Help Me Help My Sister

[LilacMama]

My sister had a baby around the same time I did, so we both have 4 month olds. She's falling apart. She is the type of person that does best on about 9 hours of sleep every night and, of course, she has a baby that wakes up every two hours. She won't let him cry -- not even for 30 seconds, even though I've encouraged her to see if he'll fall asleep on his own within a few minutes.

She is so sleep deprived now that she can't sleep. I'll go over there to watch him so she can take a nap and she won't be able to sleep while I'm there. She keeps getting up to check on him while I'm watching him. (For the record, I'm a baby nurse...I'm not exactly a danger to babies). If he does sleep for more than an hour or two, she'll wake up anyway... She's so tired that she just can't sleep anymore. She's depressed, tearful, and mostly extremely anxious.

I've offered to watch him for a night while she sleeps, but she can't do that. Her husband will get up with him but their apartment is so small it wakes her up anyway.

She's been working on the "no cry sleep solution" for a couple weeks now with little improvement. She's a total sleep deprived nervous wreck now.

What do I do??

[readytobedone]

well, i'm totally going on my own experience here, so YMMV...but what i thought was "can't sleep because i'm sleep-deprived" was really PPD/PTSD. i was incredibly anxious and had sleep problems for the first year after my daughter was born.

what you describe here, to me anyway, sounds like more than your run of the mill "new mom" sleep deprivation. i would try to encourage your sister to see a mental health professional. even something like an occasional ativan that can help her relax and go to sleep/stay asleep could really help. i needed that for awhile, but once i adjusted to zoloft, i didn't need it anymore.

i was exactly like you're describing your sister...i couldn't sleep, couldn't let anyone else take care of her, couldn't relax when she was a room away, or anything. i pumped bottles for DH to give her in the middle of the night or whenever i tried to nap, but i was always awake anyway when she cried (even on a different floor), so it didn't matter.

in my case, it was hyper-vigilance associated with an anxiety disorder (PTSD). at least consider, and try to have your sister consider, if something like that might be going on with her. as i understand it, "normal" PP moms might feel exhausted and moody, but they can sleep just fine if given the chance. i could not. that, i think, should be a red flag.

hugs to your sister, and she's very lucky to have you!

[LilMomma83]

It sounds like you are doing great trying to help her out

I know for me, I needed treatment, and I needed someone to stand there and watch me make the call...or I never would have done it. When I needed to go back on meds during my pregnancy DH took them out of the closet, put them in my hand, and watched me take them. I just really needed the direction--I was in denial and also did not want to admit "failure" or anything else. For me, meds helped a lot, but, it sounds like she has some OCD too (I do) and talk therapy helped a lot with that--for example controlling things I can, so other things don't bother me as much.