as everyone consents and enjoys, it should be okay. If this is straying to far off topic - I apologize...
post #74 of 148
Having lived in Asia for a number of years, and seeing firsthand the horror of kidnappings and the selling of women to fuel the sex industry all over the world, including North America.... I don't think it's fair to say that globally many women are choosing lives in the sex industry.

Part of my problem with it is the fact that it is an industry. It's about power, and most of the people making money in the industry are men. It's not the actors, it's the executives... and the consumers (although yes there are female consumers) are predominantly men. I don't believe it's just about sexual content and preferences. It's about the industry and exploiting those preferences outside regardless of the cost. It creates a demand for women willing to participate, and if they don't volunteer then they will go to poor countries and find them.


Julie - mom to two great kids - :
post #75 of 148
My views on porn have not changed at all since becoming a mother. But then again, I didn't become a mother until I was 30 years old, so I'd had some time to form and evaluate and solidify my personal views.
post #76 of 148
Quote:
Originally Posted by BellinghamCrunchie View Post
Yes.

Before I had children, I had some pretty black and white views on things. I also thought I knew with certainty right from wrong.

Since the birth of my child, I realize more and more that things aren't black and white, and that I don't really know what's right or what's wrong, and that things I thought were so terrible are really okay, just part of being human. I also realized that people are born with good intentions and good spirits, and a huge variety of behaviors is something to celebrate, not condemn.

I have become more accepting, more flexible, more tolerant of the large variety of values that make up humanity; less judgemental, less certain I know what is right for everyone, and more humble.
This is so cool!!! Good for you, Mama!


I have never been offended by porn and as a young person I actually thought some of it was pretty hot, some of it was of course absurd or just not sexy, but I like some of it.

I would not be myself if I tried to shield my daughter from that kind of stuff.

I'm fine with it now, was fine with it then.
post #77 of 148
Quote:
Originally Posted by rightkindofme View Post
I have been part of the alternative sex community for nine years. I was abused as a child, but I don't think that's why I found the community. In the community there are many many women who were never abused. Of course there are women who have been abused, but given the statistics on abuse it would be virtually impossible for there not to be. I have no idea how many porn/fetish models I know... uhm... lots. By and large they are no more healthy or unhealthy than the other women I know.

I fairly obviously don't have a problem with porn. It hasn't changed with having a daughter. I do spend a lot of time thinking about how much exposure to anything vaguely sexual my daughter should have. Things like: I have an extensive library of sex related books. Is it ok to have them out when she is old enough to read? Maybe some of them and not others? Like for example I have a number of books on sex for survivors of sexual assault/abuse. Is having them on the shelves amidst the other psychology books TMI for my daughter? (These are certainly not pornographic books.) It's hard to figure out what is the healthy line to walk. On one hand I absolutely want my daughter to be more sheltered than I was, but I have experience with a number of people who were victimized because they were too sheltered. And then there is the fact that I am seriously creeped out by people in the community who are completely out with their young kids.

It's all very confusing.
I just want to say that I think there is stuff that is age appropriate and stuff that isn't, I think you could almost go with your gut on that. If looking at a certain book with your LO would feel wierd then it's not the right time, y'know? I think it is important to be honest and I do think sheltering your LO's too much is a bad thing, but I think there is age appropriate timing and I think too much info can be a burden....

I don't think I clarified anything, LOL!
post #78 of 148
[QUOTE=Mama~Love;13704323]Well, to me, it means that women are just there to have sex with, not to have a healthy, satisfying relationship with a real person.QUOTE]

But porn is meant to fill a specific need, a SEXUAL need, so it stands to reason that it emphasises sex. It is fantasy!
And if anything, the women are willing participants, they objectify themselves, why paint women as the victim?
post #79 of 148
Quote:
Originally Posted by bigeyes View Post
Me too. And even though online there is always someone who insists they or someone they know is involved and perfectly fine, IRL that has not been my experience. You can only go with what you know, yk?

Plus, the only porn I have ever seen was so demeaning to women I was instantly turned off, so I don't get the appeal at all. Why is it that women are always being put down, debased or in some way shamed and it's supposed to be sexy?

Just doesn't work for me, and I am by far not 'anti-sex.'
Exactly, how can that be sexy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Liquesce View Post
But who are any of us to assume that she (or he) must not be? I just don't understand people not being affected by the element of the unknown here. I can't understand acknowledging that it's possible we are watching a participant's abuse and still finding it in the least bit appealing or to be a defensible matter of free consumer choice. Like I said, listening to the woman starring in arguably the most mainstream porn film of all time make the claim that it essentially documented her rape ...... I just can not understand processing that possibility and still advocating for the rightfulness of making consumer choices which follow the path of greater risk potential in that respect.

If I don't support anyone buying meat without knowing the conditions under which it was produced, buying imports of obscured origin, etc, why is it wrong for me to not support the notion of unassailable personal choice in consuming the products of another industry which largely essentially obscures the conditions under which the end product was produced? The cow that became the grocery store steak may have had an awesome life and relatively painless death. That Target t-shirt philomom mentioned may be helping to afford a good life for a family somewhere in China. But then again they might not ... and because of the severity of the reality of when they do not, and because I have other options for food and clothes, I can not in good conscience consume those products on the sheer hope that the brighter possibilities are the more true ones. Likewise porn. I have other options for sexual expression, even of a similar type -- art, writing, personally produced films and photos -- without that risk potential. Which in my opinion makes the risk potential just as indefensible as with other consumer products.

It's just weird to me when the ethic that inspires advocacy of the "buy local, buy with awareness, handcraft what you can, tread as lightly as possible" etc, kind gets thrown entirely out the window where an otherwise sensitive issue is involved.
Well said, Liquesce.
post #80 of 148
nope, still the same views i had prior to having a daughter, and a son. i think it's degrading and it's desensitizing and it makes me feel sad in my heart as a woman and as a wife and as a mother. that said, i 100% support women's rights to make it and view it if they choose to, provided it is actually a choice instead of being coerced, abused, trafficed, or trapped into it by a total lack of other options.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Mothers of Daughters and Pornography