Did anyone catch Oprah today?

[oceanbaby]

It was a heartbreaking segment on adolescents who have committed suicide because of being teased/bullied in school. And then they had on a kid who was currently going through it.

The parents talked about all the different things they tried to do to resolve the situation, but not a single person mentioned pulling the kid from school. (One parent mentioned their son asked to be homeschooled before he killed himself, but they didn't say anything about why they didn't do it.)

I understand there are a lot of two income families out there, but these are 12-13 year olds who could certainly be alone at home for a period of time.

I'm not saying homeschooling is always the answer, but I found it shocking that not one parent ever even considered it.

[MamaMonica]

Moved to Television.

[teastaigh]

I was thinking the same thing, Oceanbaby. We don't have
TV, but I regularly read the show online just to see what
"normal" people are dealing with and talking about. I felt
crushed reading the transcript for this show. Those poor
boys.

I got an unsolicited junkmail from a K-12 public-school-online
academy yesterday with a lot of positive points on it -- not
for me at all or my family; but I can't see how anyone
with a miserable child wouldn't want to try something like
that. If it's an issue of only having one parent and that parent
not being home or of both parents having to be at work then
I understand. I would gladly offer to "host" such a child
for a period of time. Maybe Volunteer for America or
Americorps or other intact programs could sponsor
Save a Miserable, Bullied-to-Death Child by Giving him
Safe Reduge to Learn During the Day and a friend.

So sad.
peace,
teastaigh

[joy_seeker]

When my 9 yo was so depressed at school that he was having suicidal thoughts (also a side effect of the medication he was taking just so he could be at school) we immediately decided that whatever we had to give up was worth it- we are pretty poor these days but my ds is a happy homeschooler and all of that misery is a thing of the past. I know not everyone can make this work as well as we've been able to but I wish they had at least addressed this option on the show so other parents would take note and avoid such heartache and tragedy.

[umsami]

Yes, I saw it and my heart was breaking.

I was teased for being fat pretty much from 3rd grade on (even though, looking back, I wasn't : well, not until Senior year, at least And I also thought about killing myself often. Never tried it, though.

I also wondered why the Moms didn't homeschool the kids... but so many people out there still think that homeschooling is weird.. or have other negative associations regarding it. I almost feel that if a child is complaining about bullying (or if a teacher notices a continuous problem), then the school should be obligated to present homeschooling as an option... or a virtual academy... or something (and PAY for it).

One thing that really bothered me was that both boys were teased for being gay... or for lack of sexual experience. It bothers me that being gay is viewed as an insult, for one thing... and that to me means that we need to address homophobia in our schools. I know being Muslim that homophobia is rampant.... and I've been brainstorming all day how I can bring this up so that it can be addressed in both our local Islamic school and mosque. Whatever Islam says on homosexuality (and I don't agree with pretty much everything that is said)... there is nothing that justifies a hatred of LGBT folks that causes kids to kill themselves. Period.

My prayers go out to those poor Mamas.

[littlelessons]

[QUOTE=umsami;13722969I almost feel that if a child is complaining about bullying (or if a teacher notices a continuous problem), then the school should be obligated to present homeschooling as an option... or a virtual academy... or something (and PAY for it).[/QUOTE]

Pay for which part? An alternative in-school program for that bullied child or the school should have to pay the expense of homeschooling a child? I don't think the latter is reasonable. Maybe I misunderstood what you meant.

[yogafeet]

Originally Posted by oceanbaby

It was a heartbreaking segment on adolescents who have committed suicide because of being teased/bullied in school. And then they had on a kid who was currently going through it.

The parents talked about all the different things they tried to do to resolve the situation, but not a single person mentioned pulling the kid from school. (One parent mentioned their son asked to be homeschooled before he killed himself, but they didn't say anything about why they didn't do it.)

I understand there are a lot of two income families out there, but these are 12-13 year olds who could certainly be alone at home for a period of time.

I'm not saying homeschooling is always the answer, but I found it shocking that not one parent ever even considered it.

::

[kimiij]

Originally Posted by oceanbaby

I'm not saying homeschooling is always the answer, but I found it shocking that not one parent ever even considered it.

Me too. I would have brought them home or sent them to a private school.

[Mamax3]

I too thought that homeschooling should have been an option for these kids, but I think in mainstream America it isn't an option. Homeschooling still has a negative stigma in some areas of the country. I also think the son was sending mixed signals to his parents because he was trying to "handle" things himself. So sad.

Having a soon to be 12 year old (current 6th grader in middle school), it is very hard for us parents experiencing this age for the first time. We don't know what is normal, awkward, adolescent behavior and what is not normal. I have had to contact the school several times for small issues regarding bullying for my son. He is not chronically bullied, but whenever he has mentioned it to me I have emailed the assistant principal who has been EXCELLENT in taking my sons complaints seriously. Every school should have an assistant principal like ours.

I do think the schools should be accountable and do more. For instance, I have thought about homeschooling my son but that doesn't solve the problem for him or the rest of the kids. He enjoys school, has lots of friends enjoys being in the band and lacrosse. As I have said to my son, when they aren't bullying you, they are bullying someone else and that is WRONG too!

Every child deserves to feel safe at school.

I think the initiative needs to be NO TOLERANCE for bullying, end of story. If the schools teach the kids that it will NOT be tolerated, with harsh punishment (ie. suspension for a second offense) than the message will get out to the kids that it is NOT okay. I also totally agree with the father who said that we need to teach the "bystanders" that they should speak up for the bullied individual and in that case,they would be the REAL hero.

I felt so sad for the parents who have lost their children. I can only imagine how painful it is. But, I am so glad that the media is covering these stories, hopefully other young lives can be saved and the bullied can be rescued.

