Baby shower is over...now it's time to panic!

[ihugtrees]

Well, I had my baby shower last week. I had about 30 people show up, and it was a good time! The cake was my favorite part, lol. My aunts had done a lime green and pink theme, which is what we are doing in the nursery (along with robins egg blue) and it was super cute! I was a bit disappointed, because everyone asked me what I needed...I registered at Target and Amazon.com, and told them they could look there, but that we DID NOT NEED CLOTHES! We've gotten tons already, and have way more than we need. What do you think I got? CLOTHES! Tons and tons of clothes and stuffed animals and blankets. I only got two things off of my registry And how many gift receipts did I get? ONE.

So now I'm sort of in panic mode. I really thought I was going to get all of the little things (like baby shampoo, diaper creme, and other toiletries, a bath tub, books, an air purifier, cloth wipes) from the shower, so that we could use our money on the big ticket items we still need to get (like a dresser, a freezer for all the meals I want to freeze, nursing bras and nursing tops since I'm going to be nursing in public a lot, pump replacement parts for my used pump for when I work part time, and the decorations for the nursery.) Also, my mom had told me she was getting me the carseat months ago, then told me the one I wanted was too expensive (she said, "When I bought car seats, they were only $40-50!" Yes, mom, and you bought your last one 14 years ago. Also, a good, quality convertible carseat that goes up to 65 lbs is going to cost more than a bucket any way!)

So we made a list last night of all of the little things we need, and I'm sort of freaking out! A lot of this stuff is stuff we HAVE to get in the next 3 weeks, like our birth kit, birth supplies, an exercise ball for labor, plus we have to finish paying the midwife and continue to save for my unpaid maternity leave...and now we need a ton more items, too. As for all of those other little things...I have been a nanny for years. It's not like I put frivolous items on my registry--it's stuff that is somewhat important. Maybe not a 'must have', but things that I know from experience make life easier. I've also bought everything we've gotten for the baby so far used, and we've been preparing for months. Babies are EXPENSIVE, though!

So I guess, on our limited budget, we aren't going to be able to do the nursery after all. We just can't afford to decorate a nursery and still have the other stuff. I'm really disappointed, but am mad at myself too...I know I shouldn't have counted on receiving things from other people...I feel selfish even being disappointed at all. I should've planned better!!

At the same time, I have several pregnant friends, and I plan on getting them things they NEED. As fun as it is to buy cute little clothes and things, it's not about ME and how much fun I have shopping for them...it's about helping them at this time in their life.

[DevaMajka]

Ack! That sounds overwhelming! Hopefully you can get everything you need soon, so you can relax until the end (cuz pg is soooo relaxing. lol)

We have plenty of clothes too. I registered for small stuff like hooded towels, a medical kit, stuff like that. So hopefully...I get at least some of the stuff we need (or maybe I should say, not a whole lot of the stuff that I don't need.)

[Carlin]

Maybe you can return a bunch of the clothes for store credit even without receipts? I'm sure a lot of them came from the places you registered. People probably went in and were distracted by the cuteness of baby girl clothes from the stuff you actually needed! If you can return the clothes you can probably get a lot of the smaller items on your list as the outfits are likely more expensive.

I know exactly what you mean about feeling selfish about not getting what you'd expected. I think it's totally normal to be disappointed and to feel guiltiy about it. We're in sort of the same situation. Everyone kept saying to wait until after the shower to buy things, but I'm 34 weeks now, and no one has offered to throw me one, so now I need to start stocking up. I'm OK with not having a shower (well, mostly. To be honest I'm a little hurt that none of my friends or relatives have thought to hold one , but I'll live) but now I wish I'd been buying the little things over the last few months rather than have to get everything all at once.

[GoldmanBaby09]

I'm DDC crashing, but my shower is in two weeks, and I am hoping that people buy off our registry too. Did your invites not include your registry info? Is there any way you can leave tags on and take any of the clothes back? I know Walmart is really great about taking just about anything back. If they carry the same brand, they might just take it and give you store credit. I have heard bad things about Targets return policy, but you could try the same thing there or maybe Babies R Us, depending on where things seem like they came from. You could always ask you guests, "that outfit was so cute! Where did you get it so I can look for others?" to give you an idea for returns. Good luck, and I hope you find a way to make things work out

[rivkah]

I am sorry Sounds like you are in a tough position. I wish people woldbe more considerate!


