Nervous about my MW apt...

[Ldavis24]

I don't know why, I am feeling very nervous about my MW appointment tomorrow.
It's not because of my MW, I love her and she is great, I don't really know what this apprehension is.

We are going over my birth plan. It is something that I have been refining for several weeks now and although I know it can all fly out the window in a moment it has really allowed me to focus on my goals for this birth if circumstance willing it is meant to be.

I am trying to think of all the questions I need to mention to my MW tomorrow so we can solidfy all plans etc.. IE, hospital admittance forms (when do I fill them out). Do I have to sign a blanket consent, how can this be avoided etc...

I am nervous though, I feel like there are a lot of things I am forgetting and it's starting to freak me out. The closer it gets to the appointment the more I am dwelling on it...

This is our 36 week or so appointment. What questions should I be asking?

[JamieCatheryn]

Both times I gave a birth plan to my care provider it was met with happy agreement - the first time was with an OB this time it's my homebirth midwife. The first time around I did feel a little nervous in anticipation, hospital terms and routines being so strong a force separate from my own wishes and all. But she went over it and smiled saying "yes this is how we like to see babies born". And though it was abnormal at that hospital my doctor's authority got everyone to change routines and go with what I wanted for the most part. By the way, blanket consent forms don't mean they can do anything they want to you without asking first, or go against your verbal or written refusal.

I'd ask what the routine is at triage in your hospital if you aren't familiar with it yet (cervical checks, tests, blood draws, initial fetal monitoring, clothes, mobility/staying off your back?), oh and exactly where to park, where to enter the building, where to sign in.

[Overthemoon]

Don't be nervous. It'll be fine.

I have not done any birth plan at all. This is my 4th baby (first to be born at home). I have talked with my MW though about what I hope to have happen and things that are not me and I'd not feel comfortable with. And in my first phone interview I went over things like what she'd do in an emergency for baby and me, under what conditions we'd have to do to the hospital, best positions, if I can do water birth and so on. She does not carry a heavy patient load so I haven't had to put it in writing since we go over things conversationally each visit. (I see her weekly now) maybe sooner after tomorrow. We are like two girlfriends having tea, and she is here about an hour or so.
My biggest fear is tearing and pain. I've never given birth without an epidural.
So those are the things I go over with her the most and the things I am trying to overcome by reading so many positive stories.

Hospital wise, I know the routine as far as that goes and know she would stay with me the whole time.

Good luck to you!

[AustGirl]

I've just got home after talking over my birth plan with my midwife. We wrote it out last night, and it's fairly comprehensive.

A lot of things I was worried about (cutting cord too early, having them do stuff without me knowing, etc) is against the Birth Centre's policies anyway, but it was good to have them in the birth plan in case I got transferred to the hospital later.

She fully respects my wishes and agrees with them all.

If you're unsure about anything, just include it and talk to her about it when you get to see her. There's nothing wrong with having a draft plan that you can refine after talking to her.

[Asher]

Best wishes! :

My best advise is to write questions down as you think of them and then take the list with you.

[j_p_i]

Good luck today! It'll be fine

I agree - write down any questions you have and bring them with you. And if your midwives are anything like mine, they have an idea of things to talk to you about at each appointment. I think at 36 weeks we went over procedures of calling when I think I'm in labor, when to call, group b strep, etc. We also went over their policies for birth (like a birth plan) and she told me what their standards were (delayed cord cutting, no routine IV, not offering meds unless I ask, etc.). I was so relieved she went over these things with me, because I know I would have forgotten to ask many of them! Ask what their policies are (you can talk about them if you want something different) and what most of their births are like.

[Ldavis24]

Thanks for all the replies. I have written down lots of questions from suggestions given here. My MW is going to laugh, she knows how meticulous I am in planning. The first time I met with her she was bombarded with questions.

I also have been writing down questions that I have thought of yesterday and today...There is something about this appointment that is making reality really start to hit home!
Appointment is at 5:45 so I have all day to think of more questions to ask and mull over everything. I am just getting to the point where I want things to start happening. I say to her each appointment, "is something happening yet? Anything exciting" Alas the most exciting thing (not good) was a high BP reading that turned into a lot of nothing thank goodness.

On a bright side, we got a dryer that works so I am doing the huge backlog of laundry that we have all day to keep me busy on my day off and I told my landlord that we are taking the difference out that the dryer cost out of the rent for this upcoming month and if he has a problem with it he can shove it you know where!! He said it was fine so a small victory!

[j_p_i]

Glad to hear about the dryer!! It's good you were able to get that taken care of before LO comes

[Ldavis24]

Originally Posted by j_p_i

Glad to hear about the dryer!! It's good you were able to get that taken care of before LO comes

I know, it is such a huge relief. Now I can finally wash all those adorable baby clothes I have and actually put them away away instead of just piled up. Also pick out the outfits we will bring to the hospital for LO!:

[trauerweidchen]

Originally Posted by Ldavis24

On a bright side, we got a dryer that works so I am doing the huge backlog of laundry that we have all day to keep me busy on my day off and I told my landlord that we are taking the difference out that the dryer cost out of the rent for this upcoming month and if he has a problem with it he can shove it you know where!! He said it was fine so a small victory!

