feeling depressed

[musiclady]

I'm just getting overwhelmed by the enormity of all this. And it's really wearing on me. Geez. I really don't know how much I can take. And I'm not trying to be whiney- I'm sure that anyone who reads this board has been there at least once, and most likely, at least once a week.



I'm just so emotional. And yet feel emotionally bankrupt. Really sick of stupid crap- really sick of step son and his visibly pregnant GF (who was an "oops") who just can't seem to give us any courtesy... long story- I am so ready for him to move out, and then coupled with the NICU ventures- I'm jsut exhausted.

The last thing I needed was to come home today to find both their cars in my driveway without any "head's up" which is our long-standing rule... and then to see her walk out of the house, visibly preggo when I should still have 5 more weeks to go. I wanted to kick and scream and throw things. BUT SINCE ORANGE JUMPSUITS AREN'T REALLY MY THING.... (poor attempt at humor) I just really wanted to kick him out and tell her to leave. There's a long back story there, and most of it is unpleasant.

What about this is fair? Really, nothing. And that's it- life isnt' fair. and I have a wonderful little angel that I am worried sick over, and worried about her little head. Having such a hard time maintaining a positive outlook and just really trying to stop crying. And I have so much to be thankful for. My husband is the best support in the world. And he is worried about me. Not like he doesnt' already have enough to worry about with Lilah. Ah, geez...... I just feel so stupid for struggling with all this.

Where's the big whiney baby emoticon?

[lena1984]

many many

One of the hardest things to do while my dd was in the NICU was to deal with "everyday life" My main focus was on dd, her health and our daily/weekly/monthly roller coaster. I had the hardest time seperating myself from anything other than my baby & the NICU. MY dd spent 2 & 1/2 months in the NICU, and shortfly after she was born my fil became terminally ill. I feel horribly saying this, but at that time, i just had to learn to "let go" i feel bad not being there for anyone else, but emotionally, and mentally my focus was on my baby. I think thats what helped me get through it all I simply couldn't deal with anything else.

I remember my friends(who i love and care for dearly) would start talking about their plans on the weekend or something "fun" do as a family. it was like my heart was shattering. I remember when dd was a bit older(like before her 1st birthday) and we were at the park. I overheard a mom talking to another mom about how sad she *that little johnny , had the sniffle wiffles* I remeber rolling my eyes(i don't think i did it physically..gosh, i sure hope i didn't ) i wanted to scream! TO me it was like, ok, this lady is complaining that her kid has a flipping cold? a cold? are you kidding me? Here my dd was spent the first 6 months of her life in & out of the hospital, has a feeding tube and may need a organ trasnplant..and this lady is complaing about a cold being the most horirble thing ever(again, eye roll!)

It was that moment that i realized, i had to let go.! I just had let everything go and not worry or sweat the small stuff. Life sucks and it's unfair, but i realized that it's how i deal with things that made me feel better.

sorry for the long rant.

[yogafeet]

I couldn't bear seeing pg women either.

[squeekybuddha]

I totally agree with the "letting go" mantra.

Our Maggie was in the NICU for 99 days after she was born and it was the worst period of my life. It got to the point where I was yelling at my husband and son for ridiculous reasons and crying the very next second. I finally came to the realization that I had ZERO control over this situation and needed to let go and just roll with it. That sounds a little blase, but that is just how I had to cope. Get up, get dressed, take son to Mother's Day Out, go to hospital to be with Maggie, pick up son, come home and deal with home life, try to sleep. Day in and Day out for 3+ months. Was it fun? No! But we survived and now Maggie is home and it is quickly fading into a bad memory.

Just try to make it through today and tomorrow get up and try to do it again. That is all you can do. Cling to your spouse/SO and remember that you will each "mourn" this situation differently. Talk about the hardships openly with family and friends, it helps to put it out there. It also helps them better understand your situation.

Finally, as cliche as it sounds, you have to take care of yourself too. I'm not saying spend the day at the spa, but eat well, try to rest, and cry, cry a lot, cry as often as you feel you need to. It's MUCH better than trying to hold it in.

My thoughts are with you and your family!

[~bookcase~]

Originally Posted by squeekybuddha

I totally agree with the "letting go" mantra.
I finally came to the realization that I had ZERO control over this situation and needed to let go and just roll with it.

Just try to make it through today and tomorrow get up and try to do it again. That is all you can do. Cling to your spouse/SO and remember that you will each "mourn" this situation differently. Talk about the hardships openly with family and friends, it helps to put it out there. It also helps them better understand your situation.

Finally, as cliche as it sounds, you have to take care of yourself too. I'm not saying spend the day at the spa, but eat well, try to rest, and cry, cry a lot, cry as often as you feel you need to. It's MUCH better than trying to hold it in.

My thoughts are with you and your family!

: all of it, TOTALLY!
but still:

[guestmama9916]

I had a couple of OB appts right after DD's birth while she was still in the NICU. All the pregnant woman coming in and sitting across from me in the waiting room made me just want to cry. I missed my pregnant belly and was grieving that my baby was taken from body so suddenly and before any of us were ready. DH was my rock too. I don't know how he did it because he was just as scared and worried about DD as I was. But he didn't let on and reassured me every step of the way. He took me out to a movie one afternoon between visiting hours and it was a rare opportunity for me to forget everything and just get lost in a good story. He was awesome through it all and I'm glad to hear that your DH is doing a great job supporting you as well.