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Baby not invited to wedding?? - Page 2

post #21 of 140
What is it with extended weddings these days? Three days of events...it seems kind of self important to expect everyone to devote three days to your wedding.

If all functions are child free, I'd probably just attend the wedding itself if I really wanted to, or give the whole thing a miss. I have nothing against child free functions, but three days....
post #22 of 140
Quote:
I think it's really arrogant and snotty to have a no babies/children rule.
Oh dear. Really? I find this attitude upsetting because it suggests your kids are more important somehow then the bride. And to you of course they are-but a wedding is about the bride, not about your kids, and she gets to choose who she wants to come to her wedding.
post #23 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by betsyj View Post
Oh dear. Really? I find this attitude upsetting because it suggests your kids are more important somehow then the bride. And to you of course they are-but a wedding is about the bride, not about your kids, and she gets to choose who she wants to come to her wedding.
post #24 of 140
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Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom View Post
Well, firstly, don't make a decision based on "it appears that...". Make sure you have a clear understanding. Who knows, maybe they'd be willing to have the baby at some of the other stuff besides the actual wedding.
Yes - definitely make sure you know exactly what the rules are.

Quote:
It is their wedding, so their choice. Whether you go or not is your choice. For me, I would understand and respect the desire for a child-free wedding, and expect that they would understand and respect my refusal to leave my kiddos. I'd send a nice gift and a card, but not attend.
This. I wouldn't go if I had a nursling who was excluded, but would give them polite regrets. I think people can make whatever rules they want about guests at their weddings, but they do need to understand that when you exclude parts of people's family, you may end up excluding the people you want, as well.
post #25 of 140
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Originally Posted by ginadc View Post
Simply put: if you're the host of a no-kids wedding, don't get put out if some people with kids can't attend--accept their regrets graciously. If you're invited to a no-kids wedding and can't/don't wish to attend without your kids, then decline graciously. Neither party should get up in arms about it. The bride and groom have the right to plan their wedding as they see fit, and guests have the right to attend or not.
Well said.
post #26 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justthatgirl View Post
I went to a wedding when my ds was 7 mos old. NO children or babies were invited AT ALL. The bride had told me yes on more than one occasion. Her mother called me the day of (or the day before?) the wedding and told me I couldn't bring him. I hemmed & hawed about it for the longest time before making my decision.

I went for an hour. I hated it. People asked me if I was enjoying my time out w/o him. I honestly said no. I was NOT enjoying myself. I was thinking about my nursling (who was in the care of a very good friend) and when he was last fed and how snotty I think it is for ppl to be anti-baby (and even anti-kids) at a freaking wedding. A wedding that is supposed to bring families together. Families which often result in... BABIES!

Anyway, very resentful, would never do it again, and have no problem speaking out about it if someone asks my opinion. I think it's really arrogant and snotty to have a no babies/children rule.
Wow! The mother of the bride was really rude. I can't blame you for being angry about it.

However, I don't agree with the "no children" rule being snotty (as long as guests are informed before they RSVP). It's not always just for the sake of the bride and groom, but can also be for the children... Some weddings are so formal that a child would be incredibly bored, uncomfortable, and unhappy (goodness knows I've been to a couple where I—as an adult—was bored, uncomfortable, and unhappy ).

I personally enjoyed having kids and babies at my wedding, though. It was a delight to hear one of our friends' sons softly cooing during our vows (we thought of it as a sign of good luck).

Then again, some would consider me to be a lazy bride. During the reception while wearing my beautiful formal wedding gown with extra-long train and sewn-on pearls, I excused my bridesmaids to dress down in jeans. We were all staying at the hotel we married at, and they wanted something more comfortable to dance in. It totally flummoxed our best man's wife (a strange control freak of a woman who tried to "direct" ppl at our rehearsal).
post #27 of 140
I would call your cousin and explain that the baby isn't old enough to be away from you and ask if there are any events that weekend that you could attend with the baby.
post #28 of 140
I would call whoever is organizing these events (mother of the bride? Maid of honor?) and clarify whether or not the baby is welcome at any or all of the weekend's events.