Good for you! I'm glad you're getting SOME return there, anyway. That sounded like a really frustrating situation; I wouldn't treat our tenants like that, that's for sure.

I also wanted to say that I hope your appointment went well, and not to worry; if anything, it's time to be excited, because you're almost full term! (That's how I looked at it, anyway. One more big milestone on the way to having our baby in our arms.) I'm more nervous about our home visit on Thursday than about our regular prenatal appointments, because the house isn't as clean as I might like, and it isn't likely to get there because I don't plan on working on it much between now and then (too much other stuff going on).

Oh, and I always try to have a list of questions to ask at our meetings too. I think our midwife is amused with me; I'm such an eager first-timer.

[Asher]

How'd it go?

[Ldavis24]

Originally Posted by Asher

How'd it go?

Wonderfully of course! I don't know why I get so worked up over stuff like this, because I have to get worked up over something I suppose...

My MW was hilarious because she was singing to herself the entire time when I handed out the birth plan and she was reading it. Finally she finishes and goes well you certainly are prepared aren't you! I told her this was literally the 4th or 5th draft and she asked if I had the longer versions so she could see them, I didn't bring them though..

She then went on to explain that literally every single thing I put in my birth plan was how she did stuff... Cord clamping, what happens immediately after LO is born, eating, drinking etc...She was laughing so hard because she said she rarely has a client as "well prepared" or I think she wanted to say mildly nutty as myself!

I then went through my list of questions about hospital policies etc, I don't sign a universal consent, just a single consent that pertains to her only. She doesn't even allow a doctor in the room unless she asks them to come and then if they want to do ANYTHING they need either written permission from me or verbal if there is no time..

It just once again reaffirms I made the right choice in switching from an OB to a midwife. She was excited too, we both were talking about now we just have to wait for the big day!

She even had an interesting methodology I guess I would call it for labor. Call her as soon as I really think I am in labor. Don't worry about counting time of contractions just note how many I have in an hour and if they are getting closer together and are regular. Call her again when I am getting to the point of them being quite intense (tears to your eyes or have to stop everything and focus) and then we go!

I am so excited. Just gotta wait now!

Oh, Trauerweidchen, I would be nervous about my house too for the home visit if I was having one! I would just try to remind myself, my MW isn't going to be checking for dust bunnies in the corner!! Do tell us how that appointment goes! I am curious what goes on for the big home visit since I don't get to experience that!

[j_p_i]

Glad to hear your appointment went so well! It's such a relief when you discuss all the things you want for your birth plan, and they tell you it's their standard. I'm not even really making a birth plan because my mws are so in line with what I would want anyway. Makes you feel so much more comfortable and safe for the upcoming birth doesn't it?

[trauerweidchen]

I'm so glad your appointment went well! Your midwife sounds like the kind of person I'd really get along well with. If I weren't hoping for a homebirth (or if someone like your midwife, with her setup, were available in my area), then your birth arrangements sound exactly like what I would seek out. I'm not intimidated by my plans, but if I have to transfer things will probably get stickier for me than they would for you. Minnesota has a fairly progressive birth environment from what I've seen, but our local hospital... well, they just recently stopped allowing even family practioners from offering deliveries for their patients, or at least that's what I heard through the local grapevine.

I'll certainly let you know how the home visit goes; I think it'll be just fine, and I just keep telling myself that seeing my dust bunnies (if she even pays attention) is nothing to what she'll be seeing when I'm in labor!

[Ldavis24]

Originally Posted by trauerweidchen

I'm so glad your appointment went well! Your midwife sounds like the kind of person I'd really get along well with. If I weren't hoping for a homebirth (or if someone like your midwife, with her setup, were available in my area), then your birth arrangements sound exactly like what I would seek out. I'm not intimidated by my plans, but if I have to transfer things will probably get stickier for me than they would for you. Minnesota has a fairly progressive birth environment from what I've seen, but our local hospital... well, they just recently stopped allowing even family practioners from offering deliveries for their patients, or at least that's what I heard through the local grapevine.

I'll certainly let you know how the home visit goes; I think it'll be just fine, and I just keep telling myself that seeing my dust bunnies (if she even pays attention) is nothing to what she'll be seeing when I'm in labor!

I don't know much about Minnesota's laws but I find it odd that they would specifically not allow a family practioner to attend a birth! Well, I hope that you just don't have to deal with that!