Also, I didn't like the therapist's advice about getting the boy to yell. She seemed to imply that he wasn't trying to defend himself with his own replies. I think she was trying to empower him, but I could tell that he was very uncomfortable with it, it just wasn't his personality. While I agree with teaching him to be assertive, if a kid yells like that at another kid in school he will be punished by the teacher for being disruptive. I thought the advice was inappropriate. That technique would work on the playground or on the street but not in school. I think better advice would be to tell him to report ALL instances of bullying to an adult at school, and that the school needs to be educated on appropriate means of handling the bully. The therapist needs to work with the school adminstrators to see that bullying is taken seriously. There needs to be a way for parents to document within the school system each time their child is seriously bullied.

[aprons_and_acorns]

I thought the exact same thing. I am so glad this thread is here. What an absolutely heartwrenching show. My heart went out to the parents, but at the same time I wondered the same thing about the homeschooling question. If your child is being harrassed, abused, tormented, and assaulted at school, despite efforts to put a stop to it, WHY keep sending him? Why not look at alternatives? I don't get it.

[ebony]

Here is my thing, why not punish the bully?! Why should the victim have to leave school?! : And when I say punish I really mean deal effectively with the bully, as bullies usually come from bad places themselves.

Even court cases involving parents who sued the school over their bullied child focused on what the school can do with the victim, like putting him/her in alternate classrooms, making them leave class 5 min early to avoid the bully in the hallway, etc. This is shocking! The victim makes all the changes to his/her life and the bully makes none! What could be learned from this? How does the school become safer?

I'm glad someone brought up the LGBT issue. Most court cases involve LGBT slurs, whether the child identifies as LGBT or not. Most states that have anti-bullying laws do not include sexual orientation and gender identity or expression. Even states that do include it still have suicides. We need schools to implement anti-bullying programs and trainings. You can have a law but laws are only as good as the people who must enforce them. This is really out of control.

[MelMel]

yeah that. big time. I don't care if the bullies have a rough home life. nothing excuses their behavior.

eta: that was a bit harsh. what I mean moreso, is that we aren't gunna talk these kids out of tormenting 'weaker' children. That's what has been don so far and its not working.

[umsami]

I agree with that... but from what I remember from these cases, it wasn't just *one* bully. It seemed like the boys were being picked on by a lot of kids. I think solutions need to address both dealing with the bully and making the victim safe. I think the parents of the victimized child have every right to know about the option of homeschooling--and they can decide whether or not that is a temporary or permanent solution for their child now.

[LJBsMama]

homeschooling

Why don't some parents do it? Because not all of us have the luxury of being able to stay home. Some of us work outside the home because we have bills to pay.

I get so mad at this idea that somehow I am not a wholistic parent because I work and don't homeschool. Guess again.

[LilMamiBella]

You can work and homeschool at the same time! I was bullied in school just because the girl didn't like me..never did say why. I didn't even know her and wasn't in any of her classes. I begged my mom to homeschool me but she couldn't because she didn't have a high school diploma/ged.

[Porcelain Interior]

Originally Posted by littlelessons

Pay for which part? An alternative in-school program for that bullied child or the school should have to pay the expense of homeschooling a child? I don't think the latter is reasonable. Maybe I misunderstood what you meant.

Why isn't it reasonable? In my state the school receives almost 10,000 in funding for each student it enrolls. I also pay property taxes, and a portion of that goes to the schools.

Why shouldn't the parent be able to decide homeschooling is best and have materials provided?

I know it'll probably never happen, but I really don't see how that is unfair.

[umsami]

In Florida, and a lot of states these days, you can opt for a virtual school. Where I am, they have Connections Academy... and other districts use K12. They pay for everything.. .the complete curriculum...and sometimes even loan a laptop/computer. Also, field trips, etc...as well as a teacher that checks in with the kids every so often.

Sounds like it might be a solution for many in these cases.

LBJsMama... there are plenty of MDC/Attachment/AP Mamas who work outside the home. I don't think anybody in this thread attacked Moms/Dads who work outside the home? We were just surprised that homeschooling wasn't even mentioned as a potential solution for kids who are routinely bullied. And yes, there are Moms and Dads who homeschool while holding down full-time jobs.. or being students...or both.

[cupcakeladybug]

I didn't see this show. I was excessively bullied myself (age five to fifteen). I find it heartbreaking that we begin a discourse when it is too late. It's too sad when children choose to commit suicide because they are being bullied. I wish there was more that we could do before it is too late.

I wish that people considered homeschooling or a private tutor more.. I know that from my experience it probably would have been best to homeschool but my family was (and still is) a two parent income household. I could not have been left alone at age five or six while my parents worked, and I did not have access to a private tutor. I suppose I could have been homeschooled at age 12+ by being alone. I can only speak for myself when I say this. I don't regret being bullied, as it made me who I am today. I'm a better and stronger person because of it.

[aprons_and_acorns]

Originally Posted by LJBsMama

Why don't some parents do it? Because not all of us have the luxury of being able to stay home. Some of us work outside the home because we have bills to pay.

I get so mad at this idea that somehow I am not a wholistic parent because I work and don't homeschool. Guess again.

I don't think homeschooling makes you a more holistic parent. I don't think it's for everyone, and I'm sorry if my post came across as critical of non-homeschooling families. Being a SAH parent is not necessary for homeschooling either, so I'm not sure what that has to do with it. My point was that the abusive school situations some of those children were in would have been illegal if they were adults at work (harassment, assault, etc), and I don't think it is beyond a reasonable reach to suggest that *not* going to the school may have been a good alternative for some of the children. The fact that it wasn't even addressed on the show made me wonder if the families ever explored that path. I don't think the bullied children "should" have to leave the school, but I'm sure many of them may have wanted to at least look into the option after several attempts to work within the school system to put a stop to the abusive behaviors.