If baby's welcome at the informal events but not the wedding itself, It would be perfectly reasonable to come for the "wedding weekend"(if baby's welcome at those) and skip the wedding itself (or just send DH to the wedding while you stay in a hotel room with the baby). If the baby isn't welcome at ANY of the wedding-related events, I'd politely decline the invitation. Baby isn't ready to be away from you yet, period.

If the baby is not welcome- that's their right. It's their party. But you're not obligated to attend.
post #29 of 140
I don't understand it at all when people don't want babies/kids at their weddings. I agree that you are paying, it's your party, and you should get what you want, but I don't understand the desire to exclude children.
post #30 of 140
We happily welcomed children at our wedding, but I don't have any negative thoughts about people who choose not to.

That said, it will clearly be very difficult for you to attend a 3-day event without your baby, so it sounds like you'll have to send your regrets and best wishes -- it happens!
post #31 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by betsyj View Post
Oh dear. Really? I find this attitude upsetting because it suggests your kids are more important somehow then the bride. And to you of course they are-but a wedding is about the bride, not about your kids, and she gets to choose who she wants to come to her wedding.
What I find upsetting about it (no babies/kids) is the lack of consideration for a nursing infant. Under 12 mos and nursing, IMO, should be a free pass.

Obviously not everyone agrees, but that's my opinion.
post #32 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cherry Alive View Post
Wow! The mother of the bride was really rude. I can't blame you for being angry about it.
Yeah, it was handled really poorly and that's probably why I feel so irritated about it almost a year after the fact.


Quote:
However, I don't agree with the "no children" rule being snotty (as long as guests are informed before they RSVP). It's not always just for the sake of the bride and groom, but can also be for the children... Some weddings are so formal that a child would be incredibly bored, uncomfortable, and unhappy (goodness knows I've been to a couple where I—as an adult—was bored, uncomfortable, and unhappy ).
Absolutely. I've been to events that just bored me to tears! Another thing about MY experience is that the bride had been my kids babysitter. It was jaw dropping for us to be told no babies. I don't mind no kids as much as I mind no babies. That was just astounding to me.

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It totally flummoxed our best man's wife (a strange control freak of a woman who tried to "direct" ppl at our rehearsal).
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post #33 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cherry Alive View Post
However, I don't agree with the "no children" rule being snotty (as long as guests are informed before they RSVP). It's not always just for the sake of the bride and groom, but can also be for the children... Some weddings are so formal that a child would be incredibly bored, uncomfortable, and unhappy (goodness knows I've been to a couple where I—as an adult—was bored, uncomfortable, and unhappy ).
I honestly tend to dodge adult only events, anyway...even if I could get a sitter or whatever. They just don't appeal to me at all. Part of that is that they're often very formal, which isn't my style.
post #34 of 140
I haven't read all of the posts, but here is my opinion.

People can chose to have child/baby-free weddings. However, they should not expect out-of-towners with a baby or young child to attend then. And no, providing a babysitter in a hotel room isn't going to cut it until the kids are older (5 maybe?).

DD went to a few weddings when she was little. DD was 3 months old when my stepbrother got married, and there were at least 5 babies under 1 year there. We were invited to a wedding when DD was 6 months old (out of town), and we contacted the bride and groom and said we would love to come, but since we were out of town, DD would have to come with us. We let them decide whether to "invite" DD. She came, and I made sure not to have DD near the ceremony (it was outdoors and I stayed far away.) We were also invited to an out-of-town wedding when DD was 18 months old, and the bride was very nice when I asked her about it. She said she expected DD to come since we were out of town. They even had a high chair set up at her seat and ordered her a special toddler meal.