I really wanted to do a homebirth but DH was way way against it and I wanted him to be on board with me so we settled for our MW hospital birth. I feel like I really really lucked out with our MW and our hospital. Lowest C section rate in the state, totally and completely dedicated to a good birthing environment, really really encouraging toward a good BFing relationship with LO(thats just the hospital!). It really is as close to a homebirth as I could get in a hospital, it's funny though, because my MW doesn't do homebirth's so I would have struggled to find one near my home. I researched it initially and the closet one was over an hour a way!

Next baby I told DH is going to be a homebirth and if he doesn't like it he can just sit outside!

JPI, I actually felt silly almost because I should have known that all my requests on the birth plan were in line with what she did in the first place. Like you said though, it really does make me feel much more comfortable knowing I won't have to be in battle mode at all during my labor. I had been feeling like I needed to be prepared for some kind of confrontation, not with my MW but with someone else at the hospital.

[Smithie]

Glad the appointment went well!

I KNOW that my plans for the birth are going to conflict wildly with my doctor's and the hospital's policy, but for some reason it's not bothering me any more. Ultimately, what can they do? Forbid me from pushing the baby out in their hospital bed?

[Ldavis24]

Originally Posted by Smithie

Glad the appointment went well!

I KNOW that my plans for the birth are going to conflict wildly with my doctor's and the hospital's policy, but for some reason it's not bothering me any more. Ultimately, what can they do? Forbid me from pushing the baby out in their hospital bed?

Ha, I wouldn't be surprised! Sorry Smithie looks like you are going to have to birth your baby in the parking lot! DH and I were joking about that last night actually, what if I refuse something they demanded would they kick me out and make me pop the LO out in the driveway?

I'll never forget the episode of Baby Story (I know, I know terrible show!) where the woman in laboring was crying out on her back "I have to push, I have to push NOW!" The nurse just flatly said "well you can't push now because the doctor isn't here." The woman screamed "but I have to push now!" the nurse just ignored it and said again "well the doctor isn't here so you are going to have to wait" I felt so badly for the woman in labor. I would have kicked that nurse in the face!

[Smithie]

At least it's finally being taught that holding the baby back when the mother is pushing can do real damage. That used to be the standard operating procedure I really think I might kill somebody who tried to shove my baby's head back up my birth canal.

My mother is a nurse and says that every nurse who works OB has caught a baby at some point, and she doesn't see what the big freaking deal is - the problem is when the baby WON'T come out, not when it's rocketing out ahead of the doctor! At her hospital, they page the ER attending if the it looks like the OB won't make it in time, and he walks veeeeeeeery slooooooowly to the OB unit, hoping that the OB nurse will catch the baby bc frankly she knows more about it than he does!

[Asher]

Originally Posted by Ldavis24

Ha, I wouldn't be surprised! Sorry Smithie looks like you are going to have to birth your baby in the parking lot! DH and I were joking about that last night actually, what if I refuse something they demanded would they kick me out and make me pop the LO out in the driveway?

I'll never forget the episode of Baby Story (I know, I know terrible show!) where the woman in laboring was crying out on her back "I have to push, I have to push NOW!" The nurse just flatly said "well you can't push now because the doctor isn't here." The woman screamed "but I have to push now!" the nurse just ignored it and said again "well the doctor isn't here so you are going to have to wait" I felt so badly for the woman in labor. I would have kicked that nurse in the face!

OMG! See, I'd have said "WATCH ME THEN!" and popped that child OUT right then and there. : No flipping way would I not push if they told me not to unless there was a true medical reason for it (like cord wrapped around and needed to be undone or something). Then again, I love doing the whole birth thing myself. The only reason I go to the hospital is b/c I worry about complications AFTER the birth (specificially with me) and that's only the past two times.


I'm SO glad your appointment went well! She sounds lovely!

[trauerweidchen]

Originally Posted by Ldavis24

I don't know much about Minnesota's laws but I find it odd that they would specifically not allow a family practioner to attend a birth! Well, I hope that you just don't have to deal with that!

It has nothing to do with the state laws, as far as I know, although freestanding birthing centers seem to currently be a political issue here (or at least a social one). It's our local hospital "monopoly" if anything that would prevent FP doctors from delivering, or malpractice rates I suppose. I don't actually have first-hand knowledge that this is the case, anyway; it's what I heard from some other people in the area, and if it is true, it's a very new development, because one of my friends delivered at the local hospital with her FP doctor this past January. Of the small set of people I know who are having a baby in the area, if they want a more natural birth/want to avoid the local hospital, they often drive an hour to an hour and a half to a different hospital that has midwives. We were fortunate that we wanted a home birth and happened to have a local midwife; many of the state midwives are about an hour away from here, too.

I'm not a big TV watcher anyway, but I've sort of had to stop myself from watching "Baby Story" because I tend to get outraged at the portrayals of pregnancy and over-managed childbirth. It always seems to me like the C-section rate on that show is about 85%, so I don't get much enjoyment out of the show typically. I wish they showed more natural/alternative births...