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Baby not invited to wedding?? - Page 6

post #101 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kappa View Post
I don't understand the desire to exclude children.
If all of my friends brought their kids to my wedding I wouldn't have been able to afford it. These same friends would have been so upset if I had simply decided not to invite them b/c I couldn't host the whole family. So I invited them and wrote "adult reception".

There was a nursling at my wedding and I thought nothing of it. I didn't have to pay for nursling to eat.

I also remember a child ruined my bf's train at a wedding. She wanted kids at her wedding, but she was pi$$ed. The parents went off to enjoy themselves, the kids ran in a pack, and no one noticed when the girls got into a room they shouldn't have and played "bride".
post #102 of 140
Egads. That email wasn't so tactful at all. Bad, bad wording.

At this point you should decline. Politely.

And when he has a baby find some way to remind him
post #103 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom View Post
Well, firstly, don't make a decision based on "it appears that...". Make sure you have a clear understanding. Who knows, maybe they'd be willing to have the baby at some of the other stuff besides the actual wedding.

It is their wedding, so their choice. Whether you go or not is your choice. For me, I would understand and respect the desire for a child-free wedding, and expect that they would understand and respect my refusal to leave my kiddos. I'd send a nice gift and a card, but not attend.
ditto.

The bottom line is that it's the couple's wedding and they have the right to do things the way they want. Although, I do agree with asking them about bringing the baby. They may be okay with infants but perhaps they don't want older children running around and getting rowdy.

I personally can't imagine having had my wedding without children at it but we had a very informal wedding, and it last more like 6 hours and not 3 days. It sounds like a very big deal for this couple and a lot is being put in to it. Plus, if they don't have children then they have no idea what it's like to need to have your nursing baby with you. No one really knows what it's like to have a child until they are put in that position.
post #104 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by darcytrue View Post
Plus, if they don't have children then they have no idea what it's like to need to have your nursing baby with you. No one really knows what it's like to have a child until they are put in that position.
That's true, although it sounds like there are plenty of mamas on here like us who not only invited children of all ages to their weddings, but welcomed their attendance and enjoyed having kids there. It is one of the highlights of our wedding, to see the little ones enjoying themselves and hear their sweet laughter.

The other things that many people don't think about in regards to nursing mama baby pairs are:

-MASTITIS Back when dd was little, she nursed so much and so often and my milk supply so overabundant, that a change in our schedule and her not nursing would have been at best painful and embarrassing with leakage, and at worst a precursor to mastitis.

-DECREASED SUPPLY For some moms dealing with supply issues, it is just as important for them to keep up the nursing schedule to maintain their supply.

-PUMPING. It sounds so easy to tell a mom to pump some milk. Some can't afford a pump (they're expensive!!) Some have a really hard time pumping. In addition, like mentioned above, if I had to go more than 2 hours when dd was little, I would have had to bring a pump to the party and use it.

-BOTTLES Some babies don't take bottles. DD never did. A nursing mom that doesn't use bottles would have to go through the time and expense to buy bottles and nipples (and some babies don't like certain nipples, so that prospect can get expensive), and work with the little one for some time before an event to see if bottle feeding would be an option.
post #105 of 140
For my wedding I had to cut down the guest list because I didn't want to split families up, kids were more than welcome. I just had to make decisions on which adults with kids I wanted there more.

During the ceremony my 2 year old niece kept coming up to us as we said our vows and asking why we weren't talking to her, she also waved at the crowd (to keep them from getting bored I presume). And during the speeches someone gave her a quacking walking duck which she raced through the dancefloor. It was HILARIOUS and we wouldn't have changed a thing. She brought a special tenderness and humour to the wedding and in our minds "blessed" it with the promise of the joy we'd some day have.

Everyone makes their choices, but to me our guests and their happiness was also important. No way I'd make a "kid-free" rule...Although I might make a rule about no drunk BIL MCs...