My sister is getting married 2 months after this baby is born (I've been pregnant longer than she's been engaged), and of course the baby and 3.5 year old DD will go.
post #35 of 140
I think I would call and talk to them before making any decisions. I can understand them maybe not wanting the baby at the ceremony, but not the other two functions. That is a lot of time for you to be away from your lo.


I just went to the wedding of a very good friend of mine this past Saturday. Oh how I wish she would have said no kids

They specifically invited my THREE two year olds In fact, I know they would have been very disappointed had I opted not to bring them. I asked them several times if they were sure, and each time they said YES!

Needless to say, the only part of the wedding I got to watch was the bride walking down the aisle. By the time she got to the front of the church I was hurrying out the side door with my three toddlers right behind me

I should have just skipped the ceremony and went to the reception
post #36 of 140
I'm in the "not my choice but I don't think it's rude" camp. My weddings (yes, plural) were both very kid friendly. At the first one we even had a separate kids' reception in a room off the main ballroom. The kids were welcome to come and go between the two rooms, but mostly they stayed in theirs where the caregivers, kid friendly food, arts and crafts, and magician were. They had all been sent their own invitations with instructions to bring their pjs and sleeping bags and around 10pm they all bedded down in front of a video.

My second wedding was much smaller and a completely different venue so no separate kids' reception, but we did have a special gift bag for each child that was filled with art supplies, little puzzles and games, etc. to keep them entertained during party.

Even with our kid friendly attitude, I did worry that an infant might start crying during the ceremony. I knew any Mama would immediately take the baby out to comfort and minimize the disturbance, but it still worried my "emotional bride psyche". I do think that it is up to the bride and groom to make the rules they feel comfortable with and the guests to attend or not along their own comfort lines. No hard feelings should be involved as long as everyone is up front and honest with their expectations.
post #37 of 140
Of course kids don't need to be invited. Of course people don't need to go if their kids aren't invited and it causes a hardship. Three days of activities with no kids allowed is pretty ridiculous though- I have trouble wrapping my head around that.
post #38 of 140
Babies cry.

I just got married a couple weeks ago and since i have a 5yo (and am prego) we had kids galore at our wedding...a friends kid (not quite 2) even threw a ball at me during "the dance" that landed in my bustle and I couldn't get it out until the end. The parents were very apologetic, but I didn't care...thought it was funny actually...because I'm a mom, and that's the kind of wedding i expected!

That being said...they have the right to have whatever kind of wedding they want. Not wanting ANY children at a wedding is NOT unheard of. I honestly think it would be rude for you to have your own little picnic outside the "party lines" and take shifts visiting the party. That's bound to make someone annoyed or feel bad. Just don't go. Or only go to ONE of the occasions since it is an "all weekend" deal. If they let one person (you) bring your kid, there will probably be other parents angry or offended that they couldn't bring their kids.

Just deal with the fact it is a grown up only event and either don't go or play by their rules. Don't try to get around it and possibly ruin someones big day. IMO, that's just rude.
post #39 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by betsyj View Post
Oh dear. Really? I find this attitude upsetting because it suggests your kids are more important somehow then the bride. And to you of course they are-but a wedding is about the bride, not about your kids, and she gets to choose who she wants to come to her wedding.
ITA. I thought the "arrogant and snotty" comment was, well, arrogant and snotty...

I love kids, but someones wedding day...or wedding weekend even, is about the couple. Not kids. Period. End of story.

PS. Also, not every couple that marries intends to procreate.
post #40 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justthatgirl View Post
What I find upsetting about it (no babies/kids) is the lack of consideration for a nursing infant. Under 12 mos and nursing, IMO, should be a free pass.

Obviously not everyone agrees, but that's my opinion.
Babies still CRY and disrupt things (unintentionally, of course). They even poop audibly (haha, well, MY DD did when she was a baby, lol, hilarious - but understandably not something you'd want to hear during the ring ceremony)
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