Could you ask your mom to just get you a gift certificate for the place you want to purchase your car seat and then you could make up the difference? Wouldn't it be nice if they still only cost $50?

I think that a LOT of places will accept returns without a gift receipt. If you get separate, though, you could try to sell them to a consignment shop--a lot give cash, or they may have things you want.

Honestly, the little things like baby shampoo shampoo etc., you can pretty cheaply at Target. Even a nice ear thermometer can be had for about $10. Another thing to keep in mind is that toiletries will last a long, long time. My kiddos didn't have hair until the age of 3 or 4--literally--so I had the same shampoo for a good five years.

[stanleymama]

I completely understand! What I would do is try to figure out where they bought the clothes and return them. If its places like Walmart or Target or Babiesrus then you got the store credit to get soap, shampoo, tub, etc.) What you can't take back, try selling on craigslist or ebay.

As for the carseat, ask your mom if she would split the cost.

I am on baby #6 and have hardly anything. And don't expect anything because by this time, no one cares anymore. So you learn to improvise. Remember, having a cute nursery is fun, but not a necessity. So concentrate on the necessities and then work slowly on the nursery. Your sweet little one won't know the difference. All a baby needs is love, food and shelter. Well and a carseat.

Hang in there...don't panic. IT is all going to be ok.

[vegemamaVA]

If it makes you feel any better, I spent loads getting my nursery "just so" for my first baby, obsessed about everything, and it all ended up being a complete waste of time and $ as my son never spent the first night there (or even a nap if I recall). He wouldn't stand for it! So maybe wait and see what kind of baby you have before investing so much in nursery.

Now that baby #3 is on the way for me I doubt I'll even break out the cosleeper. My littles just won't stand to be anyplace else but in bed with mom.

[Ianthe]

Just go for the stuff that you *NEED* - like your carseat and nursing supplies now, and get the rest as you need it. You won't need a crib and nursery for a little while, because you will likely want baby in your room with you for a little while any way. We did the whole nursery for DS and it was a waste. I am hoping he will eventually use his toddler bed (at least we got a convertible bed!). I did use the changing table, though, that was it.

That sucks they didn't go off your registry. And it's totally OK to be disappointed. I'd ask your mom to help you with the carseat cost, because that is probably the #1 thing you *need* to buy, and I would try to take stuff back for store credit and get the things you need.

I always leave a gift receipt.. I wish others were considerate.

[nerin]

i'm really really sorry, Mama! i totally feel your pain as this exact thing happened to me when my ds was born -- i got so many blue puppy themed items in 0-3mo (for my 9lb 7oz baby!!!) that many things didn't ever even get worn...he moved up sizes once a month until he capped out at 24mo @ 6mo old. whew!

i wanted to share my experiences so hopefully you'll be successful with returning some of those cute (but totally unnecessary) clothes!!! Wal-mart is really good about it, but i know that BRU and Target have VERY strict return policies that prevent you from doing returns w/o a gift receipt easily. to help you determine where stuff came from, popular Wal-mart brands are Child of Mine and George, Target brands are Just One Year and Circo. straight up Carters items usually come from Kohls or a department store and Gerber could be from either Wal-mart or Target.

the other thing to remember is that most stores, even those with really hard core return policies, will let you return 2 or 3 times a year without a receipt, but you might not get full price for the items (they like to try to account for recent sales, etc.), SO do your research first and go in with as much as you can at one time to *hopefully* minimize your hassle!

baring all that, a resale shop like Once Upon a Child or something will give you some money, especially for name brand items or items with tags still on (they will not take stuffed animals, tho). ebay and craigslist are options too!

best wishes, Mama!!!

[ihugtrees]

I *know* my baby doesn't need a nursery in my head. We are cosleeping for the first 6 months or a year any way. I really was doing the nursery for me. At another point in my life, when I got married, I was very practical and told myself I didn't *need* a wedding...that it wasn't about one day, it was about the marriage. We eloped, the reception we planned to celebrate with our friends and family was a disaster, and every time I see wedding photos, I feel a little sick inside that I never got my big day. I never got to plan all of that hoopla, or dress up and feel like a princess. For me, a nursery is the same thing. I've wanted to be a mom since I was 3 years old! I've always pictured being pregnant and decorating a nursery with my husband, and having it nice and pretty. I spent a lot of time this pregnancy, along with researching breastfeeding, cosleeping, vaccinations, etc, planning my nursery. I knew exactly what I wanted, had everything picked out, and painted the walls...all I needed was the furniture and decor. This is my first, and probably only baby...and I know I can never relive the excitement of preparing everything 'just so' for this.

