Babysitting issues - Page 2

[Shantimama]

My children are 7, 6 and 4 years old and it is really only in the past year that we have started using babysitters. We live far from family and the grandparents were always far to eager to introduce our babies to a bottle or TV or spankings for our comfort when we visited them. There were some stretches when the time alone would have been great, but the stress of knowing one of our little ones wasn't ready wasn't worth it.

What we did was have a consistent bedtime routine that had all of the kids asleep by 7:30 at night - they are all early risers so they were always ready by then and DH and I would have a late romantic dinner or rent a movie to watch together. Those were our dates. Sure, I sometimes had to nurse a little one back to sleep but it worked out just fine. Now that they stay up a little later we can't to that (dh and I are not late night people at all) so we go out to an afternoon movie or an early dinner to have time alone together. We love being with our kids. We also love each other and we just keep trying to give each other and each child the special attention we all desire. Frankly as a SAHM I would rather have a babysitter to give me a little time alone than for "date time!"

[zinemama]

I think it's great that you are content with things as they are and that your marriage is strong. But although your in-laws and friends are being rather rude and tactless about it, I do believe that they are saying what they are out of genuine concern for you.

As we all know, parenting in the early years is all-absorbing, fatiguing, endless, sometimes thankless work. (Of course it has its high points as well!) But a lot of couples aren't as content as you are, and a lot of us do yearn for time alone, and don't get it and find our relationship suffering. I wouldn't be surprised at all if the people bugging you to go out had this sort of experience, themselves. They don't want things to get to the point in your marriage that they may well have gotten to in theirs.

So, along with others, I think the main thing you need to do to get them off your back is to convince them that you really are happy as is. Whenever I'd mention tto my mom that ds was still sleeping with us, she'd try coming up with all these strategies to get him to sleep in his own bed. But one time, dh said, "Wait a minute - do you hear us complaining about where he sleeps?" And she realized that no, we didn't seem to have a problem with it at all. You just need to get that light bulb to go off in their heads about the babysitting issue.