Why not tie allowance to chores?

[MommyMichele]

I finally finished reading the Who gives allowance? thread and I'm still not sure.

We have been indecisive about how to go about it, so we haven't done anything yet except talk about it. My oldest definitely would like to have money, and both girls often ask for things when we're out and I often wish I could tell them to use their money if they want rather than trying to decide yes or no.

I'm not sure I understand fully the concerns with tying allowance to chores. We earn money by doing work, after all.

My kids don't have regular chores yet. If I implemented a system tying allowing to chores would that be a bad idea? They are often reticent to help as it is.

So I'm thinking of maybe a small base amount they get no matter what and they earn extra for special jobs. Or I'm thinking of establishing regular chores first before establishing an allowance.

What is the reasoning behind just giving kids money without any expectations? Adults don't get money that way.

Thanks for helping me figure this out. Links to reading on this topic appreciated.

[Storm Bride]

I've read several money experts advise not tying allowances to chores, but I'm not sure why they recommend that.

We have a loose relationship between allowance and chores, but I'm not sure if I really agree with the route we're going. It was dh's idea, and ds1 agreed with it - since I had/have only vague reservations, I went along with it. My reasons for not being crazy about it is simple. I don't see any value in teaching someone that they get paid for helping out around the house. Helping out around the house should simply be a given. The allowance is to provide pocket money, and to help him learn to budget and such. The chores are an expectation, and he'd have to do chores whether or not he received an allowance. (We never had formal chores growing up, but were expected to pitch in as necessary...and my allowance had nothing to do with it. I twice lost my allowance for extended periods of time when my mom caught me smoking - something she wasn't prepared to pay for. I still had to do chores during those times.)

[mommaof5]

First of all I think your kids are old enough to be having chores. I remember when my oldest was 7 and I started giving them chores. I found that my oldest is not my best worker because I waited to long. My younger ones are much better and more thorough because they started around 3 and 4.
I thought I would give you some examples just because I was never sure where to start...
My 4 year old can empty the small garbage cans into the big garbage can, fold small towels, put their clothes in their drawers and empty the silverware.
My 7 year old can clear the table, empty the dishwasher, sort laundry, keep room clean, and vacuum.
Even my 2 year old helps me put his toys away and loves to stand at the dryer and I hand him the wet clothes and he puts them in the dryer. He loves it and does not think of it as "work."

We do no allowance. All my kids work because they live here and Mom cannot do it all. My oldest has money because she babysits for other people. She babysits for us once a week and that is how she earns her cell phone.

I see the argument that kids need money so they can learn to manage money but I also have found that being frugal has meant that I don't budget allowance for them. I make sure I meet their needs and if they want something special I will think of an extra job so that they can earn it.

[mightymoo]

Just my personal opinion, this is why I'm not sure its a good idea - because I believe kids should be helping out around the house, that's part of their responsibility as members of the family. I don't see it as optional. By linking it to allowance, you make it optional.

When you tie chores to allowance, you run the risk that the child may not care enough about the money to do the chores. You are assuming getting an allowance will be motivation to clean their room. On the other hand, you might end up with a child who figures they can happily do without it and happily live in the mess.

[bobandjess99]

Originally Posted by mightymoo

Just my personal opinion, this is why I'm not sure its a good idea - because I believe kids should be helping out around the house, that's part of their responsibility as members of the family. I don't see it as optional. By linking it to allowance, you make it optional.

When you tie chores to allowance, you run the risk that the child may not care enough about the money to do the chores. You are assuming getting an allowance will be motivation to clean their room. On the other hand, you might end up with a child who figures they can happily do without it and happily live in the mess.

YES, THIS!!
Because it makes the chores "optional".
Which we are not cool with. lol.
Our lazy-bum teens would TOTALLY forgo the money in order to not have to do chores.

The allowance is for them to learn budgeting, money management, delaying self-gratification by saving up, etc.
Doing chores is what we do because they must be done. We are a family, and the work of running a household falls upon each member of that household to contribute.

What works well is to have a set of mandatory chores, and a set allowancenot tied to those chores, but then have "extra" chore opportunities as a means to earn extra money.

[travlr]

Just as Mighty Moo mentioned, I have a friend who paid allowance for chores and her strong-willed 5yo decided that she didn't want the money and didn't do any chores. This went on for over a year until she finally decided she'd like some pocket money like her older brother. Her story gave me pause about paying for chores. I think children should be expected to do chores without any financial reward.

[lach]

I've read a bit about this, and I kind of agree with it. This is the basic idea:

Allowance is about learning financial responsibility. Chores are about being a member of the household.

No one pays me to wash the dishes or make my bed, so why should my children get paid to pick up their toys? They live here, it's their responsibility to do their share of making the house a pleasant and clean place to live.