Haven't run into this situation myself yet but after that email I'd definitely not go. And don't go crazy on the gift either, be gracious...but they kinda sound like UAVs.
post #106 of 140
I would decline especially as his email was very rude. He could have given the same information but in a nicer way. I have had 2 weddings were my pregnancy or breastfeeding were an issue. One was when I was heavily pregnant. the wedding was a couple days before my due date (the date was picked after my due date was announced). It was a family member and in town. DH and I decided not to attend because I would either be too uncomfortable (Weddings here last over 12 hours) and was afraid of going in to labour at the wedding or only have given birth days earlier and getting to grips with breastfeeding .The baby was invited. They were hurt and there was bit of pressure when we didn't go. In the end the baby was 2 weeks late. The second wedding were friends the baby was 4 months old. DD wasn't invited which was fair enough. I left DD with her grandparents and brought my pump. The hotel arranged a private room for me to express and it was December in Ireland so I was able to store my milk in the car in my insulated bag. I pumped twice during the day it the hotel and once in the car on the way home.We left early so I could go feed her. I felt bad for DH because I left him to go pump. I was in agony and majorly engorged by the time I got back to her. I am not sure if I would do that again when they are feeding so often.
post #107 of 140
wowee. Yeah, his email was totally brutal and in light of that, I'd simply decline. Not because he was snippy, not because he's being totally draconian, but because it just sounds like it's completely unmanageable for you. Send your regrets and move on.
post #108 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miasmamma View Post
OP- I would stay home and save yourself the trouble of planning a rotating schedule. I do like the idea of parenting books and a sling as a present though! And yes, I would do something like that in a heartbeat.

I just have to say that I really don't get weddings/family functions that exclude children, but that is probably b/c in my family, the kids are it! Once you have them no one pays you the slightest bit of attention unless it's to ask "Where is DD?" I know that if this baby chose to come this week, my aunt and cousin would be thrilled to have him/her at my cousin's wedding next Sat. DD is going to have a ball playing with her cousin's all weekend!

The couple don't have any children, and there is no reason to assume that they plan to have children, so I think the present idea is a bit off. Unless you thin they are obliged to parent other people's children and sling them around.
post #109 of 140
I have declined invites when our children aren't invited too. I respect that it's their right to decide on the guest list but I agree with you that family is family.

The most recent wedding was my brother in law & his wife. Dh was deployed at the time and we live in another state. I was invited but my 9y/o, 5y/o and 2 y/o weren't. I was surprised because I assumed that all 3 would be included as they are family and this was their uncle getting married. I never asked about it, just RSVP'd that I wouldn't be there because of the long drive for a short trip. I'd need to be back Sunday night so my two oldest could be at school the next day. That was too much for me without dh here. My parents, sister and her husband were also invited but I had plenty of family/friends to watch my kiddos had I gone. The real kicker was after the wedding when my mom told me that the niece & nephew of the bride were in the wedding & some of their friends brought their children.

I've been invited to a baby shower for my cousin's wife, out of state as well, but over the summer & have asked about my two girls attending the event. I haven't gotten a definite response yet but I was informed that my cousin's wife's sister isn't bringing her girls so most likely my two won't be welcome to attend. I'm not hurt but disappointed as my girls are well behaved and would enjoy a baby shower. Not to mention that they'd see aunts, cousins and great gramma.

I tend to think my thinking is backwards compared to most of my friends & family since I enjoy bringing my children to events & social gathers. They are well behaved and they learn how to behave in these social settings. I wouldn't expect a friend or aquaintance to include my children but when it comes to family, I just assume they'll be invited.

If I were you, I would decline the entire weekend and send your well wishes for a wonderful weekend.

Peace,
post #110 of 140
I would decline, as well. The groom's tone would have ruined it for me, even if I could have worked out the other logistics.

I was invited to my cousin's wedding this summer. It's at a resort in Colorado, where they live but no one else does. It's a weekend thing, as well. Since it's adult only, I'm declining. There's no way I could travel across the country without my kids. That would take up any vacation money I might have. And to bring them and have two of the events off limits, not worth it to me. Fine with me, I HATE formal events.
post #111 of 140
Sort of off topic, but when my son got married, my bil refused to come because his two young daughters weren't invited. They were 2 and 3 at the time and were quite the terrors. He said if his family wasn't welcome, he wasn't coming. But I notice they go out to dinner, go to parties, and go to military functions without their children very easily. They also leave them at the grandparents at the drop of a hat. So sometimes, I wonder if people just use the kids as as excuse not to go............
post #112 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by primjillie View Post
Sort of off topic, but when my son got married, my bil refused to come because his two young daughters weren't invited. They were 2 and 3 at the time and were quite the terrors. He said if his family wasn't welcome, he wasn't coming. But I notice they go out to dinner, go to parties, and go to military functions without their children very easily. They also leave them at the grandparents at the drop of a hat. So sometimes, I wonder if people just use the kids as as excuse not to go............
I think that a lot of people see family functions differently than other events. So, I wouldn't necessarily think that.
post #113 of 140
I think it depends on the type of family function. I tend to think of weddings and funerals as "no-kids" events, because of the solemnity of the occasions. Now wedding receptions or wakes aren't as serious, but most people don't understand invites that say "ceremony is adults only", and think of the ceremony and the reception as one event.

