When do they understand "No"?

[Ameliasisco]

My 1yo is a really good baby, he really doesn't every do anything bad, except for occasionally needing to be redirected away from the beehive But I am curious about when exactly babies start to "get it" that you're telling them not to do something. He'll stop and look at me when I say, for example, "No bees!" and will pause, but not actually do what I ask. Do I just have a cute, clever boy who knows he can get away with not listening, or does he really not get it? He definitely isn't trying to be naughty, but I'm just wondering at what point I can expect him to understand and comply.
~Amy

[ssh]

He might understand what No means but just doesn't have any self control yet.
Even 2 year olds have little impulse control. Impulse control is a higher reasoning skill, so it develops slowly. It seems like temperament and verbal skills have a lot to do with when a child can comply. My 3.5 year old has recently gotten alot better, but there are still temptations she can't resist at all.

[One_Girl]

Originally Posted by ssh

He might understand what No means but just doesn't have any self control yet.
Even 2 year olds have little impulse control. Impulse control is a higher reasoning skill, so it develops slowly. It seems like temperament and verbal skills have a lot to do with when a child can comply. My 3.5 year old has recently gotten alot better, but there are still temptations she can't resist at all.

This was what I found when dd was younger to. She understood and even stopped reaching for something sometimes when she was very little, but she hadn't developed impulse control so she didn't internalize any information about what she was reaching for. As they get older they start to internalize more and more and they start to have some impulse control.

[bendingbirch]

Most children under 7 "understand" the word no but really do not have the impulse to physically stop themselves from what they are doing in the moment. Even a 7 year old needs very specific instructions, is still a bit likely to blame others when something goes wrong or has an excuse - and that is all developmentally normal according to traditional milestones.

To me, with a one year old, you really have distraction, making your environment safe, less words and more singing and distraction..Saving your no's for something huge, but realizing that you have to physically be there to follow through.

Perhaps the Gesell Institute/ Ames book "Your One Year Old" will help you look at the physical and cognitive abilities of a one year old.

Hope that helps,

[nd_deadhead]

Try working harder to phrase things in terms of "yes" instead of "no". I'm pretty sure a child doesn't truly comprehend "don't" until they are at least 4 or 5. Meanwhile, we think they are being defiante when we say "Don'y jump on the bed!" and they keep doing it; in reality, they can't think of an alternative, because the last thing they heard was "jump on the bed!"

Certainly a 1-yr-old doesn't get "no". They might figure out that the actions that accompany "no" mean they should behave in a certain way, but I think the word is no more than an attention-getter.

So instead of "no bees" or "don't touch", how about "stand back", or "stand by me", or "beehives are just to look at".

Toddlers really do like to please, as a rule, and like to follow directions. Telling them what TO do give them an opportunity to win approval (what child doesn't love to clap their hands and get a whole room of adults to mimic him?). And learning what TO do is even more important than learning what NOT to do - for example, sit on your bottom instead of stand on the chair; "feet first" going down the stairs, "pet gently" around the dog. When our twins were about 2 we were even able to sometimes forestall a nasty bite by saying "Give kisses!" and the bared teeth would turn into a pucker.

If the child is reaching for something dangerous, "Just to look at", or "clap your hands", or Put your hands on your head!" might slow him down enough for you to get to him to physically remove him from danger. Of course when he is in a safe place, you can say "bees hurt", or point to the outlet and say "big owie", so he understands WHY he shouldn't stick his fingers in either place!

Hang in there! He has so much to learn, and he needs things to happen over and over again for them to stick (which is why he'll drop that cup off the high chair a thousand times - he has to make sure that it drops to the floor every single time and doesn't rise to the ceiling just once).

[Ameliasisco]

Thanks so much! Those were really helpful suggestions. I really like the idea of phrasing everything positively; I try to do that anyway (even with my husband). I've read somewhere that your brain creates an image of whatever it hears whether or not it's preceded by a no, and makes that thing more likely to happen, so "Don't fall," increases the chances of a fall much more than, "Watch where you're stepping."
I like the idea of mostly eliminating the word No and using redirection and distraction.
Thanks again!:

[sapphire_chan]

Arrrrghghghghgh!!!!!

Sorry, this particular topic is really frustrating for me because I read something that was absolutely perfect about it a few years ago and I was never able to find it again.


The example in the book or article was exactly what you're describing with your ds. Expressing "no" and then doing it anyway.


So, um, anyway...

Yeah, it's normal to not really get "no" at this age, but I don't have anything to back that up.

[DevaMajka]

I really like what this article says about young toddlers and "listening" to the word "no."

Toddler Testing

[sunshine1793]

For our dd, she has had an understanding of the word 'no' since she was 12 to 18 months, and she listens when we speak like it's serious. Where I have been uncertain myself if she could touch something, ie the remote or the computer, she has continued to push for them. When I have made it clear that 'no' is 'no', ie the toilet and the garbage, she has listened. She also knows the command 'wait'. She is 2 now and is fairly reliable to listen to a direction, but I still don't take any chances with her - ie, if I am concerned about traffic, either she holds my hand or I carry her; and, we keep the bathroom door closed unless one of us is there with her.

[darcytrue]

I think it depends on the child. My oldest child understood when I said no to him by 9-10 mos old. He would love to mess with the pictures and knick knacks in the livingroom and learned that no meant no after just a few times and quickly lost interest. He rarely, if ever, messed and I remember him always looking at me as if to see if I would approve anytime he went near things as he got older. It was really cute.

My youngest child was totally different. She may have heard and understood the word no beginning at a young age but she didn't actually listen to the word no until she was good and ready. She was much older, closer to 2-3 years old.

[foreverinbluejeans]

Stop is good danger word and you can also use a hand signal.

People will complain about their toddlers yelling no and wonder why they are doing it and how to stop it. Well 'duh maybe it's because people have been yelling no at them since they were babies. My dil is starting to do this with my 7 month grandson and I'm wondering, 'What is she thinking!'

No doesn't tell a baby what to do. It's similar to a punishment, at best it stops a bad behavior. It's different from stop. Stop tells a child to hold still or freeze.

I think it is good policy to minimize the number of times you say no. One goal of parenting is to treat your children in ways that you would like to be treated.

[Mama.Pajama]

I think a 1 year old is too young to understand what "NO" really means. Your LO may relate your reaction to the word "no," such as when you say "No, no" when he/she reaches for the outlet, you immediately run toward LO and remove LO from the threat.
My nearly 20 month old gets (and has for the last 5 months or so) a mischievous look in his eyes when I say "No." He looks right at me and reaches for/does whatever it is that I don't want him to get/do again! Even now though, I think he just relates my reaction to the word more than he understands and is able to comply, you know? It's all about redirection and going with the flow during the baby-on-wheels stage... Unless of course there is impending physical danger (or you are going to be late for a Dr. appointment, etc.), and you learn that sometimes you are just not going to be able to avoid making your LO upset. Such is the life of a mother of a toddler.