The second problem is that it's just really complicated to tie allowance to chores. What if your child gets sick and is in bed for a week? No chores are done. Do you not give him allowance? Kind of insult to injury (literally, if in our hypothetical he broke his leg)? Or if you're in a cleaning kind of mood and take out the trash before he even has a chance. It's not his fault you did it! So in those cases, you'd probably be nice and give allowance anyway... which leads to such a complicated slippery slope that it's just not worth it.

When we give allowance, I don't plan to tie it to chores. It will be about learning budgeting, saving, spending, etc. I always liked the idea of splitting allowance in 3: one for spending, one for saving (a reasonably medium term goal), and one for charity. It just seems easier, and teaches lessons that I'm not sure most kids get these days!

All households are different, but this is just what I've read as being suggested, and I think it's a pretty good philosophy for us. I'm sure I'll pay extra for above and beyond behavior, but I don't plan to tie it to basic daily or weekly chores.

[2cutiekitties]

Originally Posted by mightymoo

Just my personal opinion, this is why I'm not sure its a good idea - because I believe kids should be helping out around the house, that's part of their responsibility as members of the family. I don't see it as optional. By linking it to allowance, you make it optional.

When you tie chores to allowance, you run the risk that the child may not care enough about the money to do the chores. You are assuming getting an allowance will be motivation to clean their room. On the other hand, you might end up with a child who figures they can happily do without it and happily live in the mess.

Yes!! I was going to post that when my dad tied it to chores and I remember saying screw this, the money isnt worth cleaning the kitchen every night! lol. Then we had to re-negotiate.

[LilyGrace]

I think that in order to set a foundation for good money handling skills, it has to be separate from chores. They have to be able to understand how money works, and giving a set amount each week helps them to anticipate and figure out their finances when they're just beginning. Otherwise, it's overwhelming.

That said, after a few years of getting the basics down we've now moved into phase II, where allowance is tied to a contract. In the contract we have chores still need to be done no matter what - they are not optional. What is optional is the pay. For them to be paid for, they need to be done by a certain hour of the day (that he decided on and wrote in). If they are not done by that time, we have a right to still insist upon their completion - without pay.

It seems to be working well and now he's learning the value of work and sticking to commitments. As he gets older and more independent we'll move into phase III (around high school age). Each month, expenses will be discussed and he'll be given the money in his account that is to cover all activities, lunches, etc. that we would normally fork out daily or weekly. It'll be in one lump sum that he'll have to budget and make sure he's not spending too much in one category so he doesn't have enough for the rest. Still, they won't be tied to chores or work, because he's a different age with different needs and he's going to have the same thing going on in a larger scale when he hits college and that first real paycheck and well, life.

[Knittin' in the Shade]

Prefacing this to say that my kids do not get an allowance for doing their routine chores. Their routine chores include making their bed, hanging towel after shower/bath, putting laundry in their hamper and bringing it down to the washer when it's full, folding and putting away their clothes after I wash them, cleaning their playroom (oldest vacuums), practicing piano every day, feeding the cat (older two boys), setting and clearing the table after meals (we all do this together) and some other routine stuff I can't think of right now, LOL! They do, however, earn money for doing extra chores, like helping rake leaves, helping weed, or whatever other job DH or I might have that we'd like help for.

I think that connecting allowance to daily chores is a bad idea because as adults, there are millions of things that we have to do every day that there's no "compensation" for. I think that kids need to learn that being part of a family means that everyone pitches in to the running of the household. I refuse to wind up with grown sons who don't help around the house, or think they're saints who deserve heaps of praise (or deserve to buy things) when they DO work around the home. My future daughters-in-law deserve better

[karina5]

Originally Posted by mightymoo

Just my personal opinion, this is why I'm not sure its a good idea - because I believe kids should be helping out around the house, that's part of their responsibility as members of the family. I don't see it as optional. By linking it to allowance, you make it optional.

When you tie chores to allowance, you run the risk that the child may not care enough about the money to do the chores. You are assuming getting an allowance will be motivation to clean their room. On the other hand, you might end up with a child who figures they can happily do without it and happily live in the mess.

That pretty much sums it up for me, too. You live in this house, you help with the house.

What bothers me even more than money for chores is money for good grades. That's another thread, though.

[mar123]

We don't tie chores to allowance b/c with the three kids, I am too lazy to keep up with it. LOL. But seriously, they do chores as members of the family. I often tell them that school is their job, so I could look at it as they get paid to do their job, going to school. I have never said that to them though, LOL. I give them an allowance for them to learn how to handle money. I love being able to tell them that if they want something, they can use their money. It really helps them stop and think about how much they want something. They also realize how hard mom and dad work to pay for things when they are using their own money- they notice the costs much more than if I paid for everything.

[SAHDS]

I'll preface this by saying we don't give our children an allowance, but here's the question that I had in the other thread that nobody answered:

I do like the idea that chores do not equal allowance. Although, do you still give a child allowance who does nothing around the house? If we're leading by example and preparing them, I think that is the wrong way to go about it. I mean, if DH does a bad job or doesn't show up for work, he definitely doesn't get paid/could lose his job. He works for his money, it isn't freely given.

