Balancing needs of two children -- different styles

[Treasuremapper]

Ok, I am facing some challenges.

I need some creative solutions. Our older daughter, age 7, likes structured learning, wants a schedule, and wants to go out for hours every day.

Our younger daughter, age 5, wants to stay in the house, have unscheduled time, and totally follow her own interests. She has bad car sickness.

Neither one of them has any interest in going to school.

I'm having a very hard time balancing their needs.

Please help me brainstorm.

[Lysa]

And the needs of you are..... ???

Personally, I can't be out of the house EVERY day, or I can't keep up with laundry, etc, and I never accomplish our goals at home.
Does your older dtr help out with chores in order to allow for more time FOR ALL to do the "fun stuff" including going out every day?
How many days a week are you comfortable running around for your older daughter? When do you work in errands/grocery shopping?
I'd sit down with my dd and prioritize what NEEDS (per me) to be done along with what else we WANT do after that. (This is one of the ways my oldest learned about the value of $ too.)
I've often times come up with a tentative plan, and then asked for input back when I can say, "I believe we have time for you to pick 2 activities a week you would really like to pursue."
When you are at home, it seems that you might easily be able to offer the older one a more structured routine, and at the same time allow the younger one much more flexibility, unless you are trying to do some of their instruction together. I'd let the younger one loose with books to browse, and lots of things around to create with/explore. And I'd offer the older one a plan for a day (an order for things, per say), or an assignment sheet type thing, so she knows what to expect for the day, or for each day of the week if they will be similar.

This is all very choppy, and I am not sure if I am making complete sense.... I think I'd try to make sure we are all honoring eachother by being home 2-4 days a week, and doing something outside the house the other 3-5. Teach them early that cooperation makes everything easier, and everyone happier.

[Momma Aimee]

bump

and I want to come back and read this again later

[Treasuremapper]

Interesting thoughts -- thank you for responding. I think we are out of the house a lot -- usually five days a week at a minimum with different activities, friends, etc. We are cutting back a bit in the summer, mostly because I got financially overextended with so many activities last summer.

[Serendipity]

Can your friends take older dd along with them to do out of the house things? Can you trade off carpooling to recurring activities so you can stay home with younger dd?

I have a similar situation. My son likes being out a LOT and my younger daughter would rather stay home. Luckily I'm able to drop Nic with friends or plan play dates at our house or someone else's so he stays entertained.
I have found that if dd and I want a break from running around outside the home then planning some fun things to do together at home really helps. And it helps for him to know what's coming.

I got into the habit of planning for the coming week on Sundays. We plan a few days out and a few at home. For the at-home days we write down some activity ideas and make sure we have all the stuff we need for them. I make a big effort to maintain engaged and available when we're home so we often don't end up doing the planned activity, and just do whatever comes up anyway!

It's been a while now and since he knows that I know what he needs and wants and that I'm willing to work on getting him that, the intensity has decreased a lot. And since he has more enriching and fun things going on at home, he is OK being home more.

[CariOfOz]

Originally Posted by Treasuremapper

Ok, I am facing some challenges.

I need some creative solutions. Our older daughter, age 7, likes structured learning, wants a schedule, and wants to go out for hours every day.

Our younger daughter, age 5, wants to stay in the house, have unscheduled time, and totally follow her own interests. She has bad car sickness.

This sounds SO much like my house it's not funny... especially if you add a nearly 3yo tornado! BOTH of my older boys could happily be out daily, but *I* just cannot cope with that! Especially not with the little guy who will just bolt and makes it more stressful. And the oldest and the youngest both do the car sickness thing as well lol... totally ruined an almost science centre trip a couple of weeks ago *pinches nose*

My answer is that my little guy is going to preschool 2 days a week (I will drop him off, dad will pick him up at 3) and those two days a week are our outing days. More than 2days a week & I get a bit hairy : although sometimes I'll throw in a walk to the park as well if my sanity lvl is good.

My 7yo is more the structured learner in our house as well.. we sat down today to rework our weekly 'schedule' (loosely using the term ) My 5yo is totally an unschooler at heart. The way we've been working it out so far is that when 7yo is doing his Math U See.. 5yo will muck around with the blocks or play monkey math, and I find he really IS getting some foundational math skills going on that way When we do our History Odyssey activities he will quite often join in because it's FUN STUFF So he gets to listen to the stories and do the crafts as well. He doesn't need any science because the child can find any critter under the sun in the backyard and observe it.. then we'll do a little googling together and he will be parrotting back info on green tree frogs or what have you for DAYS

[mommy68]

What are you doing when you go out? Is it possible to join a co-op or homeschool group in your area and commit your family to doing things with that group once or twice a week and then doing maybe one field trip each week and outdoor play in the yard the rest of the time?

My kids would likely want to go places every day if I let them choose, but wtih the economy the way it is, the distance from where we live to the city and me needing to stay home and work part-time, we just can't do it and they 'have' to understand that. So right now we prioritize and do things that benefit both of them each week for the most part. During the school year our planned activities consisted of PE class for homeschoolers once per week and our co-op once per week. Anything else going on happened every other week or once per month.

[Momma Aimee]

can you also look at WHY dd1 wants to / likes to be out so much? is it trying to meet her socoial needs or ?

can you "bunch" things -- say for example Monday you are out all day -- DD1 has a class, then you all run errands, then they go to the Lib, then a afternoon at teh park ... then Tue, Wed and Thur you stay home and focus on School, the Friday can be a catch up day and a go to the park day too ....that way you are not running out every day and can focus more on school when youa re home.

Can anyone pick up DD1 and take her with them (another mom)? Or an Aunt -- I would looooove to be able to just pick up my 9 yo DN and help him mom run him around -- alsa they live 1/2 across the country ... it would give DD1 and grandma or aunt or someone some time ...

[earthmama369]

You just described my two children to a T. DD (the oldest) is extremely social and loves to be on the go. DS (the youngest) is a classic self-directed unschooler. He likes to stay home, chill, and do his own thing. We're still figuring out how to balance everyone's needs, but mostly right now we talk about finding a balance, what that means, how to compromise, how to prioritize. We list our wants and needs, look at a calendar together, and figure out how to make it work. The important thing is to include time for ds on the list of wants and needs, in the absence of a planned activity, because that absence is what he needs.

[AngelBee]

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