Setting Some Limits?!

[columbusmomma]

DD is 21 months and loves her makas all the time! I have no problem with this, we bedshare, I nurse her whevenever she wants. Ditto for anytime throughout the day,evening,etc.(I do work outside the home 4 days and she doesn't nurse then). However there are times that I would like her to "wait", even if this is just for a couple minutes while I complete a task, for example go to the br, give DS a snack, throw some laundry in, etc. I gently tell her that I am busy and we need to wait to do makas for a few minutes. She instantly gets upset, cries,and keeps on stating makas over and over until I give in(!!). So is there anything I can do in this situation? What have you wise mamas done in this situation? TIA!

[Jish]

I was getting tired of the constant public nursing so I started limiting nip to one time per activity (playgroups etc) and stopped nursing altogether at church. It took some crying and frustration for a couple of weeks (ds is 2 1/2) but he eventually got the message. He now nurses about half what he did a few months ago -- roughly four to five times a day now, which is nice.

The negative...I put on five pounds in the weeks after I adopted that policy.:

[columbusmomma]

Thanks for replying Beth! Sorry to hear about the 5 lbs!! So what did you say or do to distract your DS when you weren't going to nurse? I need ideas!!

[mom2threenurslings]

Setting limits in order to complete tasks...

I basically have a no nursing in the bathroom rule, except for infants

For the other things ... if I really need to get something done / finish up something, I ask the nursling to help me out and then we can nurse when we're done. That way it's still time with Mama and the nursling knows I won't get distracted and forget about nursing / put it off for too long.

[luv]

I could have written this post! The words "wait on min" mean INSTANT crying at the top of her lungs. You would think I was hitting her.

For now I'm trying to make sure she always has table food and water avail. (not just at mealtimes) I've found she actually asks to nurse less and is a bit more patient when she does ask. (but only a bit)

[columbusmomma]

Thanks for the replies!:

[Limabean1975]

I may not be remembering that age well, but I know at some point I found it effective to explain what I would be doing, instead of a vague "in a few minutes". So I would say "Yes, we can do boobie, after I go to the fridge, put away the milk, get the box of crackers, and walk back over here!".

[Shami]

18 months nursing MORE than a newborn!

I don't want to wean at all. With that said...tonight I was soooo tired of the switching back and forth alllll night. Around 11pm I said milk went night night. Milk went to sleep. I covered my breasts up and then I started talking about her favorite subject (people and animals that she loves). I started naming their names and describing them and so on. After about a five min. conversation she laid her head on my shoulder and went to sleep.
It could have been a fluke, but I will try it again when I get 'touched out' again.

I don't want to limit her but man it's been crazy lately. Teething may be part of it too. Thanks to pp for the suggestions. Hope more people respond because there is something about this topic (limiting feeding your baby) that just hits me the wrong way. I feel very uncomfortable doing it. On the other hand she eats great healthy meals and snacks so I know she isn't starving. It's just, well, hard on me emotionally to figure this one out.

[columbusmomma]

Shami I've been doing something similar at night, at times too. Sometimes I turn DD onto her stomach if she's not already sleeping that way, and start quietly talking to her about how all the babies are sleeping now and we need to be quiet and mockas are sleeping too. Sometimes it actually works! Other times though, she becomes more awake and starts crying so I nurse her back to sleep. At least now these nighttime sessions only last 5-10 min. where in the past sometimes it was 30 minutes!

When I really "need" to limit nursing I am trying to change the conversation and get her interested in something else so she forgets. It's working a bit!Then when I am done doing what I doing we can enjoy nursing.

[tankgirl73]

So I would say "Yes, we can do boobie, after I go to the fridge, put away the milk, get the box of crackers, and walk back over here!".

That's basically what we do. Keep it positive and concrete. "FIRST" we do this, "THEN" we nurse. As she developed understanding of the concept of "first" and "then", we were able to watch as she went from being really upset at having to wait a few minutes, to being just sort of upset but trying to keep control and being hopeful all at the same time (really quite astounding to watch lol), to now being perfectly fine most of the time. "Oh, okay, first this. Caileigh help??"

Another thing we do lately is "hold it". This is for when I'm not needing a few minutes delay, I just don't want to nurse, PERIOD. She's almost 2.5, which is the age I finally weaned her older brother. I'm hoping to let her self-wean naturally but I may have a genetically coded upper limit lol... it's just starting to get to me. Anyway, when I'm touched out and don't want to actually nurse, she'll usually settle for just holding the boob... she's even fallen asleep just holding it. It seems to offer her all the comfort she needs and is not nearly so grating on me. This enables me to relax, so that we do still nurse a few times a day and I'm not just quitting cold turkey out of frustration!!

[columbusmomma]

Originally Posted by tankgirl73

That's basically what we do. Keep it positive and concrete. "FIRST" we do this, "THEN" we nurse. As she developed understanding of the concept of "first" and "then", we were able to watch as she went from being really upset at having to wait a few minutes, to being just sort of upset but trying to keep control and being hopeful all at the same time (really quite astounding to watch lol), to now being perfectly fine most of the time. "Oh, okay, first this. Caileigh help??"

Another thing we do lately is "hold it". This is for when I'm not needing a few minutes delay, I just don't want to nurse, PERIOD. She's almost 2.5, which is the age I finally weaned her older brother. I'm hoping to let her self-wean naturally but I may have a genetically coded upper limit lol... it's just starting to get to me. Anyway, when I'm touched out and don't want to actually nurse, she'll usually settle for just holding the boob... she's even fallen asleep just holding it. It seems to offer her all the comfort she needs and is not nearly so grating on me. This enables me to relax, so that we do still nurse a few times a day and I'm not just quitting cold turkey out of frustration!!

I love the FIRST and THEN concepts Good thought! And can apply to much more then boobies

I'm loving the image of her "holding" the boob too!! I'd love DD to do that at like 3:00am lol!

[luv]

Around the time of my post above it was to the point that she would be just fine playing with her dad until I walked into the room. Then she would ask to nurse and SCREAM if I didn't allow it right away. Her dad got to see the best of her but I felt like all I was is a boob. Hubby pointed out that inconsistent reinforcement only ingrains a behavior. Most of the time I would let her nurse but sometimes I would say not right now. I wasnt being consistant and thus she was asking for it even more.

So since my post above I've decided I need to set a bit more structure for everyone's sanity. For the past two days when KC has asked to nurse I say "We have Mamma's milk when we wake up and when we go to sleep." Lo and behold w/in a half a day she would ask to nurse, I'd say that, offer a cup of water and some raisins and she was fine with it.

In fact tonight at bed time we were all ready for bed and I said "We're getting ready for sleep do you know what that means?" and she signed "MOM'S Milk!" and got all happy.

So now we are nursing first thing in the morning, down for nap and down for bed. We had a WONDERFUL day today. The best we've had in weeks. We just might have found a balance that allows her to continue nursing w/o me feeling taken advantage of.

-luv

[ramama]

Hmmmm, when DD1 was around 21 months I was nearing the end of my pregnancy with DD2, so I REALLY needed her to wait sometimes, for my own sanity. What worked for us was, especially if it were a really short task (like being nearly done with laundry or almost done washing dishes), to tell her that we could nurse after singing the ABCs, or Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, or what have you. Then I would sing really s-l-o-w. She was usually distracted by the singing.

(I only perused the previous posts, so hopefully no one has suggested that already!)