feeling really tired of everything...

[asoulunbound]

i am sorry, I just need somewhere to vent.
I love my dp, in fact in a few days he'll be dh. We have a beautiful daughter together who is 6 mths old. I love them both.
But... I am so tired of my life. DD was a surprise, and although she is great, I sometimes am mad at her for being here. i was just finally getting comfortable being myself and was at a great weight. i feel I looked good. i went from
this to this in a year due to pg weight gain of 40 lbs.
I am working a job I hate that's just above minimum wage and living in my IL's basement. I didn't really expect to be worrying about insurance and what to make for dinner when I was 21. I did finish college a year ago, and I miss the freedom i had. I'd love ot be able to go out for a drink or out on the town, but DP doesn't approve of alcohol and I'm nursing anyway. I would love to just be able to have alone time without feeling guilty or having to bring DD along. Since we live in a basement with pets I am allergic too, the only alone space i really have is the bathroom or my minivan!
i wanted to be a SAHM but I can't because then neither DD or i would have insurance, and since i require daily meds to function, i have to stay there. Fortunately DD is with her g-mas when I'm gone (they take turns watching her).
I just am really overwhelmed, and I think upset because this is supposed to be a happy time (my baby is young, and I'm getting married) but I'm not that happy. And now dp thinks something is wrong with us, like I don't love him any more, and i always am grumpy... the latter is probably true, lol, but i definitely still love him, and dd, a lot.
I'm on meds btw, and can't afford a therapist right now.

[asoulunbound]

oh and sorry about not capitalizing and such just trying to type it out before dd gets grumpy of playing on her back. thanks.

[lisasaurus]

Hi there. i'm sorry you're feeling so bad. PPD is so hard, and it really affects the whole family. I don't think your soon to be husband understands exactly what PPD is, and he can't be totally supportive without information. Here is a link to a great article you may want to share with him:

http://babybluesconnection.org/tips/tips_partners.htm

I think once you are feeling better, your relationship with both your DD and DP will improve greatly as well.

How long have you been on meds? Do you think they are having an effect on your weight? I know everyone always says you lose sooo much weight when breastfeeding, but that is most definitely NOT always the case. Personally, i held a lot of weight on through nursing. Plus I think SSRI's are notoriously bad for weight (again, this is not always the case). Your baby is still so young, trust that your body is doing what it needs to right now, and will be back in balance someday. I know its only been in the last 3 months or so (my baby turns 2 this month) that i have felt like getting outside and exercising, and that is helping immensely- not just with weight, but my mood as well.

i'm sorry you can't afford to see a therapist, as i'm sure that would help some. maybe there is a cognitive behavioural therapy workbork of some sort you could get from the library or something?

[asoulunbound]

I'm on my phone. I ve been on meds for years, this one (budepropin xl) for about 2 years, so I know its just being pg/bfing. Bfing has given me a voracious appetite n so I'm hungry alllll the time. Eating frequently, trying to keep it healthy. :

[asoulunbound]

:bump