My husband has been promising me that his grandparents would come through with a nice check for us, but we got it today and it wasn't what we were expecting at all. So that made this whole thing even better.

Like I said, I really shouldn't have counted on this stuff, but even so, it's hard not to feel disappointed. I know Target's return policy is TWO items per year without a receipt...and we've already returned four between my DH and I. Maybe I can try the things at the other places...

[myfairbabies]

I know what you mean, I was hoping for some things from my registry (and I did get a few that I was very excited about) but since we don't know the gender, over half the gifts we got were blankets! It's a June baby, I probably won't even be able to use a lot for a while. I do appreciate them, and didn't even take back the ones that came with gift receipts, but I was hoping for some diapers I want to try and other things we need, and now I'm realizing my baby has no clothes! It's hard when you know you should feel grateful and instead you feel like a selfish brat. Oh, and I HATE HATE HATE Target's return policy. I had an item that had the target clearance sticker still on it, but it still counted as one of my 2 items! Ugh!

[boscopup]

I remember getting tons and tons of stuffed animals at my baby showers. I could not believe how many stuffed animals we had. And do you know how hard it is to get rid of stuffed animals? You usually can't sell them consignment, because everyone has a million of them!!!! So I just had to drop most of them off at Goodwill. It was kind of like how at my wedding showers, I got a ton of crystal, when I didn't register for ANY crystal and really have no use for crystal. At least back then, it was still easy to "reverse shop" (find the store that sells the item for the most money and return it there for store credit ) without receipts. Now everyone wants gift receipts because of the people that steal items and then bring them back for store credit. :

As far as stuff your baby NEEDS... diapers, boobs, car seat... The toiletries aren't an absolute necessity. I don't think I used any kind of diaper cream for a good year with my first. He just never had diaper rash as a baby. That's something you can go out and get IF you need it. And I agree that one bottle of shampoo can last you forever if you're not using soap on them every single day (which most docs recommend you not do). My kids get bathed at most once a week, and as babies, they only get bathed maybe once a month. Babies just don't really get that dirty, and my babies never had a lot of hair either. So the daily face and bottom wipings were plenty for them. I think I had a sample size bottle of baby shampoo with #1, and it took a few years to finish it. Now I use a natural goat milk soap bar that cost about $5, and I've been using it for at least 2 years now and can probably get another 2 years out of it.

Nursing tops are expensive and hard to find. I just lifted my shirt most of the time. You can use a belly band type of deal to cover your tummy, or if you get some nursing tanks, that can be helpful too. This time around, I'm going to try to use the Bravado nursing tanks under my regular tops much of the time. And at home, I can just wear the tank without a top over it.

[rivkah]

Originally Posted by ihugtrees

I *know* my baby doesn't need a nursery in my head. We are cosleeping for the first 6 months or a year any way. I really was doing the nursery for me. At another point in my life, when I got married, I was very practical and told myself I didn't *need* a wedding...that it wasn't about one day, it was about the marriage. We eloped, the reception we planned to celebrate with our friends and family was a disaster, and every time I see wedding photos, I feel a little sick inside that I never got my big day. I never got to plan all of that hoopla, or dress up and feel like a princess. For me, a nursery is the same thing. I've wanted to be a mom since I was 3 years old! I've always pictured being pregnant and decorating a nursery with my husband, and having it nice and pretty. I spent a lot of time this pregnancy, along with researching breastfeeding, cosleeping, vaccinations, etc, planning my nursery. I knew exactly what I wanted, had everything picked out, and painted the walls...all I needed was the furniture and decor. This is my first, and probably only baby...and I know I can never relive the excitement of preparing everything 'just so' for this.

My husband has been promising me that his grandparents would come through with a nice check for us, but we got it today and it wasn't what we were expecting at all. So that made this whole thing even better.