[RoundAbout]

Originally Posted by lach

Chores are about being a member of the household.

No one pays me to wash the dishes or make my bed, so why should my children get paid to pick up their toys? They live here, it's their responsibility to do their share of making the house a pleasant and clean place to live.

Exactly! It's the same reason I would never pay for grades, or basic hygiene - routine chores are about helping the family and helping oneself. I don't want to confuse my kids by putting a price tag on that.

I do think it is ok though to pay for some extraordinary chores - stuff like lawn care, car washing, etc. Things that you might hire out for anyway. I think its a good way to transition kids into the world of work.

[RoundAbout]

Originally Posted by SAHDS

I do like the idea that chores do not equal allowance. Although, do you still give a child allowance who does nothing around the house? If we're leading by example and preparing them, I think that is the wrong way to go about it. I mean, if DH does a bad job or doesn't show up for work, he definitely doesn't get paid/could lose his job. He works for his money, it isn't freely given.

I think if your kids won't do their assigned chores then you deal with it the same way you would handle any other behavior issues, using whatever discipline tools you would normally use. People who don't give allowances must handle these problems too, so I don't think money has to enter into it.

I think one of the best ways to help kids do chores is to give them serious responsibilities. From a very young age one of my chores was feeding the animals - it was never an issue of not doing it because I didn't want them to suffer (and because the cats would follow me around and nag me until I did it).

[SAHDS]

Originally Posted by RoundAbout

I think if your kids won't do their assigned chores then you deal with it the same way you would handle any other behavior issues, using whatever discipline tools you would normally use.

And you would continue giving them their allowance?

[THANKFULFORFIVE]

We do not do allowance for chores either. They all have daily/weekly chores. Each family member is expected to contribute to a functioning household. We actually don't even do a "formal" allowance any more. They get paid for "extra" or difficult chores like mowing the lawn, pulling weeds and picking up nuts, mopping floors, cleaning the cars, etc. My older ones have plenty of opportunities to make extra $. They get a $20 "bonus" for straight "A"s each quarter, they pet sit or babysit for neighbors. A teenage girl can make a small fortune in our neighborhood alone!

[philomom]

Originally Posted by bobandjess99

Because it makes the chores "optional".Which we are not cool with. lol.
Our lazy-bum teens would TOTALLY forgo the money in order to not have to do chores.
The allowance is for them to learn budgeting, money management, delaying self-gratification by saving up, etc.
Doing chores is what we do because they must be done. We are a family, and the work of running a household falls upon each member of that household to contribute.

Yes, same here. Everyone who lives in my house pulls their weight. My breadwinning dh does dishes. The kids have their chores. I do the bulk of the laundry and floor cleaning because I'm home. But it goes so quick and our house is drop-by ready most of the time because we all pitch in.

As I said on the other thread, I have a friend who tied allowance to chores. Her kid pretty quickly decided it wasn't worth the 8$ a week to clean the cat box and take out the trash.

[Bluegoat]

Originally Posted by SAHDS

I'll preface this by saying we don't give our children an allowance, but here's the question that I had in the other thread that nobody answered:

I do like the idea that chores do not equal allowance. Although, do you still give a child allowance who does nothing around the house? If we're leading by example and preparing them, I think that is the wrong way to go about it. I mean, if DH does a bad job or doesn't show up for work, he definitely doesn't get paid/could lose his job. He works for his money, it isn't freely given.

I suppose it could be one tool for discipline, but I'm not sure it would be the best one. Most kids do actually need some money, so you could end up giving them something anyway, which wouldn't be much of a punishment.

I think it would be better to not let them go out to do the fun thing they were going to spend money on until their chores were done. Or not drive them to the mall because you are busy doing the chores. And for small kids, it might be to much of a stretch to connect the two in any case.

But I tend to see allowance as a pretty minimal amount that will meet the child's needs; of course that might change depending on the child - a kid struggling in school might not have time to make much extra cash in a part-time job, so might need a bit extra for spending money, for example.

[Tjej]

Well, my parents tied allowance to chores, and I decided it wasn't worth it to clean my room for the money, so I quit.

They did have other "extra" chores with specific amounts earned (lawn mowing, ironing), and I would sometimes do some of those.

I do not plan to tie allowance directly to chores because I think it was not good for me as a kid. I did not realize I needed to contribute as a part of my family until I was pretty much out of the house. I want my kids to realize what an important piece they are much younger.

I have never had issues with money management - I had money from allowance and then from a lot of babysitting. I learned how to handle it and how to prioritize. My parents even had us get a cc when we were 16 or so, to build a credit rating for when we were older and might want to buy a house or car or whatever. It was a store card, we'd buy on it, and then go straight to the customer service desk and pay the bill. But that's a little OT...

Tjej