Like the story up thread where the little niece was asking the b&g why they weren't talking to her. I would freak out. Not at the little girl, she doesn't know any better. To her parents. Seriously. I would have said I do, then gone outside and freaked out all over her parents. Especially if it was a church ceremony. So clearly everyone has their own boundaries. But the other story up thread where the guest brought children with a stomach bug. I would have had a huge freak out over that.
post #114 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snuzzmom View Post
Honestly, why should they consider you* at all, unless you are a very close relative/ friend/ integral part of the wedding?
Generally, people consdier their guests needs/wants. That's just proper etiquette. I ordered a vegetarian plate for my firend at my wedding. I amde sure the place where our reception was, was handicap acecsable, for my wheelchair bound grandma. A nursing mother usually NEEDS to have her baby nearby.
post #115 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by rhiandmoi View Post
I tend to think of weddings and funerals as "no-kids" events, because of the solemnity of the occasions.
While I agree that a wedding is an event that the hosts can choose whom to invite, and that may or may not include children, a funeral is different.

I feel it is highly unfair to exclude children. It is like saying that their grief is less real or important than our adult grief. Though a childs grief may be harder to see, and the child may not have come to understand what is going on, they also need the oportunity to say goodbye to Grandma or Aunt Jane or whoever.

Funerals aren't some party that one hosts for enjoyment. One doesn't get to pick and choose who cared the most about the dearly departed and invite those people. Invitations aren't sent out for funerals, they are simply anounced. There is a noticed put into the paper, you call all the relatives who in turn pass it along to whom ever they choose.
post #116 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by ginadc View Post
I also think that if you have a no kids rule, you have to expect that some people may not be able to attend because of it. I would check to be sure that the baby is not welcome, and if so, decline politely, no harm, no foul.

Simply put: if you're the host of a no-kids wedding, don't get put out if some people with kids can't attend--accept their regrets graciously. If you're invited to a no-kids wedding and can't/don't wish to attend without your kids, then decline graciously. Neither party should get up in arms about it. The bride and groom have the right to plan their wedding as they see fit, and guests have the right to attend or not.
This exactly.
post #117 of 140
I have no respect for the ban of children/babies from a wedding. it makes no sense to me. B/c we all know that a baby doesn't belong in the world...that's unnatural for a marriage.

That's like those people who say they won't use FAM/NFP b/c it's gross. Wow and that makes sense how?

I made triple sure children were welcomed to the ceremony and reception. I can only imagine what some people must have experienced in the past...I had people calling me to make sure, even following up with a written letter lol. They couldn't believe it. One mom broke down in tears.

BTW It was a blast and I don't even recall hearing a baby during the ceremony.
Hope I don't need a flame suit but seriously, the bridezilla attitude surrounding children and weddings just irks me to no end. :

I would decline big time and just feel sorry for them b/c when life hits them in the booty they are probably going to struggle. That was a terrible email to send to a relative.
post #118 of 140
Quote:
I have no respect for the ban of children/babies from a wedding. it makes no sense to me. B/c we all know that a baby doesn't belong in the world...that's unnatural for a marriage.
Have you not read some of the reasons why people have child-free weddings? If I had to do it all over again I'd still do it the same way, and this is coming from someone who now has two small children. I'm not under the impression that everybody wants MY children at their functions. The "I don't understand why you don't want my angelic Johnny and Joey there" drives me insane.

Also, I can assure you that I was nowhere close to a "Bridezilla". We had our wishes and unfortunately not everyone who came to our wedding respected our wishes.
post #119 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by choli View Post
The couple don't have any children, and there is no reason to assume that they plan to have children, so I think the present idea is a bit off. Unless you thin they are obliged to parent other people's children and sling them around.
No kidding! I can't imagine a more offensive wedding present. "Here, I assume you will have kids and will presume you will parent them in the following way..." Yuck.
post #120 of 140
This is a total aside, but I just want to say I am so glad DH and I eloped. We had a wonderful wedding with no drunk uncles, no insulted siblings, no slighted friends.

I personally like going to weddings with kids and I love fancy night time wedding without kids.

But I never would have been able to tread through the social/emotional/financial mine field that is the modern American wedding!
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