Like I said, I really shouldn't have counted on this stuff, but even so, it's hard not to feel disappointed. I know Target's return policy is TWO items per year without a receipt...and we've already returned four between my DH and I. Maybe I can try the things at the other places...

I know exactly what you mean about the wedding. I had a very similar experience. Honestly though, the whole nursery thing is kind of different--I don't think you'll have a lifetime of regret with this. There are so many ways to have that "perfect experience" with a kid! For example, DD got the most awesome first birthday party ever. It definitely made up for lack of wedding or reception! Also, you just have every day to enjoy those little things and the picture perfect ideal kind of melts away.

[Mike Lake]

Baby shower panic!

There is nothing wrong with using second hand baby nursery furniture and products but you have to be very careful on what you use and if you use an element of common sense and most things turn out fine.

The crib is very important but you can get away with getting one used if you just do your home work. There are so many things you have to know and check before you put your baby in a used crib.

Namely, is it up to today’s standards for current day use? Just because your parents used it just find on you back in 1973 does not mean you can use it today but you can research the crib on line and hopefully find any recalls or problems with it.

You also have to check the internet as the safety standards and the numbers change regularly for cribs. The slats have to be less than 2.5 inches apart. I would probably never use a used mattress as the mattress has to be firm. Older ones over time use their firmness and softer mattresses have been linked to SIDS.

Older mattresses also used to have strings on them and you can not have any kinds of strings or chords on any mattress, same if you use a bumper and some of the older ones have strings or chords etc. They also do not use drop side cribs any more I do not think because of injuries to little arms and legs and there is always the hygiene issue associated with any fabrics that come in direct contact with the baby. Make sure everything is washed with extremely hot water and sanitized if possible before the baby touches anything.

Also older cribs have a tendency to be on wheels and often the wheels are ok but the breaks for the wheels can wear and you have to make sure a crib has a solid brake that will not give way, if it is up to standards and reliable than you should be fine!

Many things to consider for the baby crib. There is nothing wrong with using an older crib, just do your diligence before you start using it to make sure it is up to today's standards.

If you are going to go second hand or used, you can easily get away with used bureaus, night tables, lamps, even changing tables if you had to but the crib is the most important part of the nursery furniture and you want to make sure if you do go second hand, the hands that made it second were very gentle on it and you do as much research on the brand and manufacturer as possible to make sure it is safe and up to current day code and standards for a baby crib.

As for the nursery decorations, it is not essential but if feel you have to do it then just cheat! There is no need to clear the room, prime and paint and go all out with expensive decorations. You can buy murals that are relatively inexpensive on line as you can see here http://ourbabynursery.com/index.php?cPath=90 they just roll right on the wall and voila, instant decorations and it looks like you did a lot of work and spent a lot of time!

Just buy the absolute necessities. Try and touch base with friends who have had kids just ahead of you and see what of theirs they do not need, it is amazing how quickly kids outgrow various parts of the nursery – cribs, cradles, changing tables etc. Most of the rest is just more fluff and show. With a big of leg work and phone calls to the right friends with kids outgrowing their nurseries, it can still work out fine.

[IndianaMomToBe]

At my shower 3 people showed up and we got even less... Only about $120 in target gift cards. http://www.harvestofdailylife.com/ta...ning-to-let-go

I am pretty sure we are the perfect example of getting by on the absolute minimum because we still have practically nothing and I leave for The Farm to wait for baby to be born in 2 days.

My advice for you (if you want it) is to just relax and remind yourself that baby doesn't really need all that much right away. It needs food, a place to sleep, a car seat, some clothes and diapers really.

All the other stuff is extra and you'll have time to get it all eventually. Have you checked out craigslist and freecycle for hand me downs? We've scored many clothing items, a baby monitor, car seat, stroller and even a baby book that way. All for free.

[amandaleigh37]

Oh I'm sorry That is frustrating... I'd definitely try to return the clothes if you can for store credit. (If you can figure out where they were purchased.)

I'd get the absolute necessities now and then add to the nursery as you go. It will be ok. A car seat is a MUST, but it will be ok if you don't have all of these other things right away... though I know it's frustrating when you expected to have them

Can you make (or know someone who can) wipes? I used some flannel & old towels and made a huge stack of cloth wipes in one afternoon. They are super thick & will work great. Much cheaper than buying them too...

Good luck. It'll be ok

[hummingmom]

Ah, well do I remember the panic when I was getting ready for our first baby. I honestly believe that my labor was stalled because I was stressed that we didn't have the right kind of nail clippers.

Anyway, I agree with PP's about the toiletries; you might find that you don't even need them. We're expecting #4 any day now, and I just threw out a pile of little packets of diaper cream that came free in parenting magazines, and sample size bottles of shampoo that we got during our children's hospital births. Our babies didn't really seem to need anything but the tiniest amount of soap in the early days. For moisturizer, you can use plain natural oils. And our cloth wipes are just a bunch of old washcloths and some cut-up flannel sheets (not even hemmed; I just used pinking shears, and they haven't frayed much).

Speaking of the ubiquitous parenting magazines, are you crafty at all? Even the mainstream magazines often have very sweet pictures of mothers and babies, and you could make a collage to hang on the nursery wall. Pages from old calendars, or photos of family members, would also be great. I was planning to do something like this with our first baby, but never got around to it. I just came across the pile of clippings when I was going through some boxes. In the end, all we did before the birth was paint the baby's room a lovely color, set up a second-hand crib, and put a spare full-sized mattress on the floor (great for night nursing if she was fussy... at least DH could get a good night's sleep). It worked out just fine, and the minimalist look turned out to be very soothing for all of us.

Now, with three children, we have the opposite problem. There's baby and kid stuff EVERYWHERE. I'm constantly donating boxes of items, but the clothes, toys, books, and assorted doodads seem to reproduce on their own. I wish someone would come to my house and take about 3/4 of it away!!!!!

[jessielove]

Argh! I posted a big long thing and then pushed a button and lost the whole post!

I was just going to say that there are a variety of car seat options which were recommended to me by a car seat tech. You can go for the higher priced ones, but there are some low priced options which are highly recommended, too. The Safety First Avenue {found at KMart and Sears} is around $85, seats to 40lbs and is one of the few convertible seats with strap settings low enough to be safe for a newborn. By the time baby needs a higher weight setting you can replace it with a higher weight limit seat and have more options.

I think the only convertible seat which seats to 65lbs and has strap settings low enough for a newborn is the Sunshine Radian, which is usually around $285. It's a very good seat, but like I said above, you can get one for much less and then have more options by the time baby needs the higher weight limit {like the Marathon, FPSVD, etc}. For a newborn your options are limited due to the strap settings.

The Triumph Advance and True Fit were both also recommended as safe for newborns. I believe they both have 55lb weight limits, but the TA might be 50lb. The Triumph Advance is around $110 and the True Fit is around $170. Both have safe strap settings for newborns.

Anyway, just offering a couple of suggestions for if your mom thinks the higher one is too expensive, but is willing to pay a lower amount for a safe seat. I think the bucket seats are a waste of money, personally, unless you plan to use it as a baby carrier. Babies are only in them for a few months and they're killer on the back to lug them in and out of the car and around everywhere with baby in them.

A lot of stores have gotten hard core about returns without receipts, but it might not hurt to try bringing the clothing in to exchange for things you'll use. Sometimes they'll let it slide a little, especially with things that were obviously gifts.

I'm sorry you're disappointed. I remember being pregnant with my first and wanting things just so. Dh and I eloped and didn't even have a wedding reception, so I understand that, too. You'll find though that all of these little things which seem so important... just aren't. Babies usually have sponge baths for the first few weeks, so a tub isn't necessary right away. Washcloths work well as cloth wipes, or hemmed/serged/pinked squares of flannel. Diaper cremes are only necessary if baby has a rash and if you're using cloth you'll want to be careful of the type of creme you buy anyway. Shampoos are too drying for infant skin and wholly unnecessary {babies don't get dirty; plain water cleans them fine and doesn't dry their skin like soap}. Books are awesome and you can never have enough, but for the first several months you could totally read out loud from the newspaper or cereal box and baby wouldn't even notice, let alone care. It's the rhythmic sound of your voice which is important when they are very small; books are just one avenue for that.

I remember how much I wanted things to be just exactly a certain way with my first, but I quickly became a minimalist after that. Most stuff is unnecessary and just gets in the way. I hope everything comes together for you, but cut yourself a break and relax some, too Don't sweat the small stuff, and enjoy the last bit of your pregnancy!